The party passed back through the portal, minus Cid IV. Edgar, now restored to his normal form, looked around the castle. "We're back," he said. He turned to the rest of the group. "Thanks for your help in getting me back to normal," he said. "I'd like to come with you, but I've got duties to attend to in Figaro."
As Edgar walked off, Hanpan scratched his tail. "Maybe he's a secret character," he mused.
"Don't say that," Emiko advised. "If you start a false rumor, he'll fall under the control of Angol Fred."
"Now what are we kupto?" Mog asked.
"Well, we've got the Cross," Rufus said. "Let's go have a talk with Ultros."
* * *
Kefka stared apprehensively at the shadowy figure in front of him. It -- Kefka could not tell whether it was male or female -- was shrouded in black clothing and wore a dark hood that covered all of its face except for the eyes. In one hand, the figure carried a long throwing knife, and around its waist it wore a belt containing a variety of poisons and various painful-looking implements. All in all, it looked like Gogo's evil twin. "So what do you want me to do?" he asked. "I was dead, you know. It wasn't actually that bad, being dead. But I miss getting to burn villages and torture innocent townspeople."
"Here's what you're doing," the figure cut in, glancing around the penthouse of the Fanatics' Tower. "You're familiar with Mog, Relm, and Gau, aren't you?"
"All too well," Kefka replied. "I hate moogles. I hate hate hate hate them! I want to kill them and cut out their furry little guts and use them for lawn ornaments."
"Good. Now here's the plan. You're going to wait outside the Coliseum for Mog and his friends. They're in a large group with a lot of characters from other games. They have an artifact called the Cross. I want that."
"Can I kill them too?" Kefka asked eagerly.
"You can try. They've got some duplicated Goat Dolls, though, so it won't do much good. All I want is the Cross."
The figure walked outside the penthouse. "Who are you, anyway?" Kefka asked.
The figure turned. "You can call me Agent Karsten." Then it turned and jumped down off the roof of the tower.
* * *
Zed was running out of the air in the closet. He tried to carve an opening in the wall behind with his sword, but the wall was reinforced from behind and made little progress. Zed was convinced that there was absolutely no way out of the closet. He was going to die in here.
* * *
Kefka crouched on the roof of the Coliseum, waiting. This was getting boring. He felt like burning something. Then he noticed several figures approaching on the horizon. As they approached, he could tell that one of them was short and white: a Moogle. Kefka guessed that it most be Mog and the others he was looking for. And for Kefka, a guess was a good enough excuse to go on a rampage.
As the group approached, Kefka cast an invisbility spell on himself. Then he hopped down and stood motionless by the door of the Coliseum.
"Ultros better know what he's talking about," Sabin said as they approached.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning shot by his face, only narrowly missing him. "I must be losing my touch," a disembodied voice muttered.
"Kefka!" Cid VI exclaimed, recognizing the voice.
Relm grabbed her paintbrush and started sketching something out in the air. "Hey! Wait!" Kefka exclaimed. "What are you doing? You can't sketch me! I'm i-" Kefka's voice suddenly broke off as everything turned to giant pixels.
Rudy tried to run from the battle, but he seemed to frozen in place. Then everything went black and he felt himself fall down. He now had 0 HP, but seemed to still be alive. A screeching sound came from nowhere. "Help!" Rudy cried.
Then everything seemed to be back to normal, or at least relatively so. Rudy could see again, but he has halfway buried in a mound of Excalibur swords. Where Gau had been standing moments before now stood Kefka.
"Hey, where am I?" Kefka asked. "How did I wind up with you losers?"
"I'm not sure," Cait Sith admitted. "This is highly peculiar."
"It appears that there has been a severe glitch," Red XIII said. "At least, I don't remember bringing several thousand Dirks with me."
"This sucks; I'm outta here," Kefka declared. He turned to walk away from the party and collided with an invisible barrier. He stumbled backwards, dazed. "What was that?" he asked.
"Sorry, you're stuck with us," Jane said. "Once you join the party, you cannot leave except by death. Illogical plot devices might be needing to get around your personal problems, but you *are* coming with us."
