Selphie's PokéBeetle sped across Balamb. Even going at top speed, they could not be taken instantly to the museum, and so they remained frozen in a sort of crisis limbo. They were in the middle of a major emergency, but any resolution or continuance to it lay on the other side of town. In the mean time, they were left waiting for the next bullet point in the list of events, caught between page 83 and page 84. And so an uneasy silence reigned inside the small vehicle; both Zell and Selphie just wanted to be at the museum already and be trying to solve this.

Selphie's mind filled the time by racing through everything she thought and felt, planning out what she could to combat Rinoa. What could she do to thwart Rinoa's plan? What could she say to talk some sense into her? What would Laguna do? Zell's mind, too, had raced, though it did not take long to arrive at an extremely gloomy conclusion. He folded his arms and leaned back into his seat to shy away from any communication. What good was he now?

The PokéBeetle finally skidded into the museum parking lot and slammed to a stop in a position that almost certainly violated at least three local traffic ordinances. Across the street from the parking lot was a city park, where Irvine was waiting. He came dashing across the street to meet Selphie and Zell as they climbed out of the car.

They gathered into a small huddle. As much urgency as the situation called for, they could spare a few seconds to come up with a response that would be more fruitful than just running inside. "So what's the plan, Sefie?" Irvine asked.

"I'm going to try to talk her out of this as best I can," Selphie explained. "For everyone's sake. I know she's not evil. She's not irredeemable. I want to show her the light."

Irvine and Zell both nodded. Obviously, that was the most preferable solution - it was the back-up plans that presented an issue. And so Irvine asked, "And if that doesn't work? What do we do - knock her out? I snagged some tranquilizer darts on the way over here; I could use those if we have to."

"Yeah, and there's a big bag of plushies in the trunk we could hit her with."

Selphie shook her head. "No, guys, that's the problem. If we attack her, if we hurt her, we're only giving her what she wants. She wants to turn herself into a martyr. She thinks the only way to change things is by going down as violently as possible. And I want to prove her wrong."

Zell was already starting to withdraw from the conversation. Selphie was right about Rinoa's motivations, of course, but this was not at all how he saw the world. Not at all. Was he deluded in dreaming of wedding bells instead of handcuffs? Normally, he resolved conflicts like this by simply assuming that he was wrong. But he was sick of that, especially when it involved something he cared about this much. What if he were right? No, this time, he would cling to his opinion, no matter how much flak it brought him.

Irvine, on the other hand, remained just as attentive to Selphie's plans. "Uh, so what can we do?"

"Well, I hate to say it, but ... I think the only way to show the world isn't out to get her is to let the world take the fall for her. So, if I can't talk her out of this, I'll finish her protest for her and take the blame. Maybe ... maybe that will show her that there is goodness in the world."

Zell semi-cringed. It would have been a full cringe had he not already seen all this coming. All of Selphie's ideals, all of her guilt, led logically up to what she wanted to do. That had been obvious; Zell realized that as soon as Irvine had called them. And he had wanted to believe otherwise, was hoping against all hope that Selphie would buck the trend and come to her senses and save herself, but ... no. Hence the half cringe. He turned away in silence, not sure if there was anything left for him to say.

Irvine, on the other hand, was blown away. Wow. Sefie really was prepared to do anything to change the world. Of course, he would hate to lose her to this, but what other alternatives did the situation present? No, this only proved what a great person Sefie is. Irvine could never -- she was on another, better level entirely, and he felt honored and humbled to have known her. He whistled. "You're amazing."

Zell's fists quivered as his frustration swelled uncontrollably. Amazing? Oh, Selphie was amazing all right, but not in the way Irvine thought. She was amazing as a human being -- a friend, a lover, a musician, a writer, a SeeD -- not as some political sacrificial lamb. But did anyone about them even matter now? It seemed like there was only thing any of them were good for any more, and that was fighting. Was that the universe really created him to do? To sit in the back of the car and have to nod his head as Selphie destroyed herself, their relationship, and by association him?

Just the way the world works, he thought bitterly.

