Phat Donut
Clyde Hudman: It's Cosmo Canyon's birthday tomorrow, and we need to someone to set up, someone to make the cake, and someone to buy the present.
Neil Hughes: So how should we decide?
Adam: How about JANKEN?
Neil: Good idea!
All: Jan... ken... PON!
Clyde: Yeah! I won! I'll be the setup producer!
Neil and Adam: Jan... ken... PON!
(they tie) Neil: Oops.
Neil and Adam: Jan... ken... PON!
Adam: I won! I'll get the present.
Neil: Hey, you cheated.
Clyde: Neil, that means you have to buy the cake.
Adam: Sshh! Here he comes!
(Erg walks by)
Erg: Hey, guys. Here's your invitations to my birthday party.
(Erg gives them all invitations, and keeps walking. He passed by a table where Yuffie and the Wu-Tai Clan are sitting.)
Yuffie: I didn't get one!
Erg: Hmm... what could I have done with Yuffie's invitation? Oh, I remember now. I wrote it out, then I put it on the FF Network server, and it crashed, and now it's gone forever. Sorry, Yuffie!
(Erg keeps walking)
(Yuffie's eyes start glowing)
Yuffie: You will pay for this, mortal...

PaRappa Files Headquarters
PaRappa: Yes! I've finally finished my report of the Anti-Glick incident.
Sunny: Have you noticed that we're barely in these things anymore?
(the phone rings. PaRappa answers it)
Katy: Agent PaRappa, this is K-T. We've got a very important assignment for you.
PaRappa: What's that?
Katy: A mission, a task... you know, you get them all the time.
PaRappa: No, I meant, what's the assignment?
Katy: We've gotten a call from NASA. They're concerned about a growing mass of former webmasters in low-earth orbit. If the mass continues to grow at its present rate, it will block out the sun in approximately seven months. This could mean the end of life as we know it! ...but no pressure or anything.
PaRappa: All right, we're on it.
Katy: Meet at Cape Canaveral for further instruction. Agent Parish will be accompanying you in this mission.

Cosmo Canyon
(Erg is playing Metal Gear Solid instead of working when the phone rings. He answers it.)
Erg: Hello?
Travis: Heya, Erg, this is Travis. I'm calling from low-earth orbit... I got a question about this invitation you sent me.
Erg: Yeah?
Travis: It says "Blue Pokémon" on it... what's that mean?
Erg: Oh, that's what you're supposed to get me.
Travis: What to get you!? You're not supposed to tell people what to get you for your birthday!
Erg: Yeah, but if I don't get all the colors of Pokémon, I won't be able to catch 'em all.
Travis: I'll get you whatever I want.
Erg: You want me to ban you from the message boards?
Travis: Oh, okay, Blue Pokémon it is.
(Erg hangs up, but the phone rings again)
Erg: What is it?
Clyde: Erg, this is Clyde Hudman. Why does it say "Yellow Pokémon" on my invitation?
Erg: You're supposed to get me the yellow edition of Pokémon... the one with Pikachu.
Clyde: Neil says that you shouldn't let Pikachu into the canyon or he'll take over your mind.
Erg: Oh yeah? Well, tell Neil I'll ban him from the message boards and take down his fanfic.
Clyde: ...and, uh, Erg?
Erg: Yeah?
Clyde: I'm really sorry, but I don't think I can come to your birthday... Zelda comes out that day, and I want to play it.
Erg: What? Zelda comes out on Monday? Whose idea was that? This is all just another one of Yuffie's plots against me, isn't it?

Gongaga Town
(Yuffie laughs evilly)

