Sony's been a leader in both the electronics and entertainment industries for years... it was only logical for them to use their experience in both fields to create their own game system.  Sony had great success with the...  
PLAYSTATION  
     
     
 

GAMES YOU'LL WANT

ARMORED CORE: PROJECT PHANTASMA: Mech games used to be slow, clunky, and confusing. The Armored Core series changed all that.
BLOODY ROAR II: Forget Tekken! If you want an intense 3D fighting game with wild graphics, Bloody Roar II is your best bet.
CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT: This exceptional adventure game completely changed the direction of the Castlevania series forever.
GRADIUS GAIDEN (JPN): One of the greatest mysteries of the universe is why this fantastic sequel to Gradius was never released in the United States.
KONAMI ARCADE CLASSICS: Konami's collection is low on bells and whistles, but with twelve perfectly emulated arcade hits on this disc, you'll hardly notice.
POINT BLANK: It's not the most macho light gun game in town, but Point Blank is endless fun thanks to its many cleverly designed mini-games.
STREET FIGHTER ALPHA 3: A perfect port of a Capcom fighting game... on the Playstation? Seriously. In fact, it's even better thanks to the new characters.
SPYRO: YEAR OF THE DRAGON: Most of the 3D platformers designed to compete against Super Mario 64 failed miserably. Spyro was a rare exception.
SUIKODEN II: The sequel to one of the most innovative and entertaining RPGs ever made is even better than the first game thanks to a more complex storyline.
UM JAMMER LAMMY: Liked Parappa the Rapper? Of course you did! Hate rap music? Of course you do! Fortunately, you won't find much of it in this spinoff.

GAMES YOU WON'T

BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN:  Back in 1995, graphics were all this overrated fighting game had going for it.  Today, Toshinden looks just as awful as it plays.
BLASTO!: Phil Hartman's death was a tragedy, but the truly sad thing is that every copy of Sony's nauseating 3D platformer game didn't perish with him.

CRASH BASH: It's Mario Party, without Mario or the party. At least players realized what a waste of a mascot Crash was after playing this garbage.
FIGHTER MAKER: Sure, it's a great idea. Too bad ASCII couldn't give us a great game to go along with it. This 3D fighter is just too primitive for its own good.
GALAGA: DESTINATION EARTH: This game couldn't decide whether it wanted to be StarFox or Gyruss. One thing it definitely wasn't was Galaga.
PONG: Can you imagine anyone who'd want to play Pong on their Playstations? Me neither, but Hasbro convinced themselves that SOMEONE wanted it.
SAMURAI SHODOWN III: This horribly animated Neo-Geo conversion deserves most of the blame for the Playstation's lousy reputation as a 2D system.
SOUTH PARK RALLY: It's a racing game that looks even more primitive than the television show and makes even less sense than its most bizarre in-jokes.
STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE: It's just too easy to bash this one... I know, because I've done it for the past seven years. Buy a real Street Fighter game instead.
TOMB RAIDER III: Forget the stake... Eidos drove a full course meal through the heart of the Tomb Raider series with this frustrating and dimly lit sequel.

REVIEWS

CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT
ACTION/RPG
KONAMI

   

With Halloween just around the corner, I can't think of a better game to review than Konami's Playstation classic, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.  Calling this one of the best games ever made isn't meaningless hyperbole; it's common knowledge.  Ask anyone, and they're enthusiastically agree that Symphony of the Night is a masterpiece.

It's also vastly different from the previous games in the Castlevania series.  The spotlight has shifted from the Belmont family to Dracula's prodigal son, Alucard.  You may remember him as a supporting character in Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, but as powerful as he was, that game barely tapped his potential.  In Symphony of the Night, he's capable of far more, arming himself with dozens of weapons and crushing his foes with powerful magic spells.

You'll also notice a difference in the castle itself... it'll seem a lot larger than it was the last few times you dropped by for a visit.  That's because the level structure has changed... it's much less linear than it was in the past, giving players the opportunity to revisit stages and uncover hidden rooms.  Moving onto the next level is no longer a simple matter of beating a boss... this time, you'll need to collect items that will let you make it to that platform hanging just out of reach, or squeeze through those seemingly impenetrable iron bars.

It's not just the castle that's been made more complex... Konami has added depth to the gameplay as well.  Unsatisfied with carrying around a whip, Alucard can find and use all kinds of weapons, ranging from swift and deadly swords to brutally effective maces.  Many of these implements of destruction are infused with magical properties which make them even more powerful, and others... well, you'll wish you'd left them where you found them.  You can also enhance your stylish Victorian wardrobe with an immense assortment of headgear, armor, capes, and jewelry.  It's not only fashionable, it'll give you an important edge against the thousands of monsters scattered throughout Dracula's lair.

I never mentioned the monsters, did I?  Well, you remember how great the creepy creatures were in the original Castlevania, right?  Take them, add enough shading and detail to make them genuinely frightening, and throw in every other mythological beast you've ever seen, and you've got the cast of villains in Symphony of the Night.  You'll even find enemies you haven't seen anywhere else, like the tragically grotesque Beezulbub, a rotting giant hung from the ceiling by rusty hooks, and Granfaloon, a fleshy orb using a graveyard's worth of corpses as its protective shell.  You can't help but be impressed by the monsters in this game, from the tiniest bat to the master of them all, the sinister Dracula.

You'll also be dumbstruck by the quality of both the sound and graphics.  The game truly is a symphony with its beautiful soundtrack, featuring everything from classical music surpassed only by master composers to head bangin' heavy metal rock.  The graphics are equally exceptional, with polygons and other special effects spicing up your magic spells.  The bosses are enormous, sometimes double the size of the screen, and Alucard is a thing of dark beauty with his flowing cape and white mane of hair trailing behind him.  If it weren't for the slightly silly voice overs and the unfortunate moments when the game slows down to accommodate large numbers of enemies, the game's audiovisuals would be flawless.

That's not to say that the game doesn't have flaws in other areas, however.  Konami lengthened the game with a second castle that appears after you've thoroughly explored the first one, but it's simply the same castle, turned upsidedown and populated with more dangerous enemies.  This makes the going doubly frustrating... when you're not using your gravity boots to reach areas that were easily accessible in the first castle, you're struggling to stay alive against relentless foes like the nearly unstoppable Galamoth.  The complicated joystick motions used to cast spells don't make things any easier.  When you're in a dire situation and your hit points have dropped dangerously low, you don't have time to make like Geese Howard and bust out a Rising Storm to recover your ailing health.  More often than not, you'll be left wriggling the joypad like an idiot while your enemies close in for the kill.  The rest of the game has very solid control, but those convoluted magic spells really suck... and I'm not talking about blood here.

Nevertheless, Symphony of the Night is the best the Castlevania series has to offer... and when you consider just how good the other games in the series were, that's saying a lot.

DRAGONBALL Z FINAL BOUT
ACCL- UH, I MEAN BANDAI
3D FIGHTER

There's a company in Japan called Bandai. You might have heard of them... they make many consumer products, including Power Rangers figures and really shitty licensed games. They're basically Japan's equivalent of Acclaim. One particular effort they did (that was actually brought to the US in limited qualities) was Dragon Ball Final Bout. Based on the series Dragon Ball GT, this was the first foray into 3D for the DB universe (unless you count DBZ VR VS in the arcades). Interestingly enough, you'd think a game like this would kill the DB franchise. On the contrary, it was the one "extraordinary effort" keeping the franchise alive--the game was delayed, so they kept the GT series going to maintain interest in the game.

I thought this game might be interesting, so I bought it. I didn't think it would be as bad as I had heard. Now my life is changed. I feel like I have lost my sanity to this horrible, horrible game.

Anyway, onto the game. The characters in this game are mostly from the GT series: Goku (both adult and child*), Trunks, Pan (Goku's granddaughter and Gohan's daughter), Cell, Freeza, Piccolo, Gohan, and Majin Buu. This is one of the problems with the game--the cast seems to be mostly DBZ rehash (though there is a saga in which Goku has to battle Freeza and Cell when Earth and Hell are linked). They could have put in some of the new characters in the series--Bebi, Uubu (the new form of Majin Buu as a young boy who has no knowledge of his nihilistic past), Super-17 (a cross between Android-17 and another #17), or even one of the seven evil Shenlongs (Dragons) that appears in the end of the series. Instead, what do they do? They put in a total of three Trunks (normal, Super GT-style, and Super DBZ-style) and six Gokus (normal adult, normal child, super adult GT, super adult DBZ, super child, and SSJ4), along with Vegetto (Goku + Vegeta fusion). That's it. Stark raving laziness.

This would ruin it for many folks, but wait! There's more!! The graphics are horrible. They look like LEGO people, almost. There are some nice touches (Majin Buu puffing up when he charges, for example), but there's little steak for all the sizzle. The sound is passable, but you wouldn't really expect anything less from this. As for the gameplay...

Well, the less said about the gameplay, the better, but since I must, here goes: The close-up combat is horrible. The punches and kicks are stilted and take an eternity from start to finish. As a result, there seems to be an almost total reliance on distance fighting. The only semi-effective close move is the meteo attack, which seems too east to do, making it possible to link six or seven meteos in one series. This seriously throws off the balance of the game. Furthermore, the characters' walking is deathly slow. It takes an eternity to get over to the opponent.

As for the distance game, there's the basic fireball, as well as the mandatory "more effective fireball attack" that is usually three fireballs in rapid succession, but sometimes varies from character to character. Also, there's the homing fireballs some characters have. And, finally, there are super fireballs. The far-away attacks have a window during which you have to input a command to do one of four things: block (1/2 damage), dodge (slight damage), dissipate (use energy field, slight damage), or blast war (classic from the second and third SNES fighting games). This is pretty much the crux of the gameplay.

Note: this is for the Japanese version of the game. Given the fact that the US version is going for upwards of $200, I'm not going to try to find that.  And what's even sadder is that in Japan, this game is actually in the "PlayStation the Best" series (Greatest Hits equivalent). Try to wrap your head around this: There were actually at least 1 million Japanese consumers who were big enough suckers to buy this god-awful game. I feel like Akane wouldn't be enough to "analyze" this game. I feel like we would need Amy Rose from Sonic Adventure and Skuld from Oh My Goddess! to aid her in the "final analysis."

*A major plot point in GT is that Goku gets turned into a child again (he's in his mid-50s at this point) by the "Ultimate Dragon Balls," which were created by the original Piccolo (before he split into two separate entities). He has to retrieve the Balls, which have scattered across the galaxy, because 1) they're the only balls that can reverse the wish, and 2) if he doesn't collect them in one year, they'll destroy the earth (and that's where I keep all my stuff!) He winds up getting help from Pan (his granddaughter) and Trunks (who has his future self's sword). The series actually has some good points--interesting attention to backstory (the species that the Saiyajins annihilated factor into a major plotline early on, and Dr. Gero, the creator of the androids, makes his not-so-triumphant return), and a good cast (Uubu, Pan, and the robot Gill, who actually has a Dragon Radar). The fact that neither of these was used in major detail (except Super Bebi--Bebi possessing Vegeta as a giant gold ape) was a travesty, and for this alone, I will for all eternity call Bandai "Acclaim Japan."

FINAL FANTASY VIII
SQUARESOFT
ROLE-PLAYING ADVENTURE

 

KAO

Everything in this review is all in my opinion.  I know there are people out there who probably pray to their FF8 CDs twice a day.  So don't read this if you can't stand a little negative criticism.

GRAPHICS:

This is the area where FF8 really shines.  The FMV sequences are just amazing and are some of the best I have seen in any game.  The in-game graphics are also extremely well done--the characters are highly detailed, as are the graphics, and the special effects are very flashy.  I did find the limited animations to be something of a let down--the backgrounds are mostly static, and the characters have only a handful of gestures that are repeated far too often (like Quistis holding her arms every 5 minutes).

One really nice change is that the graphics are all realistic looking, unlike FF7's confusing backgrounds (where you had multi-colored cave walls with misplaced light sources and couldn't tell where the heck you were or where you were going).  My biggest gripe is the same one I had with FF7--sometimes it's hard to see where a door or path is, and walking along the walls or checking each rock in an effort to find an exit gets really tiring fast, but it happens often and is really annoying.

SOUND and MUSIC:

The music in this game is really sub-par; it sounds just like the simplistic, MIDI-like tunes heard in FF7.  In fact, some of the tracks bear an uncanny resemblance to old FF7 tunes.  Very little of the music caught my attention or is even memorable...as much as I disliked FF7's music, FF8's is even worse.  It's not like the tunes are actually harsh or anything, they're just all very boring.  There are some really good songs you hear in later discs (like in Esthar), but they can't save this game from having a lackluster music score overall.  The sound effects, on the other hand, are pretty good--monsters roar and squeal, you can hear the splash of the surf when you're by the water, there are all kinds of sounds for magic spells and attacks, etc.

PLOT and STORY:

FF7 had a great plot, but it was presented in such a muddled manner that it was hard to understand just what was going on, even by the time you beat the game.  FF8 does just the opposite--the plot is easy to comprehend but is mediocre at best.  Most of the time you can make a pretty good guess as to what will happen next in FF8, and the few mysterious and intriguing aspects of the story are given rather dumb and hasty explanations.  Some parts even come off as uneeded (as an example, seriously, you could drop the whole Matron thing without detracting from the plot--it's hastily put in and resolved without adding anything worthwhile to the story).  I commend Square for trying to make FF8's storyline easy to understand, but it shouldn't have come at the cost it did: it's far less entertaining than other RPG plots.  Even the 7th Saga got more interesting as time went on than this game did.

CHARACTERS:

FF8's Squall acts just like FF7's Cloud, only more insensitive.  Cloud was boring enough in FF7, but to just repeat the whole "I don't care" attitude thing with Squall in FF8 is beyond tedious.  After about 5 minutes of gameplay, you stop caring what happens to Squall, and it only comes off as more and more pathetic when the other characters try to get him to show some emotion (particularly Rinoa).  Suddenly Squall falls head over heels for Rinoa halfway through the game for apparently no reason, and it only serves to show the shortcomings of the character designs even more.  The other characters are uninteresting--Seifer, Irvine, and Quistis just blend into the background for most of the game.  Zell sticks out just because he's so overemotional, a stark contrast to the other characters, but he still pales compared to FF7's Barret or Cid (both of whom were nothing great to begin with).  Selphie actually has a few good moments, but for the most part she falls into the dorky, childlike mold so common in other RPGs.  Even Edea, who is your enemy for most of the game, comes off as lukewarm and is nowhere near as imposing as Kefka or Sephiroth of previous FF games.  Raijin and Fujin are probably the worst two characters, since they basically run around spitting out "Ya know!?" and "RAGE." for the majority of the game. ;)

Ironically, the only interesting character in the entire game is the one you spend the least amount of time playing with.  Unlike everyone else, Laguna comes off like a real person, who is brave, clumsy, shy, and determined under different situations.  In other words, he's a realistic and a likable character.  And although his allies are boring, at least they gave the occasional sarcastic response to Laguna's hairbrained schemes for comedic effect.  If you could have played with Laguna instead of Squall for the majority of the game, it would have made for a much more entertaining experience than having to play with Squall, who is about as lively as a mannequin.

GAMEPLAY:

For reasons unknown to mankind, SQUARE decided to over-simplify FF8.  This ranges from really minor stuff like being unable to change the window color, to serious stuff like omitting rank changing and defending from the battle menu, removing armor and accessories (all you can do is upgrade your weapons), and being unable to cast magic spells on multiple targets.  With so few and limited options, it undoubtedly makes it easier for newcomers to get into the game, but it also makes the game so simplistic that it gets boring.  I mean, when all you can really do in battle is attack, use magic, use a restorative item, or one of the few special abilities available to you, it gets dull after a while.  It also takes out quite a bit of strategy (i.e. you can hit flying enemies with any weapon, unlike in FF7, and enemies in the back rows don't take less damage than those in the front row, so you can just attack indiscriminately).

The only thing that saves the gameplay is the interesting way in which item use has been implemented; you can earn a lot of weird and seemingly useless items from monsters, and then modify and refine them in to all sorts of stuff.  It's pretty neat, even if it can make your characters too powerful.  The magic 'drawing' system seems like a neat idea, but is actually quite boring, as you run around drawing spells from points or monsters for hours on end just to get enough magic spells.  I actually ended up just going into battle against an enemy, incapacitating them with Bad Breath or something similar, then putting something heavy on my controller to keep them all drawing magic for 20 minutes.  Sure it's dull, but it's faster than hacking up monsters to get items you can refine into spells, or waiting around for draw points to recharge. Leave it to SQUARE to make sure that the only cool gameplay addition ends up being not very well implemented.