They all looked gloomy and defeated, knowing that they had really already lost in the battle to make the world perfect. "Come on; no more use in talking about this," Selphie said, trying to get some energy back. Her voice belied her lack of confidence in her ability to talk Rinoa as one out of this, as she spoke in the uncertain tone of one already resigned to loss and thus determined to get it over with as quickly as possible.

"NO!" Zell's bottled helplessness reached its limit and exploded. "You can't do this; please, Selphie, you can't!" he screamed. His eyes were pouring out tears and his voice hoarse with desperate, but he longer no cared what he looked like. Nor what anyone else thought, or how many people he offended. Only one thing mattered, and that was making sure Selphie walked out of this free and alive. And every bit of faith he'd placed in the assumption that everything would work out right in the end had been let down. That left only raw emotion. "Don't do it!" he shrieked. "Just don't goddamn do it; can't you see?"

"Zell, calm down." Selphie looked pained. She certainly was not without regret, and she hated to be upsetting him like this, but he needed to understand that - as Rinoa had said - the world would not always stop because some preppy white girl wanted to party. "We don't know what's going to happen. I'm probably going to convince Rinoa to cool her jets and we'll all walk out of here." That was a blatant lie, of course, but she had to calm him down somehow.

"That's bullshit."

She sighed. Oh, why did this have to happen; what could she say to him? And Seifer might have already met up with Rinoa while they were arguing... "Zell, I can't let anyone suffer. I promised Sun Hye I wouldn't. And this is all I know how to do." She started towards the door, but Zell jumped into her path.

"What about yourself? What about me? Do we deserve to suffer? Do I, does Irvine, do Chu-Chu and Yuffie and Quistis, do Emma and your other friends from Trabia, do the Garden Festival and your webpage and Sir Laguna and SeeD and music and your band deserve to suffer? Do you expect me not to even care that you're risking all that? Is Yuffie even going to get home if you decide to play martyr here? Is the utopia you're fighting for here ever going to exist anyway? Are whatever fucked-up ideals we're talking about here more important than everything else in your life? Selphie, there's not a single 'ism' in the world that's more important than you or I. Maybe Mr. Cowboy Yes-man here can just smile and nod and agree with everything you say, but... but I..."

Ugh. He was hitting all the targets in her heart - everything that, despite his claims, she did love, as well as her greatest fears - with an accuracy only attainable because he knew her so well. But she still had one target he could not knock down, and that was her insistence on bringing love and peace to the world. "...I just can't stop caring. I'm sorry."

"And I can't stop caring about ! Look, I know I've done a lot of stupid crap too, but we all make mistakes!" And yet she still seemed completely unmoved. He launched into a fresh round of pleading, covering the same ground but refusing to concede defeat by shutting up. "Selphie, there's only so much you can do! I know you want to see everyone get along; so do I, but... but you don't have to crucify yourself over it! You're not a god; you can't fix all the world's problems all on your own. And I love you too much to write you off no matter what you do to yourself!"

Selphie gathered up the strength not to care. It took all the effort she could muster to insulate herself from the suffering of someone she loved. For what Zell said actually cut deep in to her - it tormented her that she made him feel this way - but if she was going to do the right thing and change the world, the way her conscience told her she must, she had to forget the short-sighted views of one who did not see the future generations. "No," came her tight, clipped response. "I have to be strong." And not allowing herself a moment more lest she lose her resolution, she stepped again towards the door.

Zell could not bring himself to restrain her physically, so he was forced to step aside and allow her entrance. But as Selphie and Irvine marched inside the building, he turned and shouted one last plea.

"You don't have to do anything."

