Students swarmed out of Instructor Hawwa's classroom, winding their way around Mengshi, who was waiting patiently by the door. Chu-Chu tried to shake her seatmate awake. "Yuffie! Yuffie! Wake up, Yuffie; we've got chu go!"
Miang looked up from collecting her papers. "Oh, that reminds me," she said. "Chu-Chu, could you come see me for a moment?"
"Oh." Chu-Chu hesitated, not sure what to do. She couldn't really ignore her instructor's request, but if Miang knew why Chu-Chu was in such in a hurry to leave, she'd want Chu-Chu to go too. But what if Miang wanted to answer that question about her hair? "Um... I, um, kind of have to go." She grabbed Yuffie's hand and goaded her out of the classroom at a top-speed waddle.
Miang shrugged. If Chu-Chu didn't want her present, she couldn't exactly force it on her. She stuffed the wrapped package in her briefcase with her art history textbooks and class notes and headed for the door.
"How was class?" Mengshi asked.
Miang shrugged. "Not bad." Actually, it was a lot more than that. Being able to contribute something out of her own soul - not out of her guilty conscience - was beautiful and wonderful. She was happy to embrace all the work, the good days and the bad days, the arguments and the praise. Anything to let her experience life the day it was meant to be experienced: day to day, free from the burden of trying to construct some great purpose out of it.
She didn't feel bad that what was once the greatest gift imaginable had been reduced to "Not bad." Rather, she was happy about it: It proved just how much her life had been turned around. Being valued was no longer a rarity but something that happened every day. While sometimes people needed to reminded of how much they had to appreciate it, other times it was better they just lost themselves it all.
"Still okay with going down to the beach?" Mengshi asked. "You're the birthday girl; it's your choice."
Miang shrugged. "Sure." Even after several months at Garden, there was still so much of the world she had yet to make part of her own life. She had never genuinely celebrated a birthday before - only other people's - so how could she know what she wanted? She wanted very much to enjoy this day; she had even been looking forward to it. It was just that she didn't know what she enjoyed until she tried it. That was how this kind of learning usually went: She jumped into the middle of it all and watched until she could sort out the events circling her head into likes and dislikes.
"Good; I think you're be pleasantly surprised." Mengshi smirked. Obviously, she was planning something - Miang was not so out of touch with human behavior as to not surmise that.
But Miang liked being surprised. That was one of the joys of no longer being "cosmically significant." The ability to accept that she didn't know everything. Once, anything unknown, anything that she couldn't completely account for, had posed a terrible threat to her master plan. But now she held the master plan to nothing. She was just another wanderer through this great fascinating universe, and she could accept those meandering butterflies however they strayed into her life. She had learned to bend so that she did not break.
She smiled. Serenity. That was her weapon against the fear and guilt that still trailed her. Every day she lived was another brick in a new self. She had a few more positive experiences, and the ratio of evidence for her life to evidence for staying in hell continued to grow. Each day she got a little more happy, a little less crazy.
She didn't even really mind those eons of darkness any more, she mused as Mengshi's car zipped towards the beach. Oh, she had certainly not forgotten them. But she had lived in Balamb long enough that she was starting to think of herself as one of these normal human beings, and not the being of evil watching over humanity. Even if her dark years still dwarfed the few months she'd lived here, she knew this was her true self, and all that was the aberration.
And so what if she had been misguided for so long? She felt no guilty over that. She could not hold the ten thousand years she spent living other people's lives against herself. She had only been doing what she had been created to do! How could she have known anything else? Nor could she really fault herself for the two years she spent in hell. Disillusionment and confusion were only natural after having her entire existence upended. But she had emerged from it all and found peace, not in any extreme but in living a life that ran through every color and shade of gray imaginable. It all sounded a little like something Zell had told her once.
And, as Mengshi was so fond of saying, all was well that ended well.
As soon as they arrived at the beach, Miang knew why she had been summoned by here. It was a party. A birthday party, judging from all the specially-printed "HAPPY 10,003RD BIRTHDAY" balloons. All her friends from Garden had come. She saw Quistis, the Kramers, Irvine, even that thing from the cafeteria in a quick scan of the crowd.