DIFFICULTY:

FF7 was ridiculously easy, and FF8 also shares this distinction.  If you play through the game without using GF abilities, the game is reasonably hard.  On the other hand, if you give into temptation and use the GFs, the game becomes a cakewalk.  GFs do tons of damage when summoned, and the abilities you learn from them just ruin the game. For example, you can get Diablos only a few hours into the game, and from him you can earn the power to never encounter random battles. That would be like getting the Moogle Charm in FF6 by the time you reached the Returner's base.  It just makes no sense.  The refining powers of the GFs let you turn items and cards into powerful stuff--for example, with the Card Mod ability (which Queztlcoatl can learn, and you get him at the start of the game), you can earn half of Quistis' Blue Magic spells before even going to the Fire Cavern, just by collecting cards from the other Balamb Garden students and turning them into the appropriate items to use on Quistis.  This even includes the way powerful spells like Bad Breath and Mighty Guard...uh, excuse me, didn't of the playtesters at SQUARE notice this?

As the game progresses, you only get stronger GFs with more and more abilities (like the Revive ability of Alexander, which ressurects a character with full HP and costs absolutely nothing to use).  As if your characters weren't powerful enough, the enemies are beyond dumb, most of them having idiotic attack patterns (for example, Imps will try to Dispel someone with Auto-Reflect repeatedly, even though it can't be dispelled).  As tragic pointed out, the only difficult aspect of this game is when it comes to finding save points, as they are far and few between, a real problem when you've been playing for 40 minutes, have something else to do, and there are no savepoints in sight.  Ouch.

THE TRANSLATION:

I can't really comment on this since I haven't played the Japanese game.  On one hand, at least the text reads better than FF7 and has few spelling and grammar errors.  It's nice to not have to figure out who said what and for what reason, unlike in FF7's hard-to-follow conversations.  Also, it was neat to see the magic names in their original Japanese names, and some of the shortened names were understandable, such as "Quetzalcoatl" becoming "Quetzcotl" or "Grashaboras" ending up as "Doomtrain".  On the other hand, you have the usual name mistranslations--"Golden Needle" becomes "Soft", "Garkimasera" ends up as "Imp", and "Meteor Bullet" is mangled into "Meteo Barret".  You'd think after FF7, the people at Square would get into gear and start translating correctly, but apparently it's not a big concern for these guys.

REPLAY VALUE:

I've heard the argument time and time again that RPGs are not meant to be replayed often; which makes no sense to me.  I mean, if I counted the number of times I replayed Dragon Warrior III, or Chrono Trigger, or Secret of Mana since I bought those games, I'd probably be up in the trillions.  Any quality RPG has just as much replay value as other game genres.  Unfortunately, FF8 got pretty tiring after just the first play through.  One problem was the fact that the game was so short-- despite FF8 being on four CDs, it felt like I spent more time playing FF Mystic Quest than I did getting through FF8.  When I found myself confronted with the message to pop in the next disc, the same thought of "Geez, already?" kept entering my mind.  Unlike other RPGs, I didn't think after I'd beaten it that it would be fun to relive it all because there wasn't that much to go through again.

Another blow against FF8 is that there aren't a lot of secrets and bonuses in it.  Granted, I don't really care for FF7, but at least it had all sorts of mini-games, and hard-to-find items, and bonus areas (like Yuffie's quest in Wutai or the Ancient Forest with the frogs). All FF8 has is the card game, which is entertaining, but not the most exciting thing ever to pop up in a video game.  One of the fun things about replaying RPGs is trying to discover all the stuff you missed the first time, but with FF8, you pretty much see it all on the first play through (at least that makes it a good candidate for a rental).

IN SUMMARY:

FF8 is a below-average RPG; the great graphics can't save it from it's boring (and highly predictable) plot, uninteresting music, one-dimensional characters, neutered gameplay, non-existant replay value, or utter lack of challenge.  If you didn't care for FF7, you probably won't care for this game, and even if you liked FF7, you probably won't care for this game, either ;)  It's not like FF8 is the worst RPG ever made (there are plenty of other games that could hold that distinction), but you should definitely rent it first or borrow it from a friend before deciding whether to purchase it or not.  Square obviously feels that putting out commercials full of FMV are enough to make people buy this game, when in fact the FMV is about all FF8 has going for it.  

GEKIOH: SHOOTING KING
NATSUME (WANASHI, FOUR WINDS)
SHOOTER

  

With recent releases, it's become apparent that Sony's first console is a dumping ground for a wide range of budget priced titles aimed at a mass market that finds themselves more than willing to shell out $10 for dreck like Largo Winch and Disney Kid's Kitchen with Mickey and Minnie (don't quote me on the exact title of that one...).

At the same time the ol' PSOne has become the home for quirk-filled, anime-flavored arcade games and four year old shooters. Beating Psikyo's Sol Divide to the Toys 'R Us Deals Zone cardboard rack is the Natsume published Gekioh Shooter King, a slightly above average, relatively nice looking shooter that abides by the Capcom school of cheap Dreamcast games: supply a cathartic twitch game experience at a bargin basement price (in this case $10) and throw a bunch of useless, but fun, crap on top of it.

Its hard to go into detail about the actual game. Gekioh is, basically, a Raiden clone, and a pretty good one at that. It has a power up and weapon system completely lifted from Seibu Kaihatsu's legendary series and the menacing bosses, less menacing mini-bosses, and plethora of standard cannon fodder and environments carry the series' design astethic. Later levels drag, painfully so, and beat you senseless with pattern-happy space tanks (astro tanks to some) and giant robots with prutruding tentacles. The game, thankfully, doesn't rely on endless "bullet hell" patterns, instead offering barrages of foes to cut down. So it's basically a poor man's Raiden. In the case of those people that can't afford Raiden Project on Ebay, I mean that literally.

What really makes the game are the variety of modes. Beyond easy, Gekioh (arcade default), and hard mode there are six bonus modes (the manual deems them as "hilarious"). Slow mode adds, for some strange reason, zombie sound effects and makes your ship more lethargic. Antique mode adds a sepia toned FOX Movietone motif to the game. The screen jitters like an old film, you get a jittery sounding projector, hair on the "frame", and sound effects and music associated with newsreel footage. Comedic mode adds a laugh track, cued when you die, and cartoony "crashing anvil" sound effects when you blow up foes. Oddly, no music is available in Comedic mode. No Mercy and Stingy are basically the same thing: No Mercy gives you nothing from items and makes it harder to earn to power ups and extra lives via high scores. They also make it mindnumbingly difficult. Stingy mode is only two levels long, and gives you one life and no credits. The coolest mode, arguably is Pocket mode. If you are one of the six people who own a Pocketstation in the US you can download a mini-game to it. It plays sort of like a dumbed down Solar Striker, the now anicent Game Boy game. If you have no Pockstation, fret not. The game allows you to play a beautifully emulated version of the game.

At ten dollars, it's a given that Gekioh is worth the price. If it was just the game sans the extra modes it would've been a two green jewel and a purple jewel (that's a five, kids) game that would've been worth ten bucks. With the extra weird, though basically pointless, features, it's MORE than worth that price. Gekioh is worth a go, and, at least from my experience, only available at Toys 'R Us. 

GUILTY GEAR
ATLUS/ARC SYSTEM WORKS
FIGHTING

Everybody is talking about Guilty Gear X this, GGX that.  Everybody, however, seems to forget what began it all... the original Guilty Gear fighting game for PSX.  The game was a marvel of engineering--a well-animated 2D fighting on the Sony "2D?  What's that?" Playstation.  The game had many interesting characters, sort of stepping beyond most archetypes:  A girl who uses her hair as a weapon, a blind man who attacks with his shadow, a doctor who uses a scalpel... of DOOM, and a Swiss fighter.  They also explored rarely-used archetypes, such as "American ninja" and "British guy who uses obscure Japanese weapon that maybe 12 Westerners would be able to identify by proper name."  Yes, Guilty Gear has an answer to Billy Kane in Axl Low, a man trapped in a world he'd normally never live to see.  They even have similar moves.

But enough about that.  You know about the Gears from GGX, right?  They were a fusion of magic and machinery, the ultimate soldier.  Many Gears were actually engineered from humans in a Guyver-like fashion, like Sol Badguy, the main character.  But the Gears rebelled under the rule of the "leader" gear, Justice, Gear 01.  The Holy Knights, led by Kliff Undersn (Andersen?) and Ky Kiske, eventually sent Justice to another dimension (because they couldn't kill him, you see).  But the barrier between the worlds is weakening.  Justice is about to awaken once more, and a tournament is initiated to form another guild of knights.  However, there seems to be a dark force behind the tournament, using the violence and bloodshed as a catalyst to accelerate Armageddon...

The game plays similarly to GGX in most respects, including the fabled double jump. However, each character has two life bars a round, ala the Real Bout series or Last Blade, and you can actually charge up a certain special for each character.  This creates one of the greatest problems with the game: Ultra-powerful L3 maneuvers, such as Kliff's L3 Houkou Gaeshi (his palm blast attack), which can take off MORE THAN ONE WHOLE LIFE BAR!!  Also, when one bar is down, it's unlimited supers for the rest of the round, also ala RB or LB.  However, there are no SDM's.

Also, the Instant Kill is done quite differently.  You can initiate it two ways: 1) by attacking the opponent with P+K, or 2) by blocking an attack JUST as it hits.  Then, hit QCF+S (I think) to follow through (if you're on the defensive, I believe QCB+S will escape, and you can actually do the move yourself).  This is the other major problem with the game--the Instant Kill was too easy to do, and it ended the ENTIRE MATCH by default; i.e., WOW! YOU LOSE!

Also, the Hard Slash is a bit too hard in many cases: Kliff again comes to mind, as does Potemkin.  Certain characters can't dash, such as Potemkin and Kliff, but Kliff actually lurches as you attempt to backstep, and sometimes throws out his back, doing damage.  This seems a bit silly in some cases.  I can see making the "slow but strong" guy not be able to dash, but the old guy is supposed to be able to simultaneously take on the combined forces of the US and Europe.  Certainly, he should be able to at least hop forward.

For what it is, it's a good game.  I actually got it for store credit ($15) at an EB, and sold it on the other EB(ay) for $40+.  Who says games aren't a hedge against investment?  Still, it could have been better, as was seen in GGX.  That said, it's a good look at the roots of Guilty Gear X. 

KLONOA
(MOSTLY) SIDE-SCROLLING PLATFORMER
NAMCO

   

I didn't pay much attention to Klonoa when it was first released, thanks largely to a moronic print ad that compared it to a social disease (uh, Namco, it's a lot cheaper to just let your competitors take shots at your products rather than paying big bucks to do it yourself...).  When I finally did play it years later on one of the Official Playstation Magazine demo discs, I figured I didn't miss out on much, since the first round included on that disc was pretty simplistic... the polygonal graphics didn't add as much depth to the game as Super Mario 64, and the ability to throw and hold enemies had already been done, and given more dimension, in the much older Super Mario Bros. 2.

Despite all this, there are a few people who swear by Klonoa, and one of them was so confident that he could change my mind about the game that he let me borrow his copy for a couple of days, telling me, "Trust me, it WILL get a lot better once you've gotten through the first round."  I didn't really understand how this could be possible, but after playing it for a few hours, Klonoa's qualities had become a little more obvious.  After a few more hours, there was no way I could ignore them.  My friend was right... Klonoa DOES have a lot to offer if you're willing to stick with it.

Remember when I told you that Klonoa doesn't have a lot of abilities?  Well, it's true... the flea biting ankle biter can catch and inflate enemies (I like to think of this as a tribute to Dig Dug), then throw them in one of four directions... oddly, not up or down, but rather toward and away from the camera.  Klonoa can also spring off his enemy's back, sending him skyward and the foe to the ground.  And, well, that's it.  I didn't think this would be enough, but fortunately, the game's great level design and even better enemy placement make Klonoa's limited talents a lot more versatile than you'd expect.  For instance, one stage requires you to set an exploding enemy next to a switch, then head for the door before the monster explodes, triggering the switch and (very briefly) opening that door.  In other areas, you'll have to leap off enemies not to reach higher ground but to break boxes blocking access to paths below you.  You'll even climb vertical lines of flying enemies to reach some platforms.  This clever exploitation of enemies doesn't happen very often in video games (there was a classic moment in Metroid where you had to freeze and leap off the backs of enemies, but you only needed to do it once or twice), but it's the backbone of Klonoa's gameplay... you won't even be able to finish the demo without it.

What else does Klonoa have going for it?  Well, it's got great graphics, even though they are affected by the Playstation's limitations...  there are still edges on the polygonal playfields and the sprites don't look that great when the camera pans in during intermissions, but I can't think of a 3D platformer on the system aside from maybe Spyro: Year of the Dragon that looks better.  The gems spread throughout each round are stunning... when you pick them up, they break into shards that briefly form a spinning, shrinking ring, and the fairies you'll occasionally find make them glitter like they're under a berzerk strobelight.  The enemies have a lot of detail and animation, too... when you toss the Moos, they burst into more colorful shapes than you'll find in a box of Lucky Charms, and the Boomies have rays of light that penetrate their skin shortly before they go, well, Boomie.  Finally, the superb level design adds depth to not only the gameplay but the artwork as well... you'll see bridges hanging over other trails, and objects in the distance that act as scenery at first but become useful items once you've found a path leading to them.  The blinding light pouring in from open doors is another great effect, although you might find yourself feeling a little confined if you can't quite reach them...

I was satisfied and sometimes even impressed with the sound as well.  The music is pretty complex despite the use of digital instruments, and it definitely accents some areas, like the first mine cart ride.  When you hop on, you'll hear a tune that becomes louder and more pressing as the cart rolls on and starts to fall apart... but the music stops the moment you do.  It's a great example of how music can get a player more involved in a game rather than just getting on their nerves... although admittedly, there is music in Klonoa that does this as well.  And while I don't mind the gibberish spoken by Klonoa and the rest of the characters, the cliche'd cartoon sound effects left me rolling my eyes.  Considering the great work they did in ancient games like Galaga and Dig Dug, I think Namco could have given us something with a little more originality.

Let's throw in a couple of other gripes for good measure.  You may have heard that Klonoa is a little short, and that's true... but after winning the game, I kind of wished they would have made the last few stages even shorter.  The level design goes from clever to devious to downright sadistic when you're climbing the tower to face off against Ghadius... if teeny weeny platforms drive you nuts, you can only imagine how frustrating it is to try to clear them while enemies are running after you, threatening to knock you into the pit below.  Ah, the bottomless, instantly lethal pit.  I can't count the number of lives I've lost to those gaping canyons, yet those motherfucking things are always hungry for more.  By now, you'd think they'd be overflowing with corpses, and you could just walk over the decaying Italian plumbers and vampire hunters to reach the other side, but somehow, that just never happens.  There must be a little bulldozer in there pushing out all the debris, keeping the pits ready for the next furry mascot that tumbles inside... and the next, and the next, and the next.

But I digress.  The last boss isn't much fun either... well, Ghadius and his whirling wheel of death are entertaining (and disorienting!), but after you beat him, he has to go and summon video game cliche' #287, the overwhelmingly powerful entity bent on destroying the world.  That stupid thing has not one, not two, but three forms, and all of them are obnoxious.  The other characters try to help you defeat the creature, but they're not really much help at all, cowering under clouds while you're getting pelted with rainbow beams and chased by metal encased enemies.  You don't even get their assistance (good riddance, I say) during the second battle, when you're inside the beast, trying to throw enemies at gems hanging near the edges of a platform that just won't stay still.  The creature should have died after the gems were shattered, but naturally, you have to deal with both it and your moronic friends one more time before it finally gives up the ghost.  It got to the point where I was afraid to let the credits roll, because I thought for sure the damned thing would pop back up at the last minute just like in Rocket Knight Adventures or the film Cannibal: The Musical.

Fortunately, the creature died.  For good.  And when the game finally convinced me that there were no other forms of Mahatomb or an even more powerful enemy to take its place, it presented an ending that, while very heartbreaking, made me glad that I stuck it out through the last two rounds, and that I gave the game another chance.  If you can find it on sale somewhere or have a friend willing to lend you a copy, you might want to do the same... you'll be surprised at just how good Klonoa is once you spend a little quality time with it.

N20
FOX GAMES (GREMLIN)
SHOOTER

  

Quickly forgotten.  Underrated.  Maligned.  N20 is all these things, but it never deserved to be any of them.  N20 is one of the better shooters on the Playstation, eclipsing its inspiration Tempest 2000 with more options, an entracing soundtrack by The Crystal Method, and advanced graphics that make even Jeff Minter's eyecatching sequel to Tempest look like an outdated relic.

N20 is essentially an evolution of the play mechanics first explored in Tempest.  You slide around the edge of a funnel, firing inward to destroy a variety of progressively deadly enemies.  Each foe has its own preferred method of attack, ranging from swarms of suicidal beetles to vicious black widow spiders that drape webs inside the funnel... collide with any of the strands holding these webs in place and you're finished.

This makes the game a great deal like Tempest, but here's what makes it better.  Each enemy is not only given its own specialized attack but a weakness that can be exploited for bonus points.   If you're tired of that black widow spider making your life miserable, you can not only exact revenge on it but squash its orphan, a small white larva, by running over it with your ship.  Similarly, you can earn extra points- and stars that will eventually unlock bonus rounds- by blasting all segments of a centipede or every beetle contained within a cocoon before they reach the end of the funnel.

