1/29/04
Another Saturn review is comin' right at 'ya! This time it's Shienryu, a vertically scrolling shooter which most gamers will know as the budget Playstation release Geki-Oh: Shooting King.
If you're wondering what happened to the comic that was once regularly published on The Gameroom Blitz, well, I'm thinking about pulling the plug on it entirely. I used to love drawing comics when I was younger, but recently, it's become a frustrating and time-consuming process. I personally think that time is much better spent writing reviews and other content for the site. I'm not saying that I'll quit drawing entirely, but if you're expecting new installments of Zoo Logic, you'll be waiting an extra, extra, extra long time for them. I apologize to any fans of the comic, but my heart just isn't in it.
1/26/04
I've been meaning to redesign the Sega Saturn page for years, but so far, only one review has adopted the new layout. Well, now that total's been bumped up to three. I hope you'll enjoy these brand new reviews of Groove On Fight and Mighty Hits.
Speaking of the Saturn, I hope you'll forgive the picture at the top of the page. After playing Final Fight Revenge for the first time in years, I just couldn't resist posting it on the site. I think Higher Voltage said it best... when it comes to Poison, ignorance really is bliss.
1/23/04
Everyone's talking about the latest Nintendo game system... but most of what they've been saying hasn't been very flattering. There have already been multiple comparisons to Nintendo's last daring but ultimately foolish attempt to change the face of portable gaming, the Virtual Boy.
I honestly DO think that the creator of the Virtual Boy had some posthumous influence on Nintendo's upcoming dual-screen portable. However, it's more likely that the inspiration for the Nintendo DS was taken from an older Gumpei Yokoi invention, the multi-screen Game+Watch. These dedicated handhelds really did offer an enhanced gaming experience, with more rounds and complexity than their single screen counterparts.
However, the Game+Watches cost only fifty dollars a pop, and it was understood that each one could only play a single game. The Nintendo DS will cost significantly more... and people are going to expect a lot more entertainment for their money. Nintendo's going to have to bust their butts to keep the system adequately supported, because third parties are going to be very hesitant to approach it. Also, they're going to have to put some powerful hardware in the Nintendo DS for it to handle two screens at once. The IQue player they released in China might be just the ticket... it's cheap, fast, and compatible with the Nintendo 64, which already has a strong software library. It also handles polygons well, making it easy to create the multiple camera angles necessary to take full advantage of the system's dual screen design.
I can't imagine the Nintendo DS being a financial success, but if they play their cards right, Nintendo could win over a lot of skeptical players with this system. Heck, it's happened before... just look at Sega's Dreamcast. Who thought THAT was going to be a fan favorite six months before it was released?
1/21/04
In this update, Tony Bueno serves up two scoops of cynicism in his review of the Burgertime sequel Peter Pepper's Ice Cream Factory. I'm sure Tony would have been a lot happier with that other Burgertime sequel Diner... I've reviewed that on the bottom of this page.
I hate to do it, but I'm tempted to introduce (gulp!) premium content to the site. I've been broke lately and the misfortunes just keep on coming, whether I can actually afford them or not. Donations from readers would help me tackle these expenses, and even give me a budget for game rentals, resulting in more frequent reviews.
1/19/04
The Vectrex special won't be finished for a couple of weeks, so here's a little something to tide you over until then. I've got a long way to go before it's done, but I think it's off to a good start. Give it a peek and let me know what you think of it.
1/16/04
With this update we conclude John Roche's series of strategic RPG reviews for the Game Boy Advance. In this final installment John looks at Onimusha Tactics, the surprisingly subpar portable extension of the Onimusha series.
1/14/04
Instead of a tiny game review on the bottom of this page, how about we try something a little different today? Something like... oh, I don't know... an update of Fighter's Misery, perhaps?
I looked at some preview pictures of Konami's upcoming Silent Hill 4 and was shocked by the main character's striking resemblence to Jodie Foster. Prior to that, Capcom had introduced characters to its own Resident Evil series who looked remarkably like Tom Cruise and Leonardo DiCaprio. I can't help but wonder how long game companies will be able to get away with this before these stars strike back with a lawsuit. After all, their likenesses are a big part of what makes them marketable, perhaps even more so than their acting talent. Companies like Konami and Capcom are using those likenesses without the consent of their respective actors, and they're not getting a dime from the sales of games like Silent Hill and Resident Evil. I predict that there will eventually be a Hollywood backlash, similar to what happened when Metallica took a stand against Napster at the turn of the century. These days, video games are bringing in even more money than movies, and the actors who wind up in these games without even realizing it are going to want a piece of that pie.
