Rev It Up!

	0	This couldn't possibly be any worse... I hope.
	1	A complete atrocity. You'll wonder why this was released.
	2	Almost intentionally bad. Don't buy, rent, or even touch it.
	3	Incompetantly designed and not much fun to play.
	4	A few redeeming values keeps this from being awful.
	5	Dead in the water average. Not really recommended.
	6	Promising, but flawed. Hope for an better sequel.
	7	A solid game that justifies at least a rental or two.
	8	Very well made, and better than most games of its kind.
	9	Fantastic! You couldn't ask for much better than this.
	10	A guaranteed must buy for everyone and anyone.

FIRST FEW

PUZZLE QUEST

NINTENDO DS
PUZZLE / RPG

D3 PUBLISHER



Puzzle Quest is a surprisingly addictive hybrid between a puzzle game and an RPG. Even someone like me who doesn't particularly favor puzzle games can get a lot of enjoyment out of this one.

Put simply, the game is similar to a strategy RPG in execution, complete with plot events and quests reachable via an overworld map where you can select your next destination. However, whenever you enter battle, you "fight" by playing the game's puzzle mode. All combat is one-on-one; you and your opponent take turns moving gems around on the board, matching colors in order to gather mana (used for special skills), gain experience or gold, or damage your foe.

The puzzle game's mechanics are relatively simplistic, but it holds interest fairly well, and there are plenty of other things to do outside of that. You can level up your character, fight random battles at any time you wish (you aren't restricted to fighting only quest-related battles like in some strategy RPG games), build a citadel to give yourself various benefits, buy or craft items, and so forth. Even after you hit the level cap, there's still lots to do.

One curious aspect of the game is it is expressly designed not to be frustrating. There is absolutely no way to lose the game, and there's no penalty for failure. If you are defeated in battle, you still gain some experience and gold, and you can jump right back in and restart the fight without restriction. If you are attempting to capture a monster and you fail, there's a "Try Again" button right there for you. You don't even need to hunt down another monster to capture. You're allowed to retry the attempt against the same monster as many times as you wish. Not to mention the game gives you hints. Yes, hints. Not very good at the game? Just wait long enough and it'll do things like point out four-of-a-kinds for you just in case you miss them.

All of this, combined with the fact that you can close the lid to put the game into sleep mode at virtually any time that you wish, makes this title an excellent "casual" game. Carry it around in your coat pocket, and whenever you get stuck in a line or something, pull it out and play a few rounds. It's definitely a game that you can play for any span of time. Pick it up for short bursts here and there, or spend hours at it at a time, whichever suits the occasion or your mood.

The main downside to the DS game is it was adapted from a PC game, and so the PC version has a few features that were not shoehorned into the DS title. For example, the sound quality in the DS game is quite diminished; for some reason, the music clips horribly at times, which gives it a staticy sound as if it is overloading the DS's speakers. Also, the graphical effects during battle aren't as distinct; when you clear a row of skulls, for example, it's much more obvious in the PC version that you are damaging your enemy. A few game play elements are not explained in the DS version's tutorial at all (such as exploding skulls), which means you might have no idea what is going on with them unless you've played the PC game first.

Still, most of the game is here, and one advantage of the DS version over the PC one is the portability of it. If you like puzzle games or you enjoy building characters in RPGs, you probably won't regret picking this one up.

50 CENT: BULLETPROOF

XBOX
ACTION

VIVENDI UNIVERSAL
GENUINE GAMES



Sometimes, you can't know how truly wretched a game is until you experience the trauma of playing it firsthand. Such is the case with 50 Cent: Bulletproof, the wrongheaded third-person shooter starring cow-eyed, pudgy-faced rapper Curtis Jackson. You can read reviews of Bulletproof for the rest of your life and it still won't prepare you for the horror of playing it!

The nightmare begins with the storyline, a paranoid fantasy with 50 Cent and his partners in thuggery getting swarmed by every jack-booted thug in the state of New York. If this is some kind of c-o-n-spiracy as the instructions suggest, the villains, dressed in SWAT gear and armed with the loudest and largest guns this side of Ted Nugent's house, aren't doing a very good job of keeping it a secret! Anyway, as 50 Cent unravels the tightly knotted string of broken Christmas tree lights that passes for a story in this game, he meets a drug-pushing doctor, Eminem (who really should know better), and the mastermind behind the sinister plot against him... Charles Nelson Reilly! He hasn't seen a paycheck in thirty years, and he's pissed!

Well, the lead villain kind of looks like Charles Nelson Reilly, but with the graphics as dark as they are, who could tell? We're not talking about the kind of dark that sets an effective mood, either... no, playing this game is like experiencing the onset of blindness. Everything is either pitch black or rendered in hues outside the visible color spectrum, bringing back haunting memories of the original, light-deprived Game Boy Advance. The only difference is that you can't set Bulletproof directly under a flourescent lamp to brighten up the characters and their inner-city environment. You'll just have to be thankful for the few things you CAN see, even if they're not as attractive as they are in other, better, Xbox games.