* * *

SMASH! Anger. It throbbed painfully with her skull, drained her body of its life, screamed within her heart for fulfillment. No other emotion could stand before pure, unadulterated rage. Not when her rage sapped her so completely of all physical and emotional strength, sapped her of it to form at each moment as complete a fury against the world as possible. It had to be everything she had. It was all futile, of course, no matter how hard she tried, but the feelings within her would not permit her to hold any cards close to her chest. She had to unleash everything; she didn't know what to do with any bit of her essence that she wasn't lashing out with. That was what anger was. It was her insistence to fix things and make herself matter that would compel her to ram headfirst into the iron wall of the world until she collapsed bleeding to the floor. SMASH! Her sledgehammer crashed through another display case. Fighting offered her the only relief she knew. Every time she broke something, she saw the world getting a little better. Something wrong -- and to Rinoa, everything in the world was wrong, because the world had done This to her -- had been removed. And that was a small piece of what she really wanted, which was to remove everything from the world. Destruction was the answer. The only way to build justice was on the ashes and blood of the injust. And what was there that was not injust? SMASH! A long shadow of a short person, a projection from the lighted hallway behind her, fell over her. "Rinoa..." Well, fuck. Now she couldn't have the luxury of carrying out her destruction alone.

Rinoa lowered her hammer and looked slowly over her shoulder. She hadn't wanted to have to see Selphie and Irvine's faces. See them react to what she did and be reminded that these were human beings, human beings who hurt, that she was fighting against. That made fighting hard. But what else did she have? She was past forgiveness now; any hope she had had of living like them had been blown away like the locks she had shot off the museum doors.

"Please stop," Selphie said, gently but forcefully.

"Goddammit, Selphie, what do you expect me to do?" Rinoa shouted. It was easier to say it loudly, to argue, to fight; to make everyone who wasn't completely like her into The Enemy. She had to do that. Taking pride in her humiliation and suffering, turning into a badge of honor and making it her identity, was the only one to cope with it.

"Listen, Rinoa, we don't need any more martyrs. I realize some people will die unintentionally while promoting a cause, but intentionally sacrificing yourself for the greater good? What greater good is there, Rinoa, than ourselves?"

"The future." Rinoa had not actually faced anything like this question before, but she managed to come up with the answer pretty quickly. That was exactly what she fought for. Someone a few generations would have their lives improved by, would be infinitely grateful for, the fact that she had fought against the system now. Who was she to deny the world progress?

Selphie smiled. "'Be the mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the present,'" she quoted. "Another Chu-chu Tribe proverb Chu-Chu taught me."

"Eh." Rinoa was unconvinced. "What do we have to live for if not the future?"

Selphie chuckled. Boy, that was an easy one to answer; almost comically so. "The present," she replied. "The world's not as awful as you think, Rinoa, and a lot of us are quite happy to be part of it as it is. Think about it, Rinoa. Do you really think the world is going to reach some perfect point and then just ... stop? Freeze frame? Mission accomplished, we all shut down? Don't be silly. I don't think there's ever going to be a perfect world. I don't think I'd want one. I think the whole idea of perfection is like ... fascist. 'Cause what I believe is perfect and what someone else believes is perfect can be completely different things. So how can we really have perfection for everyone? There's always going to be conflicting opinions and differences between us; we can't get rid of those! We shouldn't; it would make the world . We can't create perfection, Rinoa; we just need to do the best with what we have in our own lives."

"Not while there's still so many downtrodden who need our help," Rinoa shot back. "Not while Yuffie's rotting away in jail. I thought you were her friend, Selphie. What the hell happened to you to turn you into a corporate tool?"

She gritted her teeth and tried to keep from throttling Rinoa or storming away in disgust. As sick as she was of Rinoa's arguments, she had to stick to reasoned arguments if she was to accomplish what she wanted to. "We do not live by bread alone, Rinoa. Have you considered that some of these 'downtrodden' may have plenty of love and fulfillment in these lives despite their bad circumstances? Many of them might have more than you, even. I think you're the deprived one here, Rinoa."

One of these words hit on something that Rinoa did not want to think about. Instead she swung her hammer and smashed one of the display cases in a fresh cavalcade of beautiful destruction. And for a brief moment she was in control of her destiny.

"STOP IT!" Selphie howled. She lunged forward and almost reached out with her arm to seize Rinoa's before she stopped herself. No. No, she couldn't fight. She had to take all the suffering she could and let the world live.

