Special thanks to Sharkyland for the Heaven's Flare Fast Draw.
The party emerged on the other side of the portal. They were standing on the seafloor in the middle of some crumbling ruins. The ruins all appeared to have been part of a large structure with a marble floor and walls. Arms and other assorted parts of statues littered the region.
"Good thing we still had the Underwater Breath Materia," Rufus said to nobody in particular.
"This is... Ka Dingel," Emiko said in astonishment. "Or what's left of it, anyway."
"That's convenient," Jack said. "If the Dimensional Elevator is still working, we can take it right to Malduke."
"Don't get your hopes up," Rudy said, looking around the scattered parts of the tower.
"I love that name," Cait Sith. "Ka Dingel! Ka Dingel! Ka Dingel!"
"Shut up," Rufus snapped.
The party split up to explore the ruins of Ka Dingel and search for the Dimensional Elevator, while remaining close enough together that the Underwater Breath Materia would still work. Wandering into what apparently used to be a small room of some sort, Jack noticed a stone tablet embedded in the seafloor. He walked over to examine it. "Reach for the highest skies to unleash the ultimate fiery blast," the tablet said. Jack pondered the message and then formulated a new Fast Draw technique -- Heaven's Flare.
"Is this it, kupo?" Mog shouted, pointing at a piece of an orange symbol on a slab of marble. The others ran to his location.
"@#!" Cid swore, looking at the slab. "It's broken!"
"Do you think Emma could fix it?" Jack suggested.
Hanpan looked up into the endless waters above them. "Feel like swimming?" he asked in reply.
They stood staring at the broken Dimensional Elevator for a while, until Red XIII spoke. "I try to save this for emergencies, but I think this is one," he said, unhooking a small green vial from a clasp on his arm band. A label on the side of it read "INSTANT PLOT DEVICE... JUST ADD WATER."
Red XIII opened the vial and poured out a small portion of the green liquid onto the ground. It swirled out and dissolved in the water. A few minutes passed, and then Bartholomew approached in a diving suit.
"Rudy? Jack? Cecilia? What are you doing here? And who are all these people?"
"It's a long story," Jack said. "We'll explain it all later. Can you haul us up to the surface?"
* * *
"Emma detected a dimensional tear on the seafloor and sent me down to invesigate," Bartholomew explained as the last member of the group were pulled up onto the Sweet Candy by the ship's crew. "Looks like I had pretty good timing."
"Yeah," Rudy agreed, not mentioning Red XIII's convenient Instant Plot Device. "I'll explain what we're up to, but for right now, can you take us back to Adlehyde? We need to talk to Emma."
"Sure," Bartholomew said. "I was headed there anyways."
As the Sweet Candy set off for Adlehyde, Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, and Jane went down to Bartholomew's cabin to give him the complete story. They had just reached the battle with Yuber when the ship was suddenly rocked from side to side as a massive wave rippled through the sea.
Rudy and the others raced out into the hall and headed for the stairs to the deck. Before they got there, one wall of the ship suddenly exploded inwards. They stared out the gaping hole. Rising above the water were the head and upper torso over Earth Golem, and standing on his shoulders was a shark wearing a red cape and holding a nasty-looking hook on a chain. It was Jonathan Jones from Mario RPG.
"Earth Golem!" Cecilia exclaimed. "But -"
"Mwah ha ha!" the shark laughed. "It serves Angol Fred now! The cells even work on Golems!"
"Cells? What is he talking about?" Bartholomew asked.
Jack shrugged and reached for his sword. "We can't fight Earth Golem!" Cecilia protested.
"He's under Angol Fred's control now," Jack said. "There's nothing we can do about it. Besides, it's not really Earth Golem." He turned towards Earth Golem and cast Cosmic Nova. The wave of fire exploded against Earth Golem... and vanished.
"The Anti-Phasing Shields!" Jack said. "I forgot about that!"