While on his illin', chillin', and 40 ounce swillin' adventures, 50 Cent coughs up a random assortment of canned, profanity-laden catchphrases, hoping against hope that one of them will stick. The music is similarly persistent and twice as obnoxious, with four or five different sound bites from the rapper's albums played ad nauseum. Did the designers of Bulletproof loop together fifteen second clips from a small handful of songs to preserve space on the disc, or is 50 Cent's work really this monotonous? Whatever's the case, it won't be long before you start to feel like the test subject in a sadistic mind-control experiment conducted by the RIAA.

Of the many crimes against humanity that 50 Cent: Bulletproof commits, none are as atrocious as the gameplay. You'd need a naughty list the size of Santa's to cover all the mistakes the developers made when creating this game. On the rare occasion that they actually do something right, they manage to screw it up with another dumb design flaw or unnecessary play mechanic. Take the melee attacks, for instance. Cowboy Curtis never runs out of ways to bury his combat knife into an enemy, making the instantly fatal blows the most entertaining part of the game. Of course, since it's so much fun to dispatch soldiers at close range, the developers included a sluggish stamina meter to make sure you can't use the knife more than once every thirty seconds. Brilliant!

Wait, it gets better! Say you're standing near a door or next to a corner when you pull off the knife attack. While you're bissecting that gun-toting agent, another goon will jump behind you and stick an Uzi in your back. The moment the counterkill animation ends, you're pumped full of lead and forced to start the stage from the beginning. You're not given a chance to defend yourself, because you've used your knife attack for the week and the game's clumsy manual targeting makes it impossible to aim for that soldier hiding in your blind spot. If you're thinking your posse's got your back, think again... they're as dumb as a sack of rizzocks, and are all too happy to watch as you get gunned down by foes you couldn't see.

Situations like this are why you'll be seeing a lot of the game over screen, with 50 Cent holding out his arms like a 21st century messiah. The only way you'll keep him off the cross and in the action is to activate all of the game's many cheats, including invulnerability, unlimited ammo, unlimited weapons, and most importantly, unlimited patience. Once you've switched on all these safeguards, the game becomes almost playable... but "almost" just isn't good enough when you consider the many, many third-person shooters on the Xbox that are better than this one. With an abundance of flaws so contrary to the point of gaming that they have to be intentional acts of sadism, Bulletproof truly is worse than any review could hope to express.

GOD HAND

PLAYSTATION 2
ACTION

CAPCOM
CLOVER



Just when the outstanding Okami left you convinced that anything by Clover Studios was a lock, along comes God Hand to beat your high expectations into a bloody pulp. Stepping down from Capcom's best game of the year to its most disappointing is like taking a custom-made Ferrari down a stretch of cop-free California highway for the ride of your life... only to have the fun come to a sudden halt when the sportscar veers off the road and into a nearby tree. Sure, you're still in a Ferrari, but the experience is quite different once it's been crumpled like a piece of paper and there's a steering column buried in your chest.

Metaphors aside, God Hand promises to bring together the demanding gameplay and stylish moves of Viewtiful Joe and the thug punchin', wooden box crunchin', randomly-placed strawberry munchin' action of early Capcom arcade hits like Final Fight.  In the light of its past successes, it would seem perfectly reasonable to assume that Clover Studios would keep its word and make this hybrid work, but the truth is that God Hand is a whole lot dumber than advertised.

Let's start from the top of the list of grievances, shall we? The storyline barely makes any sense... following the dialogue in the cut scenes is arguably the greatest challenge the game has to offer! The graphics are a drab, dreary throwback to earlier times... not just the wild west which serves as God Hand's setting, but the launch of the Playstation 2 when ALL the games on the system looked like this. The sound consists of a just barely copyright-friendly knock-off of the Hawaii Five-O theme, accentuated by moans, screams, shattered glass, and explosions (and those are just the noises YOU'LL make after you reach the first boss!).

Then there's the fighting... hoo boy. If Ricki Lake ever invited Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!, Tekken, and Resident Evil onto her show for a paternity test, God Hand would be the bastard child they'd all insist they never sired. You'll see the inspiration from Punch-Out!! in the over-the-shoulder viewpoint.  It's a brilliant perspective for a boxing game, but when it's taken out of its element and put into a beat 'em up where the foes are plentiful and the player's field of vision isn't nearly as generous... well, it just doesn't work.

Neither do Tekken's wide range of attacks and emphasis on targeting weak points when the thug you're fighting can shut tighter than a clam by blocking. You can crack open this iron defense with a guard crush, but they take a while to perform, and it's tough to sneak in a blow for the brief amount of time that the guard crush leaves your enemy stunned. Throw in the occasional juggernaut who's invulnerable to your most effective blows even when their defenses are down, and your blood pressure is sure to rise as quickly as your interest in the game drops.