Cape Canaveral
PaRappa, Sunny, and Katy arrive at Cape Canaveral, where they find J. Parish waiting for them
PaRappa: You must be Agent Parish.
J. Parish: That's right.
Sunny: So how are we going to get rid of all those webmasters up there?
J. Parish: With a Tokéball.
(Parish throws one of the balls up into the air. There is a sucking sound and it falls back to the ground with Andrew Vestal inside)
Sunny: Wow, that's really neat.
(Parish throws some more Tokéballs up and catches Andrew Kaufman, Brian Glick, Allan Milligan, and Brian Maniscalco)
Jay Boor: Hey! What about me?
J. Parish: Sorry, I'm all out.
Jay Boor: Okay, I'll guess I'll just have to watch these videos some more... THEY'RE GAME DEMO TAPES, HONEST!
(Parish releases Vestal, Glick, and co. from the Tokéballs)
PaRappa: Why am I getting the feeling that we didn't even need to be here?
(PaRappa's cell phone rings. He answers it.)
Voice: PaRappa.
PaRappa: Hello? Who is this?
P.J. Berri: You know me as the Donut-Eating Man.
PaRappa: P.J.... what do you want?
P.J. Berri: It's about Anti-Glick... he's escaped from jail.
(ominous music)
Brian Glick: We have to stop him.
AK: Where is he?
P.J. Berri: Right now, he's in Cosmo Canyon... he's at their birthday party.
Vestal: Right, let's go stop him.
PaRappa: Hey, who's running this, you or me?
BSM: Hey, majority rules, right?
J. Parish: We need a new name now.
AK: Let's call in Ted Woolsey!
(Ted Woolsey appears out of nowhere)
Ted Woolsey: You rang?
AV: We need you to think of a new name for the PaRappa Files Agency.
Ted Woolsey (chanting): Change the name, strip down the game... Spoony Name Change Shock!
(the PaRappa Files Agency becomes the Gaming Intelligence Agency)
PaRappa: Hey, what the?
Sunny: But how are we going to get to Cosmo Canyon to stop Anti-Glick?
PaRappa: I know! We gotta believe!
(Brian Glick looks up and sees a space shuttle flying by. He shoots his tongue out at it, catches it, and reels it down to the ground. They throw out John Glenn, hop in, and take off)

Cosmo Canyon
Erg: Hmmm... I wonder what Neil got me for my birthday. Hey, look, the Green Pokémon. Thank you, Neil, you may use the site now.
(Neil gets up to get get some food)
Erg: And what did Adam get me? Oh, it's the Silver Pokémon; feel free to use any section of the site, Adam.
(Cloud gets up for his food)
Erg: Oh, look what Clyde got me, it's the Yellow Poké.... Panzer Dragoon Saga? Panzer Dragoon Saga!
Clyde: It's a really good game; it was just underrated because it was made by Sega.
Erg: You were supposed to get me the Yellow Pokémon, now I can't catch 'em all, you spoony bard!
Clyde: They were all out of them! Honest!
Erg: That's it, party's over, everybody go home!
(Erg switches off his computer and the site vanishes)
Erg: Get out I said! The party's over!
Adam: Whoa dude, you need to mellow out.
Neil: Ahh, Erg does this all the time.
Clyde: Come on, Zelda's out, what are we wasting time around here for?

Gongaga Town
(the GIA's rocket lands in a clearing)
Glick: We'll have to stop here for refueling.
Sunny: Hey, I think Zelda is out.
PaRappa: What!? Not you too, Sunny!
(everybody except Allan Milligan and PaRappa runs off to an EB)

Electronics Boutique
(a huge crowd is gathered to watch the fight between Link and Solid Snake)
Solid Snake: There can be only one.
Link: Yes! Let us duel! To the death!
(Link draws his sword. Snake starts shooting him with Stinger missiles)
Link: Ow! Ooh! Ouch! That tickles!
(Snake runs behind Link and chokes him)
Referee: And the winner and undisputed champion of the video game industry is.... SOOOOOOLID SNAAAAKE!
(everybody starts booing, except for PaRappa and Allan Milligan)
PaRappa: Quick, Snake, we've got to get out of here. (PaRappa, AM, and Snake run out through the emergency exit, with the angry crowd chasing them)
Snake: Where are we going?
PaRappa: Uh, let's go to Cosmo Canyon.

Cosmo Canyon
(Pikachu emerges from the pile of Pokémon games)
Pikachu: hEh, hEh. hE sH0uLd hAve KnowN bEtTeR tHaN t0 LEt mE iN hERe.
(Pikachu goes down to the caves under Cosmo Canyon and finds the bag with the Server WEAPON tied up in it)
Pikachu: heh, hEh.