On top of that, there are tons of items and weapons that can be collected.  Not all of them are particularly useful, but there are some which become extremely useful as the game progresses.  These include the firewall, N20's beautifully deadly answer to the super zapper recharge, shields which for a brief period of time allow you to absorb otherwise deadly hits, and a chain gun which sends a trail of bullets down the funnel that obliterate even the most persistent enemies.  Finally, there are spinning coins which can be used at the end of each stage to earn either extra points (good for extra lives or just bragging to your friends) or more of those crowd pleasin' firewalls.

I haven't even gotten to the best part!  You have to see and hear N20 in action to truly appreciate it.  The graphics are fantastic... it's hard to imagine how they could be better on the original Playstation, but fortunately, you don't have to settle for mere Playstation quality when you've got a PS2 around.  On the PS2, the game's exceptional artwork and special effects become even more amazing.  Either way, the dazzling combination of sweeping lights, psychadelic playfields, stylish exploding text, and accurately drawn insects, along with selections from The Crystal Method's Vegas album, will give you the impression that you've an exterminator at a wild rave party.

You'll want to keep those bug infestations and that infectious music coming if you're a fan of Tempest or other classic shooters.  I won't go as far as to say that N20 is flawless... some people will find its artistic direction more irritating than exciting, and in its default setting, the camera follows the ship as it slides around the edge of the funnel.  Fortunately, the camera can be locked into place, keeping the player's head from spinning along with the playfield, but this one flaw is probably what kept the game from achieving the same popularity as Tempest 2000.  However, it's very easy to fix.  If you were turned off by the game when you first played it, and didn't know about the fixed camera option, you owe it to yourself to give N20 another chance.

NO ONE CAN STOP MR. DOMINO!
ACCLAIM (ARTDINK)
ACTION

  

Oh, Mr. Domino... if only you were as invincible as the title of your game suggests!  The truth is, this tiny hero will stumble over all kinds of hazards as he struggles to build spectacular lines of tiles.  These obstacles, ranging from swinging boxes of chocolate-covered pretzel sticks to massive station wagons, will join forces to make Mr. D's life miserable... and very short.

Regardless of the risks involved, Mr. Domino refuses to be swayed from his mission.  He's out to set up the ultimate chain of dominos, spreading them across shady casinos, convenience stores, and quiet Japanese suburbs.  And once they're dropped in place, he'll return to the scene of the crime (namely, littering) to tip them all over.  If he's smart, he'll place the tiles in front of trick squares... once these are triggered, objects in the background are set into motion, adding a touch of Rube Goldberg-inspired flair to the spectacle of dropping dominoes.

As Mr. D goes about his business, unaware of the futility of constantly unraveling his own work, you'll notice that his world bears a striking resemblence to the colorful cosmic playgrounds of Katamari Damacy.  Every object on the playfield is rendered with a modest polygon count and a limited amount of detail, but their bright colors ensure that they're easy to spot against the more elaborate backgrounds.  The stages are cleverly designed, illustrating their respective settings perfectly.  Whether Mr. Domino is dodging dice on a craps table or weaving around discarded sandals in the breezeway of a Japanese home, there's never any doubt about his current location.

The soundtrack acknowledges the game's outlandish premise, but never surrenders to it, striking a balance between Mr. Domino's lighthearted Nippo-centric setting and the merciless challenge hidden beneath it.  Your heart will pound to the beat of the throbbing techno-influenced tunes as Mr. Domino makes a mad dash for the health square that will let him cling to life for just one more minute. 

It only takes one stage before you realize that this isn't going to be the cakewalk that Katamari Damacy was.  In fact, once you get past the skin-deep visual resemblence, you'll start to see that No One Can Stop Mr. Domino! is the polar opposite of Namco's surprise hit.  It's not just because Mr. Domino drops what the Prince of All Cosmos and his cousins would likely clean up with their rolling junk collections.  The game offers far less freedom than Katamari Damacy, pushing the hero through each linear loop of a stage rather than letting him admire his surroundings.  If Mr. D misses something important the first time through, he won't get another shot at it until the next lap... if he survives long enough!

What brings these two games together are the qualities they share... charm and originality.  The only game that even comes close to playing like Mr. Domino is Kid Klown's Crazy Chase on the Super NES and Game Boy Advance, and without the strategy that comes from dropping tiles, it's not an especially accurate comparison. 

There's also no stopping the game from taking pride in its Japanese roots.  There's plenty of head-scratching humor in store for players who trigger the trick squares in each stage.  Vegetables will sing, microwave ovens will explode, and famous paintings will scream bloody murder as their eyes bug out... and it will all play in reverse if Mr. D walks over a reset square! 

It's moments like these that will leave just you as determined to succeed as the game's square-headed star.  Victory never comes easily in No One Can Stop Mr. Domino!, but it's always sweet.

THE RAIDEN PROJECT
SONY (SEIBU KAIHATSU)
SHOOTER

 

Even when it was released twelve years ago, Raiden was a fairly simplistic game... this made it easily approachable to players who found the weapon systems in Alcon and 1943 confusing, but it was so streamlined that it didn't offer more experienced shooter fans anything new or surprising.  When you put your coin into a Raiden machine, you got a solid gaming experience... and that was it.  That was Raiden's hook, and you could have accepted that if the straightforward gameplay had remained exclusive to the Raiden series.  Sadly, other game companies wanted a piece of this unspiced pie, and the result were a lot of bland shooters with nothing to distinguish themselves from one another.  People tired of the genre after playing the same game over and over with different graphics, and most companies, unaware of why shooters had become so unpopular, stopped making them altogether.

With this in mind, you have to wonder why Sony took a chance with Raiden Project, a collection that includes both the first Raiden and its sequel.  Perhaps the answer lies with the fact that Raiden II is far superior to the first game, and still impressive even to this day.  It's the opinion of most gamers that the Playstation can't adequately handle 2D graphics, but I tend to question this belief whenever I play games like Raiden II.  There's so much detail in this game... not so much in the artwork itself but the animation that greatly enhances it.  Even the smallest enemies produce debris after they've been destroyed, and each piece of scrapnel spins wildly before hitting the Earth's surface, creating a small cloud of dust or splash of water.  The playfield is affected by your ship's attacks as well as the actions of your enemies... drop a bomb in a forest and you'll not only hear a sound, but will be left with a lot of charred, naked trees.  Enemies that crash land into houses will take a large chunk out of the roofs of the buildings, but only where they've made contact. The larger tanks leave behind treads, and enormous glowing craters after you've blown them up.  Land walkers leave impressions in the ground, giving you an impression of their enormous weight and size. 

They're little details, but nevertheless important ones... without them, Raiden II would just be Raiden with a handful of improvements.  Those improvements include a new weapon that bridges the gap between the bullets and beams in the first game... hell, it pretty much obsoletes them!  The plasma laser starts out as a concentrated line of fire, then transforms into a homing laser that twists and bends to catch not only every enemy in your path, but those nowhere near it.  There's a new bomb, too, and although it's less powerful than the original, it activates immediately, guaranteeing your safety.  You can choose one or the other depending on your personal preference, or mix and match them by collecting bomb icons once they switch to the type you want most.

Also included on the disc is a conversion of the original Raiden that's among the best available on a home console... only the more colorful Jaguar version can rival it.  Nevertheless, it's a pretty no-frills game, and certainly not preferable to the more exciting sequel.  The graphic flourishes that abound in Raiden II are limited to the occasional glowing crater and large explosion in Raiden.  The music takes a step down as well, with low-pitched, twangy instruments that sound like they were pulled straight from an early Genesis game... you can select an arranged soundtrack instead, but it's not much of an improvement.  Finally, while there are enough enemies and bullets onscreen to hold your attention, they aren't as plentiful as they are in the sequel and nowhere near the amount you'd find in a later shooter like Radiant Silvergun or Dodonpachi.  It's competantly designed, but why settle for that when a brilliantly designed game is on the same disc?

That game is the reason I recommend The Raiden Project to shooter fans.  You can't play Raiden II on MAME (at least, not as of this writing), so you might as well get a taste of it somewhere.  Besides, The Raiden Project is a relatively obscure Playstation release, a fact which collectors will definitely appreciate. 

SLAP HAPPY RHYTHM BUSTERS
ASK/POLYGON MAGIC
FIGHTING COCKTAIL WITH A SPLASH OF DDR

People who have visited The Gameroom Blitz for a long time may remember that Jess wrote something about Slap Happy Rhythm Busters in an update. I had seen this game in EGM, so I was seeking it out.

A few weeks ago, I got the game for around $30 on Ebay... God bless the buyer's market. But enough about that; let's talk about the game.

SHRB is an interesting cel-shaded 2-D/3-D fighting developed by Polygon Magic, who also developed such games as Galerians, Vs. and Countdown Vampires. The style of design is much like Jet Grind Radio for the Dreamcast, which means it looks like a 3-D cartoon.

The characters seem pretty diverse, deviating from the normal stereotypes: There's Ramos, the fiery rave DJ, Euri, the requisite "cute candy raver," Oreg, the taxi driver (yes, he does drive a taxi), Holemon, the strange butcher with a birdcage for a head, Nitro, the robot whose hands can become a diverse array of tools and weapons, Zekoo, the samurai, Garia, the fortune teller, Mia, the Chun-Li clone, Trash, the garbage man with a mechanical third arm coming from his backpack, April, a spunky cowgirl who can actually lose her hat, and Vivian & Roxy, two girls who alternate between chicken-fighting and double-teaming their opponents. Each character has about two or three specials, a launcher, a move that knocks an opponent off the opposite wall, and two supers.

Also, there are ten other characters: Chad & Gram, two brothers who fight piggyback-style, Baron & Volt, a monster with his doctor on the sidelines, Sledge, a fast-fisted tattoo artist, Tomtom, a graffiti punk with many Stand-like attacks, Mercantile, a wolf who fights like the unholy offspring of Galford's dog Poppy from Samurai Shodown and J.Talbain from Darkstalkers, Stealth, the deadest ringer for the Predator that you can find, D-Ramos, an evil version of Ramos (with a cattle-skull mask!), Jakoo, who seems to be a super version of Zekoo, Frosty, a happy-hardcore snowman, and Rude Boy, the final boss of this game who's a lot tougher than he looks.

The game is pretty simple to pick up: two punches, two kicks; moves are done with one of four motions (down*2, qcf, qcb, b-f), and supers are usually a special done with two punches; throws are done by hitting both weak attack buttons. However, the main innovation of the game is the "Beat" combo. When you have max super (or B-level), hit both strong attack buttons when close to the opponent, and you'll attack with a move that uses one level. If it isn't blocked, you'll go to a screen with four arrows. Hit the proper directions as the steps line up, and you'll do a great amount of damage; finish an opponent off and you'll get a "Fever" animation, which is like a fatality. Many of them range from the funny (Ramos' involves the victim being Dolby'd and then flamed, while Oreg puts the opponent into a taxi and drives increasingly fast before hitting the brakes) to the overkill (Nitro's "Zero Cannon/Broadcast Energy Transmitter/big laser satellite" move comes to mind) to the just plain weird (Euri skips away with you into a Candyland setting... which makes me believe that some recreational drugs were in use during the making of this game). Also, there's a DJ Practice mode in which you can practice your Beat combos and unlock the opportunity to play as secret characters. The music is pretty much all techno, but it has several flavors of it, such as hip-hop techno, Western techno (with the infamous Good, Bad & Ugly whistle), and bass-busting backbeat.

Any concerns about the language barrier should be easily put aside: A good 95% of the text in the game is either in English or the incredibly easy-to-read Katakana character set. Even the loading manga are mostly in English, which leads me to believe that the company might have been THIS CLOSE '' to getting a US distributor... a pity.

In short, I give this game a 9. It's everything I hoped for, but it could have had a bit more to it, like more characters (yeah, yeah, I know it has 20+ characters, and you know what else? I don't give a rat's ass) or more music (some appropriate horror music, good old rock&roll or old-school rap or even... *shudder* J-pop).

STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE
ACCLAIM (CAPCOM)
DIGITIZED TOURNEY FIGHTER

 

SEGA SATURN:  

Go, Ming!  Go, Ming!  It's your birthday!  It's your birthday!

"After all my work in ER and 'The Joy Luck Club', you had to show them this..." An embarassed Ming-Na Wen to Conan O'Brien, after watching a clip of her work in the Playstation version of Street Fighter: The Movie

I haven't talked to a single gamer who can tolerate this cheaply produced cross between Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat (and judging from the above quote, the actors were equally unenthused about starring in it), but y'know, I must admit that I have a certain admiration for the original designers in that they had the gonads to alter the eternally popular SF2 engine and risk pissing off fans of the series in the process (and boy, did they! :). And hell, it was about time someone tried to incorporate Street Fighter 2's precise, intuitive controls into a fighting game with digitized graphics... who's idea was it to release Mortal Kombat with a block button, anyhow!? Urf... But anyways, here's the deal. Capcom went through the original game as designed by GameStar, took out the storm trooper and most of the Mortal Kombat-style moves, and replaced these features with better control and characters more familiar to the series, like Dee Jay and an unfittingly scrawny incarnation of Blanka. They sold the rights to the new and improved game to Acclaim (who'll apparently buy the rights to anything that's been on a film reel), and smash boom bang, we have Playstation and Saturn versions of a title which could very well have been released on the Genesis and SNES.

In fact, the dull digitized characters aren't even as detailed as the vivid sprites on the 16-bit versions of Street Fighter 2, or even the 8-bit Turbografx version, if you're willing to go that far back. Their outfits look like second-hand wardrobes from the Goodwill Thrift Shop for Needy Fighting Game Characters, with drab earth tones and butt-ugly reds and oranges, and the actors themselves are nothing to shout about. They're stiffly animated, and many of their attacks are clumsily performed (as one would have to expect from a digitized version of a game with superhuman characters). The voices are pretty silly, too, but are especially bad on the Playstation, where Jean Claude VanDamme announces the beginnings of rounds and the characters' names. If you thought the scratchy vocals on the Genesis version of Street Fighter 2 were bad, try deciphering phrases like "Roun' Wan" and "Yeew Ween"...

Things aren't all bad on the Saturn version, though. Its access time is nearly half that of the Playstation's, and the control is much better thanks largely to Sega's nifty six button pads. Even the full motion video is better... it's very blocky, but it moves at a much smoother clip than the full-mo on the Playstation version (and I thought that system had compression hardware especially designed to handle the stuff...odd...). So if you've got to have a copy of this game and own both systems, the Saturn version is definately the one to get... that is, if you find it on clearance and can't afford X-Men, Night Warriors, or Street Fighter: Alpha. Otherwise, it's only worth renting once. Coincidentially, when you DO rent it, have a friend who loves Street Fighter 2 come over, and pop this in when he's not looking. Watching him wince at every special move and sound bite is in itself worth the three clams... >:)

TEKKEN
NAMCO
3D TOURNEY FIGHTER

As you may know by now, Tekken means "clenched fist" in Japan, but nothing at all here. Similarly, Tekken the game is a big deal in the land of the rising sun, but nobody gives a shit about this shameless Virtua Fighter rip-off here in the States (and if you do, don't tell me about it, 'cuz I really don't want to know). Why? Because quite frankly, it pales in comparison to Virtua Fighter 2 and even Toshinden in nearly every respect. The graphics are ugly, the music is unmemorable, the characters look like puppets, and the control is to say the least in need of a serious tune-up (hell, if it were a car, it would have been hauled to the junkyard by now! What the hell is the deal with having to pound buttons in sequence to perform special moves?! You call this intuitive play control, people?!). Yet, Namco saw fit to release this for the Playstation... go fig. I must admit that the translation is 97% accurate (the flicker and smaller characters is really a minor quibble when you consider that the game is an exact translation otherwise), and that Namco tried its best to improve it with hidden characters, cool to the bool computer rendered cinemas, and a neat Galaga teaser, but sprinkling cheese on a turd souffle' doesn't make it any more appetizing, and adding features to a game which shouldn't have been made in the first place doesn't really add to its appeal, either. If you're dying for yet another fighting game with a polygonal graphics engine, and don't own a Saturn, you'll probably be deliriously happy with Tekken, but if you're like me (heaven forbid there be someone ELSE like me on this planet! :), you're just not going to want to bother with it. At least the pathetic dipsticks who run out and buy this pile will be forced to experience a REAL game first...

WCW/NWO THUNDER
THQ/INLAND PRODUCTIONS
WRESTLING (or so the Germans would have us believe)

    

WCW, we hardly knew ye.  When the promotion died in 2001, it was the end of an era for many wrestling fans.  And for many of those fans, it was an era that probably should have ended long ago.

The sooner we get this review over with, the less emotional trauma I'll suffer by dredging up the memories, and the less inclined you'll be to claw your eyes out after reading it.  So, if it's a bit brief, I'm doing all y'all a favor.

The game starts with 32 characters, comprising many of the top stars of WCW (circa late 1998).  The game had an interesting presentation--each default character had a little clip introducing himself, and the game would play clips of the superstars before the match.  However, the game itself had very little substance.  Each character only had three moves aside from the common set (which varied only for the "really fucking tall/heavy" guys)  but that doesn't matter... because you only need one.  The TEST OF STRENGTH (of doom)!  Yes, all you have to do to win this game is the following:

1) Approach opponent.