The touch of death for God Hand comes in the form of prehistoric character control that would have been better left trapped in a glacier along with Jill Valentine's (Razzie) award-winning acting and Lara Croft's pyramid-shaped breasts. We've all learned by now that there's just no substitute for absolute control... and in this age of dual analog controllers and cinematic camera angles, there's no excuse for games to be without it. Despite this, God Hand still forces the player to turn, then walk, then turn again in a clumsy control scheme that should have went extinct by the turn of the century, if not sooner. If this game's abysmal sales don't wean Capcom from this infuriating habit, nothing will!

God Hand does have a few things going for it, like chihuahua races, midget Power Rangers, and oh yeah, plenty of attacks you can purchase after each stage. Like Rengoku, customization becomes God Hand's sole remaining joy after the fighting becomes tedious and frustrating. Still, with so many other titles offering superior gameplay and full-featured create-a-character modes, there's no reason to give this one a hand... or your hard-earned money.

TIME CRISIS 3

PS2
ACTION / GUN

NAMCO



Just when you thought it was safe to shut that closet overstuffed with peripherals you'll never use again, along comes Time Crisis III and its pair of bright orange firearms! Better make some room for those GunCons... if there's any room left!

The first thing you'll notice about these mock weapons before you sentence them to exile in the land of misfit toys is how obscenely difficult it is to get them ready for the game. It's not enough to connect the GunCons to your Playstation 2, oh no! You'll have to do your best impersonation of the king of convoluted contraptions, Rube Goldberg, to get things started.

First, you'll plug each gun into a USB port... then join the two guns together with a coupler... then plug the PS2's video jack into the coupler... then finally connect the coupler to the back of your television set. Wait, wait, that's not all! If you want to play the game with a more advanced video connection than the composite cables that the GunCons natively support, you'll have to shell out big bucks for an optional adapter!

It's no fun getting the ball rolling, but once you set it into motion, you'll understand the need for the elaborate setup. The GunCon controller is precise down to the pixel... the only thing that stands between you and the next stage in Time Crisis III is your own aim.  This makes the future of the Nintendo Wii even more exciting... if the system's wand controller can match the accuracy of the GunCon without all those annoying cords, the Wii may just live up to all that pre-launch hype!

But er, back to Time Crisis III. If you're not familiar with the series, here's the deal... as a pair of ace military specialists, you'll storm through each stage, picking off hundreds of well-armed foes. Like House of the Dead and Virtua Cop, the action is very cinematic, with dynamic camera angles and plenty of exciting cut scenes.

However, what distinguishes Time Crisis from those games is that you're not pushed through each level. If you need a quick breather or some cover from enemy fire, you can hold a button to hide behind jeeps, walls, and other protective barriers. That button can be on just about anything... the light gun itself, standard Dual Shock controllers, dance mats, and even the pedals from steering wheels! This versatility was a smart move on Namco's part, letting the player get as close as they can afford to be to the arcade experience.

What WASN'T such a great idea was the counterintuitive weapon select system. You can only switch firearms by pressing the trigger of the GunCon while hiding behind cover. Each of the four available weapons are best used in different situations, so you can imagine how frustrating it is when you need the rapid-fire precision of a machine gun but inadvertently switch to a shotgun or a grenade launcher in the middle of an grueling gun battle. The fact that your partner can be hit in the crossfire makes this issue even more infuriating.

The graphics and sound are both appropriately cinematic, making you feel like you've been dropped in the middle of a slick action film (Danny Glover not included). Explosions fill the screen and rock your speakers, while a threatening array of terrorists crowd the playfield like so many G.I. Joe action figures crammed into a kid's toy chest. Like most Namco arcade ports, Time Crisis III is a very sleek, polished game, with the the only blemish being the course textures of the rocks you'll hide behind while reloading your gun.

There's not a large audience for light gun games these days. What was once the most popular alternative controller for game consoles has taken a back seat to everything from keyboards to dance pads. If you're one of the few gamers left with a trigger finger that's begging to be itched, this is the only opportunity you're going to get to satisfy that craving for at least a couple of months. Maybe this long-neglected genre of games will become more prevalent once Nintendo's Wii hits store shelves, but the latest Crisis game is enjoyable enough to help you bide the time until November.

NO ONE CAN STOP MR. DOMINO!

PLAYSTATION
ACTION

ACCLAIM
ARTDINK



Oh, Mr. Domino... if only you were as invincible as the title of your game suggests! The truth is, this tiny hero will stumble over all kinds of hazards as he struggles to build spectacular lines of tiles. These obstacles, ranging from swinging boxes of chocolate-covered pretzel sticks to massive station wagons, will join forces to make Mr. D's life miserable... and very short.

Regardless of the risks involved, Mr. Domino refuses to be swayed from his mission. He's out to set up the ultimate chain of dominos, spreading them across shady casinos, convenience stores, and quiet Japanese suburbs. And once they're dropped in place, he'll return to the scene of the crime (namely, littering) to tip them all over. If he's smart, he'll place the tiles in front of trick squares... once these are triggered, objects in the background are set into motion, adding a touch of Rube Goldberg-inspired flair to the spectacle of dropping dominoes.

