The party sat back at the inn in Kobold Village, tending to their injuries. "When do we leave for Qlon?" Stallion asked.
"I'm ready to go," Pesmerga said.
"Emiko's arm is still wounded," Cecilia said.
"That's okay," Pesmerga said. "Only six of us can go along anyway. Me, Stallion," Pesmerga stopped, waiting for other responses.
"I'm coming," Hanzo said from the corner of the room.
"I can't," Clive sighed. "I'm still a little under the weather. You should take Rudy, though. We'll need his ARMs."
"That's four," Pesmerga said. "Who else?"
"Kuromimi come!" the kobold shouted, jumping up.
"Sure, I guess I'll come," Jane volunteered.
"All right, there's our six," Pesmerga said. "Shall we be off?"
* * *
It was getting hot inside the closet. Zed tried desperately to force the door open, but met with no success.
* * *
Rudy, Pesmerga, Jane, Hanzo, Kuromimi, and Stallion entered the caves under Qlon and proceeded to the final cave where the Star Dragon Sword had been. Standing in the room were two figures: Sansuke the bathmaker and Antonio the cook. "What are you two doing here?" Stallion asked.
"We're General Yuber's personal bodyguards," Sansuke said.
"You?" Pesmerga said. "Don't make me laugh. You couldn't hit a dead rhinocerous at two feet!"
"Oh yeah?" Sansuke said, reaching into his tunic and pulling out a chainsaw. Antonio lifted up his chef's hat and whipped out the uzi that he had stored underneath.
"Uh-oh," Hanzo said.
Pesmerga, Kuromimi, and Stallion ducked behind rocks as Antonio started firing his uzi madly around the cave. Hanzo hit the floor and Rudy tackled Jane. "Let go of me, you idiot!" Jane yelled, crawling across the room to hide behind a stalagmite.
"Stews!" Antonio ranted, still firing madly. "They made me cook stews! That's all I ever did! No more! I'll show them! Mwah ha ha!"
"Antonio's gone postal!" Pesmerga observed.
Stallion pulled an arrow from his quiver, raised it to his bow, and ducked out from behind a rock to take a shot at Antonio. A bullet zipped just over his head, cutting a path through his hair. Stallion crawled back behind the rock.
Antonio rushed towards Rudy and Hanzo, waving his uzi in the air. Hanzo got to his knees and threw a shuriken at Antonio. It hit the cook in the thigh, but he kept advancing, spraying the cave with bullets. Sansuke rushed down from the pedestal, armed with his chainsaw.
Rudy raised the Arch Smash to fire, but Sansuke bore down on him, waving the chainsaw and laughing insanely. Kuromimi clobbered the bathmaker on the back of his head with the hilt of his sword and knocked him out.
Hanzo leaped towards Antonio and grabbed onto his uzi. The ninja forced the barrel of the uzi up and away from his companions. Antonio tried to kick Hanzo away, and, failing that, drew a meat cleaver. Jane shot the meat cleaver with her ARM and knocked it flying from Antonio's hand. It buried itself in the wall. Hanzo knocked Antonio unconscious with a punch to the forehead and dropped him on the ground. "Let's just leave these two here," he said. "Hopefully we'll be gone before they wake up."
"We might want to take their weapons, though," Jane said, picking up the chainsaw and uzi and placing them with her Hand Cannon ARM.
Stallion walked up to the pedestal. The True Holy Rune started glowing. There was a sudden flash of light and a portal opened over the pedestal, sucking the six in.
They landed in the Gate Village in the past. "Hey," Stallion said. "My rune's gone."
"I've got it now!" a voice said from the other side of the village. Stallion turned. The Black Knight Yuber was standing near the water, holding the rune and his sword aloft.
"Yuber!" Pesmerga said, drawing his sword. He raced towards his foe, followed by the rest of the party.
Yuber raised his right hand, on which he had the True Holy Rune. A figure dropped down from the sky. It was Ross Perot, flying with his ears. Perot landed between the party and Yuber. "Hi, I'm Ross Perot," Perot said, setting up an easel with a stack of graphs on it.
"Oops," Yuber said, waving his hand. There was a giant sucking sound as Ross Perot flew down to Mexico. "I'm new to this summoning stuff," he explained. "How do I get more Force again?"
"When somebody hits you!" Pesmerga shouted, clobbering Yuber over the head with his sword. The knight reeled backwards and fell into the water. His sword slipped out of his hand.
"That was too easy," Rudy said. "But where's the gem?"
Yuber took a deep gulp of the water. "Now I've drunken the water from the Gate Village!" he thundered, rising to his feet in a reddish aura with his arms held up and out to the sides. "Do you know what this means?"
"Touchdown?" Jane asked.
"It means I am Neo-Yuber!" Yuber said. "And I will destroy you!" Yuber threw a bolt of energy at Pesmerga, but Pesmerga dodged aside.