So Selphie wasn't quite the high-and-mighty principled idealist she pretend to be. Rinoa smirked, glad to witness Selphie's weakness. She dropped the hammer on the floor and folded her arms. "Yeah? Gonna fight me?" she challenged, seriously skeptical that Selphie would.

"I'm not going to fight anyone," Selphie said. She picked up the hammer. Hyne, she hated to do this, but what other recourse did she have? She would uphold her principles; there was no question about that. "I'm sick of fighting. And, unfortunately, it seems like the only way to convince you that we don't have to fight, the only way to open your eyes to the beauty life already offers, is to take your place. C'mon. Give me the hammer. I'll finish the job, I'll take the blame, and you can go home. I'm not going to let you destroy yourself."

Rinoa stared at her. What? She had not been expecting an offer like that. Her mind struggled to make sense of it. Should she accept? Well, that was a good question. She hadn't even thought of the possibility; hadn't yet placed any values on either option. It seemed appealing, all right, if Selphie sincerely wanted to do it. But she feared her actions were compelling to Selphie to do something that Selphie didn't truly believe in. Then again, she realized with a sickening horror, that was really what she had been doing along...

But while Rinoa was floundering, Irvine was starting to make the connection that Zell already had. "I'm not going to let you destroy yourself," Selphie had said. But Selphie was destroying herself, wasn't she? He jogged forward of the shadows, shouting, "Sefie!" She looked halfway over her shoulder at him, not wanting to let her guard on Rinoa entirely down, as he stepped forward. "Look, I think you should reconsider this. I know you don't mean to, but you're turning yourself into a martyr too."

The comment hit her off guard and sent her scrambling back through her ideas to re-evaluate them. And, ack! She was becoming a martyr, wasn't she? She was trying to sacrifice herself for love and peace or whatever it was she was fighting for these days - even she wasn't sure now. But ... but ... that was what she wanted. She should stick up for it. She had to be strong if she wanted to change the - wait! She shouldn't be having thoughts like that. Those were Rinoa thoughts. She was opposing Rinoa. But, but ... it seemed like if she took away the opposition to Rinoa, she took away all the Rinoa thoughts, and vice versa. But...

"Zell's right," Irvine repeated. "You don't have to do this, Sefie. It's not your responsibility to fix all the world's problems. You might be fighting for something else, but I feel like you're turning into Rinoa nonetheless." He took her arm and gently urged her backwards. "I don't think you should do this."

Selphie hesitated. Her heart pounded, her stomach churned, and her arms quivered as she realized she had very little time to make a very important decision. Could she really be becoming like Rinoa? She didn't want to think too heavily about that possibility, because it made some troubling statements about her, but she had to admit the accusation was not groundless. She was getting awfully wrapped up in what she thought was right and wrong, wasn't she?

Perhaps she was not a hero. Perhaps she couldn't change everything wrong about the world. Perhaps not all of her limits were made to be broken. She never before had faced her own failings and mortalities in such a way before. It was rather frightening to think of herself not as an icon with unlimited capabilities (she just had to draw them out!) but as a human being struggling to effect her will on a world that was bigger and more powerful than she.

But she knew that was also a better way of thinking. "Yeah," she concluded with a reluctant sigh. She loosed her grip on the hammer and it fell from her hand onto the floor with a flunk. "I can't do everything."

She turned her back on Rinoa and looked back down the lighted hallway. "Let's go."

* * *

Zell was starting to feel very, very alone as he dashed through the museum. He didn't know where the napkin exhibit was, didn't know where Selphie or Rinoa was, didn't know what there was left that he could do about the mess. And yet he could not< stand outside let Selphie destroy herself like this - philosophy aside, at the very least he knew it wasn't fair to him. On the other hand, wasn't that just his self-interest speaking? Wasn't it Selphie's decision to make, not his? But if Selphie was making the wrong decision, she'd want to him to say something...

Oh, who the hell was he fooling by pretending he knew anything? He was a consummate fuck-up; he could never establish a consistent position on anything for more than three and a half seconds.