As Mr. D goes about his business, unaware of the futility of constantly unraveling his own work, you'll notice that his world bears a striking resemblence to the colorful cosmic playgrounds of Katamari Damacy. Every object on the playfield is rendered with a modest polygon count and a limited amount of detail, but their bright colors ensure that they're easy to spot against the more elaborate backgrounds. The stages are cleverly designed, illustrating their respective settings perfectly. Whether Mr. Domino is dodging dice on a craps table or weaving around discarded sandals in the breezeway of a Japanese home, there's never any doubt about his current location.

The soundtrack acknowledges the game's outlandish premise, but never surrenders to it, striking a balance between Mr. Domino's lighthearted Nippo-centric setting and the merciless challenge hidden beneath it. Your heart will pound to the beat of the throbbing techno-influenced tunes as Mr. Domino makes a mad dash for the health square that will let him cling to life for just one more minute.

It only takes one stage before you realize that this isn't going to be the cakewalk that Katamari Damacy was. In fact, once you get past the skin-deep visual resemblence, you'll start to see that No One Can Stop Mr. Domino! is the polar opposite of Namco's surprise hit. It's not just because Mr. Domino drops what the Prince of All Cosmos and his cousins would likely clean up with their rolling junk collections. The game offers far less freedom than Katamari Damacy, pushing the hero through each linear loop of a stage rather than letting him admire his surroundings. If Mr. D misses something important the first time through, he won't get another shot at it until the next lap... if he survives long enough!

What brings these two games together are the qualities they share... charm and originality. The only game that even comes close to playing like Mr. Domino is Kid Klown's Crazy Chase on the Super NES and Game Boy Advance, and without the strategy that comes from dropping tiles, it's not an especially accurate comparison.

There's also no stopping the game from taking pride in its Japanese roots. There's plenty of head-scratching humor in store for players who trigger the trick squares in each stage. Vegetables will sing, microwave ovens will explode, and famous paintings will scream bloody murder as their eyes bug out... and it will all play in reverse if Mr. D walks over a reset square!

It's moments like these that will leave just you as determined to succeed as the game's square-headed star. Victory never comes easily in No One Can Stop Mr. Domino!, but it's always sweet.

CAPCOM CLASSICS REMIXED

PSP
COLLECTION

CAPCOM
DIGITAL ECLIPSE



Consider this an apology for the rather silly review of Capcom Classics Collection I wrote last year.  It didn't give you much information about the games included or the quality of the emulation, opting instead for a "new journalism" approach that spent entirely too much time trying to sell a clumsy school reunion analogy.

This time, I'm going to keep the irrelevant rambling to a minimum and concentrate on the game. Forget new journalism... this review is gonna be old-school all the way, just as a good critique of a classic arcade collection should be.

So what will you find on Capcom Classics Collection Remix?  A surprising amount of fresh content, actually. Players who were eagerly awaiting the second volume of Capcom Classics Collection (hinted at on the spine of the original) will find it right here on the PSP, with an almost entirely new selection of arcade favorites.

The only games that were already available on the Playstation 2 and Xbox include Legendary Wings, Forgotten Worlds, Final Fight, Section Z, and Bionic Commando. They're all such accurate translations that you'll feel as though you snuck out of an 80's arcade with bulging pockets and a shrink ray tightly clutched in one hand. Unfortunately, the PSP does break the illusion of arcade perfection with its blurry screen and that wretched D-pad.

The system's flaws hurt all of the games in the collection to varying degrees. You'll barely notice the blurring in titles with large characters and intricately detailed backgrounds, but if you plan to spend more than a couple of minutes with Black Tiger or Side Arms, you'd better schedule an appointment with your optomotrist first! As for the crappy D-pad, you can always play games with the more responsive analog nub instead. The nub works especially well when steering your car through the danger-filled wastelands of Speed Rumbler.

Oh, Speed Rumbler... how I wish I could love you. You're a clever pairing of the run 'n gun action of Commando and the teeth-clenching vehicular combat of the Mad Max films. Yet you somehow manage to ruin it all with cheap gameplay, restrictive time limits, and situations that are almost impossible to survive. Barely touching the edges of cliffs is enough to blow up your whole damn car, enormous semi trailers loaded with missiles are only slightly slower than your own vehicle, and although you can escape your car when it bursts into flames, you're so helpless without it that you can't possibly survive for more than a few seconds. So much promise, yet so much wasted potential. For shame, Capcom!

Luckily, the other games on the collection are more than just great ideas. I loved Chiki Chiki Boys on the Sega Genesis, and now it's back, with the same vibrant colors and adorable characters but a new name. Whatever you call it, Mega Twins is an irresistable side-scrolling platformer despite its total lack of depth. Magic Sword doesn't have that charm, but the mindless medievel gameplay is largely the same... you just have more monsters to slay and nearly a hundred floors to visit, each holding prisoners who become loyal allies once you spring them from their cells.