"I hate this," Kefka said. "Where are we going?"
"First we're going to give the Cross to Ultros, then we're going to go fight General Leo."
"Leo," Kefka muttered. "I hate him! I hate hate hate hate hate him! This might not be so bad after him if I can kick Leo's sorry do-gooder rear."
* * *
Ultros held the Cross in one of his tentacles and turned it over and over. "This does appear to be the Cross, all right," he said, examining the artifact carefully.
"Of course it is, you stupid octopus," Cait Sith said. "We've spent two and half chapters looking for it. Now what's this big fat secret of yours? Where's Leo?"
"He's on a small forested island northwest of Gau's father's house," Ultros said. "Look for his golden dragon."
"Finally," Jane said. "Now let's go find Leo and Aerith, recover the gems, and get this stupid story over with."
The group headed back to the Protowing and flew out over the World of Ruin. A short distance northwest of Gau's father's house was a rocky circular island covered with a few pine trees. "There it is," Pesmerga said. "I don't see anybody, though."
Rudy landed the Protowing on the island. The group got out and Rufus unloaded some Shinra Golden Dragon Bait from the trunk. He threw the bait out on the rocky ground. "This should help," he said. "Now we just have to wait."
Cait Sith opened the trunk back open and took out a hammock. He strung it up between two trees, grabbed a bag of donuts, and climbed in. His moogle reclined against one of the trees under the hammock. "Let me know when the fight starts," he said.
A huge gold dragon head on a long neck snaked out from between the trees. It snatched the bag of donuts away from Cait Sith and retreated.
"It's started," Jack advised.
The golden dragon lumbered out of the trees with the bag of donuts dangling from its mouth. "My, what big teeth you have," Cait Sith said. "Can I have my donuts back?"
General Leo wandered out from the trees, carrying his crystal sword. He looked at the dragon with the donut bag dangling from its teeth. "No!" he said sharply. "Bad dragon! No donuts until you find Vicks and Wedge."
Vicks and Wedge dropped out of a tree, armed with Magitek cannons. "Looking for us?" Vicks asked. The two pointed their cannons at Leo's golden dragon. "Don't move or the dragon's dust."
Leo looked around. "They're here!" he shouted. "Aerith!"
Aerith ran out of the trees, armed with her staff. "Yes, Master?" she asked in a monotone voice.
"Get them!" Leo commanded, pointed at Vicks, Wedge, and the party.
"Hey, what's Kefka doing here?" Wedge asked, looking over at the ex-general.
"Keep your gun pointed at the dragon!" Vicks urged.
"Who are you?" Rudy asked.
"That's Vicks and Wedge," Cid VI said. "They seem to be on our side."
"What happened to Jessie?" Red XIII asked Vicks and Wedge.
"She was a poser," Vicks said. "She didn't possess our regenerative powers. We can get killed over and over but we keep coming back. It does get kind of repititious after a while, though."
While Vicks and the others were talking, Leo twirled his sword and used his Shock attack. A field of red energy rose out of the ground, knocking Jane into a tree and melting Pesmerga's sword.
Aerith raised her staff. "Emerald Weapon!" she shouted, casting a call spell.
The entire island started to shake. Cid VII swore as a massive crack opened in the ground and the Emerald Weapon emerged.
"Something's up with Aerith," Vicks said, trying to put his finger on what was bugging him. "I've got it!" he said, snapping his fingers. He darted by the Emerald Weapon and stunned Aerith with a quick tap on the head from his gun. Vicks pulled a small metal device off her head. "Slave Crown," he said.
Meanwhile, the Emerald Weapon stomped towards Kefka. Kefka cast Fallen One on the Emerald Weapon, taking it down to 1 HP. Confused, the Emerald Weapon paused in its attacks.
Vicks made a few quick adjustments to Aerith's Slave Crown and then put it back on her head. "Yes, O great master?" Aerith said. "Your will is my command."
"Get Leo," Vicks said. Aerith raised her staff and the Emerald Weapon stomped towards Leo.