He rounded a corner and found himself face-to-face Seifer, who was also meandering the museum. Shit! Zell froze, too consumed with doubt to do anything at all. Anything he did, Seifer would turn against him and hurt him. But if he did nothing, Rinoa and maybe Selphie were in trouble...

"Chickenwuss!" Seifer exclaimed with sneering false friendliness. "Funny meeting you here! Scared to do the dirty work yourself, huh?"

Scared? Dammit, how Seifer could think he had a place to comment on this when he didn't even know what was going on? That bastard had no place to be talking. If he only was in Zell's situation; he'd be doing and feeling the same things! Zell's fists quivered with rage. It was unfair! Why couldn't he make people do the right thing? He wanted to force Seifer to understand. He had no way of doing that except jumping down his through and screaming at and hitting him, and that probably wouldn't work, and yet his thirst for justice still burned.

But he closed his eyes and thought of how weary and discontent anger left him. He thought of how throttling Seifer was just inflicting more suffering. He thought of how angry Squall probably got when Zell belittled him, which he probably shouldn't be doing. He thought of how this was blinding him, of how he couldn't make decisions when he was under the intoxicating influence of anger. He thought of how he really believed the world and people were good, even though at times like this it seemed he had to crusade to fix it. He thought of love and peace.

As he knew it would, the anger started to subside as soon as he denied it control. And then the world started to seem right again. He started to see things as good again. The imaginary problems and wars that he was fighting during his anger faded into blissful non-existence again. Hyne. It was amazing how quickly and severely his perception of the world could change. He still felt bad that he got upset so easily, but he felt better for recognizing that he had a problem and learning to control it.

"Zell?"

He opened his eyes to see Selphie and Irvine standing before him, but no sign of Seifer or Rinoa. "We decided to let her be," she explained. "I tried to talk her out of it, but ... no luck. And... well, Irvine convinced me you were right. That I'm trying to do too much, and becoming just like Rinoa." Her faced fixed into a determined stare as her thoughts started to congeal to the point where she could make some sense of all this. "I think life is more important than anything else. Nothing can be worth forfeiting it for."

I could probably stand to convince myself of that, Zell thought. But ... he felt like they were both slowly learning to recognize their limits.

They left the museum in solemn silence. Though they had been able to extricate themselves from the flaming wreckage of this train, they knew Rinoa was likely to ride it until the bitter end. They figured that if she were lucky, the police would show up - they were likely to treat each other with more civility than Seifer.

And then Xu and Quistis swooped down from the sky and landed in front of the museum.

"Xu!" Selphie squealed as the women landed in front of her. "Quisty!" A thousand thoughts and feelings hit her at once and she was hard-pressed to figure out which was supposed to take precedence. Xu had escaped hell - triumph! Xu wasn't dead - relief! She was seeing her friends again - joy! These were her sorceress wings - interesting! And the present situation; was it too late for Quistis to fix? - panic! "Ohmigod, Quisty, did you get my call? Where have you been?"

"I came here as soon as I got it." Quistis neglected to elaborate on the cause of her delay. She felt a little embarrassed about it, but not terribly so. After all, she couldn't have known any better, and as long as this all worked out, who cared? "What's happened?"

"Rinoa's in there," Selphie began.

"So's Seifer."

"...she's started breaking things; I realized I couldn't do anything, but, please; you've got to help."

"All right, I'll take care of it." Xu took hold of Quistis again and lifted off. They blasted through the doors, flying nearly horizontal.

"Looks like they showed up in the nick of time," Irvine said.

Selphie bit her lip. "Yeah, I hope."

* * *

Seifer hefted his gunblade over his shoulder as his lips parted in a cruel sneer. He was actually out of range of Rinoa, but he loved the way just raising his blade provoked a frightened twitch in her. It was delicious watching the way her emotional state was entirely dependent on him and his power. Stupid whore.

Rinoa's hands shook as her anger strove against abject terror to control her body. "I don't need you," she seethed. "I can stand for myself. I can prove it. Even it kills me."