1/12/04
You'll notice I dropped a link to On-File on the end of the navigation bar. It's a little project of mine that I've resurrected years after it dropped off the face of the Internet (you can thank Xoom and NBCi for that). In case you've never heard of it, On-File is a video game fanzine archive, which currently features the work of over a dozen talented writers. It's on Geocities right now, but it'll be moving to the greener pastures of FEFEA in a week (you can thank The Lost Levels' Frank Cifaldi for that).
So what's the deal with Apex's new game console? Right off the bat, it earns a strike for its ridiculous, unimaginative name. Really, with a name like ApeXtreme, you half expect one of the launch titles to be Donkey Kong Wakeboarding. If that weren't bad enough, the ApeXtreme is the first game system that not only uses PC hardware, but is specifically compatible with PC games. I've said this about the XBox in the past, and it's even more true in the case of the ApeXtreme... why buy a system that's a watered down computer when you could just, you know, BUY a computer? I'm sorry, but a game console with limited applications and absolutely no exclusive software is a hard sell in my opinion, and I know I can't be the only one who feels this way.
1/10/04
I've made a couple of changes to the links page. Making its debut is Kid Fenris, a cleverly written pop culture site featuring one of the best articles I've seen on the Internet in a long time. In it, the editor puts the hammer down on terrible video game box artwork, ranging from overly beefy depiction of Strider in the Genesis translation of Capcom's sleek side-scroller to the air brushed blunder on the front of the Guardian Heroes instruction manual.
On its way out is Sector: NGP. It's not a bad site, really, but it hasn't been updated in over a year. Worse yet, it's home to the most rude and arrogant message board this side of Yerf. I've taken more than enough abuse from dispicable, self-worshipping bastards like Chad "SignOfZeta" Gombosi, and the last thing I want to do is subject my readers to that kind of treatment. Trust me, folks, you'd be a lot happier visiting a forum with some semblence of civility, like the Retrogaming Roundtable at Digital Press.
1/9/04
Exciting news for NES fans... there's a European translation of the original Mario Bros. that's a good sight better than the one released in America. The enemies are larger and more detailed, there's less flicker, and the control is more flexible... this time, you can shift direction while you're jumping. The arcade version of Mario Bros. is still best, but it was nevertheless gracious of Nintendo to fix all the mistakes they made with their first NES translation of Mario Bros. If only they'd given their conversions of Donkey Kong and Popeye the same treatment!
1/7/04
I don't have much to contribute to the site today... fortunately, John Roche has come to the rescue with another game review. Kudos to you, John!
I recently played Metal Slug 5, and while it's more exciting than the latest Samurai Shodown game, it's still pretty obvious that the series is running low on inspiration. It starts out strong, with rockin' heavy metal music and a fun journey through an ancient, trap-laden temple, but Metal Slug 5 starts to peter out as you progress. The worst part is at the end of the game (spoiler alert!), where you fight a boss who seems horribly out of place. The designers never bother to explain what he's doing in the Metal Slug universe, or why he's fighting you. When you defeat him, he doesn't die in a satisfying explosion... he just flies away, presumably to battle you later in Metal Slug 6. You can't help but feel cheated by this cop-out ending, which offers no sense of accomplishment, no closure... just disappointment. After the credits stopped rolling, I wondered why I even bothered to pick up the controller in the first place.
1/5/04
Well, that wraps up the holidays. Darn, I'm gonna miss 'em.
I heard recently that TechTV and G4 were planning to merge in the hopes of drawing in more (or in G4's case, any) readers. I've been giving this some thought, and have come up with a winning game plan for the combined network:
* Cartoon Network is bringing in fantastic ratings with its Adult Swim programming block. TechTV's replacement needs to fight tooth and nail for this hip late night audience. The network has already made steps in the right direction, but there just isn't enough video game coverage (thirty minutes? Come on...), and TechTV's selection of anime' is lackluster at best. The video game review shows need to be expanded to an hour, perhaps even two, and TechTV should kick lame Japanese cartoons like Soul Taker to the curb and replace them with more compelling animated series. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is an exceptional show that's long overdue for an introduction to the United States. TechTV's programming executives should take a chance on this series... I think they'll be pleased with the results.