2) press up+O.

3) violently mash buttons.

4) repeat until opponent's life bar is depleted.

5) press down+X.

6) press down+O when near fallen opponent.

7) A winner is you!!111!

There were three belts to get in this game:  the World title, the US title, and the TV title.  The only difference between the three title hunts, however, was the number of matches you had to go through to get the belt.  Winning a title would unlock a character depending on which star you used to beat the game.  However, there were 64 more guys on top of this, many of whom are either Nitro Girls (a dancing troupe that appeared on WCW's show for the live audience's benefit), semi-obscure members of WCW staff, "jobbers," Ric Flair, and Inland Productions developers.

The only notable contribution this game made to wrestling, aside from a shining example of what not to do, was that it allowed the player to change the allegiances of each character.  Of course, this actually made little difference, other than the attire and the "run-in" partners.

In short, this game is crap.  The only thing separating this from Final Bout is that it's remotely playable.  I give it a 1, and warn you now not to buy it, rent it, or accept it as a gift.  If you buy it, I cannot be held responsible for any serious injuries inflicted by or through the emotional trauma you shall incur.

 
     

 

The popularity of the Playstation convinced Sony to release a more powerful sequel, a game console capable of reading digital video discs.   It became an instant success, and today, most players would be lost without a...  
PLAYSTATION 2  
     
     
 

GAMES YOU'LL WANT

ACTIVISION ANTHOLOGY: A brilliant pairing of the best games and songs from the decade of decadence makes this 80's flavored collection a winner.
CAPCOM VS. SNK 2: Some people wondered if the PS2 could handle a demanding fighter like this one, but the system had no trouble delivering the goods.
CULDCEPT:  Omiya Soft played all their cards right when designing this sequel to the Saturn's brilliant hybrid of Monopoly and Magic the Gathering.
DARK CLOUD 2:  Need a break from all that dungeon crawling?  Just make some new weapons... heck, even build an entire town if you like!  The sky's the limit!

GRADIUS V:  Konami, Treasure, and G.Rev come together to create the most incredible side-scrolling shooter on the PS2... or anything else!
JAK X: COMBAT RACING:  This is no mere Mario Kart clone, oh no!  There's plenty more to do in this violent, flashy action title than just racing around a track.  
KATAMARI DAMACY:  Let the good times roll!  The first game in the series is arguably the best of the lot, with fewer load times standing between you and the action.
RATCHET AND CLANK: The creators of Spyro whipped up another fantastic platformer, this time set in the future. The wide variety of weapons makes this great.
SLY COOPER AND THE THIEVIUS RACCOONUS: The stealth action lifted from games like Metal Gear Solid keeps Sly from being just another furry platformer.
VIRTUA FIGHTER 4: If you're a fan of polygonal fighters, you'll love every minute of this one. It features solid gameplay along with shockingly realistic graphics.

GAMES YOU WON'T

BMX XXX: This weak, pandering bike game perfectly illustrates everything that's wrong with Acclaim, modern day gaming, and pop culture in general.
FROGGER: THE GREAT ADVENTURE: It's not just an adventure, it's a job! You couldn't pay me enough to play this moronic 3D platformer to the end.
FUTURAMA:  It's every bit as mind-numbing as a brain slug, and twice as painful!  It's Futurama, a paint-by-numbers platformer without the appeal of the TV show
.
MIDWAY ARCADE TREASURES 3:  T
here's more trash than treasure in this ill-conceived compilation, featuring eight glitchy racing titles from the late 1990's.
NAMCO MUSEUM:  There are actually two collections with this title on the PS2.  The 50th Anniversary edition is pretty good, but the other one?  Not so much.
PK: OUT OF THE SHADOWS:  I can't pretend to understand why someone would turn Donald Duck into a futuristic superhero, or why anyone would play this crap.
STREET FIGHTER EX 3: Capcom's fighting games are usually the best in the industry, but this hopelessly generic 3D spinoff of Street Fighter bucks that trend.
SUIKODEN IV:  The Suikoden series sees its darkest hour in a relentlessly boring RPG that brings shame to the franchise and is best left forgotten.
SUPER BUST-A-MOVE: Taito took artistic liberties with their popular series of puzzle games, and the weird new artwork is a bitter pill to swallow.
TEKKEN: TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT: The same old Tekken, now with a tacked-on tag team feature that hardly improves the game. Stick with Virtua Fighter 4.

REVIEWS

ACTIVISION ANTHOLOGY
ACTIVISION (CONTRABAND)
COMPILATION

  

Practically every "greatest hit" compilation that has seen the light of a pressing is poorly emulated garbage intended for mass market drones, or your mom, that aren't internet savvy enough to share, or steal, better functioning emulators and ROMs for their PCs.  The Namcos, Midways, and Hasbros (now Frenchies) just stick Pac-Man, or Defender, or Centipede and a couple "B" titles on a disc, ship it for a platform with a moderate market penetration, then collect the money.  There's no better example of this than Namco's ghastly Museum redux for Xbox, which was pretty abhorent when you pit Pac-Man from that collection up against a ROM running on the legally questionable X-MAME.

While the industry's oldest third party is just as guilty of releasing questionable collections for PSX and PC as the industry's big boys, Activision has gone a long way to correct their past faults, and probably to cover their ass on Minority Report, by allowing a group of ne'er do wells (passionate programmers) to put together Activision Anthology.

Every game from Activision's VCS catalog is included, except Ghostbusters.  Pitfall II and a few others are vaunted on the packaging as being available here for the first time since their original releases, along with a couple Imagic games (Atlantis and Demon Attack, obviously).  If the superb emulation and proper mapping to the Dualshock 2 for all the games wasn't enough, developer Contraband goes the whole nine yards by giving the game an 80's feel that's arguably even more true to form than Vice City. 

The game selection interface is implemented cleverly, if a bit clunkily, by putting you in a teenage kid's room circa 1984.  You get an old TV, a wood grain VCS, a spinning rack that includes all the cartridges of the available games, and a radio blaring token 80's licensed music in the background.   You pick a cart from the rack, where you can also access the game's manual and box art, plug it into the VCS, crank up the music and go to town. 

If 45 some-odd Acitivision and Imagic games weren't enough, patches, TV commercials, industry videos (possibly used to promote Activision games in stores or for stock holders as fiscal forecasts for the upcoming year), and about fifteen different gameplay themes (including V-Hold to emulate the feel of playing the game on an old TV, moving clouds in the foreground, and a 3D cube projecting the game on all sides) are included as unlockables.  With the possible exception of the patches, all of the unlockables are easy to get.  Most consist of just getting a certain score, or beating the computer opponent in the sports games.  The patches are obtainable by earning the score or completing the task necessary to get to get the patch originally.

As I've mentioned before, the emulation is perfect.  The gameplay is, too: you can use either the D-pad or analog stick to play all of the games, with the exception of the paddle games, which only use the stick.  The top L1, L2, R1, and R2 buttons serve as the different switches on the VCS (for those curious, you can play in Black and White).  The music, which consists of everything from Twisted Sister, to Quarterflash, to Men without Hats, is included and can actually be played while in the middle of the game. 

The only real faults that come to mind with Activision Anthology are merely subjective.  The game could've used more music, perhaps Devo, The Clash, or stuff from Neil Young's forgotten Trans.  The unlockables could've just been provided as unlocked extras for those who viewed the games in sepia-toned nostalgia but simply sucked at them.  Finally, the promised downloads (including prototypes) aren't going to happen.  It's important to note that Kababober and Thwocker are included here, and Activision has plans to release ROMs of the promised extras on their website. 

If there's ever a reason NOT to steal Enduro or Laserblast or Spider Fighter, this is it. Activision Anthology is an amazing collection that will hopefully get the other companies in the industry to wake up and pay more attention to their compilations, rather than pooping them out to make a quick buck. I'd love to see collections of this high quality from other early game companies... I'm looking at you, Nichibutsu and D. Gottleib Co.

CRIMSON TEARS
CAPCOM (SPIKE, DREAM FACTORY)
ACTION/RPG

 

Now this was an unexpected surprise.  I didn't even know this game existed until I saw it hiding in the corner of the Playstation 2 shelf at my local rental store.  What's even more surprising is that Crimson Tears is a collaborative effort between two of my favorite game designers, Capcom and Spike.

You probably know Capcom as the creators of Mega Man and Street Fighter II, and if you're familiar at all with Spike, you recognize them from their work on the fantastic Fire Pro Wrestling series.  Here comes the biggest surprise of all, though... Crimson Tears is unlike anything either company has ever released.  Instead, it takes equal inspiration from the film Blade Runner and older console RPGs like Epyx's Gateway to Apshai.

The storyline is so close to Blade Runner's that you'll be left wondering if the title characters ever dream of electric sheep.  The heroes of Crimson Tears are Amber, Kalie, and Tokio, a trio of genetically engineered soldiers specifically designed to protect Tokyo from mutant creatures, an unfortunate by-product of organic synthesis.

To accomplish their mission, they must leave the safety of their headquarters and warp to those areas of Tokyo that are most heavily infested by mutants.  These danger zones are nearly as unstable as their inhabitants, welcoming intruders with randomly arranged rooms filled with ferocious monsters and dangerous traps.

This is where Crimson Tears starts borrowing heavily from Gateway to Apshai, as well as a countless number of other RPGs which create dungeons on the fly.  This random approach to level design may have been a necessary evil in the days of console RPGs.  However, in 2004, there's just no substitute for levels cleverly devised by human beings... and no excuse for programmers to expect the computer to do all their work for them.

The random level design puts Crimson Tears well below the standards set by great adventure games like The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.  Fortunately, Crimson Tears can fall back on another style of gameplay.  It's also a beat 'em up, similar to Capcom's own Final Fight series.  You won't be selecting options from a menu and casting laboriously long spells to defeat enemies here... instead, you'll be hammering them with punches and kicks.  Standard Final Fight rules apply... super attacks can be used in desperate situations, and any weapons you shake loose from broken barrels and bruised baddies are yours for the taking.

At this point, Crimson Tears turns back into an adventure, rather than just a mindless beat 'em up.  Weapons have a much more profound effect on the gameplay than they ever had in Final Fight... each character has a preferred weapon, and their fighting styles change dramatically when this battle gear is equipped.  Amber may not be much of a fighter without a sword, or even with just one.  However, put a blade in each of her hands, and Amber will cut through a room full of enemies with the speed and skill of a Benihana chef!

The power of these weapons might have made the game a breeze, but they're balanced out by several factors.  Some foes, like the eerie slime monsters in the third stage, are invulnerable to sword attacks and will snap your blades like twigs if you get too close to them.  In this instance, you're far better off putting the swords away and using a magnum pistol to deliver some 20th century punishment.  Don't get too reliant on THAT, either, as it has a limited supply of ammunition and won't work well against the soldiers in riot armor. 

Finally, every member of the team is in constant danger of being pushed past his or her limits.  Keep swinging those heavy swords and your character will eventually lapse into a dangerous condition called "overheat", which makes them faster and stronger... but much more vulnerable to attack.  It's another unfortunate side effect of manufacturing life... synthetic humans may be far more powerful than the real things, but the candle that burns twice as brightly burns out twice as quick.

Crimson Tears may not be much of an RPG, but its complex weapon system, plus the ability to build your own items from spare parts, gives it the kind of replay value you won't find in most beat 'em ups.  Plus, its bleak cel-shaded graphics and futuristic storyline are a vivid reminder of the classic science-fiction movie that asked tough questions about the definition of humanity, and the value of life.

FROGGER: THE GREAT ADVENTURE
KONAMI (KONAMI OF AMERICA)
ACTION/ADVENTURE

 

My reviews are usually a little more verbose than this, but this one will be short, because there's only one thing I have to say about this game... I don't like it.  I don't like that they've turned a simple but fun arcade classic into another dull platformer in the tradition of Super Mario 64.  I don't like the new Frogger, a backwater hayseed who bears no resemblence to the character in the first game.  I don't like the control, which tries to mimic real frog movement but really just annoys the player with awkward hop-walking that makes it almost impossible to safely run across thin platforms.  I don't like the southern fried voice overs, and I don't like the ability to spit "goobers" at enemies.  Actually, there's only one thing I didn't like about this game... that would be everything.  Frogger might be back in the hands of its original creators, but The Great Adventure proves that it's no safer there than it was at Hasbro.

GOD HAND
CAPCOM (CLOVER STUDIOS)
ACTION/FIGHTING

 

Just when the outstanding Okami left you convinced that anything by Clover Studios was a lock, along comes God Hand to beat your high expectations into a bloody pulp.  Stepping down from Capcom's best game of the year to its most disappointing is like taking a custom-made Ferrari down a stretch of cop-free California highway for the ride of your life... only to have the fun come to a sudden halt when the sportscar veers off the road and into a nearby tree.  Sure, you're still in a Ferrari, but the experience is quite different once it's been crumpled like a piece of paper and there's a steering column buried in your chest.

Metaphors aside, God Hand promises to bring together the demanding gameplay and stylish moves of Viewtiful Joe and the thug punchin', wooden box crunchin', randomly-placed strawberry munchin' action of early Capcom arcade hits like Final Fight.  In the light of its past successes, it would seem perfectly reasonable to assume that Clover Studios would keep its word and make this hybrid work, but the truth is that God Hand is a whole lot dumber than advertised. 

Let's start from the top of the list of grievances, shall we?  The storyline barely makes any sense... following the dialogue in the cut scenes is arguably the greatest challenge the game has to offer!  The graphics are a drab, dreary throwback to earlier times... not just the wild west which serves as God Hand's setting, but the launch of the Playstation 2 when ALL the games on the system looked like this.  The sound consists of a just barely copyright-friendly knock-off of the Hawaii Five-O theme, accentuated by moans, screams, shattered glass, and explosions (and those are just the noises YOU'LL make after you reach the first boss!).

Then there's the fighting... hoo boy.  If Ricki Lake ever invited Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!, Tekken, and Resident Evil onto her show for a paternity test, God Hand would be the bastard child they'd all insist they never sired.  You'll see the inspiration from Punch-Out!! in the over-the-shoulder viewpoint.  It's a brilliant perspective for a boxing game, but when it's taken out of its element and put into a beat 'em up where the foes are plentiful and the player's field of vision isn't nearly as generous... well, it just doesn't work. 

Neither do Tekken's wide range of attacks and emphasis on targeting weak points when the thug you're fighting can shut tighter than a clam by blocking.  You can crack open this iron defense with a guard crush, but they take a while to perform, and it's tough to sneak in a blow for the brief amount of time that the guard crush leaves your enemy stunned.  Throw in the occasional juggernaut who's invulnerable to your most effective blows even when their defenses are down, and your blood pressure is sure to rise as quickly as your interest in the game drops.

The touch of death for God Hand comes in the form of prehistoric character control that would have been better left trapped in a glacier along with Jill Valentine's (Razzie) award-winning acting and Lara Croft's pyramid-shaped breasts.  We've all learned by now that there's just no substitute for absolute control... and in this age of dual analog controllers and cinematic camera angles, there's no excuse for games to be without it.  Despite this, God Hand still forces the player to turn, then walk, then turn again in a clumsy control scheme that should have went extinct by the turn of the century, if not sooner.  If this game's abysmal sales don't wean Capcom from this infuriating habit, nothing will!

God Hand does have a few things going for it, like chihuahua races, midget Power Rangers, and oh yeah, plenty of attacks you can purchase after each stage.  Like Rengoku, customization becomes God Hand's sole remaining joy after the fighting becomes tedious and frustrating.  Still, with so many other titles offering superior gameplay and full-featured create-a-character modes, there's no reason to give this one a hand... or your hard-earned money.

GUNGRAVE
SEGA (RED ENTERTAINMENT)
SHOOTER

 

Fast and entertaining, RED Entertainment's (Bonk, Sakura Wars) Gungrave is a cel-shaded kick from gaming's past.  It's a focused, well crafted "shoot the hell out of everything" redux of a genre that seemingly went out of style in the mid 90s, when searching for keys to unlock doors and/or cryptic puzzles and/or overabundant girlies dragged these games kicking and screaming into the 32-bit era. Gungrave does about what Namco's Dead to Rights and GOD/Ritual's Max Payne does: only with a Japanese flavor and without desperate mini-games and awful past-tense Philip Marlowean ambitions. It's simply a great shooter that's all style and with sufficent substance.

As Grave, an undead ex-assassin (formerly known as Brandon), the player will go on a six level trek for revenge. Level objectives consist simply of shooting down gobs and gobs of polygonal electronic villiany of varying types ultimately leading to a big boss battle with a pattern-ready foe. No key hunting. No strip tease throw offs. No hallucinations of dead babies. Just a lot of shooting things. Dr. T, the strange professor that helps Grave, and Mika, the daugther of a woman Brandon knew, will provide Grave support. Support being dying halfway through the game and being motivational fodder for the revenge minded, coffin-draggin hero.

