The party -- now including Rufus, Cloud, Barret, Cid, Vincent, Orlandu, Olan, Delita, Sephiroth, and Cait Sith (Daravon had had to return to Sildobas to the study he resume to complete with) -- stood at the foot of Mt. Kyukrein, a dark gray peak on the northern end of the Alazern peninsula. Storm clouds circled overhead, and a lightning bolt illuminated the sky as the party approached. It was all your classic Evil Bad Guy Headquarters setup.
A rocky trail led up the mountain, so the party set off. The side of the mountain was dry, dusty, and sparsely vegitated. Occasionally, the party would come across a black-robed figure resembling a Sephiroth cultist.
"Here, have a smoke," one of those such figures said, offering a pack of cigarettes to Cid.
"Thanks, buddy," Cid said, taking the proferred gift. They continued on. "Nice fellows, those," Cid commented as he lit one of the cigarettes.
"They're secretly trying to kill you, Cid," Cloud said. Cid just shrugged.
Eventually, the trail stopped a cave. The party, with Orlandu and Delita in the lead, stepped inside. The stone, smooth-floored, cave was illuminated by torches. It did not appear to be a natural cave, but rather a product of the robed individuals sitting at a table and chanting "Zenogias."
"Let's get a recording of this," Cait Sith whispered to Cloud. "We could turn it into a CD and make millions."
"I'll take care of them," one of the black-robed figures said, getting up from the table. None of them appeared surprised that Cloud's band had arrived. The other figures did a fast shuffle out of the room, while the one prepared to fight.
As he came towards the light, Orlandu got a better look at him. It was Rofel. "I heard what you did to Algus," Rofel said. "I won't be so easily defeated."
"That's what they all say," Barret retorted.
Rofel produced the Cancer Zodiac Stone from his cloak. The traditional Lucavi transformation effects went off, producing a delighted "Wheee!" from Cait Sith. When it was over, a huge silver crab stood in the cave.
Orlandu attacked the crab with a Lightning Stab. "Hey, that rhymed," he noted as the attack was absorbed by the crab's armor. Cloud used an Cherry Blossom he had been charging up since they arrived at the mountain, but it just bounced off Rofel's shell.
Lucavi-Rofel advanced, snapping his pinchers. He opened his mouth and breathed out a blast of water, pushing Cloud and Orlandu backwards. They bowled into the people behind them, and they all tumbled out of the cave. The jumble of characters started rolling down the mountain before colliding painfully with a cliff face.
Rofel advanced slowly out of the cave as the group struggled to disentangle themselves. Rufus took a couple of shots at the crab, but they just pinged off.
"Psst, Cloud, try to get him to say Holy Stone," Cait Sith whispered. "Maybe the robot guy will come."
"There's another one up there!" Vincent cautioned, pointing upwards. Standing on a ledge on the mountainside was a flaming skeleton wearing a breastplate and carrying a pair of jagged swords.
But the skeleton was not another Lucavi. It jumped down and landed directly in front of Rofel, holding its swords ready to strike. "I've been looking for you Lucavi," it growled. "Give me back my ship or die!"
"Your airship?" the Rofel-crab said in a barely-intelligible mumble.
"The one you have in Murond!" SoulEdge said. "Give it back to me!"
"You think you can stop us?" Rofel mumbled. He snapped one of his pinchers at SoulEdge, but the skeleton did a nimble back flip out of the way. SoulEdge then performed his Critical Edge, smashing through the crab's shell and piercing its heart.
Rofel exploded in typical Zodiac fashion, leaving just the crab shell. "The battle was won by.... SOUL Edge!" a disembodied voice announced. SoulEdge growled in acknowledgement, then set off into the cave.
"Who was that masked man?" Cait Sith said.
"I don't know, but whatever it was, it just saved us," Cloud said. He retrieved the Zodiac Stone that had been left when Rofel bit the dust.