Rudy drew his sword, but Yuber had the Gem of Courage, and, since Rudy's sword was really the Guardian Luceid, it flew out of his hands and turned on him. Rudy ducked the flying blade as it whistled through the air towards him, then turned around and came back for another pass.
Pesmerga ran towards Yuber, his sword raised above his head. Yuber parried Pesmerga's strike and then put him in a headlock. Jane took out her Chainsaw ARM and started sawing through Yuber's armor. The chainsaw made a hideous noise as it cut through Yuber's armor near the left shoulder, spraying out sparks.
Yuber let go of Pesmerga and hit Jane with a mighty punch, knocking her out. Pesmerga scrambled to his feet and bashed Yuber's helmet with his sword Death Crimson. Yuber stumbled backwards, but jabbed Pesmerga in the right arm with his own sword. Pesmerga used his Clone Rune and charged forward, smashing Yuber in the chest as he swung his sword with both hands. Yuber fell to the ground and his helmet rolled off.
"Huh... what?" Yuber said, blinking and shaking his head. "Where am I?"
"Well, what do you know," Stallion said. "Yuber wasn't a bad guy at all; he was just under Angol Fred's control."
"Gosh gee wilickers," Hanzo said sarcastically. "What a surprise."
"Gem," Kuromimi said. "Yuber have gem?"
"Gem?" Yuber said, still confused. "Yeah, uh, right here." Yuber handed the blue Gem of Courage to Kuromimi. The kobold put in his mouth, then spit it out.
"No gem taste good," he announced.
Rudy picked up the gem and pocketed it. "Well, I think we're all done here," he said. "Let's head back to Kobold Village."
* * *
Meanwhile, back at Kobold Village...
"Where's Rudy?" Jack wondered. "You'd think he would have been back already. That careless kid must have lost the gem."
From outside, there was the sound of several sets of approaching feet. "That must be them," Cecilia said, getting up and opening the door.
It was not. It was Aerith, Bakusa the imp, and a score of Chocobos, controlled by Aerith's Control Chocobo Materia. "What...?" Cecilia said. "Who are you?"
"We know you have the gem," Aerith said.
"No, we don't -" Cecilia started to say.
"You!" Clive shouted, jumping to his feet and pointing his shotgun at Aerith. "I knew you weren't dead! Thought you'd gotten away from me? Your tricks didn't fool me!" Clive pulled off his hood.
"Rufus!" Aerith exclaimed.
"That's right," Rufus Shinra said. "Now hand over that Chocobo Control Materia."
The Chocobos -- a mix of all the different colored breeds -- charged towards Rufus. A Fat Chocobo jumped into the air, attempting to land on Rufus. Rufus fired his shotgun at the Chocobos, hitting a Green Chocobo and nicking another on the leg.
"What's going on here?" Emiko asked.
"It looks like a bunch of Chocobos attacking Rufus," Hanpan said.
"Who's Rufus?" Jack asked. Hanpan pointed at Clive / Rufus.
There was a shout as Rudy's party ran up behind Aerith, Bakusa, and the Chocobos. Jane drew her uzi ARM and started firing. The Chocobos fled squawking. "What are those giant birds?" Stallion asked as they approached the inn.
Aerith and Bakusa looked around at the two armed parties approaching them. A white beam sprung up around them and the Chocobos and they vanished. "Who was that?" Rudy asked Jack and Cecilia.
"Did you get the gem?" Emiko asked, ignoring the question.
Rudy handed it to him. "Covered in kobold saliva, but here it is." Emiko wiped it on his robe and pocketed it.
"We have one of the gems now," Emiko said. "The other two must be on different worlds."
"I knew she wasn't dead," Rufus was muttering, pacing the room.
"Did you say someone wasn't dead?" Hanpan asked. "That sounds like Angol Fred's work to me."
"Great, let's go," Rufus said, dragging Jack towards the door. "We'll take your plane."
"Could somebody please explain what the heck is going on here?" Jane shouted.
"I think we're going to look for one of the gems," Pesmerga said, confused himself.
"You're coming with us?" Emiko asked.
"I want to find out who's behind all this," Pesmerga explained. "Yuber was just being controlled by somebody else."
"Kuromimi no go," the kobold announced. "This Kuromimi home. Kuromimi not need gem. Not taste good."
"If you'll excuse me, I'll stay here as well," Stallion said. "I've served my purpose."
"Good, let's go," Rufus said, pulling Jack out the door. Hanpan fell from Jack's shoulder and ran along the ground after him.
The group, now including Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, Jane, Emiko, Pesmerga, and Rufus, ran for the second Protowing, which was still parked in Kobold Village. "I still don't know what's going on," Jane protested.
"We're looking for another one of the gems," Cecilia explained. "Apparently Rufus knows where it is."
Rufus jumped into the cockpit of the Protowing. "I'll drive," he said. "Let's hurry."
"Do you know how to fly this?" Jack asked.
"I'll figure it out," Rufus said, turning the ignition. The Protowing lifted into the air and soared into the sky, leaving the world of Lake Toran and its environs far behind.
| Next chapter: The Wall Market |