Gameplay is extremely simple pick up and play. Shooting consists of hammering the square button, or if one chooses, simply holding the square button when the Auto Fire option is turned on.  You'll also attempt to build up "beats" which will fill up a meter allowing Grave to use "Demolition Shots", basically superattackes. Beats are accumulated by mowing down enemies constantly while destroying whatever breakable environments are in the way. The higher the beat, the more the meter will fill. The X button jumps and in combination with directional moves and the square button will allow for roll moves in certain directions. Triangle launches the demolition shot, and holding down the circle button while moving allows Grave to jog. Targeting is, for the most part, automatic as long as the foe is on the same plane as Grave. If enemies are higher or lower than Grave L1 allows him to target and lay waste to these foes. When surrounded, R1 will allow Grave to swing his coffin. The coffin proves to be very effective, particularly in helping keep beat counts alive. R2 allows for what has become the genre's obligitory slow-mo mode but it's for the most part fairly useless. Select allows for a neat pose which figures into the "style" score at the end of a level. It's all extremely easy to learn. One starts to wonder about the need for manuals...

Upon completeing a level Grave is graded on how well he did. Time limit, ratio of killed enemies, accuracy, beat count, and style points lead to accumulated points that will unlock different Demolition Shots. Demolition Shots vary from Grave spraying machine gun fire around himself, to shooting missiles out of his coffin, to doing a bit of both. Demolition Shots prove handy against hordes of enemies and bosses... particularly against bosses. When Grave gets the boss' health down to a certain amount he can perform a finishing shot that's basically an outrageous cutscene of about half a billion missiles or bullets or scrapnel or explosives hammering the boss.

Gungrave's graphics are slightly above average technically but sport a great anime flare. Grave and the rest of the characters appear to be standard polygonal characters while the environment seems to be cell-shaded. The game's art style, handled by the same guys who did Trigun, lends itself well to the game and does have a bit of a Trigun feel to it. Cut scenes are pre-rendered cel-shaded characters and seem to resemble the production company's distinctive style better than the in-game graphics. Cut-scenes are incredibly well-handled and suprisingly tightly paced. For a game whose big selling point, at least in Japan, was its big-name art design and anime underpinnings there's nary a hint of excess like, say, Max Payne with its comic book cutscenes, dream sequences and abusive use of bullet-time. The "cool" characters are well-scripted, if also-ran, and the plot never seems to get in the way of the game.

While the game is short, only six hours long at the most, Gungrave does sport replay value mostly in the way of a few unlockables.  A neat gallery mode featuring EVERY type of enemy you ran across in each level is displayed in action figure packaging.  A slo-mode which can be turned on, off, or made automatic, a low camera angle view for Grave, and a level select can all be unlocked by playing through the game's three difficulty levels: normal, hard, and kick ass. Difficulties actually vary with more enemies and faster pacing in hard and kick ass mode. Difficulty ramps up nicely: bosses follow easily recognizable patterns and the one game's twink boss is remedied by the addition of a Demolition shot everytime the player loses. The game will throw an extra demolition shot onto the last amount tallied after a save, providing the sort of "crumbs" less skilled players need to keep playing. Hopefully, other developers will take note in similar games.

Gungrave is definately worth a look. It's a fast-paced, old-school spin on the current third-person shooter and well worth a look for anime fans and hardcore gamers. Its impressive design and straightforward gameplay make it at least worth a rental.

KATAMARI DAMACY
NAMCO
ACTION

  

Meet The King of All Cosmos.  His name sounds like he should be making frequent visits to Pee-Wee's Playhouse, and he looks like he flew straight out of an especially demented Monty Python cartoon.  The truth is that he's a more dangerously hedonistic ruler than Nero, Caligula, and the entire Hussein family combined.  After all, not even the butcher of Bagdad and his sons could lay claim to destroying an entire galaxy's worth of stars during an alcohol-fueled flight of fancy.

The King does feel a little guilty about what he's done, but he's not about to clean up his own mess.  He leaves that responsibility to his son the prince, who looks like the mascot of a Japanese battery company.  He's also roughly the size of a lima bean, which as you might imagine makes this already difficult job that much harder.  You see, the only way to put the twinkle back in the sky is to create stars, using whatever happens to be lying around.

It takes a whole lot of stuff to make a star, and there's just not enough of it on the prince's home planet for him to get the job done.  It's a good thing that Earth is right next door... it's got plenty of things scattered around, just waiting to be put to good use.  Since the tiny prince can't possibly hold it all himself, the King offers him a katamari.  This brightly colored ball has its own gravitational field, pulling in objects small enough for it to roll over.

You control the katamari with the analog sticks on the Dual Shock controller, rolling over whatever will stick to it.  It doesn't pick up much at first, but with some persistence, the katamari will slowly start to grow.  Eventually, objects which were once obstacles will become targets for the bulging ball, and humans whose legs you'd rolled under at the start of the stage will run screaming in terror from the monstrocity you've created.

In a way, the gameplay is a little like that Intellivision classic Shark! Shark!.  As you devoured sea creatures smaller than yourself in that game, your tiny guppy expanded into a titanic trout, capable of taking on almost anything.  The same principle applies here... you'll want to roll the katamari over smaller items and keep it away from anything it can't handle.  Collisions with large objects break pieces from it and cost you precious time, which you'll need to reach the goal stated at the beginning of each stage.

That's only part of the Katamari Damacy experience, however.  To get the most out of the game, you've got to watch the cut scenes after every round... listen to the King as he explains each goal... read the refreshingly naïve descriptions of all the items you've picked up on Earth... hear the music, performed by everyone from a childrens' chorus to a cheesy lounge act... and of course, witness the mindblowing introduction, where the King rains stardust down upon our planet as rainbows sprout from the ground and ducks sing along with the opening theme.

And of course, there's the feeling of empowerment you get from starting out small and working your way up to plowing over construction equipment, buildings, sea monsters, and even entire islands.  There's a lesson to be learned here... no matter how insignificant you may feel, you can still make a big impact on the world around you if you just try.  It's a lesson reinforced by the game itself... Katamari Damacy has earned the praise and admiration of countless game reviewers, and even beat out Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on Time magazine's list of the year's ten best games.  Against all odds, this tiny budget release has snowballed into a best-seller... and for good reason.

KING OF FIGHTERS: MAXIMUM IMPACT
SNK PLAYMORE
FIGHTING

 

You'll probably notice that this review is more charitable than others you've read.  This is because I desperately want to give SNK the benefit of the doubt.  After all, when a company like this one spends the better part of a decade entertaining you with some of your all-time favorite games, you're quick to point out its successes with one hand while quietly sweeping its mistakes under the nearest rug with the other.

The truth about King of Fighters: Maximum Impact is that it's not a great fighting game.  It doesn't really do justice to the previous titles in the long-running King of Fighters series, and it can't compete against advanced 3D brawlers like Virtua Fighter 4 or Soul Calibur 2, which offer more features and better graphics at a far lower price.

However, Maximum Impact's shortcomings are easier to forgive when you consider what SNK has been through in the past five years.  Financial distress, an insistence on supporting outdated arcade hardware, and acquisitions by two different corporations, including one which had no idea how to run the company, have left SNK in pretty sorry shape. 

The creators of the South Town series are back on the right track with  current owner Playmore, but SNK's troubles have left it trailing behind its competitors, which have long since learned to tap the power of the Playstation 2 to create fantastic fighting games.  With this in mind, it's no wonder that Maximum Impact looks and feels like it should have been released two years ago, and that it should have since evolved into something much more impressive.

They may have came late to the party, but at least SNK is off to a promising start with Maximum Impact.  Like the previous King of Fighters games, this one has fast-paced gameplay, solid control, and a variety of memorable characters.  The fighters may be polygonal now, but the designers have done an admirable job of capturing the look of the South Town heroes and villains, from the subtle hand gestures of K Prime to the flaming red hair and distinct fashion sense of Iori Yagami.

The gameplay will be familiar to King of Fighters as well... perhaps just a bit TOO familiar, when you consider what the designers could have- but didn't- do with the new 3D environment.  Instead of the gorgeously detailed backgrounds of Virtua Fighter 4 or the exciting, multi-tiered levels in Dead or Alive 3, you get generic enclosed playfields that start to feel like cages after a couple of rounds.  The walls around each battlefield bend, but don't break when your opponent's battered body is thrown against them, meaning that you'll be trapped inside the arena for the duration of the fight.  This is inexcusable (yes, even for SNK) when you consider that the otherwise unspectacular X-Men: Next Dimension let you battle your way through an entire mansion, from the top of the balcony to the bottom of a hidden jet hanger.

Even long-time SNK, used to the King of Fighters games on the outdated Neo-Geo hardware, will complain that there's not enough depth to the gameplay.  Each of the previous KOF releases introduced new play mechanics which helped distinguish each title from the others in the series.  Not only are there no new features to speak of in Maximum Impact, but it lacks the one thing that tied all the King of Fighters games together... team gameplay.  You'll have to settle for just one fighter in the story mode, further limiting a game already in sore need of depth.

There may be a lot missing in Maximum Impact, but it's important to point out what IS there... a solid game engine with a great deal of potential.  The character designs are quite pleasant, striking a balance between the blindingly bright anime' of Soul Calibur II and the more hard-edged look of Tekken 4.  The control is responsive, never robbing you of rightfully earned combos and special moves.  There are even several game modes and "rigging models" which let you customize the characters to some degree.

Despite all this, and my love for all things SNK, it's very hard for me to recommend King of Fighters: Maximum Impact.  I've always loved this series and had wanted this installment to excel on the Playstation 2 in the same way that its predecessors had dominated arcades.  Sadly, there's still a lot of room for improvement... so much, in fact, that Maximum Impact feels like rough framework, a skeletal structure onto which a more complete game can be built.  Let's hope that SNK will give us this game sometime next year.

MEGA MAN X7
CAPCOM
ACTION/PLATFORM

 

Mega Man X has taken its first timid steps into the third dimension with this sequel, the first game in the series released exclusively for the Playstation 2.  Capcom's done a surprisingly good job of making the transition from sprites to polygons, but nevertheless, the game has one major flaw... it's still Mega Man X, with all that that implies.

The new style of artwork has brought with it a fresh new character, the young and cocky Axl.  When the members of his gang of vigilantes suddenly start acting, well, irregular, he wisely chooses to sneak away in the dead of night, eventually crossing paths with veteran Maverick Hunter Zero.  After some initial hesitation, Zero joins forces with Axl and the two work together to bring down the corrupt members of Red Alert.

So where does the title character, Mega Man X, fit into all this?  Well, Axl may be named after a former Guns 'n Roses member, but X is the one who's bitter and out of shape.  He's retired from the Maverick Hunters, but you can convince him to come back once you've rescued enough of the hostages scattered throughout each stage, demonstrating to him the importance of your mission.

With or without X, you'll play Mega Man X7 with a team of two characters, selected at the beginning of each stage.  One character serves as an anchor, and the other one can be brought in when his abilities are better suited to the terrain, or when the first hero is dangerously weak.  It's a brilliant addition, lessening the difficulty of what has historically been an extremely challenging game.

True to its heritage, Mega Man X7 is pretty darned tough.  It'll take several tries just to finish the first round, and it takes even longer to adapt to the three dimensional playfields and Axl's unique abilities.  Many of the stages feature both side-scrolling action and slightly less linear 3D gameplay.  The 3D scenes are difficult for all the usual reasons- frustrating camera angles and confusing depth perception- but the side-view sequences can be tricky as well.  Sometimes enemies appear over the horizon and attack you from a distance... even with Axl and X's auto-targeting, it can be tough to hit these renegade Reploids, and if they happen to drop items after you've beaten them, the much-needed energy boosts fall out of your reach rather than into your hands.

The boss battles can be especially aggravating thanks to the polygonal levels.  Only one of the Maverick fights takes place in a traditional side-scrolling environment.  You'll fight the rest of the Red Alert gang in large 3D arenas, which make it difficult to target your adversary and dodge his attacks.  The most frustrating of these fights is against Snipe Anteater, who spends most of his time hiding behind a glowing cylinder while launching explosive army ants and guided missiles at you.  You can't reach him from behind that cylinder, but he'll continue to throw everything he's got at you, making the battle extremely unfair unless you've got the right weapon to even the odds.

Fortunately, Mega Man X7 is a game that rewards persistence.  If you tough it out just long enough to memorize the layout of the stages and rescue some of the hostages, you'll gain both experience and valuable power ups.  This in turn improves your performance and raises your grade, from a humiliating D to a praise-worthy A and beyond.  The graphics also give you an incentive to keep playing after the frustration begins to mount... they're very crisp, and cel-shading is used just where it's needed; on the characters themselves, not their surroundings.  The sound is much harder to appreciate... although the music fits the atmosphere, some of the sound effects are ridiculous (the oscillating lasers sound like they were lifted straight out of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon), and the voice overs are even worse.  The actors' performances weren't just phoned in... they were left on a friggin' answering machine!

You'll need to invest time and effort into Mega Man X7 before you can truly begin to appreciate it.  Some players won't have the patience for this, but anyone who's struggled through the previous Mega Man X games and emerged victorious will probably enjoy this one as well, even with its controversial move to 3D gameplay.

MORTAL KOMBAT: DEADLY ALLIANCE
MIDWAY (CRITERION STUDIOS)
3D FIGHTER

The only really satisfying thing about this game (aside from the Cooking With Scorpion segment) is that, after many years, Midway has finally acknowledged that violence is the only element of Mortal Kombat that keeps the series alive.  Just watch the film included with the game that describes the making of Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance.  For all their excitement about the realistic death animations and the controversy surrounding them, does the ape-like Ed Boon and his team of programmers ever talk about the gameplay?  This dirty word barely escapes their mouths.  The documentary takes as much care to avoid the topic as it does hiding the designers' naughty T-shirts and the XBox controllers used in playtesting, but Deadly Alliance can do nothing to disguise its lackluster gameplay once these initial distractions are ignored.  Once you start playing, you'll once again realize what you've always know about Mortal Kombat from the moment the series began... it can dazzle you like no other fighting game, but it will never, ever be as fun to play as Capcom's Street Fighter series.

Yes, the gameplay has been completely redesigned.  However, I can't stress enough that this new design is hardly an improvement.  The one advantage Mortal Kombat had over other fighting games is that it was fast and intense... this is no longer the case now that Deadly Alliance has downshifted to slow-paced close quarters fighting.  There are still elements from the previous Mortal Kombat games, like the familiar special moves, but the emphasis on them has been reduced now that characters can move in 3D.  This means, of course, that you'll have to close in on your opponent to do the most damage... but that's also where you'll be most vulnerable, as many of your attacks are frustratingly slow and rigid.  Punches and kicks don't combo well, even the ones specifically designed to do so, and the freedom of movement while attacking in Soul Calibur just doesn't exist here.  A lot of other things that added depth to the best 3D fighting games are entirely missing here as well.  The playfields, are sharply drawn as they are, lack definition.  You won't find X-Men: Next Dimension's interconnected levels, or Bloody Roar's breakable walls, or even Virtua Fighter's ring out zones... none of these exist in Deadly Alliance.  Don't let your eyes deceive you... that acid pool might be just inches from your opponent, but an invisible force field will prevent them from falling in regardless of their energy level.  Chalk this up as a missed opportunity on Midway's part... there's a million ways for the characters to die, but the designers didn't bother to take advantage of them.

Perhaps they were too busy perfecting the graphics... and they really are perfect.  This is one place where Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance really excels.  The characters are painstakingly detailed, so much so that characters bear uncanny resemblences to popular celebrities.  Li Mei's a dead ringer for Lucy Lawless of the long-forgotten Xena television series, and Bo' Rai Cho shares a lot in common with Fat Bastard, from the large jiggling belly to the total lack of manners.  He relies on his own vomit as a weapon, and you'll be surprised and a little disgusted at the way it cascades from his mouth in gelatineous brown-yellow chunks.  Of course, we can't forget about the blood... it not only stains the playfield, but turns a deep brown as it dries.  The blood also seeps into the cracks you've made on the floor and sprays out of the opponent's stomach, if you just happened to leave your weapon there.  Finally, the fatalities are genuinely disturbing... if that's what you came for, and it's very likely that you did, you'd better grab a strategy guide because you won't want to miss any of the finishing moves.

I'll give Midway credit for the Krypt as well, although it was more difficult to use than necessary thanks to the profile system.  I'm still not sure why they included this... there's no point in repeatedly forcing players to enter a password if they can just as easily hide their memory card from bratty little brothers who might want to unlock all the goodies.  Furthermore, the password's not going to stop them from erasing the file entirely in the BIOS screen.  In addition to THAT, I can't think of anyone who wouldn't want to loan their save data to a friend, saving them the trouble of having to open all the coffins in the game (sorry, but I'm not using Ed Ba-boon's moronic names for all the items in the Krypt).  Anyway, once you create a profile and enter a password, you can collect a wide variety of coins which act as the keys to over six hundred coffins inside the Krypt.  Each coffin contains something different... the highest priced coffins contain new characters and outfits, and the cheapest ones could have just about anything inside.  You'll pry open a casket with a handful of gold coins, only to find jade coins inside, thus leading you on a wild goose chase that leads you to finding absolutely nothing in the coffin appropriately marked "FU".  Frustrating?  Sure.  It's still more fun than playing the actual game, though.