Sephiroth climbed inside the crab shell. "Look, I'm the ghost in the shell!" he said.
"Who thinks up those awful puns?" Red XIII said as they entered the cave again. The first room had been vacated, but there were some stairs winding up.
The party ascended the stairs and came to another cave room. It contained an empty bookshelf and little more.
"Hey, look at that," Olan said, pointing to the wall. Hanging on a nail on the cave wall was a picture of Moogles playing poker. He took down the painting and set it on the floor. Underneath the painting was a piece of paper taped to the wall, reading "THERE IS NO SAFE HERE, GO AWAY". Olan took that down too, revealing a combination-lock safe.
"Anybody know how to open these?" Olan asked as he tried to listen for the lock tumblers.
"I had to do one once," Cloud said. "'Course, I had the combination..."
"Let's do it the easy way," Orlandu said. He took a mighty swing at the safe with his sword and smashed the door completely off his hinges.
Olan peered inside the safe. "Zodiac Stones!" he said. He reached into the safe and started taking out stone after stone -- Aries, Gemini, Libra, Scorpio, Capricon, Pisces, Leo, Virgo, and finally Serpentarius. Cloud took each one and added them to the ones they'd already obtained.
"We've got them, then," Cloud said, but as soon as he said that, he realized he was wrong. The Aquarius stone was missing.
"They've probably got it further up the mountain," Delita said. "Let's go."
"Wait a second," Cloud said. "Let's divy up the Zodiac Stones in case something happens to one of us. That way, the Lucavi have to get all of us to get the stones." Following his suggestion, they each took one of the Zodiac Stones. Orlandu and Cloud both carried two.
They exited the cave through a narrow crack in one wall and came out near the peak of the mountain. It was much colder up here than it was below. A faint trail led upwards. They followed the trail as best they could as it wound up the mountain, eventually coming to snowfields and even the occasional ice patch.
"Nothing like a nice walk in the outdoors to liven up the spirit!" Cloud said as he led the group onwards.
"I can't believe you haven't gotten hypothermia," Vincent said. "I mean, I have a cloak and a turtleneck, but you..."
The trail came to a sudden stop at a flat section of snow. "This is it?" Rufus wondered.
The group split up and walked around the area, but found nothing of note. At least not until Cait Sith lay down in the snow to make a snow angel and promptly vanished in a spray of snow.
A hole had been revealed in the snow. Cloud jumped in and landed in a crystalline cave. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all made out of ice crystals of various and shapes and sizes. Together, they reflected enough light to not only illuminate the room but also to cause serious eye pain as well.
"Get off my tail, you idiot," a voice squeaked. Cloud looked down. He had been standing on Cait Sith's tail.
"Whoops, sorry," Cloud said, moving his foot.
"Is it safe down there?" Rufus called from above.
"Yeah," Cloud said in reply. "Don't see much of anything, though."
The others climbed down into the cave. "Hey, this looks just like my cave up on the Gaea Cliffs," Sephiroth said. "Boy, this sure brings back the memories."
Suddenly, the far wall of the cave shattered completely. Marquis Elmdor stepped out of the chamber beyond, his white hair swirling around him. In one hand he carried the Aquarius stone. "Greetings," he said.
Elmdor suddenly found Sephiroth's Masamune pointed at his throat. "I don't have an identical twin," Sephiroth said. "I think you've got a lot of explaining to do."
Elmdor backed off, armed with his own Masamune. "So you think you can beat me, huh?"
"You're the most pathetic rip-off I've seen since Boomerang and Luceid!" Sephiroth said. "Prepare to die!"
"You don't know the half of it," Elmdor said. He spread his hands and a swirling blue and white opened up in the air in front of him. Sephiroth tried to back away, but the hole sucked both Sephiroth and Elmdor inside...
* * *
Sephiroth founded himself standing on the blue-shingled roof of a castle. He looked around and saw that a bipedal gibbon, wearing a turban and carrying a katana, was standing next to him. "Hi," the gibbon said. "Did you just get here?"