"Did you ever install that secret weapon we talked about?" Jane asked Bartholomew.
Johnny threw his hook at Jack, who nimbly dodged aside. The hook hit the wall behind him, smashing a closet door in.
Zed barreled from the closet. "At last!" he shouted. "I'm free!"
"Zed?" Rudy said incredulously.
"Ha ha!" Zed exulted. "I've come out of the closet at last... no, wait, I didn't mean that."
"What's going on here?" Johnny demanded.
"Away, villain, or face certain death from the Doom Bringer!" Zed said to him, drawing his sword. "I am Zed, the master ninja!"
Johnny started charging up Earth Golem's Anti-Phasing Shields again. Zed leaped through the hole in the side of the Sweet Candy and landed on Earth Golem's left hand. He started scrambling up its left arm towards Johnny. Johnny tossed a bottle of currant juice at Zed, but Zed smashed it with sword and jumped up to Earth Golem's shoulder.
Johnny tossed his hook at Zed. Zed deflected it with a quick backhand stroke of his sword and rushed towards Johnny. While Johnny was still recoiling his hook, Zed hit him with a Garyu Ichimongiri, knocking him off his perch on Earth Golem's shoulder.
As he slid down the back of Earth Golem, Johnny reached for a handhold and finally caught onto the green circuits near the bottom of Earth Golem's torso. Johnny reached for the bright red wire that controlled the Anti-Phasing Shields. "Yeah... well, maybe I'll take you all with me."
"I don't think so," Zed said, reaching up onto Earth Golem's head and pressing a large switch marked "ON/OFF". Earth Golem's head drooped down and his shoulders slumped. Then it tipped backwards into the water, with Johnny still holding on its backed. Zed dived off and splashed into the water near the Sweet Candy.
Rudy and Bartholomew hauled him inside. "Thanks for your help," Cecilia said appreciatively.
"It was nothing! I don't just eat guys like him for breakfast, I eat them for lunch too!" Zed said. "I'm not a ninja, but I play one on TV!"
"Uh... that's great, Zed," Hanpan said.
* * *
"What was that thing?" Sabin asked, staring down into the water. Earth Golem and Johnny had vanished from sight.
"It was one of the Golems," Emiko explained. "Angol Fred must have resurrected it."
"It looked like a Weapon," Rufus said. "Are you sure that wasn't a Weapon?"
"You know, I'm beginning to have some thoughts about this so-called planet of yours," Cait Sith said. "It's more like a parallel dimension or something."
Just then, Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, Jane, Bartholomew, and Zed came up on deck. "Well, that problems taken care of, thanks to Zed," Rudy reported.
"Pleased to meet you all," Zed said. "Please form one line for my autograph."
Nobody moved.
"So, where were we, kupo?" Mog asked.
"I think we were down to seventy-three bottles of beer on the wall," Cid said.
"Remind me again why we we're singing this," Rufus said.
"It was either that or a certain other song," Pesmerga grinned.
"I've seen a flood and a supernova... but there's nothing else quite like Jenova..."
* * *
"I'm cold," Rufus complained as they stood in the ruins of Ka Dingel. Professor Emma was investigating the broken Dimensional Elevator.
"Maybe you shouldn't have jumped overboard when Sephiroth started singing," Cecilia pointed out.
"Good news," Emma reported. "The damage isn't that serious. I can fix it up in no time. I'll need some help, though."
Before she had finished talking, Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, Hanpan, Jane, and Emiko had vanished. The others, having no idea what was going on but thinking it best to follow Rudy and co., started in a similar direction. "Hey, where did - ?" Cid started.
Emma grabbed his arm. "Give me a hand here."
* * *
"@#!" Cid swore. "I think we're done." He looked critically at the marble slab containing the Dimensional Elevator, which was now together again in one piece.
"Good job," Emma said. "Next time try to work a little faster though."
"Is it same to come out now?" Hanpan asked, looking out from under a collapsed pillar.