* TechTV shouldn't completely divorce itself from shows like Call for Help and Fresh Gear, which provide viewers with useful information about the latest technology. Even though they can be a little dry, they do serve an important purpose. However, there's a lot of shows on the network that aren't of much use to anybody. Thunderbirds are Go! is an outdated relic that's horribly out of place on the network. Robot Wars is a better fit, but it's hard to get as excited about the show as its host, Craig Charles, seems to be. It's time to dump those chumps and replace them with the best programming G4 has to offer.
* The one thing TechTV most lacks is comedy, which would help keep the viewers glued to their seats after watching several straight hours of dry educational television. Believe it or not, nerds have a sense of humor too. Unscrewed with Martin Sargent, a late-night talk show that's best described as a geekier, less gross Tom Green Show, is the only series on TechTV that aims for its viewers' funny bone, rather than their frontal lobe. The network should consider more comedic programming... one promising idea is a series showcasing the best Flash cartoons on Newgrounds.
1/2/04
Dah-dah dah-dah dah-DAH... today's my birthday! Dah-dah dah-dah dah-DAH... I'm gonna have a good time! And you'd better believe I will, thanks to all the great stuff I got between Christmas and New Year's. Over the holiday season I picked up my first MP3 player, a tiny, shiny Yepp loaded with songs from the band Weezer. Sure, it's not an iPod, but who needs twenty gigs worth of music, let alone three hundred less dollars in their pocket? I also picked up a USB joypad with a countless number of buttons (the perfect backup controller!) and received a handful of gifts from my friends. These included the first Saturn emulator that actually worked with my computer and some miscellaneous items from Digital Press, including two packs of Topps cards featuring popular Nintendo characters like Mario and Donkey Kong.
Check out Mario from one of the Donkey Kong cards. He doesn't look much like the pleasantly plump plumber we've all grown to love, more closely resembling an extra from a Popeye cartoon. The only difference is that the big hairy brute who's got his girlfriend is a gorilla, rather than Bluto, who is... hmm. Well, I guess there really isn't that much of a difference after all, is there?
Well, it's time again for some commentary on a freshly released video game. This time, it's the long overdue return of the Samurai Shodown series, brought to us by SNK/Playmore and their accomplices at Yuki Enterprises ("Do I detect a little hostility there?" Yes you do, and there's more coming). I guess I should be thankful that Playmore is bringing SNK back to its roots after two disasterous years of Aruze ownership. However, gratitude is the last thing on my mind when I play a game like Samurai Shodown V.
It's more accurate to describe this game as a regurgitation, rather than a sequel. The vast majority of the characters and backgrounds in Sam Sho V were pulled straight from the previous games, and the new fighters are nothing special... the designers have thrown in evil versions of series favorites Haohmaru and Nakoruru, as well as a few more freakishly coiffed samurai (I swear, their hair looks more pointy and dangerous than their weapons). The worst part is that the bosses have become ludicrously cheap, even by SNK standards. There's a guy who frequently stops in the middle of the match to have a snack, refilling half his life bar in the process. He's teamed up with three goons who do everything from tripping you up to grabbing you from behind, freezing you in place. Most dumbfounding of all is that this dude isn't the game's last boss, but the fucking comic relief!
Another great big annoyance is that the death blows have been removed entirely. There are no character-specific fatalities, no sword-splitting final blows, not even the couriers running offscreen with a straw coffin containing your expired opponent. Even the blood is milky white. In the place of these Samurai Shodown trademarks is a new "enlightenment" mode which is anything but. Achieving a higher state of mind in Samurai Shodown V is even more difficult than it is in real life... notice that tiny discoloration on the far edge of your life bar? You've got to continually sacrifice your rage meter and leave yourself open to attack to (slowly) increase its size. Then, when you're on the verge of death, you've got to destroy your rage gauge entirely and enter a joystick motion the computer never recognizes to earn three seconds of slow motion. Bright move, Yuki. I'm sure Samurai Shodown fans were willing to give up everything they loved about the series for a cheap special effect blatantly stolen from The Matrix.
I'm amazed that Playmore has the audacity to charge three hundred dollars for games on an obsolete system, that could have been designed in a freeware utility like MUGEN. If the president of the company's balls were any bigger, he'd have to consult Dr. Luke Skywalker for a vasectomy.