"What is this place?"
"This is the roof of Riovanes Castle," the gibbon said. "I can tell you're Sephiroth. I'm Erg Gibbon."
Sephiroth shook hands with Erg. In the background, a battle seemed to be going on. "What's going on here?" Sephiroth asked.
Seph's question was answered when words suddenly appeared in the air in front of him. They read "Objective: Save Rafa!"
Before Sephiroth had time to do anything, Rafa ran by in front of him and tried to attack Elmdor with her rod. Elmdor grabbed the rod and pulled it out of Rafa's hands, then ran her through with his sword. The world went dark.
* * *
Sephiroth found himself standing on the roof again. He looked around and saw that a bipedal gibbon, wearing a turban and carrying a katana, was standing next to him. "Hi," the gibbon said. "Did you just get here?"
"Er... yes," Sephiroth said. This was exactly when had happened a few minutes ago, but he still had all the memories of what happened. "Is this the Riovanes Castle roof?"
"Yup," the gibbon said. "I can tell you're Sephiroth. I'm Erg Gibbon."
Sephiroth shook hands with Erg. In the background, a battle seemed to be going on. The same words suddenly appeared in the air in front of him. They read "Objective: Save Rafa!"
This time, Sephiroth immediately charged towards Marquis Elmdor. An assassin dropped out of nowhere and hit Sephiroth with a Stop Bracelet, killing him. The world went dark again.
* * *
Sephiroth was on the roof yet again. Erg was there as well. I think I saw a movie like this one, Sephiroth thought. "Hi," Erg said. "Did you just get here?"
"Yes, I did. Sort of."
"This is the roof of Riovanes Castle," the gibbon said. "I can tell you're Sephiroth. I'm Erg Gibbon."
Sephiroth shook hands with Erg. In the background, a battle seemed to be going on, and in fact Sephiroth knew that it was. The same message appeared. "Objective: Save Rafa!"
Rafa ran by yet again, but this time tried to flee off the roof instead of suicidially attacking Elmdor. "Hey, we're doing better than usual," Erg said. Celia jumped down behind Erg and Shadow Stitched him, freezing him.
Fighting by himself, Sephiroth ran around behind Elmdor and raised the Masamune to strike. "Blade grasp," Elmdor said simply, grabbing the Masamune and stopping the attack. He then teleported away from Sephiroth.
"Summon all ghosts of the sword! Attack! Muramasa!" Elmdor raised a Muramasa sword and ghostly purple spirits zigzagged out, killing both Sephiroth and Erg.
* * *
Sephiroth found himself once again on the Riovanes Castle roof. "Have we died and gone to hell?" he asked Erg.
"Okay, okay, so I didn't say that Reis can equip bags," Erg said. "I don't deserve this."
Elmdor materialized behind them. "Heh, heh," he laughed. "Now you see the power of a fully armed and operational PlayStation."
"Let me go!" Sephiroth shouted.
"Not in the least," Elmdor said. "Bring me the Pisces Stone!"
Sephiroth looked down at the Zodiac Stone he had been assigned to carry. "No way."
"Bring me the Pisces Stone," Elmdor repeated. "Sephiroth... bring me the Stone..." Sephiroth fell to the floor, writhing and holding his head. A phantasmal Sephiroth arose from his already ghostly body and approached Elmdor, carrying the Stone...
* * *
The hole had widened, allowing Cloud and company to watch Sephiroth's ordeals. "You have no idea how much I'm enjoying this," Cloud said as Sephiroth's schizophrenic attack continued.
"But we've got to help him!" Rufus protested. "Even if it is Sephiroth!"
"You want to jump in there?" Cloud said. "Be my guest."
Cait Sith noticed a shiny yellow butterfly flitting around the room, an odd sight in an icy cave. "Oooh, pretty," he said, reaching out to touch the butterfly. As he did, he felt an odd sensation passing over and he suddenly became dizzy...