"I think the conscription's over," Jane said.
"You knew about this, didn't you?" Cid raged. "@#!"
"Let's not waste time arguing," Spekkio said. "We've got to catch up Dangle Fred."
"It's ANGOL Fred," Jane corrected him.
"Right. Angol Fred," Spekkio said.
"You will agree not to hold me liable if this screws up and you're stranded somewhere out on the fringes of the time-space continuum, right?" Emma asked.
"No," Kefka said succintly.
The group -- consisting of Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, Hanpan, Jane, Emiko, Pesmerga, Rufus, Cait Sith, Cid, Red XIII, Mog, Sabin, Aerith, Sephiroth, and Spekkio -- stepped onto the crowded Dimensional Elevator. They were lifted upwards into a reddish-purple column, surrounded by a field of stars.
They floated upwards towards Malduke, until suddenly there was a dark flash and a black-cloaked figure appeared next to them.
"Karsten!" Wedge exclaimed.
Sephiroth drew the Masamune. Karsten quickly flicked a glowing blue shuriken at Sephiroth. Sephiroth's ghost flickered out of existence. "Can't let you do that, Sephiroth," Karsten said. "Angol Fred has given me orders to take you down."
"How did you know his name?" Red XIII interrupted. "Something's not right here, but I can't put my finger on it."
"That's because you don't HAVE fingers," Mog quipped.
"How should I kill you guys?" Karsten asked. "Knights of the Round? Nah, that might damage the Materia. I'll go with the throwing stars instead."
"Where would Karsten get a spell like Knights of the Round?" Cait Sith said. "You're right, something is wrong here."
There was a pause while Cait Sith and Red were thinking and Karsten was reaching for his/her throwing stars. Meanwhile, Sephiroth's ghost reappeared after its brief shift out of existence.
"I've got it!" Cait Sith said suddenly, snapping his fingers. "The whiny voice, the throwing stars, the obsession with Materia..." C.S. and Red looked at each other. "YUFFIE?"
"Aww, you guys are no fun," Yuffie said, ripping off her mask.
"You traitor!" Cid spat.
"I'm not a traitor," Yuffie said. "I never was on your side in the first place! I've been with Angol Fred all along, suckers! All I wanted was your Materia to help us with our plans!"
"Prepare to die, vile scum," Pesmerga said, drawing the Stingray Sword.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light and the refurbished Gelnika materialized in the Dimensional Elevator. The side doors opened and Rude and Reno hopped out, armed with large Mako guns.
"We are the Men in Black," Reno announced. "I am Agent #, and this is Agent &. As you can see, we've run out of letters, so we're using symbols instead. We are from an unofficial, yet highly funded, Shinra agency. And we've come to eliminate this evil spawn of Jenova."
"You won't have Yuffie Kisaragi to kick around any more," Yuffie said desperately as Reno and Rude pointed their guns at her.
Reno and Rude fired. Beams of green Mako energy twitched from their guns and danced around Yuffie. Yuffie glowed green and started shrinking rapidly, until she finally imploded into a green spark.
Rude reached into his suit and produced a small silver rod. "You will have no memory of this event," he explained. "Just look into the Mako light."
"Hold it," Rufus said, grabbing Rude's arm to stop him. "What are you guys doing here?"
"You know we can't answer that," Reno said. "We're not even supposed to exist, remember?"
"Oh yeah, you're right," Rufus said. "My bad."
"Well, we'll be seeing you, then," Rude said, putting the rod away. He and Reno got back into the Gelnika. It wavered and then vanished.
The party continued to ascend in the Dimensional Elevator until they reached Malduke. They materialized in Area 01. "Hey... we're in my tower!" Kefka exclaimed. "No, wait a second... we're not. What is this place?"
"This is Malduke," Emiko explained. "The New Moon. A space station built by the Elw."