Final Fight and its more outrageous cousin Captain Commando will satisfy the bloodlust of players looking to bury their fists in the faces of sleazy thugs. Final Fight's got the biggest and best graphics, but the Cap'n has the flashiest finishing moves. You can set fire to crowds of foes, and even slice enemies in half... frankly, the only Capcom beat 'em up more brutal than this one is The Punisher, not included in the package due to copyright issues.

Shooter fans can take to the skies with 1941, Legendary Wings, Section Z, Varth, Side Arms, and Last Duel (whew!). That's a whole lot of games to choose from, but most aren't as entertaining as the wholesome goodness of classics like 1943 and MERCS, which were left out of this collection. Last Duel in particular suffers from an identity crisis, with gameplay that's split between sluggish racing and the airborne, rapid-fire action that players really wanted. 1941 is probably the best of the lot, but all that beautiful scenery packed into every stage restricts your movement, making it a step down from its predecessor 1943 (but still miles ahead of 1942).

Then there are the oddballs, surprising inclusions like Block Block and Quiz & Dragons that are the perfect stress relievers after spending a frustrating hour with Strider. In Block Block, you, well, break blocks with a paddle. Sure, it's been done before, but there's a distinct Capcom flavor here that distinguishes it from Arkanoid. Quiz & Dragons is a quiz game set in the middle ages. You'll quite literally match wits with ogres and other fantasy creatures, answering trivia questions from a time when rap groups were almost as threatening as Al Roker and when corny sitcoms ruled the airwaves.

The collection is topped off with the delightful Three Wonders and Street Fighter. While it doesn't come close to the famous sequel, Street Fighter is still a welcome addition to Capcom Classics Collection Remix, introducing players to the game that got the ball rolling on the series. Three Wonders, a lost gem that was previously available on the Sega Saturn in Japan, is even better here. It's an arcade jukebox that features three different games. Midnight Wanderers, predates Metal Slug with the same run 'n gun action, but a more whimsical medievel setting. Chariot is a less demanding R-Type, with the elves from Midnight Wanderers taking gliders through a series of surreal stages. Finally, Don't Pull is Capcom's second clone of the action/puzzle title Pengo, and a much more endearing game than its first.

Put 'em all together, and you've got the most exciting alliance of 80's powerhouses since The Superfriends. Crap, another analogy! Let me try this again. Capcom Classics Collection Remix is a dream team of arcade hits with only one significant flaw... the shortcomings of the PSP itself. Had it been released on a home console, CCCR would have earned an even higher rating, but as it is, it's undoubtedly the best collection you'll find on a handheld.

NEOGEO BATTLE COLISEUM

PS2 (JAPAN)
FIGHTER

SNK PLAYMORE



The evolution of the 2D fighting game hit its peak with the masterfully designed Capcom vs. SNK 2 and its little brother on the Neo-Geo Pocket, Match of the Millennium. Seperately, both SNK and Capcom had created many outstanding one-on-one fighters, but it was only when the two companies joined forces that their full potential could be unlocked.

Sadly, this partnership would not last forever. The mismanagement of SNK at the hands of Aruze, and its subsequent purchase by Playmore, split this dynamic duo apart. Since that time, neither SNK nor Capcom have been able to reach the level of excellence achieved in Capcom vs. SNK 2. In fact, Capcom hasn't even made much of an effort to top the masterpiece it helped create, settling for re-releases of past classics like Street Fighter III, and coughing up the lazy, and downright lousy, Capcom Fighting Evolution in a half-hearted attempt to keep the Street Fighter franchise clinging to life.

SNK has been more ambitious, developing several new fighting games starring its iconic South Town heroes. King of Fighters: Maximum Impact tried to bring Terry Bogard, Ryo Sakazaki, and Iori Yagami into the 21st century with glossy polygonal graphics. Then there was SNK vs. Capcom: SVC Chaos, which hoped to recapture the magic of Capcom vs. SNK 2 by once again pitting the hungry young fighters of South Town against classic Street Fighter stars like Ryu, Chun-Li, and Guile.

SVC Chaos didn't meet with the expectations of most fighting game fans. It was badly hobbled by stiff control and the limitations of the decade old Neo-Geo. Luckily, SNK's latest title, Neo Geo Battle Coliseum, comes a lot closer to hitting the mark. Battle Coliseum (originally designed for the Dreamcast-powered Atomiswave arcade system) pushes both the Playstation 2 hardware and SNK's own development team a lot harder than its predecessor.

All that extra effort was not wasted... it's resulted in a game that's vastly superior to SVC Chaos. The "so old-school the students have been evacuated and the building has been scheduled for demolition" play mechanics have been thrown out and replaced with fast, frenzied tag-team action in the tradition of Marvel vs. Capcom and King of Fighters 2003. The chunky sprites have been whipped into fighting shape, and all those hideous backgrounds are a thing of the past, being swapped out with playfields that bring back fond memories of classic scenes from past Neo-Geo titles. Even the music, an electrifying assortment of heavy metal tunes, is a huge step up from the low-key soundtrack in SVC Chaos.