* * *
Cloud's party was floating in a vast green nebula. Far in the distance ahead of them was a floating platform. Guided by some other force, they flew directly towards the platform and came to a stop hovering in front of it. The platform was decorated with a checkerboard pattern, and surrounded by four pillars.
Standing on the platform was a gray-suited man wearing a mask over the right side of his face. "Greetings," the man said with a stiff but friendly gesture. "I am Philemon. We must act quickly to save your friend."
"What's wrong with him?" Orlandu asked.
"He is being tormented by his other self," Philemon explained with more stiff arm gestures.
"Dude, what is what wrong with your arms?" Cait Sith said. "Do you have some muscle disorder or something? You're freaking me out."
"Other self?" Vincent repeated. "Sephiroth? That's pretty funny."
"You mean Elmdor is..." Cloud left the thought hanging.
"Yes," Philemon said in his ominous-sounding voice. "He is the Ideal Sephiroth. You see, you must understand how the Deva System works. It creates worlds from the minds of others. In this case, it was Sephiroth's body connected to the machine, as well as the Tactics Ogre folks."
"This whole place is in Sephiroth's mind?" Cid said. "Holy $%(*$%!"
"That's correct," Philemon said, continuing his strange stiff arm gestures. "This is Sephiroth's perfect world. A world where murder and betrayal are commonplace, and the bad guys win in the end. A world where he -- as Marquis Elmdor -- is incredibly powerful and can crush the heroes time and time again. A world where Cloud is incompetent."
"Hey!" Cloud said.
"I must say, Sephiroth has poor taste in music," Philemon added.
"Why would Zenogias want to create this world out of Sephiroth's head?" Rufus asked.
"Sephiroth has an immense psychic power," Philemon said. "That was demonstrated by his survival of his fall into the Lifestream. Zenogias wants to harness the power through the Deva System. This world is a side effect."
"That must have been how they were powering the Sister Ray," Rufus mused.
"You mean I'm just a figment of Sephiroth's imagination?" Delita asked.
"Unfortunately, yes," Philemon said.
"Ha ha, someone's using Delita," Olan laughed.
"So how do we stop this Ideal Sephiroth fella'?" Barret asked.
"One of you must journey with Sephiroth to the Pool of Mind and Souls. There Sephiroth can reclaim his true self."
"If you think we're going through one of your $%&$%$*& 8-floor no-save-point dungeons, you're $%(*$% wrong," Cid swore. "What's wrong the Lifestream?"
"Excuse me, but may I be of assistance?" someone asked. An elf bearing an uncanny resemblance to Link floated up to the platform. "I'm Alundra. Is somebody here having inner struggles?"
"Yeah, our buddy Sephiroth is," Orlandu said.
"He's not my buddy," Cloud said.
"I can travel inside Sephiroth's mind and try to help him out," Alundra said. "Hold on a second." Alundra's body went limp as he entered Sephiroth's dreams. In about a minute, he returned to normal. "Hmmm... this could be interesting," he reported. "There are two sides to this Sephiroth guy. One is a purple dinosaur called Barney -- that's his nice side. It likes parcheesi and built a theme park called Jenova World."
"I wouldn't call that his nice side," Rufus muttered.
"Then there's his evil side, Jenova," Alundra continued. "The one that summoned a meteor and destroyed Nibelheim."
"You can enter people's minds?" Cait Sith said. "That's creepy. Have you ever considered a job with the FBI?"
Philemon started making more awkward gestures. "These two sides of Sephiroth are another product of the Deva System. He must choose between one of these two sides to become his whole self again."
"Can we help him?" Olan asked.
"He must make the decision himself," Philemon said. "But you may aid him in making the choice. That is all the advice I have for you. I will send you back in time to where Sephiroth is. May the Cheese be with you."
Philemon raised his hands at 45-degree angles to his body. A blue Time Gate opened up around where the party was floating and closed around them.