Leo casually tossed his sword at the Emerald Weapon. The sword struck the Weapon in the gem in its chest. The Weapon (which still had only 1 HP) exploded in a shower of parts.
Cait Sith jumped out of his hammock. "How do you expect me to get any sleep with all this noise and this rain of scrap metal?" he asked irritably. "And where are my donuts?"
"The dragon's got 'em," Rufus explained. "Go get 'em." He grabbed Cait Sith by the fur on the back of his neck and hurled him at the golden dragon. Cait Sith bounced off the dragon's torso. The dragon was holding the bag of donuts in one hand and eating them with the other.
"Hey, give me my donuts back," Cait Sith, grabbing the donuts possessively away from the dragon.
The dragon roared and swallowed Cait Sith whole. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" C.S. shouted. "I'm a busy guy. I don't have time to sit around in your stomach. I could sue you for this, you know. LAWYERS!"
Summoned by the very mention of their names, a hunting pack of lawyers emerged from the depths of the earth in a shower of flame. "Ahhh... mortals," one of the lawyers said. "I vant to suck your money!"
"No!" Leo exclaimed. "Not lawyers!"
"Hey, Leo, didn't you forget to file a resurrection permit?" Wedge shouted loudly.
In one mass, the lawyers charged towards Leo, waving books of regulations and briefcases. Leo ran out of sight, being relentless pursued by the lawyers, all armed with Coin Toss relics.
"I think that's the last we'll be seeing of him," Jane said, watching Leo disappear.
"Hey! Somebody get me out of here!" Cait Sith shouted from inside the golden dragon's stomach.
Cecilia gave the dragon the Heimlich manuever and Cait Sith flew out. "What a shame," Rufus said. "I was hoping he could be a sacrifice to the cause."
"Where are my donuts?" Cait Sith demanded. He grabbed the empty donut bag away from the dragon. "Those were MY donuts," he said angrily.
"He's actually kind of cute," Relm said, looking at the dragon. "I think I'll keep him. What should I name him?"
"Jim-Bob," Kefka suggested.
"Jim-Bob it is," Relm said. "Come along, Jim-Bob. We've got to get back to Thamasa."
"Yeah, me too," Cid VI said. "It's been nice meeting you." He shook Cid VII's hand. "Maybe we can have a Cid convention sometime."
"That's the @#@#in' stupidest idea I've ever heard," Cid VII commented.
"Wait!" Hanpan shouted as Relm and Cid VI hopped on Jim-Bob the dragon to fly away. "What's that around its neck?"
Relm unfastened the chain around the dragon's neck. On the end of the chain was a green gem. "That's the Gem of Hope!"
"We really need that," Emiko said. "Will you give it to us?"
"Sure," Relm said, tossing the gem. "Take it."
"Now we're only missing one gem," Rudy said. "Where is it?"
"I thought Aerith had it," Rufus said.
The group turned to look at Aerith, who was still slightly dazed. "Oh... sure, you can have it," Aerith said, handing them the red Gem of Love. "And thanks a lot for freeing me from Angol Fred's control."
Emiko took the three gems and examined them. "Here they are," he said with satisfaction. "The three gems of the Guardian Amulet."
"Yeah, but what about the Amulet itself?" Jane asked.
"Didn't Angol Fred have that?" Hanpan asked. "When we saw him in the Ancient Castle?"
"Angol Fred's up to no good," Aerith interrupted. "The Guardian Amulet is just part of his larger scheme. He's been resurrecting dead characters all over the place to serve him. I can't remember any more than that... I've kind of lost my memory. But you've got to stop him."
Rudy nodded. "Where is he now?"
"He's in the Chrono Trigger world," Vicks cut in. "You see, we exist simultaneously in several worlds. Right now he's in 12,000 B.C., looking for Schala."
"He's probably trying to collect some new generals," Aerith said. "C'mon, we've got to stop him and get your Guardian Amulet back." She climbed into the Protowing.
"Yeah, let's go," Jack said. The rest of the group climbed into the Protowing and took off in pursuit of Angol Fred and the Guardian Amulet.
| Next chapter: The Search For Schala |