Footsteps. Someone must be coming. Well, this was the big moment. The end of her freedom, if not her life. Something she had always thought so often - what would happen when her mouth finally caught up to her? - that it had acquired a semi-mythical status in her mind. Her final hour, her blaze of glory. Now she had all done she could; now she had to face the music. But she would do it with her head held proud and defiant; she would prove in her fall that she was no robot. At this point, what other victory was possible for her but that? No, she was winning the only way the universe allowed a common woman like her to win. And then -

"SEIFER, DROP YOUR GUNBLADE AND TURN AROUND! RINOA, PUT THE HAMMER DOWN!"

The Colonel had returned.

And this was certainly not the insecure Xu. For this moment, at least, she was the picture of indisputable authority and infinite justice. She stood in the doorway with her wings amplifying her stature thricefold. Her rapier blazed a merry trail of flames and Quistis stood at her side.

The hammer fell out of Rinoa's hands as she raised them in a feeble plea for mercy. Her eyes were now wide with genuine terror. Seifer angrily threw down his gunblade and turned to face the women. He also raised his hands, though his face was still twisted in scorn. As he did, a Cactuar plushie dropped out of his trenchcoat. Looking rather embarrassed, he bent to pick it up - keeping his other hand raised - and stuffed it back inside.

Xu smirked. "So, Rinoa, still think the dead rise only in faerie tales?"

Rinoa whimpered in fear.

"I should kick both your asses, but there will be no more violence today," Xu spoke with practiced authority. "Seifer, kick your gunblade over to Instructor Trepe, please."

He did so after some hesitation revealed he really had no choice.

"Good; thank you. Now I want you to follow her out the door behind me. Rinoa, you come with me on the other way."

Quistis narrowed her eyes at Seifer. "You've lost, so don't think is a good time to let your ego get the better of you," she said to back up Xu's statement.

FANGIRL ALERT!
Yes, Quistis and Seifer are speaking to each other in this scene. However, believe it or not, the fact they are exchanging words does not imply that are romantically linked. In fact, if you actually pay attention to what they are saying, you'll see that they are disgusted with each other! Surprise!

Although seething with rage, Seifer consented to be led out of the room. Rinoa dropped to her knees, her entire body quivering. Her horrified, desperate stare and frightened sobs conveyed the plea for her life that her faltering language could not.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Rinoa."

Rinoa only whimpered more as tears welled up in her unblinking eyes.

Mengshi softened, realizing she was being too hard on the girl. There was a time when she would have seen only the rules Rinoa had broken and the justice she deserved. (That time, she noted mentally, was their housewarming party.) But that scenario would not be repeated this time. She squatted down to face Rinoa as an equal. "Rinoa, it wasn't too long ago I would have punished you for this," she said softly, trying to make her tone as conversational as possible. "But it took me a trip to hell to wake me up to why we need to forgive each other. Revenge is for children and the emotionally retarded; nothing good ever comes from bringing others down. So ... I'm not going to hurt you. You can still come back to Garden. And, yes, what you've done here is wrong. I hope that someday you'll overcome this behavior, but I've learned now it's not punishment and so-called justice that ever holds the answer. We need to find someone who can help you not do this, not someone will kick shit in your face for doing it."

"Th-thanks," Rinoa stammered.

"I should also tell you," she said after a moment's hesitation. She had debated whether to give Rinoa this information, fearing that the girl would misuse it, but her experiences in hell had taught her nothing if not that honesty was the only solution. "You're still a sorceress. You weren't hurt badly enough to lose all your powers. It was just the ones that you acquired last, the ones from Sorceress Adel, that seeped out into me."

"Really? I am?" She didn't even bother asking how Xu knew this - by this point Rinoa had more or less accepted that she was completely powerless before the system.

"Yes." Mengshi smiled. "Try it sometime to check for yourself."

"Thank y- thanks for telling me." Rinoa stumbled over her words. She stood up and brushed herself off.

Mengshi put one arm on her shoulder. "Come on. We'll go out the back door so you'll be away from Seifer."