She continued to look around the sea of wonders she suddenly been tossed into. A couple of picnic tables were stocked with plenty of food and a pyramid of wrapped gifts. Her eyes hesitated on the latter simply because she didn't know what to think of it. What could they have gotten her? She could have felt guilty that people were buying her presents, but she knew it was because they cared about her. Which was she was eager to see what was inside. She wanted to know what they'd thought she'd like to have. Wanted to have her personality - and, yes, she did have one these days - acknowledged and confirmed.
Selphie had even dragged a generator down and she, Zell, Yuffie, and Chu-Chu were plugging their instruments to it. It was a whole birthday party, just like a normal human being would have. And it was all for her. So this was why Chu-Chu was in such a hurry. Miang shook her head. "Who organized all this?"
Mengshi grinned. "Take a wild guess."
Hearing herself indicated, Selphie looking from her. She shrugged and giggled. "Hey, you don't need a reason to have a party," she teased over her guitar feedback.
Miang looked around the crowd again. Some had come forward to greet her; others were still hanging out on the beach or already digging into the food. There had to be twenty people here. Even people she didn't know all that well had come! "Gooodness, you must have invited everyone."
Selphie grinned. "Yeah, pretty much, and everyone came too! Well, except for one. Mikoto said it was 'irrational' and 'arbitrary' to care about your birthday because 'it's just another day.' We only celebrate our birthdays to sell cards for Hallmark, apparently."
Quina suddenly jumped in front of Miang and thrust a large cardboard box towards her. "Need to open my present right away," he insisted, his tongue flapping about as he nodded eagerly to emphasize his point.
Miang took the box and obligingly tore off the ribbons. Something croaked and hopped out in a blur.
Lucca screamed and dived behind Yuffie. "Yuffie, it's a FROG! I hate frogs!" She clung to Yuffie's leg and peered out at her amphibious nemesis.
"Gawd."
"Froggie good pet for Instructor Hawwa," Quina said sagely. "Now you have something to take care of! Not feel so useless that way. And if you get hungry, froggie very tasty to eat too!"
"Yuffie, make it go away," Lucca whimpered, still shaking.
Miang scooped the frog back into his box. "Does he have a name?" she asked as she raised her new pet up for closer examination. She smiled gently at the frog. Yes, raising the little creature did seem an appealing prospect. After all the nurturing she'd needed, it felt good to be able to raise other things. It made her feel like their investment had been worthwhile; that she could - as Mengshi had suggested - pay it forward
Quina shook his head, causing his tongue to flop about again. "No name yet. You decide!"
"Name it after an angel," Yuffie advised. "That way everyone will know it's Important."
"It's a frog; it doesn't deserve that," Lucca protested.
"I think chu should name it Luvy Chubacca McKeroKero."
"How about Vnukkea?" Rikku suggested.
"Just settle on something so I don't have to look at it!"
Vibri waved his hand. "Is it a girl? You should call it Mary Jane. Hee hee hee!"
"Shut up, Vibri. Even an angel name like Sandalphon is better than that."
Miang brightened. "Sandalphon! That's a good name! Thank you."
"I hate myself."
Selphie grabbed her microphone. Oh, thank goodness she didn't have to give any FKF speeches these days. "Okay! The birthday's girl here -" a chorus of "Happy birthdays!" arose from the crowd "- so let's bring out the cake!"
Quina took the lid off his cake and lit the candle while everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to Miang. Quina gestured towards the cake. "I baked myself," he said proudly.
"BAKED!" Vibri shrieked. "You said 'baked!'"
Lucca clonked him on the side of the head. "Shut up, you stupid pothead."
"I SMOKE WEED!"
Miang finally made her way to the picnic table and wedged herself into a spot between Mengshi and Edea. Quina pushed the cake towards her. "Only one candle. No can fit ten thousand candle on one cake!"
Miang chuckled. That was okay. Only one really counted anyway. She sucked in some air and was about to blow it out when Mengshi blurted, "Don't forget to make a wish!"
Oops, she had forgot. She knew of the custom, of course; she'd been to many, many birthday parties. Some had even for the person whose body had been inhabiting at the time. But since she never had to speak her wish aloud, she never had any need to think of one.
