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The Mailbag - November 18th, 1998

Today's mailbag takes on the usual random variety of topics, and includes a special guest appearance by Saddam Hussein! Friday's guest editors are the Garrs, so send your questions and comments to the Garrs' Mailbag, so keep sending in your questions and comments at the old address.

Q: Hey, hey, hey.
What's goin' down y'all?

It's me, Futsin.
Yes, my foot committed a sin.
It stole from the floor.
I was walking around, and suddenly, I looked at my foot at saw it a had stole some plastic strips from the floor!
I'm ashamed of my pathetic feet.
I shall never again step on plastic thingies.
Cait sez: And the day begins on a surreal note.

Here's my questions.

1. Cait Sith, I think sucks that you are so idiotic. Next time, try to be a little more careful when throwing your eight balls.
Cait sez: Shut up, block block head. It was an accident, I swear!

2. Hey, Hanpan, stop callin' everyone a simpleton! And, is Red XIII a Simpleton? :o)
Hanpan sez: No, he's one of my few intellectual equals. We waged an epic Scrabble battle in GA2, at least until Barret showed up.

3. This one's for Fritz. You gonna use MGS and Kartia things in CWIII or GAIII?
Fritz sez: Both will be in the latter, neither in the former.

4. What do you guys think of Resident Evil 1.5? Check out my site at http://www.ee.pdx.edu/~chrisj/bioevil to check in on some cool stuff about the cancelled RE2. And on the 26th, I'll have even more.
Cait sez: Look, it's a really shameless plug for some guy's website! Let's catch it, I think it's Pokémon #182: Plugachu.

5. What's the difference between a Glock 17 and a Glock 18? (two pistols)
Cait sez: I dunno, but this gives us a great opportunity
Hanpan sez: Yeah, my gun is dirty, so I'm going to have to clean my Glock.
Cait sez: If Neil's friend suddenly became a big gun control activist, then we could call him the Anti-Glock. Hee hee.

6. Yo.
Saddam Hussein sez: Yo, waz up? How's it hangin'? I be hangin' with my G's in Iraq and me and Fidel-dawg wanna bomb those playa-hater's fo' hangin' in our hood!

7. I'm a Futsin & I'm okay. (psst! How about making a song about Futsins? Make it sound like shi# and the Really Useless Characters might not use it!)
Hanpan sez: But all our songs already sound like shi#!

8. Bye
Cait sez: (AOL Voice) Goodbye.

~F.

1. Did you know that if you translate Die Stadtmaus und Der Affe via Babelfish, the story is actually readable? (BTW, Fritz, why does the mouse need the code for?)
Hanpan sez: Um, no, I wouldn't use "readable" to describe it...
Fritz sez: The mouse isn't looking for a code, she's actually looking for her car keys. That basically tells you all need to know about the translation quality... it makes sense in German, honest.

2.Did you know that Yuffie Kisaragi spelled backwards is Igarasik Eiffuy? Doesn't that just scream 'evil'?
Cait sez: Um, I guess so, but did you know that the ASCII values of "Jenova" and "Yuffie" are different by only 5, which are the 5 dashes in J-E-N-O-V-A? Freaky, huh?

3.Hey Grom! What's your favorite sport?
Cait sez: Sorry, Grom's out sick today, he's been Polymorphed.

4.Hey Hanpan! I just saw that pic of you from yesterday's Mailbag! I never new you looked like that. I feel sorry for ya, man!
Hanpan sez: WHAT!? Are you making fun of me? I think it's time to open up a can of whoop-ass...

5.Do you ever feel like kicking the #$@& outta something?
Hanpan sez: OH HELL YEAH!

6.You know, I almost fell victim to the evil tat is Yuff. The evil one herself was enticing me to join her evil ranks, but just in the nick of time, the Evil Lord Pikachu rescued me, thus integrating me into his own evil army of PokéFeinds. Bua Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corporal Dan sez: Freeze, evildoer!

Well, tat's all for today! Job tat is good, Parrapa! This's the way!

PDC Head Lackey
PC Bandit o^-^o

P.S. Did you know that? Yep. Pretty dang neat, aint it? HeeeHaaawww!!