This is the part of the review where I'd recommend Deadly Alliance to rabid Mortal Kombat fans... but I can't even do that, because it plays nothing like the older Mortal Kombat games.  I can, however, offer this advice: if you loved the violence and flashy graphics in Mortal Kombat, Deadly Alliance has so much of both that you might not even notice the mediocre gameplay.  You certainly wouldn't be the only one who forgot about it. 

NEO GEO BATTLE COLISEUM
SNK/PLAYMORE
VS. FIGHTING

   

The evolution of the 2D fighting game hit its peak with the masterfully designed Capcom vs. SNK 2 and its little brother on the Neo-Geo Pocket, Match of the Millennium.  Seperately, both SNK and Capcom had created many outstanding one-on-one fighters, but it was only when the two companies joined forces that their full potential could be unlocked.

Sadly, this partnership would not last forever.  The mismanagement of SNK at the hands of Aruze, and its subsequent purchase by Playmore, split this dynamic duo apart.  Since that time, neither SNK nor Capcom have been able to reach the level of excellence achieved in Capcom vs. SNK 2.  In fact, Capcom hasn't even made much of an effort to top the masterpiece it helped create, settling for re-releases of past classics like Street Fighter III, and coughing up the lazy, and downright lousy, Capcom Fighting Evolution in a half-hearted attempt to keep the Street Fighter franchise clinging to life.

SNK has been more ambitious, developing several new fighting games starring its iconic South Town heroes.  King of Fighters: Maximum Impact tried to bring Terry Bogard, Ryo Sakazaki, and Iori Yagami into the 21st century with glossy polygonal graphics.  Then there was SNK vs. Capcom: SVC Chaos, which hoped to recapture the magic of Capcom vs. SNK 2 by once again pitting the hungry young fighters of South Town against classic Street Fighter stars like Ryu, Chun-Li, and Guile.

SVC Chaos didn't meet with the expectations of most fighting game fans.  It was badly hobbled by stiff control and the limitations of the decade old Neo-Geo.  Luckily, SNK's latest title, Neo Geo Battle Coliseum, comes a lot closer to hitting the mark.  Battle Coliseum (originally designed for the Dreamcast-powered Atomiswave arcade system) pushes both the Playstation 2 hardware and SNK's own development team a lot harder than its predecessor. 

All that extra effort was not wasted... it's resulted in a game that's vastly superior to SVC Chaos.  The "so old-school the students have been evacuated and the building has been scheduled for demolition" play mechanics have been thrown out and replaced with fast, frenzied tag-team action in the tradition of Marvel vs. Capcom and King of Fighters 2003.  The chunky sprites have been whipped into fighting shape, and all those hideous backgrounds are a thing of the past, being swapped out with playfields that bring back fond memories of classic scenes from past Neo-Geo titles.  Even the music, an electrifying assortment of heavy metal tunes, is a huge step up from the low-key soundtrack in SVC Chaos.

The only thing you lose in the trade up from SNK's last fighting game is the cast of Capcom's heroes... but you won't miss them which when you spend a little time getting acquainted with their replacements.  The developers have chosen wisely when building the Battle Coliseum character roster, offering a large selection of heroes spanning the entire Neo-Geo software library.  It doesn't matter what your favorite game on the system was... from the lethal elegance of Last Blade to the down 'n dirty backstreet brawling of Fatal Fury to the outright silliness of World Heroes and Metal Slug, Battle Coliseum's got you covered.

There's a pretty nice mix of characters here, but the selection isn't airtight... a few duds did manage to slip through the cracks.  Among them are Chonshu and Chonrei, the twin brats from Fatal Fury Real Bout Special; Cyber Woo, the metal-plated, 800-ton gorilla from King of the Monsters; and perhaps most head-scratching of all, Kisarah from Aggressors of Dark Kombat.  Yes, Alpha Denshi's tremendous flop which proved that Final Fight and Street Fighter II are two great tastes that taste horrible together. 

As an added, ahem, "bonus", there are two characters unique to Battle Coliseum.  One's Yuki, a mighty morphin' power ruffian who battles his foes with dramatic poses.  The other's Ai, an obsessed Neo-Geo fan who's a lot thinner and more female than you'd expect.  Neither of them are of much use.  Battle Coliseum also marks the unwelcome return of Orochi.  SNK promised that this outrageously overpowered final boss wouldn't be back for at least another hundred years, but here he is, dishing out obscene damage and making life miserable for all who dare cross his path.

Even the prince of cheap bosses (sorry SNK, but Gill still holds the crown) can't bring down one of the best side-scrolling fighting games on the Playstation 2.  Neo Geo Battle Coliseum isn't on equal footing with Capcom vs. SNK 2... that game set a standard of quality in the genre that will be almost impossible to top in this age of 3D dominance.  However, this clash of arcade titans packs enough of a punch to knock the foul taste of Capcom Fighting Evolution and King of Fighters: NeoWave out of your mouth.

RATCHET AND CLANK
SONY (INSOMNIAC)
3D PLATFORM

  

When people recommended that I try Ratchet and Clank, I was a little skeptical... I thought that it would be a pretty good platformer in its own right, but there was no way it could touch Sly Cooper.  Now that I've tried it, however, it's become clear that Ratchet and Clank is even better.  It's got larger, more spacious rounds, less predictable characters, better voice acting, more variety, much more useful abilities... the list goes on and on.  It's even got Sly Cooper beat in the stealth department... it's not always wise to meet your enemies head on in either game, but unlike Sly, Ratchet can use one of his many weapons to pick them off from a safe distance. 

Ratchet and Clank doesn't outperform Sly Cooper in every respect... it's derivitive of other platformers, including Insomniac's previous series Spyro the Dragon and Naughty Dog's Crash Bandicoot, and the artwork, while crisper and more colorful, doesn't leave the lasting impression that Sly Cooper's did.  Nevertheless, Ratchet and Clank is the better of these two games, and a strong candidate for the best platformer available on the Playstation 2.

"Forget about the Playstation 2 for a second... how does it fare against Super Mario Sunshine?"  Whoa, whoa... let's not go nuts here!  Ratchet and Clank is bound to come up short in a comparison like this.  Let's face it, nobody designs levels quite as well as Nintendo... they're always beautifully integrated and devilishly clever.  Ratchet and Clank, on the other hand, has levels that are well integrated and reasonably clever.  They're still very good, but they lack the careful thought Nintendo had put into Super Mario Sunshine's playfields.  Instead of wide open spaces that allow the player to both explore and uncover hidden items, Ratchet and Clank offers a central point with several linear paths extending from it, and several more straightforward trails springing from those paths.  You definitely feel the difference between these two styles of level design... in Super Mario Sunshine and its predecessor Super Mario 64, you'll excitedly shout, "Wow... there's just so much to see and so many places to explore!  What do I do next!?"  A lesser, but still competant platformer like Ratchet and Clank makes it pretty clear where you're supposed to go and prevents you from going anywhere else, taking away some of the excitement of being dropped into an entirely new world.

Furthermore, the vast selection of weapons in Ratchet and Clank doesn't always work to the game's advantage.  You'll have loads of fun blasting enemies with missiles, machine guns, and mines, but sometimes you just want a weapon that could do it all.  Each item in Ratchet and Clank is reserved for one use, or perhaps two if you're really clever, but the waterpack in Super Mario Sunshine was far more versatile, handling a wide variety of situations and encouraging the player to discover even more uses for it.  After switching from the flamethrower to the key to the bomb glove to the water displacer in Ratchet and Clank, you'll wish you could just replace them ALL with something more handy.

Despite the hassle of swapping out weapons, Ratchet and Clank is a fun and very memorable game, and it actually does have advantages over Super Mario Sunshine.  Mario just isn't a very compelling hero these days... he may have moved to the third dimension over six years ago, but his personality is still just as flat as it was when Donkey Kong was first released.  Ratchet and Clank are much more fun, and they're surrounded by a large cast of equally enjoyable, if somewhat familiar characters.  You'll look forward to encounters with the self-absorbed intergalactic hero Captain Qwark and Supreme Chairman Drek, the galaxy's most diabolical businessman.  The chemistry between the juvenile, impulsive Ratchet and his intelligent yet naive robot Clank is also a delightful surprise... just because they're stuck with each other doesn't mean that they always enjoy each other's company.

I've spent the entire review telling you everything you already knew... that Super Mario Sunshine is the best platformer money can buy, and that Mario is the world's most boring mascot.  What you may not know is that Ratchet and Clank is worth your time whether you're stuck with just a Playstation 2 or have a GameCube as well.  It's a fantastic game in its own right, and thanks to its nearly endless supply of weaponry, it has that added touch of sadism you just can't get from Mario's adventures.

SHADOW HEARTS
MIDWAY (ARUZE, SACNOTH)
RPG

There are a few unusual traits that keep this otherwise typical role-playing game from being quickly forgotten.  The first is that it was produced by Aruze's video game division (formerly SNK) and brought to the United States by Midway.  Neither of these companies are known for making role-playing games... in fact, Shadow Hearts may very well be Midway's first. 

It's fitting that this was their introduction to the genre, however, because Shadow Hearts follows the Midway model with its dark, disturbing artwork and controversial storyline.  This also differentiates Shadow Hearts from the majority of its competitors... it's just much creepier than most of Square's releases.  I dread to think of what would happen if any parents bought their kids this instead of the similarly titled Kingdom Hearts... this definitely isn't a Disney approved game, with a tight focus on the undead and characters who frequently contemplate taking advantage of their fellow party members.  The hero Yuri manages to keep his hands to himself, but you can't say the same thing about the accupuncturist Meiyuan, who has a disturbing tendency to help himself to his male clients.  After a couple of encounters, you'll start to wonder if he should be paying THEM for his "services".

There's one more thing that seperates Shadow Hearts from other role-playing games... although it doesn't necessarily improve it.  The Judgment Ring determines the outcome of battles and gives the player an opportunity to gamble for stronger attacks.  It works a little like the timed attacks in Paper Mario... there's a large circular artifact with glowing slices of varying sizes, and it's up to you to hit the lit portions as a line sweeps around the edge of the Judgment Ring.  Some lit areas have red fringes, and if you press the button as the line touches them, your attacks will be stronger than usual.  It's an innovative idea that's sadly overused... the Judgment Ring not only influences your attacks but nearly everything else in each battle.  You'll even have to deal with this when you use items, and sometimes even before you can take them!  It's clear the designers were proud of this idea, but the average player won't be nearly as enthused about it after a long stretch of battles.

There's not much else worth mentioning in Shadow Hearts.  The graphics are mediocre, with the same kind of dark, confusing rendered backgrounds that took most of the fun out of Final Fantasy VII.  Despite the still backgrounds, the characters themselves aren't especially well drawn or detailed, hovering between PSOne and PS2 quality.  The monsters you'll encounter are even worse, ranging from boring (wolves, bats) to ridiculous (green water creatures with an annoying laugh that would make even Steve Urkel cringe).  The animation is impressive, with unique deaths for each of the monsters and realistic attacks for each of your party members, but that's the best the game has to offer visually.

The soundtrack is hardly worth bringing up... it's predictable, repetitive, and during the fight scenes, very obnoxious.  You'll be tortured with the wailing of a tone-deaf banshee as you battle your foes, and once one of the characters runs out of turns and loses their minds, you'll come dangerously close to following their lead once the already rotten music regresses into something even worse.  There's not much voice acting, but what's there is pretty average and sometimes inconsistent... one of the females switches from a cavalier American to an angry, excited Japanese woman, all in the same attack!

The gameplay is solid, but again, there's little here that's truly memorable.  Shadow Hearts' combat system borrows heavily from Final Fantasy's battles, as do most role-playing games.  The Judgment Ring helps draw a distinction between the two games, but the similarities are still pretty obvious.  The designers added a graveyard which you can access to earn new character forms- and that's good- but you'll be forced to travel here periodically to silence the angry souls of the monsters you've killed- and that's bad.  I just don't see the logic in forcing the player to participate in another boring fight after they've already won a dozen of them.  It's even worse that you're not compensated in any way for your trouble... you get no money, no experience, and no soul points for winning these enforced battles.  What you WILL get, however, is hunted down by the main character's deceased father until you've fought to reverse all your bad karma in the graveyard.

Considering their lack of experience with these games, Midway and SNK (and whatever pachinko company that currently owns them) did a more than satisfactory job with Shadow Hearts.  There are still about a half dozen RPGs on the Playstation that are superior to this one, however, so you'll only want to consider Shadow Hearts if you're looking for a game with a much darker mean streak than any of them.

THE SIMPSONS: ROAD RAGE
ELECTRONIC ARTS
DRIVING

 

XBOX:

Your view of this game will depend almost entirely on your opinion of The Simpsons.  Yes, there are actually a few people who don't like the show and never have.  To those folks, The Simpsons: Road Rage is going to seem like a desperate clone of Crazy Taxi with the characters from an inexplicably popular television show stapled to it.  However, the many, many Simpsons fans out there will probably consider Road Rage one of the best and certainly the most faithful game based on their favorite sitcom.

I'm not even going to bother recommending this to anyone who doesn't like The Simpsons.  If you guys already have Crazy Taxi, you're not missing a thing.  Road Rage's cars look and feel like remote controlled toys thanks to the primitive graphics and a new control scheme which lacks Crazy Taxi's realism and impact.  Furthermore, even though the game has more characters, more levels, and more voice than the game that inspired it, none of these things will be relevant to you.  I dare say that you'll consider this a painful experience, with the Simpsons characters only salting the wound.

However... however.  If you enjoy The Simpsons, or in my case, used to enjoy it, you'll think of Road Rage as the first episode you can actually play.  The first few Simpsons games concentrated primarily on Bart and his "hilarious" catchphrases ("Here's one you better learn for your adult years... 'Hey, buddy?  Got a QUARTER?!?'"), but Road Rage is much more diverse, giving most of the show's cast a chance to speak up.  Some of their quotes are right out of the show, but others were recorded specifically for Road Rage, which means you'll hear conversations between friends and family members.  There's even an introduction that accurately captures the humor of the show... after Hans Moleman is poisoned by one of Mr. Burns' atomic buses, he begs to be killed... and Marge helpfully offers, "That poor man.  Someone SHOULD kill him!"

What's really surprising about Road Rage is that there are a lot of characters, and a lot of locations... significantly more than Crazy Taxi or even Crazy Taxi 2.  Sure, it gives the game more variety, but more importantly, you get to listen to more Simpsons stars and fully explore the town of Springfield.  It's just some kind of crazy rush to actually drive past all the places you remember from the show, even if they aren't always in the right places (c'mon, guys, everyone knows the world's largest toilet was set in a flat field, not a forest!).  Listening to all of the characters' comments is great, too... they can get repetitive, but fortunately, the game tends to surprise you with a new quote every once in a while.  The only way they could make the Road Rage experience any better is to offer a celebrity edition featuring the voices of Jon Lovitz, "Oh no!" Bette Midler, and a cast of dozens.  The possibilities would be endless... and best of all, it would give players the chance to run over Alec Baldwin!  Repeatedly.

Well, Simpsons fans, you've been waiting almost a decade for a truly good Simpsons video game, and at last, your ship has come in.  It's not just any ship, either... it's Knight Boat, the crime-solving boat!

SLY COOPER AND THE THIEVIUS RACCOONUS
SONY (SUCKER PUNCH)
3D PLATFORMER

  

I like platformers, and I like charismatic animal characters.  With this in mind, you'd think a game like Sly Cooper was perfect for me, but it also features something I've never enjoyed... stealth action.  I'm not a patient person, and games like Tenchu and Metal Gear Solid test a player's patience in every possible way, forcing them to slowly sneak up on enemies so as not to be noticed... and making them complete each round with exact precision.  Having grown up with fast paced shooters and fighting games, I prefer a more direct approach, dealing with enemies fist to face rather than trying to hide from them.

Fortunately, Sly Cooper's gameplay uses stealth action more sparingly than Metal Gear Solid.  This light seasoning of sneakiness gives the game more originality than the majority of bland polygonal platformers, but doesn't force the player to tread carefully through every square inch of every stage.  Sometimes, enemies won't notice you until you're hit by their spotlights, but other foes are more aggressive, hunting you down if you're nearby.  Sure, you could sneak around them too, but why waste the time when a swat of your staff will take care of them permanently?  Similarly, rooms with laser detection must be navigated with extreme caution, but once you disable the alarm that controls the security, you can backtrack with ease, letting you comb through the stages for hidden items.

Of these items, you'll want the clue bottles the most... a complete set lets your nerdy, neurotic friend Bently piece together the codes which unlock the vaults in each stage.  These vaults, in turn, hold pages of the Thievius Raccoonus, the Cooper family's ancient guide to better larceny.  Pages of this book will give Sly new abilities, giving the player a much stronger incentive to search every square inch of every round than Rare's platformers ever had.  Better yet, there aren't a massive amount of clues in each round, and they're not impossible to find.  The game will even give you a helping hand if you can open the vaults in certain stages... instead of a page from the Thievius Raccoonus, you'll find a blueprint of the boss's hideout.