I wish for love and peace for all, she thought, and blew out the candles. Everyone cheered again, and Miang could do nothing but smile.
Yuffie peered at the food. "This stuff looks gross," she announced. "Good thing I brought my own food." She pulled her crumpled sack lunch out of her sweatshirt pocket, tossed it on the table, and removed its contents. She unwrapped the ice cream bar and dumped Sunny D over it, the table, her chair, and the sand.
Lucca stared at this spectacle, scarcely able to believe she had witnessed what she had. "Yuffie, that's disgusting."
"Oh, Gawd, don't you start on that too. Look, that's-" She gestured at the rest of the food. "-disgusting. This stuff is good."
"Whatever you say, dear."
"LUCCA, CORRECT."
"Hey, Fujin, that reminds me. What happened to all those people who were with you in Dricas? They just sort of vanished 'n stuff."
Fujin shrugged. "DON'T KNOW."
Bouncing with enthusiasm, Rikku was the first to hand Miang her present. Miang unwrapped it to discover a small music box. She opened it. A small angel figurine started spinning and the national anthem of Balamb chimed out of it. Miang smiled. "That's very nice; thank you."
"Welcome!" Rikku grinned and nodded and sat back down.
Quistis was the next to present her gift: a needlepoint rendering of a butterfly. Chaos theory. I'll never know everything about the universe. Miang smiled faintly. Her eyes remained on the picture, absorbing over and over the love that had been invested in it. Quistis made all this because she cared about Miang - and because she knew Miang well enough to know what touched Miang's heartstrings. Both of those concepts made Miang very happy.
Quistis could tell that Miang appreciated this gift very much - so much so, in fact, that Miang was not what sure she could say to measure up to it. She finally looked up and stared at Quistis. Her mouth opened slightly, waiting to say the words she hadn't come up with yet. "Thanks," she stammered. "It's very pretty and I know you spent a lot of time on it and I really like it. I'm going to hang it in my room." But Quistis knew how Miang felt, and the knowledge that she was bringing joy to others was thanks enough.
Fujin continued the artistic theme with a framed watercolor painting of Garden from afar. Wow, that's very good. Did she do it? Miang's eyes sought the corner of the picture, where she did indeed the initials "FK." "I didn't know you painted," she said with a surprised respect.
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"Thank you; it's very nice." She added it to her stack of gifts.
Raijin's present was a little less immediately appealing: it was an inflated blue-and-white ball. Miang gingerly lifted it out of the package and stared at it, trying to discern for what purpose Raijin had given her this item.
"It's a Blitzball!" Raijin explained eagerly. "I can show you how to play sometime, ya know?"
"Sure," Miang hesitated. She set the Blitzball down on the ground and resumed opening her presents. Nida gave her an Amazon.com gift certificate, pleading that he couldn't think of anything interesting. The Kramers contributed a large poster of the angel statues in the Nisan cathedral (which drew another long, peaceful smile out of Miang), Xu a copy of Hungry Hungry Shoopufs ("Shoopufs not as hungry as me!" Quina insisted), Seifer a Leviathan plushie, and Rinoa a rather shoddy-looking model of the Phantom Train.
"I made it myself!" Rinoa asserted. No one looked particularly impressed.
But Squall quickly moved to redeem her. "Rinoa and I collaborated on this," he explained as he handed another gift to Miang. "We think it could be a real cross-over fashion sesnation."
She unwrapped it.
It was a T-shirt. A red T-shirt.
But it was not just any red T-shirt.
It was a red T-shirt with a picture of Che Guevara wearing emo glasses.
"We thought about putting pancakes on his head too," Squall said.
".....thanks."
She doesn't like it, Squall thought.
Rinoa smirked, though it was not without a bit of pain. It wasn't too long ago that those distinctions really mattered to her. So long had she fought to have a secure place in the grand scheme of things. Loved ones, her job, morals and principles, her worldly goods and pleasures - all these she had been ever so willing to sacrifice for that unattainable sense of belonging. But ... but those things had been her home all along. And she wandered no more. She would have said that her dreams went up in smoke, but she thought she had just found better ones.