"Look at the tiled metal floor! Look at the pipes you can crawl around in! You can't honestly expect to me believe you came up with this all on your own, can you?"
"Settle down, Kefka," Sabin said. "We've got work to do."
"Let's split up," Red XIII suggested. "It might take a while to find Angol Fred."
"All right," Rudy said. "Jack, Hanpan, Cecilia, Emiko, Jane, Pesmerga, Spekkio, Aerith, and I will head to the Statue Area. The others will search this area and Area 11."
"This area and Area 11. Got it," Vicks said. "Come on, Kefka."
"Even your ladders look like mine!" Kefka was wailing. "How could you do this to me?"
* * *
Rufus, Cait Sith, Red XIII, Cid, Mog, Sabin, Kefka, Wedge, Vicks, and Sephiroth, descended into the central regions of Malduke. "There!" Cid said, pointing at a door. "There's a light on in that room!"
They walked quietly over to the door. Cait Sith hopped off his moogle, crawled down in front of the door, and held the large end of his megaphone up to his ear. He motioned the others to be silent. Inside the room two people were talking. "I think there's only two people in there," Cait Sith whispered to the group. "We should be able to take them."
They drew their weapons and charged through the door. The room was a small chamber with a large monitor on one wall, currently displaying a map of Filgaia. Standing in front of the map were Voldo and.... Yuffie.
"I knew we'd meet again," Voldo said, turning.
"Yuffie?" Rufus exclaimed incredulously. "But...?"
"Ha ha ha!" Yuffie gloated. "Thought you'd seen the last of me? That was my old body, Yuffie*BIRTH. But I cloned myself and created this new, more powerful, form, Yuffie*LIFE."
Without warning, Cid lit a stick of dynamite on his cigarette and hurled it at Yuffie. Yuffie stood in the resulting explosion without flinching. "This isn't me, you fool!" Yuffie said. "This is just a projection." Then she vanished.
Voldo sprung at Cait Sith, his claws upraised. Cait's moogle punched him to the ground, but Voldo quickly sprung up again. Mog used his ubiquitous Elf Fire dance. A circle of blue flames spun around Voldo, which only healed him. Voldo slashed at Cait Sith's moogle with his claws. Mog tried to dance the Water Rondo, but stumbled and fell on his face with a startled "Kupo!"
Voldo turned and grabbed the moogle by his antenna, lifting him off the ground. Cait Sith summoned his slot machine and spun the dials. All three dials came out on Moogles. With a loud sucking sound, the other members of the party were all pulled into Cait's moogle and absorbed into it. The moogle rapidly grew in size, smashing through the ceiling and continuing to grow until it took up three whole floors of Malduke.
Cait Sith, still normal size, peered down from the top of his moogle at Voldo, who was staring up at the moogle with horror. Then the moogle stepped on him. "I did it!" Cait Sith exclaimed as the moogle started shrinking back to normal size. The rest of the group reappeared next to him. "I won a fight!"
"With some help," Rufus added.
The image of Yuffie reappeared. "Impressive," she said. "Well, mildly impressive. But you must defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance."
Yuffie waved her boomerang and Sheng Long appeared in the room. Then she vanished again. Rufus raised his shotgun to fire at Sheng Long, but Sheng Long hit him with a Shoryuken.
Sabin used Bum Rush and lept at Sheng Long. He spun around him several times as bright flahes of light went off. Then Sabin jumped away, leaving Sheng Long unconscious.
* * *
Meanwhile, Rudy, Jack, Cecilia, Jane, Emiko, Pesmerga, Spekkio, and Aerith had teleported to the Statue Area of Malduke. "I've been here before," Aerith said suddenly.
"What?" Jane asked, startled.
"I've been here before," Aerith said. "I know I have."
A pair of blue double doors opened and a robed figure walked through. "Arris!" Emiko exclaimed.
"Gee, everybody's getting in on the act now," Jane said.