Sly Cooper contains a lot of scenes where precise control is an absolute must, especially when you're desperately jumping from platform to platform as your nemesis (and unwilling love interest) Carmalita Fox blasts them to bits.  You don't always get this solid control in polygonal action games, but Sly Cooper is very forgiving, offering the player both tight control and generous collision detection.  Even if the hook or wire you need to grab isn't directly in your path, you'll wind up snaring it anyway.  Encounters with enemies are just as free of frustration, provided that you haven't been caught in their flashlights.  Once that happens, survival becomes much more difficult, with every thug in the vicinity hunting you down like a pack of rabid coonhounds.  The lesson here, as it is in every other stealth action game, is not to be noticed.  If you break that rule, you've earned any misery you may have brought upon yourself.

The graphics are fantastic... creating a cartoony atmosphere was important to the designers, and it's clear they've succeeded.  The cel shading in Sly Cooper is surprisingly effective... the characters actually DO look like cartoons instead of polygon builds with thick, ugly outlines.  It helps that they're so beautifully drawn and animated, so much so that you can get an idea of each character's personality just by watching them walk.  The playfields are remarkably original, full of detail, and have plenty of objects to break.  To strengthen the cartoon association, there are even animated segments between rounds describing both pages from the Thievius Raccoonus and the origins of each villain.  The overall presentation will remind you of what would happen if Tim Burton lost his obsession with the undead and started producing episodes of Scooby-Doo along with Nickolodeon's most daring cartoonists.  You can strain your brain trying to figure out what you'd get from this unlikely combination, or just rent Sly Cooper instead... I highly recommend the latter course of action.

The music and sound doesn't carry the same impact as the graphics, but it does fit the overall theme, and the voice actors do cartoon quality work, even if their characters are hopelessly predictable.  Perhaps Sly Cooper adheres a little too closely to cartoons in this respect... villains like the Panda King and Muggshot are just cheesy stereotypes, despite their detailed histories.  The heroes (if you can call a band of thieves that) fare slightly better, although I could have sworn I've seen that purple hippopotamus in a couple episodes of The Critic.  Bently the turtle has an Austin Powers/Professor Frink aura about him that makes him tough to dislike, and Sly himself is as cocky as you'd expect a master thief to be, with just a touch of gravel in his otherwise youthful voice.

So, is there anything at all in Sly Cooper that could be described as bad?  Not much, but I will say that the mini-games are pretty aggravating.  You'll find everything from a series of slow-paced, frustrating car races (I hope nobody at Sucker Punch is considering Sly Cooper Kart) to the unfortunate lovechild of Robotron: 2084 and the Vectrex, heh heh, "classic" Rip-Off.  Seriously, couldn't the designers have thought of a better game to use as a template than the worst title available on the Vectrex?  Geez, a little common sense is in order here.  One of the stages near the end of the game, a fun derivitive of Asteroids set in cyberspace, is worth coming back to a few times, but the rest are a little too frustrating for their own good.  Speaking of frustration, nothing in Sly Cooper is quite as maddening as the encounter with the final boss, Clockwerk.  The first two fights, reminescent of the boss battles in Space Harrier, aren't so bad, but the obstacle course you're forced to navigate afterwards is absurdly difficult.  Even that wouldn't be quite so irritating if dying at this point- and yes, you will be dying quite often at this point- didn't send to back to the very beginning of the fight.  There was absolutely no need to make the player fight the Clockwerk's previous two forms... it's an annoying, pointless waste of time that's made even worse if Sly exits the round to find the protective horseshoes he'll need to have any hope of survival.  Once you return, you'll not only have to fight Clockwerk from the beginning but listen to his unavoidable speech about rubbing the Cooper family out of existance.  After a dozen failed attempts to finish the last round, you'll either reach for the nearest GameShark, or just let Clockwerk finish the job and turn Sly into owl pellets.

So that would be my only advice to Sucker Punch when they're ready to make a sequel to Sly Cooper... leave the mini-games to Spyro the Dragon from now on, and don't make the last boss any more aggravating than he absolutely needs to be.  I really am looking forward to another Sly Cooper game, though... it's more fun than a stealth action game has a right to be, and a sequel has a lot of possibilities.  New abilities for Sly are always good, but entirely new playable characters (perhaps distant relatives of the Cooper family who somehow managed to hide from Clockwerk?) would be even better.

STREET FIGHTER EX 3
CAPCOM (ARIKA)
FIGHTING

Does anyone still want to argue that video games aren't a form of art?  Well, if that's the way you feel (and you're actually a video game player, as opposed to some bigot judge who's seen almost five minutes of The Resident of Evil Creek), just try to tell me that after playing a few rounds of Street Fighter EX 3.  Sure, it plays well.  Sure, the graphics and sound are passable.  But you know what?  It sucks anyways.  And it sucks because there's no trace of artistic expression in the design. 

Let's look at the graphics.  The characters are very plain... you could almost forgive the jaggies and the ugly gouraud shading if the designers had added something to distinguish them from their Street Fighter or Marvel vs. counterparts... smooth, clever animation, new outfits, SOMETHING.  That something doesn't exist, so all you've got are generic action figures.  When these Hasbro refugees throw fireballs or slam one another to the floor, there's no dynamic animation, dynamic special effects, or dynamic anything that really keeps the player interested.  The designers just didn't care.  Neither will you after playing the game for thirty minutes.

Next, there's the music.  It's all pulled from previous editions of Street Fighter EX, which means that it's fine, but also means that the designers ran out of ideas.  If I wanted to hear Skullomania's original theme, I'd play the original game.  Moreover, the soundtrack is kind of annoying in the team modes... like the Marvel vs. games, the theme changes as characters are defeated, but unlike those games, the music in Street Fighter EX (having been written in 1997) was never designed to be switched around repeatedly.  Don't get too attached to any of the tunes, because you won't be hearing any one of them for long.  As for the sound effects, the voices were changed, but everything else is pretty forgettable.  Smack, bam, kaboom, zzz... oh, sorry.  That last sound effect was mine.

Finally, there's the gameplay.  This has been improved the most, but some of the new ideas just weren't given much thought, proving that even the play mechanics suffer without some sort of artistic direction.  The new story mode is idiotic... after team battles, versus battles, one on three battles, and who knows what else, you'll start to wonder if the damned game will finally make up its mind and offer you a series of fights with some consistency.  Ace (possibly the other half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo) isn't much better... he allows you to build your own fighting style with moves borrowed from the rest of the game's cast, but to get the most out of him you'll have to wade through the boring, sometimes confusing training mode.  Are we having fun yet?  Not here.  Not ever.

Street Fighter EX 3 perfectly illustrates that competent game design isn't enough.  The first game in the series may not be as pretty and it may not have as many characters, but it does have one very important feature this waste of a sequel is missing... creativity.  Try to remember to include that in your next EX game, Capcom.

STRETCH PANIC
CONSPIRACY (TREASURE)
ACTION

 

Those of you who've been playing video games for a while may have taken quite a liking to Treasure, the design team best known for sleeper hits like Guardian Heroes and Radiant Silvergun.  While that devotion is understandable, it's important to remember that even the creators of Gunstar Heroes are mortal, and they too are capable of making mistakes.  Take Stretch Panic, for instance.  This title started out as a tech demo, originally planned as framework for a Tiny Toon Adventures game.  Buster Bunny and his friends were eventually given their walking papers, but the well-intentioned but clumsy gameplay never evolved past its humble origins as a game based on a kids' cartoon.

If nothing else, Stretch Panic is original.  The game stars a little girl named Linda and her possessed scarf, an article of clothing with a wicked black hand that can grab nearby objects and, well, stretch them.  This hand can be used to not only attack enemies, but interact with the environment as well.  Linda will need this ability to exorcise the evil spirits inside her seven sisters, which act as the game's bosses.  Sounds great so far, right?  Putting the pinch on enemies and stretching their bodies out of proportion sounds like a fun way to spend the afternoon.  Ah, but that's before you realize that the game has serious flaws.

The first of these are the awkward controls.  All of your enemies, even the big-breasted bimbos aimlessly wandering through the first stage, have weak points that must be targetted in order to destroy them.  Unfortunately, it's so very difficult to guide your scarf to these weak points that you'll feel like you're trying to pick up a dime with boxing gloves.  It'll take multiple attempts before you can hit each target... this is mildly irritating when you're battling the mindless minions and their monstrous mammaries, but an absolute nightmare when faced with the more dangerous bosses.

Here's where the next big flaw comes into play.  You'll guide your hero with the first analog stick on the Dual Shock controller, and the scarf with the second.  Where does that leave the camera?  In the fumbling hands of the computer, of course!  During boss fights, you'll often find that the camera is too close to your character, and pointed away from the enemy you need to attack.  By the time you re-center the camera with the shoulder buttons and take aim at the boss, chances are, they'll already have set their sights on you.  Things get even worse when your gigantic foe sends waves of missiles, tiny grim reapers, and animated boogers after you... the scarf is too slow and clumsy to fend off these adversaries, and running from them only prolongs your inevitable, frustrating demise.

Stretch Panic's final shortcoming is that it just isn't much of a platformer, especially when you compare it to later Playstation 2 titles like Sly Cooper or Ratchet and Clank.  The graphics are (to put it kindly) subpar, with abstractly drawn characters and ugly texture mapping, and there's just not enough to do thanks to the barren level designs and overemphasis on boss fights.  There are no enhancements for your scarf, no tricky platforming challenges to overcome, and no hidden rooms that reward clever exploration... you just fight busty women to increase your points, spend those points on confrontations with your possessed sisters, and repeat the process until you've won the game.  Hopefully, you'll have replaced the disc with something more entertaining long before that happens.

Perhaps Treasure's most unfalteringly loyal fans will argue that a game like Stretch Panic just wasn't well suited to the Playstation 2.  I'll agree on that point... if Treasure had held onto this idea for just a few more years, they could have brought it to the Nintendo DS instead, where the pinching and stretching action would have been felt a great deal more natural.  However, Stretch Panic's flaws run far deeper than its problematic control, proving that (as much as some gamers would like to believe otherwise) Treasure doesn't always live up to its ambitious name.

TIME CRISIS 3
NAMCO
LIGHT GUN / ACTION

 

Just when you thought it was safe to shut that closet overstuffed with peripherals you'll never use again, along comes Time Crisis III and its pair of bright orange firearms!  Better make some room for those GunCons... if there's any room left!

The first thing you'll notice about these mock weapons before you sentence them to exile in the land of misfit toys is how obscenely difficult it is to get them ready for the game.  It's not enough to connect the GunCons to your Playstation 2, oh no!  You'll have to do your best impersonation of the king of convoluted contraptions, Rube Goldberg, to get things started. 

First, you'll plug each gun into a USB port... then join the two guns together with a coupler... then plug the PS2's video jack into the coupler... then finally connect the coupler to the back of your television set.  Wait, wait, that's not all!  If you want to play the game with a more advanced video connection than the composite cables that the GunCons natively support, you'll have to shell out big bucks for an optional adapter!

It's no fun getting the ball rolling, but once you set it into motion, you'll understand the need for the elaborate setup.  The GunCon controller is precise down to the pixel... the only thing that stands between you and the next stage in Time Crisis III is your own aim.  This makes the future of the Nintendo Wii even more exciting... if the system's wand controller can match the accuracy of the GunCon without all those annoying cords, the Wii may just live up to all that pre-launch hype!

But er, back to Time Crisis III.  If you're not familiar with the series, here's the deal... as a pair of ace military specialists, you'll storm through each stage, picking off hundreds of well-armed foes.  Like House of the Dead and Virtua Cop, the action is very cinematic, with dynamic camera angles and plenty of exciting cut scenes. 

However, what distinguishes Time Crisis from those games is that you're not pushed through each level.  If you need a quick breather or some cover from enemy fire, you can hold a button to hide behind jeeps, walls, and other protective barriers.  That button can be on just about anything... the light gun itself, standard Dual Shock controllers, dance mats, and even the pedals from steering wheels!  This versatility was a smart move on Namco's part, letting the player get as close as they can afford to be to the arcade experience.

What WASN'T such a great idea was the counterintuitive weapon select system.  You can only switch firearms by pressing the trigger of the GunCon while hiding behind cover.  Each of the four available weapons are best used in different situations, so you can imagine how frustrating it is when you need the rapid-fire precision of a machine gun but inadvertently switch to a shotgun or a grenade launcher in the middle of an grueling gun battle.  The fact that your partner can be hit in the crossfire makes this issue even more infuriating.

The graphics and sound are both appropriately cinematic, making you feel like you've been dropped in the middle of a slick action film (Danny Glover not included).  Explosions fill the screen and rock your speakers, while a threatening array of terrorists crowd the playfield like so many G.I. Joe action figures crammed into a kid's toy chest.  Like most Namco arcade ports, Time Crisis III is a very sleek, polished game, with the the only blemish being the course textures of the rocks you'll hide behind while reloading your gun.

There's not a large audience for light gun games these days.  What was once the most popular alternative controller for game consoles has taken a back seat to everything from keyboards to dance pads.  If you're one of the few gamers left with a trigger finger that's begging to be itched, this is the only opportunity you're going to get to satisfy that craving for at least a couple of months.  Maybe this long-neglected genre of games will become more prevalent once Nintendo's Wii hits store shelves, but the latest Crisis game is enjoyable enough to help you bide the time until November.

VIRTUA FIGHTER 4
SEGA (AM2)
FIGHTING

  

The original polygonal fighting game is on... please don't make me say it!  Ooooh... all right, all right.  Virtua Fighter 4 is on the Playstation 2.  It should have been released for the Dreamcast, and from the looks of the PS2 version, it COULD have been made for the Dreamcast, but that's not what happened, and I'll just have to accept it.

Anyways, Virtua Fighter 4 on the (gulp) Playstation 2 is terrific, just like the previous Virtua Fighter, and the Virtua Fighter before that.  I've never been especially fond of 3D fighting games, but it's been tough for even me to ignore this series.  Unfortunately, Virtua Fighter 4 doesn't demand to be noticed the way the previous games had.

For starters, the graphics that typically make a huge leap in quality from game to game are only marginally improved in Virtua Fighter 4.  Virtua Fighter 2 added detail and more realistic character designs to the series, and Virtua Fighter 3 almost completely eliminated the blocky edges of the fighters, making them amazingly lifelike.  VF4, on the other hand, takes the Shenmue route, adding details to the characters you're not even sure you wanted, like bulging veins, oversized muscles (fine for Wolf, but not so fitting for Vanessa), and thick patches of body hair.  After watching the ocean of wrinkles on Lau's forehead, you'll probably agree that it's best to leave some things to the imagination.

The backgrounds have lost a lot of the dimension they had in Virtua Fighter 3, which could be a blessing or curse depending on whether or not you want the playfield to be a factor in each fight.  Personally, I enjoy throwing opponents off the tops of three story buildings, but you could always argue that a more flat surface keeps the focus on the players rather than their surroundings.  In any case, the playfields are pretty attractive (unlike, say, the dark, depressing locales in Bloody Roar 3), and many feature an impressive special effect that makes them more realistic, like snow that's packed down as you walk over it or clay tiles that shatter when a character is dropped onto them.  Each round is fairly large and some contain walls and fences (some break, others don't), which helps prevent annoyingly cheap ring out victories.

Like the graphics, the music doesn't have as much impact as it had in previous Virtua Fighter games.  There's a good selection of hard rock tracks, but none of them stick with you like Sarah's theme from Virtua Fighter 2.  One thing that remains constant in every Virtua Fighter game is the voice over work, which is great for the Asian characters and moronic beyond description for the remainder of the cast.

That reminds me... there are a couple of new characters in the game, and by that I literally mean just a couple.  Vanessa's a cop with Halle Berry's face and the body of an Olympic weightlifter... it's as you would imagine a pretty scary combination.  Replacing the generic sumo wrestler from Virtua Fighter 3 is Lei Fei, a generic Shaolin monk most likely added to capitalize on all those wire-fu movies that were popular last year.  They're not as memorable as SNK's best characters, but they've got a little more personality than your typical Virtua Fighter star, like the blond temptress in the surprisingly modest outfit who's been in every other 3D fighter ever made.  Plus, Lei Fei's got a lot of attacks that lead into fighting stances, which in turn lead to new attacks... just the thing for skilled players who'll happily spend hours learning everything there is to know about their favorite characters.

Then there's the gameplay.  I can't really say I like it, but it is about as good as the other games in the series.  Some new play mechanics have been added, although it's up for debate just how much they change the feel of the game.  These include stun hits (complete with an onscreen indicator that warns the player to shake out of it as quickly as possible), attack reversals (unlike Dead or Alive, just grabbing that outstretched arm or leg isn't enough to do damage), and simplified 3D movement (doubletap in the direction you want to move).

I can't really call Virtua Fighter 4 a disappointment, because it's an excellent game and a surprisingly good arcade translation considering the design team's unfamiliarity with the Playstation 2.  On the other hand, it hasn't dramatically improved the series the way the previous games had.  Considering the quality of Virtua Fighter 3, however, you have to wonder if such a step forward would have even been possible. 