"Whatever you want to be," Squall interjected. That was a really deep and meaningful line! Hopefully it would win some points with Rinoa.
Selphie grinned. She liked how the world could still hold some things together. Three years after they'd met, they could still hang out and laugh about Rinoa's train-making skills. That felt like home more than anything else ever did: Being able to return to one's friends no longer they'd been separated, instantly flip to the same page, and know that, sometimes, life wanted people to stay together and be happy.
"You know," she murmured to Zell, "the more things change, the more they stay the same..."
"...but the more they stay the same, the more they change." Zell guessed the remainder of the thought.
"Yeah. Exactly." Love and hope and faith, the keys to a happy life, had stood unchanged for millennia. But at the same time, the goodness in them kept working even as they lived their lives, kept improving the world around them and creating more light...
"You're going to love my present," Lucca said with no shortage of confidence. She plopped a rectangular box down in front of Miang. Miang quickly opened it and lifted out a stack of papers titled "Love & Peace: The Trigger Paradox." "What's this?"
"It's my screenplay," Lucca explained. "I adapted it from Xu's book. We're going to be famous!"
Interesting. Miang flipped through to the ending, curious to see how someone else would interpret her life. But she couldn't find any reference to her in the script's final ending; there was only a celebrating Chu-chupolin village. "You seem to have to changed a few things," she said. She couldn't be too picky; Lucca surely needed to change some things - and it was a gift - but she wondered how she could be left out of this story. Her still-fragile ego was a little upset. "I don't seem to be anywhere in the ending."
"Yeah! That's because you die when Yuffie karate-chops you into a pool of molten steel in slow-motion during the climactic final battle. And there's all these doves flying around and shit. It's going to be awesome!"
"Uh..." Miang flipped back a few pages to find the offending scene. The script-Lucca was recounting her exploits to a rapt crowd at her victory parade (not that any such event had ever existed) in Balamb. Miang read over the speech, speaking the dialogue aloud without even thinking. "'...and then! I dealt the fallen angel a mighty blow with the Lance of Longinus, which, combined with the destruction of the false Lilith homunculus by the Resonance Drive interfaced with the Type A Philemon mecha, baptized the 17-dimensional superstring antitype of Zarathustra, which was the final celestial barrier remaining to the quantum seraph synchronization of Merkava...' what is this nonsense?"
"Important stuff."
"Mm-hmm."
"Wait! I've even got the trailer all planned out! Okay, it starts like this. 'In a WORLD where LIGHT is DARKNESS, where LIES are TRUTH...'"
"I dealt a mighty blow to Franz's Lance of Longinus the other day, if ya know what I mean," Chu-Chu announced. "With the emphasis on Longinus. Woobaby."
"My present didn't make it through customs," Vibri explained in apology. "Why do dogs need such a freaking good sense of smell, anyway? What's up with that?" He giggled.
Selphie, however, did have a present. "I hope this isn't too similar to what Quistis gave you," she said as she gave Miang a tiny box. "But Irvine suggested it and I thought it was a great idea."
"'ONE WOMAN stands between DESTRUCTION ... and SALVATION.' Then we see me jumping away from the explosion at the Queen's palace, and there's some car chases and stuff."
Miang unwrapped the box and opened it to discover a necklace with a small gold butterfly. She again smiled that smile of sincere, grateful awareness that she had been blessed. "No, no, it's very nice; thank you. I think I was long overdue for a replacement." She took off the Ouroboros necklace she still wore, stuffed it in her pocket, and replaced it with Selphie's butterfly.
Selphie grinned. Booyaka! It was too fitting. Out with the unchangeable, in with the unknown. "I got it at Disneyland," she explained.
Irvine handed over his gift: an equally tiny box. Another piece of jewelry? Miang opened it with faith, and inside was a treasure she'd never seen before: A pack of Triple Triad cards! Mengshi and Quistis played this all the time, but she was still too self-effacing to try to involve herself. She was very happy that someone else had done that for her. "I was thinking about getting you the Jet Baby chess set, but I settled on this instead," Irvine explained.