The only thing you lose in the trade up from SNK's last fighting game is the cast of Capcom's heroes... but you won't miss them which when you spend a little time getting acquainted with their replacements. The developers have chosen wisely when building the Battle Coliseum character roster, offering a large selection of heroes spanning the entire Neo-Geo software library. It doesn't matter what your favorite game on the system was... from the lethal elegance of Last Blade to the down 'n dirty backstreet brawling of Fatal Fury to the outright silliness of World Heroes and Metal Slug, Battle Coliseum's got you covered.

There's a pretty nice mix of characters here, but the selection isn't airtight... a few duds did manage to slip through the cracks. Among them are Chonshu and Chonrei, the twin brats from Fatal Fury Real Bout Special; Cyber Woo, the metal-plated, 800-ton gorilla from King of the Monsters; and perhaps most head-scratching of all, Kisarah from Aggressors of Dark Kombat. Yes, Alpha Denshi's tremendous flop which proved that Final Fight and Street Fighter II are two great tastes that taste horrible together.

As an added, ahem, "bonus", there are two characters unique to Battle Coliseum. One's Yuki, a mighty morphin' power ruffian who battles his foes with dramatic poses. The other's Ai, an obsessed Neo-Geo fan who's a lot thinner and more female than you'd expect. Neither of them are of much use. Battle Coliseum also marks the unwelcome return of Orochi. SNK promised that this outrageously overpowered final boss wouldn't be back for at least another hundred years, but here he is, dishing out obscene damage and making life miserable for all who dare cross his path.

Even the prince of cheap bosses (sorry SNK, but Gill still holds the crown) can't bring down one of the best side-scrolling fighting games on the Playstation 2. Neo Geo Battle Coliseum isn't on equal footing with Capcom vs. SNK 2... that game set a standard of quality in the genre that will be almost impossible to top in this age of 3D dominance. However, this clash of arcade titans packs enough of a punch to knock the foul taste of Capcom Fighting Evolution and King of Fighters: NeoWave out of your mouth.

DIG DUG: DIGGING STRIKE

NINTENDO DS
ACTION

NAMCO



There are many stars in the world of video games, but none shine as brightly as the heroes of the early 1980's, when the industry was still young. There's Pac-Man, and Sinistar, and Pitfall Harry, and of course Mario... who could forget any of these guys?

Then, further down the list... no, keep going... ah yes, there we are! MUCH further down the list, there are the B-grade celebrities of classic gaming... those characters that hang out in the dusty corner of your nostalgia-riddled mind. Some of these forgotten heroes, like Mr. Do!, Stanley the Bugman, and that penguin from Antarctic Adventure are content with one toe hanging from the edge of obscurity, but Dig Dug refuses to accept an early retirement. Frustrated by his fading fame and further humiliated by the increasing popularity of his son Mr. Driller, the hot-headed hole digger vows to make a comeback.

Unfortunately, Dig Dug's latest adventure is unlikely to win over any new fans, or even most of the older ones. Dig Dug: Digging Strike is buried under an avalanche of awkward features that neither enhance the game, nor work especially well together. You get the feeling after a few monotonous hours that the designers were frantically throwing every power-up, mini-game, and half-baked play mechanic they could think of at the hollow core of Digging Strike's gameplay, hoping that something would stick. In the end, nothing does... including the player, who will be quick to swap the game with something more enjoyable.

So, what will you be doing in Digging Strike when you're not distracted by all that useless clutter? As Dig Dug, your mission is to protect an island country from rampaging monsters by... uh, sinking all the islands. Apparently, the citizens of this nation would rather drown than suffer the indignity of being swallowed alive by these fifty foot tall Pokemon stunt doubles.

Anyway, soaking these savage beasts takes a little planning, along with frequent migrations between the top and bottom screens on your DS. The top screen displays the surface of the current island, while the bottom screen illustrates what's going on underneath it. Giant screws are strategically placed on the top of the island, just barely extending into the soil below.

Once you dig into that soil and drop the screws through the bottom of the island, the land starts to split. Drop enough screws and pieces of the island will break away and sink into the surrounding ocean. If the monster happens to be on that section of the island as it sinks, the creature drowns, and you can proceed to the next stage. Just be careful where you're standing when that last screw falls, or that monster will have company down in Davy Jones' locker!

The basic play mechanics are clever, and they seem to work for the first few stages. Then the islands get larger, the screw patterns become more complicated, and the classic Dig Dug gameplay gets obfuscated by over a dozen power-ups you don't really need. Some even halt your already sluggish progress with cameo appearances by Mr. Driller.

The star of the most overrated Namco game since Tekken tries to lend his old man a hand by stunning the monsters, but he only succeeds in boring the player with shameless product placement that Namco generously calls mini-games. These interactive ads for Xevious and Rally-X aren't the least bit entertaining, and they have little bearing on the outcome of the game they so frequently interrupt.