WE LOVE KATAMARI
NAMCO
ACTION

   

Katamari Damacy is back, and this time, it's brought along a few friends!  Actually, they're fans of last year's surprise Playstation 2 hit, and they're all here to make requests of the King of All Cosmos.  The King is more than happy to oblige them after a little flattery, but naturally, his son the Prince (and any cousins he happens to find along the way) will be doing all the work!

We Love Katamari doesn't stray too far from the original.  You'll use a sphere that looks like a dog's chew toy to sweep up the debris in your path.  Eventually, you'll be able to pick up bigger and better things, and your katamari will grow from the size of a tennis ball to a small planet.  If you reach that point before time expires, the King will go all Horkheimer on your ass, taking the fruit of your labor and sending it skyward as a celestial body.

It may seem like business as usual for Katamari Damacy, but this sequel is full of subtle improvements.  The stage select screen is easier to navigate, and you're given the option to immediately restart stages if you find yourself off to a lousy start.  The best new feature (aside from a significant reduction in kingly crotch.  THANK YOU, Namco) is that any cousins you meet can be used in place of the Prince, even in the single player mode!

We Love Katamari also features more distinct levels and specific goals to go along with them.  In one stage, you'll save gluttonous fairy tale stars Hansel and Gretel the trouble of dealing with a scary witch by tearing down her gingerbread house, then delivering it to them.  In another, the katamari is set ablaze, and the only way to keep the fire burnin' is to continually roll over small objects.  If it burns out, or you fall into a nearby river, the King will toast YOU to a golden brown with a hail of laser beams!

The new objectives add variety to We Love Katamari, but they also raise the difficulty level.  If you thought the King was demanding in Katamari Damacy, wait 'till you get a load of what the fans expect from you now!  Even if you do manage to complete a stage, they won't be truly satisfied until you've collected everything in sight.  Don't stop at the kitchen sink... get the miles of plumbing it's attached to, the treatment facility that supplies those pipes with water, and even the nearby dam just to be safe!

This added challenge, coupled with the assumption that players are already familiar with the original, makes We Love Katamari a game best reserved for fans of the series.  If you haven't already played the first Katamari Damacy, spend some time with it first.  That way, you won't feel like you've been left out of the loop when you graduate to this equally satisfying, if self-indulgent, sequel.

X-MEN: NEXT DIMENSION
ACTIVISION (PARADOX)
3D FIGHTER

   

Funny thing about Activision's X-Men fighting games.  I'm always excited to try them... but ultimately, they always leave my high expectations unfulfilled.  Next Dimension has more characters, more background interaction, and more exciting special moves than Paradox's previous two X-Men games, but the gameplay remains bland even when you're throwing your opponent through windows and blasting them with enormous laser beams. 

As you continue to play the game, you'll keep asking yourself why Next Dimension isn't as enjoyable as it could be.  The graphics are quite good, featuring large, colorful battlefields with plenty of breakable items and other obstacles.  Most amazing of all is that several of these playfields are interconnected... you may start out in the narrow hallway of Charles Xavier's mansion, but it's anyone's guess as to where the fight will end.  Once you knock your opponent through the hallway door, out the second story window of the mansion, into a secret entrance once hidden by a basketball court, and onto an elevator leading back to the first floor, you could very well find yourself back in the hallway where the battle started.  This adds more realism, variety, and excitement to the game... it's more realistic because the locations have depth, dimension, and freedom of movement.  There's more variety because you could see an entirely different portion of the playfield at any given moment.  Finally, the excitement comes into play when you've sent your opponent headfirst off a cliff or into a deep, dark hole.  While it's true that X-Men: Next Dimension isn't the only fighting game to offer large, complex stages, it uses them more effectively than many of its competitors.

This alone will keep you playing X-Men: Next Dimension even after you've become bored with it.  It doesn't hurt that Patrick Stewart offers his charming yet authoritative voice as a reward for beating the game.  It helps even more that there are several hidden characters in the Next Dimension, including a couple of the more obscure mutants as well as powerful alternate versions of the main cast.  If you thought Betsy Braddock was tough to beat, just wait until you meet her even deadlier alter ego Psylocke!  Whether you're a fan of Marvel's comics or just the best of the Star Trek captains, there's plenty of nerd bait in Next Dimension to go around.  Finally, the super moves are just as spectacular in X-Men: Next Dimension as they were in the game's main competitor, Capcom's Marvel vs. Capcom 2.  Betsy's most powerful attack incorporates her skills as both a psychic and a ninja... she leaves her opponent wandering blindly in the middle of a mental void.  As the enemy struggles with the voices in his head and the images of butterflies floating before his eyes, Betsy strikes... and continues her stealthy assault until her foe is brought down for good.

When a game's got this much going for it, how could it be anything but fantastic?  You'll be haunted by that question as you continue to play Next Dimension and continue to not enjoy it.  Eventually, you'll begin to understand what Activision did wrong with the game... you'll realize that the unreliable control has been constantly robbing you of the special moves you need to defeat your opponent.  You'll also notice that the special moves don't lend themselves as well to strategic fighting as the ones in Capcom's fighting games.  You'll think about the brutally ugly computer rendered movies, and you'll also remember how frustrating the story mode was, featuring unfair battles against overpowered opponents and a limited selection of playable characters.  Then you'll know why you ignored your gut reactions as a Marvel fan and rented X-Men: Next Dimension instead of purchasing it.

 
     

 

It plays console-quality games, feature-length movies, and hours of music.  Is there anything it can't do?  Well, it can't dethrone Nintendo as the king of the handheld gaming market.  Nevertheless, anyone who can afford it is going to love the...  
PSP  
     
     
 

GAMES YOU'LL WANT

BURNOUT LEGENDS:  Electronic Arts' best racing series continues on the PSP, offering most of the frills and all the thrills of its console counterparts.
CAPCOM CLASSIC COLLECTION REMIXED:  Capcom digs deep into its back catalog of arcade games and pulls some real winners out of the pile.
GRADIUS COLLECTION:  Five stellar Konami shooters, including the former Japanese exclusive Gradius Gaiden, on one disc?  Now that's what I call a bargain!
LUMINES:  Set aside a few free hours before you pick up this stylish puzzle game, because they'll be long gone by the time you put it back down.
MEGA MAN MAVERICK HUNTER X:  Thought the original on the Super NES was awesome?  Just wait 'till you try this visually enhanced remake!
MEGA MAN POWERED UP:  Mega Man returns to his roots in a remake that's jam-packed with replay value.  Don't like the selection of stages?  Just make your own!
NAMCO MUSEUM BATTLE COLLECTION:  It took 'em five years, but Namco's finally got the Museum series back on track with this fantastic PSP collection.
PURSUIT FORCE:  This gorgeous and action-packed arcade-style racer puts all the campy fun of a buddy cop film in the palm of your hand!
WIPEOUT PURE:  Stunning graphics are just one of the many charms of this futuristic racing game, pieced together from the best moments in the WipeOut series.
WWF SMACKDOWN VS. RAW 2006:  Once you get past the load times (and it'll take a while!), you'll find the greatest wrestling game ever released on a handheld.

GAMES YOU WON'T

THE CON:  I'll spare you the bad William Shatner imitation and just say that this first-person fighter is clumsy and awkward... much like Shatner's acting!
DEAD TO RIGHTS: RECKONING:  You'll reckon you've had more than enough of this unrelentingly repetitive action title after fifteen minutes.
GHOST IN THE SHELL:  Welcome to the first-person shooter of the future!  You'll be joined by awkward control and obnoxious tarantula robots shortly.
GRIPSHIFT:  What happens when you take the worst parts of racing and puzzle games and hastily stitch them together?  Total frustration, that's what!
JOHN MADDEN 2006:  It was bad enough when Electronic Arts sold the same game year after year... now they're being shipped to stores with crippling flaws!

MARVEL: RISE OF THE IMPERFECTS:  Hey, Capcom!  Give us Power Stone for the PSP already, so we don't have to settle for EA's cheesy clone!
RENGOKU: TOWER OF PERGATORY:  This action RPG gets better after a couple of hours, but the first 120 minutes will leave one hell of a bad taste in your mouth!
SMART BOMB:  It's telling that this tedious puzzler was renamed "Baka-No" in Japan.  You'll feel pretty foolish too if you make the mistake of buying it.
SPACE INVADERS: GALAXY BEAT (Jpn):  Ever thought a music game based on Space Invaders would be cool?  Of course not, but here it is anyway!
YS: THE ARK OF NEPISTISM:  Microscopic characters and agonizing load times make this the worst handheld adventure that money can, but SHOULDN'T, buy.

REVIEWS

BURNOUT LEGENDS
ELECTRONIC ARTS (CRITERION)
RACING / ACTION

   

There's not much that can be said about Burnout Legends that hasn't already been mentioned earlier in my review of Burnout 3: Takedown.  You get the same crash 'em up, smash 'em up action, with very little removed to accommodate the portable format and a lot more from Burnout and Burnout 2: Point of Impact to make up for these minor shortcomings.

Just how does Burnout Legends compare to its console counterparts?  Let's start with the visuals.  They're not quite as good as they were on the Xbox or Playstation 2... but they're close.  You get slightly less picturesque backgrounds out of the deal, and the game's vehicles, while still just as bright 'n shiny as before, lack some of the detail they once had.  Nevertheless, you'll have no trouble recognizing all your favorite hangouts from Burnout 3, along with bonus tracks from the first two games.  Now, the frustration of racing through a congested airport and the tightest turns this side of Delpino Square is yours for the taking... if you actually want it!

The sound actually edges out the console versions slightly, with the roar of engines changing noticably from vehicle to vehicle and the teeth-clenching screech of cars scraping against the side rails in each track.  Unfortunately, the game is still saddled with over a dozen tunes from Electronic Arts' stable of flash-in-the-pan recording artists.  Unlike the Xbox version of Burnout 3, however, there's no release from the heavy metal heartache of Billy (Lacks) Talent and The Comeback Kid.  This is especially perplexing, since the PSP has native MP3 support... it would have been ridiculously easy to let the player tap into their own music collection, instead of forcing them to settle for the second-rate songs supplied by EA Trax.

This brings us to the control.  This is what really sets Burnout Legends ahead of the pack!  Rather than feeling too stiff and mechanical, like Ridge Racer, or too floaty, like WipeOut Pure, Burnout Legends achieves a perfect balance.  It's just tight enough to let you merge into the next lane without ramming into a nearby divider, but responsive enough to weave through tight turns and around dangerous hazards without much effort.  This razor-sharp control is what will keep Burnout Legends spinning in your PSP long after the system's other racing games have been permanently retired to their protective cases.

The gameplay is largely the same as it was in Burnout 3, with all of your favorite challenges included.  These include the standard races, the deliciously vicious road rage mode, the crash contests that have become a trademark of the series, and those accursed Burning Lap trials.  Hey, wait a minute, I didn't want THOSE!  These futile races against time are joined by the pursuit mode (a holdover from the second Burnout) as the least appealing of the many options available to the player.  Chasing after crooks could have been a lot of fun, if the criminals in question weren't given turbo-fueled tanks that are almost impossible to catch and even tougher to bring down.

Still, like the many cars you'll force into oil tankers and off the edges of cliffs, the other modes are a half ton of flaming fun.  Even the plain vanilla races are more entertaining when you can fight your way to the finish line, ramming your rivals into buildings and oncoming traffic.  Road rage is even better, challenging you to fold, spindle, and mutilate as many opponents as possible before your own badly damaged beater falls apart.  Then there's the crash mode... this loses a bit of its appeal thanks to the PSP's lengthy load times, but you'll still squeeze plenty of enjoyment from triggering fifteen car pile-ups if you're not obsessed with winning gold medals in every event.

When it was first released, the PSP was praised for its high-quality racing games, considered the best to ever hit a handheld console.  What's most impressive about Burnout Legends is that it's not only better than those excellent launch titles, but a whole lot better, with the variety, the tight control, and the addictive gameplay that Ridge Racer and WipeOut Pure were missing.  Just when you thought the bar for racing on the PSP was as high as it could go, Burnout Legends comes along and sets it firmly in the heavens!

CAPCOM CLASSICS COLLECTION REMIXED
CAPCOM (DIGITAL ECLIPSE)
COLLECTION

  

Consider this an apology for the rather silly review of Capcom Classics Collection I wrote last year.  It didn't give you much information about the games included or the quality of the emulation, opting instead for a "new journalism" approach that spent entirely too much time trying to sell a clumsy school reunion analogy. 

This time, I'm going to keep the irrelevant rambling to a minimum and concentrate on the game.  Forget new journalism... this review is gonna be old-school all the way, just as a good critique of a classic arcade collection should be.

So what will you find on Capcom Classics Collection Remix?  A surprising amount of fresh content, actually.  Players who were eagerly awaiting the second volume of Capcom Classics Collection (hinted at on the spine of the original) will find it right here on the PSP, with an almost entirely new selection of arcade favorites.

The only games that were already available on the Playstation 2 and Xbox  include Legendary Wings, Forgotten Worlds, Final Fight, Section Z, and Bionic Commando.  They're all such accurate translations that you'll feel as though you snuck out of an 80's arcade with bulging pockets and a shrink ray tightly clutched in one hand.  Unfortunately, the PSP does break the illusion of arcade perfection with its blurry screen and that wretched D-pad.

The system's flaws hurt all of the games in the collection to varying degrees.  You'll barely notice the blurring in titles with large characters and intricately detailed backgrounds, but if you plan to spend more than a couple of minutes with Black Tiger or Side Arms, you'd better schedule an appointment with your optomotrist first!  As for the crappy D-pad, you can always play games with the more responsive analog nub instead.  The nub works especially well when steering your car through the danger-filled wastelands of Speed Rumbler.

Oh, Speed Rumbler... how I wish I could love you.  You're a clever pairing of the run 'n gun action of Commando and the teeth-clenching vehicular combat of the Mad Max films.  Yet you somehow manage to ruin it all with cheap gameplay, restrictive time limits, and situations that are almost impossible to survive.  Barely touching the edges of cliffs is enough to blow up your whole damn car, enormous semi trailers loaded with missiles are only slightly slower than your own vehicle, and although you can escape your car when it bursts into flames, you're so helpless without it that you can't possibly survive for more than a few seconds.  So much promise, yet so much wasted potential.  For shame, Capcom!

Luckily, the other games on the collection are more than just great ideas.  I loved Chiki Chiki Boys on the Sega Genesis, and now it's back, with the same vibrant colors and adorable characters but a new name.  Whatever you call it, Mega Twins is an irresistable side-scrolling platformer despite its total lack of depth.  Magic Sword doesn't have that charm, but the mindless medievel gameplay is largely the same... you just have more monsters to slay and nearly a hundred floors to visit, each holding prisoners who become loyal allies once you spring them from their cells.

Final Fight and its more outrageous cousin Captain Commando will satisfy the bloodlust of players looking to bury their fists in the faces of sleazy thugs. Final Fight's got the biggest and best graphics, but the Cap'n has the flashiest finishing moves.  You can set fire to crowds of foes, and even slice enemies in half... frankly, the only Capcom beat 'em up more brutal than this one is The Punisher, not included in the package due to copyright issues.

Shooter fans can take to the skies with 1941, Legendary Wings, Section Z, Varth, Side Arms, and Last Duel (whew!).  That's a whole lot of games to choose from, but most aren't as entertaining as the wholesome goodness of classics like 1943 and MERCS, which were left out of this collection.  Last Duel in particular suffers from an identity crisis, with gameplay that's split between sluggish racing and the airborne, rapid-fire action that players really wanted.  1941 is probably the best of the lot, but all that beautiful scenery packed into every stage restricts your movement, making it a step down from its predecessor 1943 (but still miles ahead of 1942).

Then there are the oddballs, surprising inclusions like Block Block and Quiz & Dragons that are the perfect stress relievers after spending a frustrating hour with Strider.  In Block Block, you, well, break blocks with a paddle.  Sure, it's been done before, but there's a distinct Capcom flavor here that  distinguishes it from Arkanoid.  Quiz & Dragons is a quiz game set in the middle ages.  You'll quite literally match wits with ogres and other fantasy creatures, answering trivia questions from a time when rap groups were almost as threatening as Al Roker and when corny sitcoms ruled the airwaves. 

The collection is topped off with the delightful Three Wonders and Street Fighter.  While it doesn't come close to the famous sequel, Street Fighter is still a welcome addition to Capcom Classics Collection Remix, introducing players to the game that got the ball rolling on the series.  Three Wonders, a lost gem that was previously available on the Sega Saturn in Japan, is even better here.  It's an arcade jukebox that features three different games.  Midnight Wanderers, predates Metal Slug with the same run 'n gun action, but a more whimsical medievel setting.  Chariot is a less demanding R-Type, with the elves from Midnight Wanderers taking gliders through a series of surreal stages.  Finally, Don't Pull is Capcom's second clone of the action/puzzle title Pengo, and a much more endearing game than its first.

Put 'em all together, and you've got the most exciting alliance of 80's powerhouses since The Superfriends.  Crap, another analogy!  Let me try this again.  Capcom Classics Collection Remix is a dream team of arcade hits with only one significant flaw... the shortcomings of the PSP itself.  Had it been released on a home console, CCCR would have earned an even higher rating, but as it is, it's undoubtedly the best collection you'll find on a handheld.