* * *
Erg watched in horror as Sephiroth walked zombie-like towards Elmdor -- the Ideal Sephiroth -- with the Pisces Stone held in front of him. "Sephiroth, stop!" Erg shouted. Sephiroth ignored him. Desperately, Erg raised his katana aloft and charged at the Ideal Sephiroth. Elmdor kicked him in the stomach and sent him sprawling onto the side of the roof.
"You can't do this to me!" Erg said. "I'm writing this story! If I die, everything goes kaputt!"
A Time Gate opened up between Erg and the Ideal Sephiroth. Cloud, Rufus, Vincent, and Cait Sith stepped through. "Sephiroth!" Rufus shouted. "That's really you!" He pointed at Elmdor. "It's your imagined perfect version of yourself! This whole world is in your mind! Don't listen to him!"
"Wh... what?" Sephiroth asked dizzily.
"This is all in your head!" Cloud said. "The Ideal Sephiroth's trying to manipulate you. Don't let him! You have to find your true self!"
The real Sephiroth paused in his march towards the Ideal Sephiroth. He had a puzzled look on his face. "Give me the Stone, Sephiroth!" Elmdor repeated his command. Sephiroth started his shuffle again.
Cloud ran in front of the real Sephiroth. "Look inside yourself! You have to find the real you!"
The Ideal Sephiroth drew his Masamune. "This is pathetic!" he shouted at Cloud and Rufus. "You sound like chapters from a self-help book. Prepare yourselves!"
"Half-credit point for the Ideal Sephiroth for referencing a non-Parappa game," Vincent said in a detached manner. He took out his notepad and stared at it. "Do I mark this under Sephiroth?"
The Ideal Sephiroth circled Cloud and Rufus, ready to strike any moment. Sephiroth was paying no attention to the battle but was instead staring off into space. "The real me..." he said. "But which is the real me?"
A spray of blue and white foam erupted from the ground around Sephiroth. In the foam appeared two tiny figures -- Barney and Jenova. "Hi kids!" Barney said. "I'm the REAL you! I'm super-dee-duper!"
"Don't listen to him," Jenova said. "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. I'm your mother! Obey me and you can have revenge on the world at last."
Sephiroth stared down at the pair with despair in his eyes. "I can't decide!" he said. "I can't... I can't...!"
"Pick the good one," Cait Sith said in a stage whisper.
Sephiroth ignored him. "I love you, you love me!" Barney said. "Don't you want to be my friend?"
"I love you, you love me, what a load of crap," Jenova retorted. "You don't want to love people. You want to destroy them! Remember what they did to you!"
Vincent walked casually up to Sephiroth. In one hand he held a coin. "Why don't you flip a coin?" he suggested. "Heads, you pick the good side. Tails, you pick the evil side."
Sephiroth took the coin. He said nothing, but was clearly thankful. He tossed the coin in the air. All eyes were on the coin as it arced gracefully through the night sky and landed on the shingles. Sephiroth looked down at it.
The coin was heads. "NOOOOO!" Jenova wailed, and vanished in a puff of smoke.
"Teeeeeeeriffic!" Barney exclaimed, jumping into Sephiroth's head and disappearing.
The Ideal Sephiroth was still chasing Cloud, Rufus, and Erg around the roof. Sephiroth raced towards his imagined counterpart. Their two Masamunes collided in a shower of sparks. Sephiroth reached out with one hand and touched the Ideal Sephiroth. The Ideal Sephiroth froze completely, and Sephiroth stepped right into his body, merging with him. One Sephiroth ghost stood there briefly, then faded away, leaving just the Zodiac Stones behind.
Cloud picked up the stones. Their collection was now complete. Sephiroth had found his true self.
"Here's your coin back," Vincent said, tossing the coin through the Time Gate and to the individual who stood on the other side. It was Edgar Figaro.
| Next chapter: Haste |