Thankfully, you can take Mr. Driller out of the equation, but even without him, the Digging Strike formula still adds up to unending boredom for the player. It's no fun zig-zagging through a screen's worth of dirt to make each screw fall, and when the stages grow to three times their original size, Dig Dug is forced to dig under nearly a dozen of them to make any progress. Throw in the possibility of a stalemate which forces you to start the stage from the beginning, and you've got a game you'll be sorely tempted to bury under a ton of debris.

Dig Dug was hoping that Digging Strike would help him take back just a little of the spotlight he lost over the past twenty years. Unfortunately, Namco's miner celebrity only wound up digging an even bigger hole for himself. Maybe it's time to put down that air pump and pick up a pair of enormous scissors for the grand opening of that new shopping mall, Taizo.

BURNOUT LEGENDS

PSP
RACING

EA
CRITERION



There's not much that can be said about Burnout Legends that hasn't already been mentioned earlier in my review of Burnout 3: Takedown. You get the same crash 'em up, smash 'em up action, with very little removed to accommodate the portable format and a lot more from Burnout and Burnout 2: Point of Impact to make up for these minor shortcomings.

Just how does Burnout Legends compare to its console counterparts? Let's start with the visuals. They're not quite as good as they were on the Xbox or Playstation 2... but they're close. You get slightly less picturesque backgrounds out of the deal, and the game's vehicles, while still just as bright 'n shiny as before, lack some of the detail they once had. Nevertheless, you'll have no trouble recognizing all your favorite hangouts from Burnout 3, along with bonus tracks from the first two games. Now, the frustration of racing through a congested airport and the tightest turns this side of Delpino Square is yours for the taking... if you actually want it!

The sound actually edges out the console versions slightly, with the roar of engines changing noticably from vehicle to vehicle and the teeth-clenching screech of cars scraping against the side rails in each track. Unfortunately, the game is still saddled with over a dozen tunes from Electronic Arts' stable of flash-in-the-pan recording artists. Unlike the Xbox version of Burnout 3, however, there's no release from the heavy metal heartache of Billy (Lacks) Talent and The Comeback Kid. This is especially perplexing, since the PSP has native MP3 support... it would have been ridiculously easy to let the player tap into their own music collection, instead of forcing them to settle for the second-rate songs supplied by EA Trax.

This brings us to the control. This is what really sets Burnout Legends ahead of the pack! Rather than feeling too stiff and mechanical, like Ridge Racer, or too floaty, like WipeOut Pure, Burnout Legends achieves a perfect balance. It's just tight enough to let you merge into the next lane without ramming into a nearby divider, but responsive enough to weave through tight turns and around dangerous hazards without much effort.  This razor-sharp control is what will keep Burnout Legends spinning in your PSP long after the system's other racing games have been permanently retired to their protective cases.

The gameplay is largely the same as it was in Burnout 3, with all of your favorite challenges included. These include the standard races, the deliciously vicious road rage mode, the crash contests that have become a trademark of the series, and those accursed Burning Lap trials. Hey, wait a minute, I didn't want THOSE! These futile races against time are joined by the pursuit mode (a holdover from the second Burnout) as the least appealing of the many options available to the player. Chasing after crooks could have been a lot of fun, if the criminals in question weren't given turbo-fueled tanks that are almost impossible to catch and even tougher to bring down.

Still, like the many cars you'll force into oil tankers and off the edges of cliffs, the other modes are a half ton of flaming fun. Even the plain vanilla races are more entertaining when you can fight your way to the finish line, ramming your rivals into buildings and oncoming traffic. Road rage is even better, challenging you to fold, spindle, and mutilate as many opponents as possible before your own badly damaged beater falls apart. Then there's the crash mode... this loses a bit of its appeal thanks to the PSP's lengthy load times, but you'll still squeeze plenty of enjoyment from triggering fifteen car pile-ups if you're not obsessed with winning gold medals in every event.

When it was first released, the PSP was praised for its high-quality racing games, considered the best to ever hit a handheld console. What's most impressive about Burnout Legends is that it's not only better than those excellent launch titles, but a whole lot better, with the variety, the tight control, and the addictive gameplay that Ridge Racer and WipeOut Pure were missing. Just when you thought the bar for racing on the PSP was as high as it could go, Burnout Legends comes along and sets it firmly in the heavens!

TRAUMA CENTER

NINTENDO DS
ACTION

ATLUS



Here's an important prescription for anyone who's thinking about snapping up this surgical action game... be sure to get a copy of Nintendogs along with it. Trauma Center is as nervewracking as it is ingenious... you'll be completely stressed out after finishing the game's most difficult surgeries, and you'll need a more laid back DS release to steady those shaking hands and that frantic heartbeat.