Arris the Sage waved his staff and sent a fireball spinning at Emiko. Emiko cast Reflect on himself and the fireball ricocheted off at Arris. Arris cast his own Reflect spell and the fireball bounced back and forth between the pair of magic-users.
"Ooooh! Ooooh! Me! Me!" Spekkio shouted eagerly. He waved his right hand and a glowing green tennis racket appeared in it. The Kilwala waited until the fireball was headed to Emiko, then he made his move. He jumped in front of the fireball and whacked it with the tennis racket. The fireball flew at Arris, broke through his Reflect spell, and knocked him into the wall. "15-love," Spekkio announced. "Your serve."
Arris recovered from the blow. "This isn't the last of this, Emiko," he said. "You cannot stand against our power."
"What's going on here?" Jack asked.
"Arris has joined the forces of evil," Emiko said sadly. "He rolls his toilet paper over the top instead of down the back."
Rudy and the others all gasped in horror. "That's monstrous!" Cecilia exclaimed.
"Ha ha!" Arris laughed. "You will be converted! The lure of rolling it over the top is too great! Join the Dark Side, Emiko! It is your destiny!" Arris raised his staff over his head and used All Creation. A huge purple beam started to build up in front of him.
Aerith quickly used Planet Protector. A series of orange stars spun around the party and they started to glow. Arris's All Creation bounced off them. "I don't want to fight you, Arris," Emiko said. He cast a Banish spell on Arris, shrinking him down to a tiny, Hanpan-sized, Arris.
"Hey!" Arris shouted.
"Come on," Emiko said, walking determinedly across the room and through and door through which Arris had come. "And thanks for the help, by the way," he said to Aerith.
"No problem... but what was Arris doing with Yuffie's Limit Break? Why can't I remember?"
As they walked into the next room, they suddenly found themselves face-to-face with a oncoming mass of blue-armored Shinra soldiers. Immediately, Jack used his Heaven's Flare Fast Draw, jumping into the air with his sword upraised. As he landed, he drove his sword into the ground. A wave of blue fire rose out of the ground and crashed over the Shinra soldiers, annihilating them. "Don't mess with me," Jack said to nobody in particular.
"Those were Shinra soldiers!" Aerith exclaimed. "How did they get here?"
"Who cares?" Jane replied as another group of soldiers charged up from behind and started firing. "Run!"
The party raced for the Malduke transport system with an increasing group of Shinra soldiers chasing them.
* * *
"Hey, what's this?" Wedge asked, picking up a silvery helmet with a blue visor. A wire ran from the helmet to the computer built into the wall below the monitor, but was not plugged in.
"It's probably some sort of virtual reality helmet or something," Red XIII suggested.
"Cool, let's try it out," Wedge said, plugging the helmet's cord into an empty socket on the computer.
A message appeared on the monitor: "PLEASE ENTER ACCESS CODE TO USE CYBERSPACE JACK."
"Uh... what's the access code?" Wedge wondered.
"You're asking me?" Cait Sith said.
Wedge typed in some random numbers. There was a loud beep and an alarm began to sound. "Oops," Wedge said.
There were footsteps from outside the room and Palmer burst in. "Palmer!" Rufus shouted.
"Hey-hey!" Palmer said. "You're not supposed to be here!"
"We're not," Cait Sith said. "You're hallucinating."
"Hey you!" Wedge shouted, pointing his Magitek gun at Palmer's substantial stomach. "What's the access code?"
"Uh... security!" Palmer shouted. Six Shinra soldiers burst through the door as Palmer fled. Cid clobbered two with one swipe of his spear, knocking them unconscious, while Vicks shot one with his Magitek gun. Kefka killed the other three with an Ultima spell.
"After that fat fool!" Cid shouted, running after Palmer. Although Palmer couldn't run very fast, he had quite a head start. Palmer ran towards an elevator and was about to hop in when the doors opened.
Jane stood in doorway, pointing her uzi at Palmer. "Peek-a-boo," she said.