She smiled. "Oh, you made the right choice. I was getting really tired of that other game."
"Yeah, and it's a non-zero-sum game because chu can trade cards and you both win!" Chu-Chu piped up.
Miang chuckled. Yes, Quistis had taught her all about non-zero-sum games too. Life was one, for example. She used to think that there was no room for her in the mortal world, that holding any sort of place meant someone else was losing a place. But now she knew love was not a piece of furniture that only one person could own. It was like the flame of a candle, or the ones and zeroes that made up a photograph of a museum exhibit. Passed around and duplicated, spreading across the world like the most benevolent virus ever created.
"Thank you; I certainly looking forward to playing," she said. She glanced over at Mengshi and Quistis and saw the triumphant smiles on both their faces; it was obvious they had been in on this gift.
"...and then that's when you wakeboard through a flaming hoop and..."
Zell's present was, of course, the same thing he gave to everyone who didn't already have it: a copy of "Bloodsucking Penis Fish" by the Filth Brigade. "Oh boy, a CD from some obscure punk band that I've never heard of," Miang said with a gentle amusement.
"It's actually really good," Selphie said as she fiddled with her Rubik's Cube. "I promise! Read the liner notes!"
Miang stared over Selphie's shoulder. "You still haven't gotten that thing solved yet?"
"Nope." Another twist, and another twist, but still no luck. She put the cube down and frowned at it.
Miang picked it up. Her hands breezed through several adjustments and she set the toy back down on the table, complete. "Like that?"
"...thanks."
"Then this is where we give away the plot of the whole movie. And then it goes, 'ONE HOPE... ONE WEAPON... ONE WARRIOR.' GWEN STEFANI is YUFFIE KISARAGI in..."
"Shut up, Ashtear; no one cares," Seifer snapped at her.
"Wait, but what if I got that Nickelback guy on the soundtrack? Would you care then?"
Yuffie leaned over and whispered to Miang, "Uh, don't mind her; she's a little tilted on her axis."
"I got chu this," Chu-Chu said, handing Miang a small square package wrapped in Hello Kitty wrapping paper. Miang tore it open, eager to see what someone as perverted as Chu-Chu would buy her. But it was something of a let-down: only a simple plastic compass.
"This is... surprisingly non-sexual." But she actually was delighted. Chu-Chu's compass had, of course, had always had great meaning to her. Once it represented a mysterious something she desired with her face pressed up to the glass but could not partake of. Now ... it was a reminder of what she already had. And how fitting that Chu-Chu gave her one just as Miang was set to return the original.
"I was going chu get chu a Hello Kitty vibrator but Selphie said no," Chu-Chu explained. "So I thought chu might something like this to remind you that there's always some direction chu can take. I mean... even if chu don't believe in the Wondrous Mambo God, chu can solve your problems if have you faith in yourself and your friends."
"It's perfect. Thank you so much. And ... that reminds me; I have something to give to you." She retrieved the package from her book bag and handed it to Chu-Chu. A little bit surprised, Chu-Chu opened it.
Chu-Chu's eyes went wide. "Chu found it!" She lifted her broken compass reverently from the package. Its needle was still jammed permanently skyward, but that didn't matter now. She already had a new, working compass for her prayers. But this was the one that had carried her through years, through her terrifying first day at Garden and her mission to hell. She had only wanted to have back with her, but she had assumed it had been lost forever. Praise be to Mambo!
"I had it all along," Miang explained. "You dropped it when we were fighting in hell, and I kept it because I wanted something to give me faith and hope like you. I've been meaning you to give it back to you."
"Oh." Chu-Chu frowned. It wasn't nice chu steal her things! But she knew Miang had been going through some really trying times, so it was all okay. She understood. And this meant that Miang would really appreciate this new compass! She brightened. "Is there anything else you've been meaning to give me?" She winked.
"Never mind."
There was only person left. Selphie nudged her. "...Yuffie?"
Yuffie looked up. "Huh? What?"
"Um, did you remember to get Miang a present?"
"Uh..." Yuffie turned bright red.
"Oh, that's going to cost you a few grades," Miang announced dramatically, provoking a round of good-natured laughter.
