11/29/06
Some people complain that I'm much too negative. Those people might want to turn off their computers for the rest of the day, pull up a newspaper, and read the latest heartwarming installment of Family Circus.
I've got nothin' nice to say today, and it's all about Sega. You know that next-generation Sonic the Hedgehog game that was supposed to save the franchise? It's crap. Nearly every professional game reviewer agrees, with the exception of Dave Halverson... and even the eternally "optimistic" editor of Play magazine was pressured to knock his score down from a 9.5 to an 8.5. This has to be a historical moment! Dave Halverson, the guy who just couldn't get enough of Cybermorph, has finally found a game that left a bad taste in his mouth after shamelessly kissing its ass.
Let me illustrate to you just how poorly received the game has been. Remember Sneak King, the stealth action title sold at a fast food restaurant for a few dollars? That game is getting better ratings than Sonic the Hedgehog.
Wait, there's more! Did you hear about the Game Boy Advance remake of the very first Sonic the Hedgehog game? Well, it's been released, and it's completely terrible. It's like someone took the Genesis title we all loved as kids and fed it through the rusty meat grinder of half-assed American game design (hey, just like Sega's other GBA "gems" Comix Zone and Revenge of Shinobi!). Even Play couldn't give this one the thumbs up, although their review is predictably near the top of the heap of low ratings on MetaCritic. Let's again put this into perspective... the latest Veggie Tales, NickToons, and Naruto games all received higher scores than this piece of crap.
This is the 21st century, Sega. Your days as a big game developer are long gone; flushed down the crapper when you cancelled the Dreamcast and snuffed out what little love that gamers had left for you. Maybe this isn't clear to you yet, but now that your most promising developers have vacated and your other flagship titles have been left rotting on the vine for years, Sonic is ALL YOU HAVE LEFT. You don't have many more chances to get it right.
11/25/06
If there's one wish I have for this generation of consoles, it's that it will spark renewed interest in the simple but endlessly fun games I remember from my youth. Over the past ten years, video games have gotten longer and deeper, without actually going anywhere. The Tony Hawk series is a perfect example... the developers keep stretching the stages and dumping dozens of new tricks into each new sequel, thinking that more random features will automatically result in an improved experience. They're not only wrong, but are pushing away both newcomers who can't deal with the added complexity, and purists who'd rather skate than play what has become an RPG on wheels.
With luck, the industry will distance itself from this distressing trend over the next five years, instead of more tightly embracing it. After all, what's the point of playing a video game for eighty hours when half that time will be spent hunting down slimes, or sailing around the globe for submerged Triforce pieces? And why give players fourteen thousand different moves when they'd be just as happy- and certainly less confused- with a few dozen of them?
All I'm saying is that game developers need to recognize the difference between improving on a winning formula and burying it under a pile of extraneous features. Nintendo claims that its Wii will do just that, bringing accessibility and fun back to an industry which has become obsessed with placating a small but vocal audience. Let's hope they keep this promise, and that their competitors will be inspired to follow in their footsteps.
11/19/06
Well, it's finally out! No, not the Wii... I'm talking about the third chapter of Systematix 2006. I was more than a little verbose in my reviews of the worst game consoles to be released in the last thirty years, so I hope you'll bear with me.
Now on to the news! Apparently Bill O'Reilly (the man responsible for such upstanding journalistic endeavors as A Current Affair and his own nightly blabfest) has an axe to grind with gamers. In one of his recent rants, he blamed the violence that broke out in some lines for the Playstation 3 on the system itself, along with our society's dependence on machines. Well, you know there Bill, there's one machine in our society that numbs more minds than any other. It's called a television set, and I'll be sure to turn it off the next time your show airs.
Jerks like O'Reilly make me ashamed to call myself a Luddite. At least I want people to make the most of the technology they already have, instead of throwing it all in the garbage!
11/14/06
Three days and counting until the Playstation 3 is released... and two days after that, we'll be treated to the Wii. I haven't had any hands-on experience with the latter system, but I did give the PS3 a quick spin at Target last week (you know, the week I didn't update). I gotta say that I wasn't impressed. Motorstorm in particular is nothing special at all; it's just last-gen gaming with a shiny new luster. The developers tried to find a halfway point between the down and dirty thrill of off-road racing and the visceral impact of Burnout, but in the end, you're just left with a lot of pretty explosions on the top of a jagged (sometimes not intentionally) mesa. Hmm... come to think of it, the game isn't as lustrous as you'd think after all the hype.
As for the Wii, the news that Nintendo is already working on a DVD-enabled model has got me thinking that I'd better wait on a purchase. Come on, guys, this was the system you were supposed to give us in the first place! I was willing to buy minor upgrades like the Game Boy Advance SP, Game Boy Micro, and DS Lite, but my generosity only extends so far. Sorry Nintendo, but this time, I'm holding onto my money until you do things right.
Before I go, there's a new chapter of the Pac-Man history page on the site. Go read it, will 'ya?
11/07/06
The third chapter of Josh Lesnick's Pac-Man retrospective is comin' right at 'ya! This time, the celebrated underground artist and former editor of Video Apocalypse chronicles Pac-Man's comeback in the late 1980's, reviewing everything from proto-platformer Pac-Land to the rather loose conversion of Ms. Pac-Man for the Sega Genesis.
11/03/06
Wow, I feel like I've stepped into Bizarro World! GamePro (yes, the game magazine with almost as much street cred as Tickle Me Elmo) is taking over the Electronic Entertainment Expo, and Phil Collins is complaining that people aren't taking him seriously as a recording artist. Hey Phil, that'll happen when you spend six years crooning about orphaned bears and gorillas who sound (and look... and smell!) just like Rosie O'Donnell.
There's good news, though. Someone has finally recognized the brilliance of Solomon's Key, the best puzzle game not designed by shaggy Russian number crunchers. It will be one of the first titles released for Nintendo's Virtual Console service, along with other unappreciated classics such as Ristar and Super Star Soldier.
Oddly, no light gun games are included in the list of launch titles for the Virtual Console, but hopefully, Nintendo will rectify this gross oversight in time to satisfy the itchy trigger fingers of Wii owners by the end of the year. And while you're at it, guys, give us the arcade version of Duck Hunt so we can finally shoot that blasted dog!