Outside Cosmo Canyon
(PaRappa, Allan Milligan, and Snake arrive at Cosmo Canyon)
PaRappa: Erg like MGS too. He should help us.
Snake: Hey, what's that? Why is the ground moving?
(a huge cliffside falls apart and the Server WEAPON comes out, with Pikachu riding on it)
PaRappa: Oh no, it's the Server WEAPON again! It's back!

Erg's Office, Cosmo Canyon
(Erg is watching the Server WEAPON. It launches a fireball at Erg's office. Erg keeps watching)
Erg: Don't cry for me, Argentina!
(the fireball hits and blows Erg into Low-Earth Orbit)

Cosmo Canyon Gate
PaRappa: Oh no, they got Erg!
AM: That's the least of our worries now... look!
(the rioiters have arrived at Cosmo Canyon)
Videogames.com Guy #1: We've got you now, Solid Snake!
Voice: Freeze, evildoers!
(the videogames.com guys looks up. There's a helicopter flying overhead)
Videogames.com Guy #2: Oh no! It's Corporal Dan, from the E-Town Police!
Videogames.com Guy #1: We surrender! We surrender!
Corporal Dan: Too late for surrender now! Missile AWAY!
(Corporal Dan fires Tim the Talking Warhead at the videogames.com guys. The videogames.com staff runs off with Tim chasing them)

Low-Earth Orbit
(Erg and Bill Paris are playing an advance copy of PaRappa 2, Jay Boor is watchin his alleged demo tapes, and the ThrillKill characters are busy killing each other)
Erg: Let's see if you can challenge THIS rap.
(Travis flies back into Low-Earth Orbit)
Travis: What? Erg? How did you get up here?
Erg: The Server WEAPON attacked again.
(just then, J. Parish, Neil and the Anti-Glick are knocked out into Low-Earth Orbit)
Anti-Glick: Erg, you've got to stop the Server WEAPON; it's on a rampage.
Erg: Oh, I've had it with all those Server WEAPON attacks.
Neil: I told you shouldn't have let Pikachu into Cosmo Canyon.
Erg: But Pokémon's a fun game!
(everyone stares at him)
Anti-Glick: Ah, he liked SaGa Frontier too.

Cosmo Canyon
(the Server WEAPON is chasing people around Cosmo Canyon and knocking them into low-earth orbit)
Biggs: I'm amazed we haven't been killed yet.
(just then, a shadow falls over him as the Server WEAPON raises a foot)
Biggs: Oh, nevermind.

Low-Earth Orbit
(Anti-Glick, Neil, and Parish are trying to convince Erg to return to Cosmo Canyon)
(suddenly, Charles Frohman shows up)
Charles Frohman: Hiya, Bill. What's going on up here?
Bill Paris: Oh, these guys are trying to convince the guy in the PaRappa hat to go back to his website.
Charles Frohman (to Erg): Hey, you, get back to work or I'll hit you with my bat.
Erg: But I don't -
(Charles Frohman starts hitting Erg with this baseball bat)
Erg: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, I'll go back!

Cosmo Canyon
(Erg comes flying down from low-earth orbit)
Erg: Begone, Server WEAPON!
(nothing happens)
Erg: D'oh.
(Alhazad appears)
Alhazad: Super Transmitted Mega Crush!
(Alhazad zaps the Server WEAPON and sends it flying into low-earth orbit)
Erg: Wow! It's Alhazad! I'm your biggest (...and only...) fan!

Two days later
Erg: Happy birthday to meeee... happy birthday to meeeee.....
Clyde: Cosmo Canyon's birthday was two days ago.
Erg: Yeah, it rocked, I can't believe I actually got to meet Alhazad. I even got his autograph!
Dullard: Better late than never, I thuppothe.
Erg: Yeah, now that Server WEAPON is gone for good, we can finally celebrate. What else could possibly go wrong?
(suddenly, there's a storm and the lights go out)
Erg: D'oh.

And thus concludes the PaRappa Files. Stay tuned for something bigger and better (which isn't saying much), coming soon to Cosmo Canyon! Once again, no offense is intended to any people, sites, or organizations mentioned in the PaRappa Files.