"But, um, Mother Brain asked me to give you this card. It's in my handwriting, 'cause, like I had to write it for her, y'know?" Yuffie pulled the wrinkled card out of her lunch bag and slid it down the table to Miang. Miang took it and read it aloud so they could all hear.
"Dear Miang Hawwa,
I have not spoken to you but Yuffie forwarded me a copy of Xu Mengshi's book 'Love & Peace,' in which it seems our stories were both intertwined. I found your tale compelling and am happy to hear that you, like I, have found your place in the world. Of course, as a creation that has been self-aware for less than a year, it is probably impossible for me to comprehend all that can transpire in the span of ten thousand and three years. On the other hand, I have had quite a bit of experience doing impossible things.
I believe there is little more I can say to you than that. More than anyone, you have seen all the misery that existence has to offer, yet you too have learned to seize that which is higher than the realm of the possible. I am sure that if you, if even a network of computers designed only for playing video games can come to understand this, hope remains for every conscious organism. Whether they are a long-lived guardian like yourself, a electronic program such as myself, a young child just taking its footsteps, or a middle-aged worker, they all belong somewhere.
Your life and the world are both beautiful. Cherish them.
Be excellent to each other.
Best wishes,
'Mother Brain'"
Wow. That pretty much spoke for itself. Miang set the card down, not sure what she could say. Funny how now she could be the one blown away by the eloquent, wizened speech of others.
But in the time that Miang had been reading the card, someone small and furry swaggered up to the table. Yuffie stared at her nemesis, mind recoiling. "Oh no, what is he doing here?"
Cait Sith's air of smug, cool confidence remained perfectly intact as he replied. "Heard there was a birthday party goin' on here, so I thought I'd bring a present." He handed Miang a wrapped box. She shook it, suspicious of what it might contain, but could find no reason not to open it. So she lifted out a signed copy of The Legend of Cait Sith Gets Some and stared dubiously at it. "It's a great book!" Cait quickly asserted. "And if anyone else wants a copy, I'll be here selling them all night! Hell, I'll even your sign your copy for free. I'm cuttin' me own throat!"
Lucca stared at him. "Who are you?"
"My name's Zadkiel."
"SOLD!"
"Gawd, Luc-caaaa! " Yuffie seized Lucca's sleeve, as if to somehow restrain her from this decision. She was completely horrified by her friend's behavior. How could Lucca stoop this low, betray her like this? "Don't buy his stupid book! Like, it sucks and he didn't even write it!"
But Yuffie's pleas could not stop from Lucca from digging into her purse and fishing out several bills. Cait Sith stared like a hungry animal at each unit of currency as it traveled into his hands. And then came his triumphant moment, when he handed a copy of his book over to Lucca. At last, his first sale! It happened about six months later than he hoped, but, hey, this only proved persistence paid off. Now he was really on the road to stardom. Why, if he was lucky, by the end of the month he might even sell two more! He adjusted the collar of his cape, feeling very satisfied with himself. "New York Times bestseller list, here I come, bay-beeee!"
Lucca stared at her newest purchase. Something about it troubled her. "Hey, if your name's Zadkiel, why does it say 'Cait Sith with Michael Crichton' on the cover?"
Whew! Yuffie thought. Maybe she wouldn't fall for this after all.
"Well, the more the merrier, right?" Cait Sith said. "I wrote it by committee."
"Oh, this might make a good movie, then. I write screenplays, you know, and I'm all about that least common denominator thing." Intrigued, she checked the inside flaps. "Ooh, a plot that fits in one paragraph. That's always a plus. And the world always needs more stories about Cait Sith."
"Lucca, Ga-awd!"
But Lucca was already sold on this new idea. She flipped through the book. "Hmm... you should put the Cids in this. Everyone likes the Cids. And Mayor Domino."
Cait Sith frowned. "Dude, all those jokes about raincoats and PaRappa were old in 1998."
"Hey, the older the joke, the better! No wants to watch anything new. This way everyone knows exactly what they're getting."
"Hmm, yeah, you've got a point there," Cait Sith said. Then a related thought struck him. "I got some monkey girl to look at this book a while ago and she said my older stuff was better. Maybe should I just write the same story over and over."