"Hey-hey HEY!" Palmer shouted, turning to run away. Hanpan flew after him, grabbed him from behind, and gave him a wedgie. Palmer slipped and fell down, landing in a sitting position.
Cid and Rufus's group rushed up to surround him. "GIVE ME THE CODES, PALMER!" Cid shouted, holding his spear out towards Palmer. "GIVE THEM TO ME!!"
"Uh... it's 5622784!" Palmer blurted and started to pick himself up. He quickly found all avenues of escaped blocked off by the party, which had formed a circle around him.
"What are you doing here, Palmer?" Rufus asked. "Speak up!"
"Hey-hey! You've got questions, I've got answers," Palmer exclaimed. "Uh... I'm working for Angol Fred. After the Diamond Weapon attacked, I thought it might be best to hit the road. That's when Angol Fred showed up and recruited me."
"For what?" Rufus demanded impatiently. "What are you doing for him?"
"Hey-hey, I'm his top scientist," Palmer said. "I created the Yuffie Project. It turned out even better than my Jenova Project."
"Your WHAT?" Rufus said. His shotgun slid from his fingers and fell to the ground.
"That's right!" Palmer chuckled. "That was all my idea! Don't listen to the slacker Hojo, he's just leeching off of me! *I* created the Jenova Project!" Then, realizing that Rufus was no longer holding his gun, he scrambled into his feet and darted by Rufus.
"Should I grab him again?" Hanpan said.
"No, let him go," Rufus replied. "I've heard enough."
"The Yuffie Project!" Aerith exclaimed, sitting down suddenly and holding one hand to her head. "I... I... remember now..."
"What? What is it?" Emiko asked.
"It's... it's... Angol Fred's project. He's trying to open the gateway to the Promised Land of... of... pure Yuf energy. That's what he wanted your Guardian Amulet for... to open the gate to the Promised Land of Yuf..."
"Yuf? What is Yuf?" Red XIII asked.
"It's... Yuffie's evil energy. The Yuffie cells! That's right! It's produced by the Yuffie cells! That's how Angol Fred has gathered his army! He used the power of the Yuffie cells to bring them back to life! Only an archdemon like him could bend the Yuffie cells to his will... then he controlled them using the Yuffie cells and sent them out to retrieve the Guardian Amulet..."
"But what about you?" Vicks asked. "Why was he using a Slave Crown on you?"
"The Yuffie cells... didn't work on me. Their powers couldn't take over my body... so he used a Slave Crown instead."
"That's terrible," Sephiroth said, then reconsidered. "Oops! I mean, that would be terrible if it happened to me. But why is Angol Fred doing all this?"
Aerith thought for a moment. "...he's trying to outdo his brother Angol Moa, the King of Illusions. If he harnesses the powerof the Promised Land of Yuf..."
"Come on, guys," Cait Sith said. "We've got to defeat this evil menace and bring peace, harmony, and all that stuff to the universe. Besides, I smell a made-for-TV movie here.... BASED ON A TRUE STORY! and starring Cait Sith as himself, with Spot the Dog as Rufus Shinra."
"Shut up, Cait," Rufus snapped.
"Where is Angol Fred, though?" Rudy asked. "He obviously knows we're here. He could well have hightailed it out of here by now."
"Cyberspace," Aerith said. "He's in Cyberspace."
"Cyberspace!" Emiko exclaimed. "Of course! The King of False Rumors was created in cyberspace! That's where his powers will be the strongest!"
"And we have a cyberspace jack," Wedge said. "How convenient."
"This is going to be the final battle," Emiko said. "Are we ready?"
"What happens if I answer 'no?'" Cait Sith asked impudently.
Jane grabbed him by his tail and dragged him off his moogle as she started for the room containing the cyberspace jack. "No such luck," she said. "It's one of those 'communist choices.'"
| Next chapter: One Winged Yuffie |