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The Mailbag - October 24th, 1998

The Mailbag returns! In this huge edition, the team tackles covers yesterday's letter, Cait Sith and the 40 Thieves, Nina III, a stolen essay, Babelfish, the Anti-Glick, BOF2 last names, and a new mailbag staff member. And check the sidebar for Spencer's first press release! The Mailbag is undergoing some restructuring. Be sure to read Spencer's press release on the matter.

Q: Um... Hi. I'm new to e-mailing such cool people. Is Cait Sith reading this? Hes da BOMB!
Cait Sith sez: Tick tick tick tick...
Max sez: Hanpan, either termites are burrowing through my skull, or one of us is ticking.

I think I have his personality. Which gets me beat up at school. "I get knocked down, but I get up again"! Anyway, now that I feel at home I wanted to tell you i'm writing my own FanFic. It stars the FF7 characters (and yes, that includes Cait Sith), me, as Snifit 2, and a small parady of lots of movies. I think it's cool. I'm at a part where I become best of friends with Sephiroth, and everyone wants to kill me. But later, I persuade them not to. Can I send you what I have so far in my FanFic? -- Snifit 2

Cait sez: Um, yeah, sure, go right ahead.
Grom sez: TIME TO DIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!

Cait, the reason you werent put in, well... did you read the Fighting Game Clause in your Standard Moogle Riding Esper Contract?
Cait sez: Contract be damned, I'm cute, loveable, and marketable; I can do whatever I want!

Cait, If you could have Yuffie tied in a room to a chair with just you and a weapon, what weapon would it be?
Cait sez: Pop Rocks and Coke!

Hanpan, same question.
Hanpan sez: I'd just open up a can of whoop-ass. And that's the bottom line!

Spencer, same question.
Spencer sez: Uh... I don't know.

Max, same question.
Max sez: A Walther 9mm automatic! Come and get me, ya dirty screw!
Hanpan sez: Hey! Where do you keep that gun?

Fritz, same question.
Fritz sez: Wow, I'll have to think about this one...

Wedge, same question.
Wedge sez: I don't know, whatever I use would probably backfire and end up killing me.

Sephiroth, same question.
Cait sez: Dude, Sephiroth isn't even a mailbag editor. He's off working on his latest cruddy movie, Paradise Lost 2: The Next Generation.

Guy over in the corner who I don't know, same question.
Grom sez: You must mean Grom! Grom say "TIME TO DIEEEE!" and kill Yuffie!

*smiles* here's a Vicks costume for Yuffie. You can guess what i'm talking about.I
Cait sez: I...
Hanpan sez: I...
Max sez: I...

[Gained Yuffie-Sized Vicks Costume]

AAAAAKKKKKKKKKK HEADACH ARAAAAAAAAAAAA@QQQQQQQQQQ damn cold i HATTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE!111111111 ok it's over.

Will you Answer _THIS_ yes or no question with "NO"!?!?!!?!?
Cait sez: No. Oooh, feel the paradox.

Did the old Cait Sith have any cool computer parts you can sell cheap, like a second Mosnter 3D II 8meg? I'm itchin to SLI.
Cait sez: You're itchin' to SLI? Please, this is a family site.
Max sez: Let's kick his puffy white mad scientist butt!

What is your opinion about FF7PC in high resolution?
Hanpan sez: Gosh, I don't know. We only have our opinion programmed in low resolution. We can't give you a high resolution opinion.

Where on the FFVII planet is Greece anyway? We know it's there, BugenHagen said "It's all Greek to me." which means there are greek people, who are from greece.
Cait sez: That is a very good question... and an excellent Deep Thought...

How does Summon Materia work? Is it like a telephone?
Cait sez: I take the Fifth.

*looks at the sky* Seph, is that your falling object?
Cait sez: Hey, I hear The Tale of Genji II is the best asteroid movie this week.