* * *

Selphie's heart jumped a mile when Quistis stepped with Seifer out of the museum. She hadn't known what to expect to see, but - it was okay! Her eyes widened with childish glee. "You did it?" Could everything really work out after all? Oh, she hoped so, she hoped so.

"Yes, there's nothing to worry about. Xu's taking Rinoa out the other way."

"WHOO HOO!" Selphie did a little hop and raised her fists in the air. Zell hugged her; she hugged him back. But as they embraced, Selphie soon found her thoughts straying back to the previous arguments now that this temporary crisis was over. All Zell had said to her ... all Rinoa had said to her ... it was a lot to think about. Those were the kind of things that only slipped out during crises, when extremes were justified, and now that she was dealing with the ideas under a more clam light, they seemed to be positively crushing issues.

She sighed heavily. "Zell, can I be alone for a second? I... I've got a lot on my mind and I need to think for a bit. Don't worry; it's nothing you did."

He nodded.

"Thanks," Selphie said, knowing that this wasn't the easiest request for him to fulfill. "I really appreciate it."

She meandered off into the park, needing to be far enough away from the others to think accurately about them. When she finally stopped, she found she had ended up in a pleasant spot indeed. The stream through the middle of the park lay at her feet, and a big evergreen tree towered over her from atop a small hill, draping the area in shade. She sat down at tree's base to stare into the running water.

And in her first calm moment, she knew that she had been wrong.

She was turning into Rinoa. She had been planning to give up everything for the sake of some stupid principle. And this after she had spent so long preaching against dogmatism. Hyne, how could she have been so blind to what she had been doing? She had been so close to ending up just like Sun Hye and Yuffie and all the others who had been lost to conflict. And she hadn't ever meant to. That was the most frustrating part. She'd always assumed that if she had simply stuck to her principles, she would always end up heading the right direction in life. That was why she could never truly sympathize with Zell's and Rinoa's issues. They had their priorities wrong and had needed only to have some sense talked into them so they could make the right decisions.

But she knew she hadn't made any great, grievous errors. She had ended up where she was - consumed by her obligations, on the verge of self-destruction - completely by accident. Which meant that this was something more than a lack of principle. Because, dammit, she knew she was a good person and could make decisions; she hadn't deliberately chosen to become like this. No, it had begun with a flirtation with the faintest traces of these destructive ideas. They couldn't have seen they were dangerous then; that was the problem. But following those thoughts led to more thoughts, and before they even realized they had gone anywhere, they were marching to self-destruction. Each supposed pursuit of a better life had only led them further into this morass.

At least it gave her a lot more sympathy for Zell, for Rinoa, for everyone. They were no different from her. They were all alike. Everyone. This monster dwelled inside all of them, threatened to swallow them any one of them. Rinoa had been becoming just like Niccolo, and she had been becoming just like Rinoa and Zell. Not because they had great flaws, but because anyone could make these mistakes.

She shivered. It was scary, it was really was, to think that she had nearly killed herself while thinking she was doing the right thing the whole time. She wondered how many of her principles she could trust. If they were all like this, what could she believe in? Well, there were always her feelings. Which, she supposed, were all anyone could really depend on.

Perhaps Rinoa was right that they were all just lumps of decaying organic matter, that they were all destined for oblivion. But even if she was - and Selphie sincerely doubted that - then she wanted to make the best of all the time she did have. Why throw away her life and future before she had to? If her life was limited, then she wanted to squeeze every drop of love and beauty of it she could.

Life. Dammit, she did want to live. Having come close to the jaws of doom and turned away to safety, she now had a hard time believing that she had believed what she had. How could she have not seen the value of all those things Zell had listed? Him and Irvine and Emma and Quistis and Chu-Chu and music and her band and the Garden Festival Committee and SeeD. Those were a billion times more beautiful and wonderful than any principle could ever be.

Zell. Well, he really had been right this time. Maybe his insistence on living only for himself and her wasn't so naïve after all. In fact, it seemed pretty damn right the more she thought about it. Maybe she didn't prove or change anything. Maybe just living would be victory enough for her.

Next chapter: How to Dance When the Music's Ended