After you're done playing with your puppy, you'll be ready for another round of Trauma Center... and believe me, it won't take long before you'll want a crack at that next seemingly impossible operation. In Trauma Center, you play as Doctor Stiles, a determined young surgeon fresh out of medical college. At first, the doctors and nurses will question your inexperience. However, once you've proven yourself, you'll earn the respect of the hospital staff, and even be given the chance to work your magic on patients throughout the world.

Previous video games based on the delicate science of surgery have been slow and awkward, but the Nintendo DS makes becoming a hotshot doctor as easy as picking up the nearest stylus. Generally, you'll use it as a scalpel, drawing lines to cut through skin and remove diseased tissue. However, the icons lining the sides of the screen change the function of the stylus, transforming it into a variety of other surgical tools. The forceps allow you to pull shards of glass from a damaged organ, while the syringe lets you reduce the swelling in tumorous growths.

Each surgery must be completed within a time limit, while keeping the patient's vitals (shown as a number on the top-right hand of the touchscreen) high. Making mistakes, like injecting a tumor with the wrong medicine or burning a hole through tissue with the surgical laser, lowers the patient's strength and wastes valuable time. Fortunately, Doctor Stiles can use healing gel as a surgical White Out, rubbing it on to blot out the errors he's made. In desperate situations, he can inject green medication into the patient to boost their vital signs, or even slow time to a crawl, perfect for treating a half dozen blocked blood vessels before they all burst at once.

Even with these advantages, surgery in Trauma Center isn't easy. You'll be pressured not only by time constraints and the worsening condition of your patient, but by the pointed comments of your surgical partners, which cut deeper than even your best scalpel. Your stress level will go through the roof when you're given vague and even misleading information about the surgery that could ultimately cost you a patient. Chances are, you'll have to go through an operation several times before you get it right... and it'll take a few more tries before you can finish it with a high rating.

You'll be frustrated by Trauma Center, for sure. However, it's just as certain that you'll be back for more punishment.  The hook of the gameplay is largely dependent on the stylus... you really feel like you're in the operating room, draining toxins from an oozing wound and setting bandages on an incision you just stitched together. The storyline is just as compelling, with emotional dialogue that legitimizes the medical setting and makes the outcome of each surgery even more important. Finally, the polygonal graphics during each operation border on the surreal, but they're always reliable, with every important detail being a cinch to spot.

It may raise your blood pressure (all right, there's no "maybe" about it), but you'll still be glad you brought home Trauma Center. It's a fun, frantic action game with a heavy dose of originality, and it really dusts the cobwebs off the underutilized Nintendo DS stylus.

MEGA MAN ZERO 4

GAME BOY ADV.
ACTION / ADV.

CAPCOM
INTICREATES



PROS: Not quite as frustrating as previous MMZ games, interesting Zero Knuckle system, new customizable Cyber Elf system
CONS: Too short, somewhat gimmicky new Cyber Elf system

The Mega Man Zero series known for its frustrating difficulty along with its impressive graphics, sounds, and gameplay. Megaman Zero 4 is no exception to this rule.

The graphics are up to par with those in the previous Mega Man Zero games, with the victims of your Z-Saber falling apart like meat sliced from a bone, and shadows trailing behind Zero as he dashes. Similarly, the music is up to the standards of the other games in the the series.

The gameplay is just as familiar, except with four major changes. First, the Zero Knuckle replaces the various Rods and the Shield Boomerang, and allows you to "borrow" minor enemy weapons such as a flamethrower, an axe, or even a tongue (yes, a tongue).  Secondly, a weather system affects the design of each level. Next, the new Cyber Elf system allows you to customize your character. Finally, you can now enhance Zero with parts assembled from the scraps of your fallen foes. The Cyber Elf system now features only one elf with three different stat-building attributes... Nurse (healing), Animal (support), and Hacker (other, including everything from customized combination attacks to simplified attack commands). You can change the level of each attribute by feeding the elf energy crystals. However, if you want the highest score possible, the level of these three attributes cannot be above a set amount (which will increase as the game progresses).

The weather system also adds a fresh new spin to the familiar gameplay. Each of the eight "robot master" levels has two different types of weather, one of which is ideal. The four total types of weather are sunny, cloudy, snowy, and stormy; and in the ideal type, the level is more difficult and the boss uses its EX skill (which could be anything from a time-stopping blast to ball lightning covered in scrap metal). Luckily, you only have to beat the boss under the ideal weather conditions to acquire its EX skill. You can only equip one buster EX skill, but you can equip all of the saber skills at the same time. Sadly, there aren't any knuckle skills. Since one of the bosses uses a flaming uppercut, this seems kind of odd.

Even with all the enhancements made to the gameplay, Mega Man Zero 4 is not perfect. The new cyber elf system is more restrictive than before, allowing you to equip only one ability of each type at a time.  Also, the game seems significantly shorter than previous entries in the series. Perhaps this has more to do with the decreased difficulty than anything else, but it only took me three hours to finish the game.  Considering the average cost per hour, this would make Mega Man Zero 4 a better rental than a purchase.