"Yeah, you can't let down your fans!"
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "I give up." She returned to the band's corner where Selphie, Zell, and Chu-Chu were already waiting. "What song do you guys want to do?"
"Ooh, a band; can I play?" Cait Sith pulled his guitar out of the infinite storage space of his cloak. "Don't worry, I've got over four years' experience!" He raced across the beach and seized one of the microphones. "HELLO, BALAMB! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?"
Selphie quickly shoved Cait Sith out of the way and took the microphone. "Yeah, I'd like to dedicate our next song to all the friends in the world, whether they're ours or someone else's, whether they're here with us now or -" she turned her eyes briefly skyward "- somewhere else. This is -"
Chu-Chu tapped Selphie on the knee and whispered something.
"Okay, I guess Chu-Chu wants us to play one of her songs instead. So Sun Hye, you're just going to have forgive me for this one."
"All right!" Chu-Chu yanked the mic down to her height. "This is a rock'n'roll song which we will be doing for you which is called 'Casper the Homosexual Friendly Ghost.' It is dedicated chu my one true love: the bishounen. HIT IT, YUFFIE!"
Miang did not even have to wonder whether Selphie's invocation of her "friends" might be so generous as to include her. It did. That was not always something she would have been sure either. Once the comment would have triggered a wave of doubt. She would wonder whether she was good enough to be in that category, assume she was not, and envy those who were. What glorious freedom self-assurance was. It was a gift, perhaps, but if it was, it was one she had given herself. Because she knew that it was ultimately her own faith that had freed her from doubt. Had she not taught herself to believe where she did not see, she would not be here.
Instructor Hawwa of Balamb Garden. She had many names, but she liked that one the best. With the "of" in there. It made her feel that she was a part of something bigger than her lone wandering soul. People needed and wanted her; by living her life just the way she was contributing. And, she mused, that magical "of" did not only make her "feel" that way. It reminded her of something she knew was true.
If only you could be here now, Mikoto, I think you might finally understand. Miang wasn't sure how well the true nature of Mikoto's quandaries ever got communicated to the rest of Garden, but she always knew where the poor girl's existential crises came from. Miang too had been a wandering soul seeking to transmute itself into something that was truly a part of the world, and she knew that purpose was easy to grasp at but hard to hold. Life was mysterious and illogical; reason never could produce an airtight explanation of what their goals should be in life.
Political crusades for the betterment of humanity. Moral crusades - suffering so others did not. Relentless academic pursuits. Slavish devotion to another person. A flawed vision of a perfect romance. Social and economic standing. Snobbery and elitism about the most irrelevant things. People aspired to many things to fill that hole.
But none of those were love.
None of those were what had brought her out of hell, had brought her to Garden, had brought so many people here to celebrate her birthday. If life, consciousness, their souls should not rationally exist, then it was only fitting that the answer to the puzzle they created lay in something that was not entirely rational itself. And now she was surrounded by peers - not sycophantic underlings, but people as fully human as her! - who had come here because they liked and appreciated her. Standing in the midst of them, she knew that she had found something that she had been looking for far too long. She leaned closer to Mengshi and whispered, "You know, there's still a part of me that feels guilty that everyone went to all this trouble for me, and hates whatever it is about me that makes them do this."
Mengshi nodded. "I know," she said, untroubled.
"But you know what? Everyone seems to be having a good time and I am too, so what the hell." She grinned and gave the Blitzball a mighty kick. It soared over the crowd. Miang watched it with a degree of satisfaction. That kick had not been born out of rational cosmic necessity, there was no need for it, but watching the ball fly pleased her anyway. And why did it need explanation? It was nice to be finally obeying some higher principle than feeble human logic.
Yes, perhaps she and life were not as fundamentally opposed as she had once thought. Perhaps she could sustain herself while still contributing to the betterment of the universe. Somewhere between the despair of extremes she had found a life worth living, a meaningful existence. She smiled and watched the ball spiral up into the dimming sky, where the twinkling light of the North Star watched over them, as it had all things that had come before and all things that were still to come.
And they all lived happily ever after.
~fin~