1. How about putting in Garr as a guest editor?

2. If you buy some acid from a rasta man in the park, never take it! Not that I would ever use, uh, that, uh stuff, yeah heh heh, thats the ticket.

3. Man, this trip is killer, hey how the hell did I get here? And what's this sailor uniform on me for? Man my arms sore, what? A tattoo? "Ozzy Rules"? Not again! Thats the second time its happened this week!

4. Is a Sackbutt a Sack tat is butt or a Butt tat is sack?

All questions (well some aren't really questions, but does it really matter?) are copyright of Dan T. Hip enterprises. Any infractions will result in a severe beating by a rabid Tasmanian wolf.

Thanks!
- Dan The Hippy

Cait sez: Which Garr did you have in mind?
Hanpan sez: I've got a better idea; let's use both!
Max sez: Yeah, it'll be like those two guys joined together at the circus.

Q: Mailbag crew,

How's it going? I've got some comments and questions.

1. Hanpan, for the love of Mike, stop doing those Godforsaken Stone Cold-isms. Or else I'll send The Heartbreak Kid Balbanes Beoulve to lay some smack down!
Hanpan sez: OH HELL NO!

2. Hey, guys, how come you hate Yuffie so much? I mean, maybe she did kill Aeris, and try to destroy the world, but that's just water under the bridge. And I figured you could relate to her, Cait, since you are both sucky... er, I mean, less-than-good characters. Then again, she is pretty good in battle.
Cait sez: Well, of course she's good in battle, she has her evil supernatural powers. How else does she keep making all those boomerangs appear?

3. You should have Mog over sometime in the mailbag crew.
Cait sez: Yeah, we've been getting a lot of requests for the little guy, so he'll put in an appearance next week.
Mog sez: KUPO!

4. What does wassailing mean, anyhow?
Hanpan sez: It's going door to door spreading holiday cheer, simpleton.

5. What are insect politics?
Max sez: insect politics are politics tat are insect

6. Who is Corporal Dan, what is he from, and why did you fire Spence just for liking Yuffie? Isn't that against the law, or something?
Cait sez: Who is Corporal Dan? We don't know. But he's pissed.
Hanpan sez: You can fire anybody for any reason you want as long as you don't have a contract against it or it's discriminating against some ethnic or social group. You can fire somebody because they have a stupid name if you wanted to; it's perfectly legal.
Corporal Den sez: Check out my movies at http://pcgamer.ign.com/movies/index.shtml! Especially Showdown, it's the best.

7. I like Yuffie.
Corporal Dan sez: It's too late for surrender now! Missile away!

8. Hey, Cait, any chance you got a cameo in FF8? What about FFT2?
Cait sez: I doubt it... they never gave me that BFM cameo I was supposed to get. Maybe if I'm lucky they'll put in me in Another Mind 2 or something.

And finally, my suggestions for mailbag guest editors:

Daravon
Cloud
Sephiroth
Delita (gotta see that one)
Mog
Vicks and Wedge (they even died in FF8, in the demo)
Some guy off of the street
Anorexic... er, I mean, Brave Fencer Musashi
T.G. Cid
Kain from "Legacy of Kain"
Duke Nukem (ya gotta have the Duke)
Ash from "Evil Dead" and "Army of Darkness" (the next best thing to Duke Nukem)
Cyan Garamonde, Frog, or that guy on Brave Fencer that speaks with all the "-eth"s
Rafa and Malak
Altima

I know that's a lot, but you said you needed ideas.
Cait sez: Oooh, I like that last one. And then we could bring in a Honda Accord, and a Chrysler Plymouth, and a Pontiac Grand Prix.

9. Is Daravon appearing in any future CC fanfics? How come he never makes any Parappa references?
Hanpan sez: If Daravon made any PaRappa references, you wouldn't be able to understand them, anyway. And he's going to be in GA3 definitely, along with the birthday fanfic.

10. Tell the FFVII and FFT gangs I said hi, especially Aeris. (Yeah, that's right, I called her "Aeris." You got a problem wit' dat?)
Fritz sez: CALL HER AERITH OR I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT!!!!

Long letter, huh? Well, see you guys later.

Sincerely,

Robert Silvers

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