And how come you didn't vote Meliadoul as one of the Really Useless Characters? She kinda sucks.
Cait sez: Well, yes, but not as much as Idiot Boy or, uh...
Hanpan sez: ...or yourself.
Cait sez: Shut up, Hanpan.

And, finally, what's up with Rufus and his door?
Cait sez: If only we knew...
Spencer sez: Stay tuned to Cid Wars III, coming this November!

1. According to the BOF3 FAQ, Nina and Garr were the worst characters to use. On the contrary, I almost always used them in my party, and got through much of the game very easily. What's your opinion?
Cait Sith sez: My opinion is that you are a big fat idiot.
Hanpan sez: Now, be nice, Cait.
Grom sez: I like biscuits.

Change the damn ratings!

2. I thought Peco was a kick-ass character, but he's too damn slow. Anything to say about that?
Hanpan sez: Yeah... that's the bottom line!

3. Nina does NOT look like (or is related to) Yuffie! Okay!?
Cait sez: No!?
Hanpan sez: She's evil, I tell you! Not as evil as Yuffie, mind you, but the second-worst thing.

4. Like the song I made for Cait Sith? Or the other seven (or so) on the page? If not, well, that's too bad...
Spencer sez: We're going to be posting a whole load of songs tomorrow, so stay tuned.

5. Finally, I have a very weird question: If the older versions of both Ryu and Nina of Breath of Fire 3 ever got married, what would their offspring be like? Will they have wings like Nina? Or dragon genes like Ryu? Or a combination of both bird wings AND dragon powers (Boy, that would rock)? Why don't you guys tell me your opinion. Or ask them?
Hanpan sez: Here's a better question... don't Ryu and Nina probably get married in every BOF game? And yet their kids... ewwww...

Anyway, that's it. And there will be more Alan Parsons parodies of songs where that came from.
Cait sez: Who is Alan Parsons, anyway?

Fred Delles
(dellesfy@clarkson.edu)

Q: Umm? Here's a question... Where's the bathroom?

Cait sez: I take the Fifth.

Q: Well, I've returned, much to your dismay.

Good news, I got an abortion. Now you won't have to pay child support, you lucky bastard. Now don't go thinking that this means you can start coming over again, no sir. I still don't need you.
Cait sez: Good riddance to bat rubble.

Anyway, to get to a point, My friend Katie, uh, opps, Tifa says I need to read some MST that you did on your website, but I can't find it. Can you help me out? She said it had something to do with you raping some kid?
Cait sez: I take the Fifth!
Hanpan sez: Try the MST section... just click on "MST" on the sidebar. You're probably looking for Rude Awakening.

-Cid
(Kain's brother, although we don't have the same last name)
Hanpan sez: But Cid (Highwind) and Kain (Highwind) do have the same last name...

Q: TCaith Sith and Crew:

Whats up? Got a couple questions for you:

1) How DID Daravon get his own fanclub anyways? I mean, translations bad I can do and turn on lights to see dark items too!!?!
Cait sez: I take the Fifth.

2) Are you guys going to pay the ransom for glick? If not, I'm up for hire -- I'll get 'im back..for a price.
Spencer sez: You're too late, he's in low Earth orbit now.

3) ::showtune voice:: Give my regards tooo Gold Saucer!!
Cait sez: Hi, Gold Saucer.
Max sez: Hey, guys, I think our answering machine is demonically possessed again. Better than no messages at all, though!

4) Ahem..uh...okay. How about this one -- how does Cloud lug that giant sword around? Can he shave with it? And how do I get my hair to stand up like his?
Cait sez: Check Cloud's Mailbag from a couple months ago.
Grom sez: FEEEEEEELLIIIIIINNNNNGGSSSS!
Fritz sez: On an unrelated note, I need more Grom Hellscream quotes. Does anybody remember any besides "Feeeeeliiings!" and "Time to die!" ?

5) Last and Least, can I beat Daravon up next time he talks about finding dark items? Ppplllleeeaaaasseee???
Cait Sith sez: I take the - uh, sure.

Thanks guys!

~ Parasite: Eel

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