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The Mailbag - November 17th, 1998

We're going to stop writing these Mailbag introductions because we always forget to finish them. And that's the bottom line!

Q: It my second writting (I tried to copy darovanese)

1st of all, in the CC birthday section, when you click on the Xenogears X symbol, it says "No, it's Cid Wars 3 (although that's coming in the future too)..." Is that a spiffy typo or what?
Cait sez: Yeah, it's a typo. The offending personages have been flayed.

2nd, will you bring back Spencer, perhaps as a zombie?
Hanpan sez: Well, we already got a contract signed for him to be in GA3, so we're kinda stuck with him, yeah.
Cait sez: I guess he'll have to be a zombie 'cause Corporal Dan killed him.
Corporal Dan sez: I love doing that; it's the greatest.

3rd, can you display a picture of Hanpan on your site? I've never seen what he looks like.
Hanpan sez: Okay.

But here's a better idea: BUY MY GAME, because Hanpan said so!

4th, I rented Crash 3! I give it an 8.5 for being too short if you simply collect purple crystals. That, and I hate Dingodile's voice.
Hanpan sez: Then try getting 100%, simpleton.
Fritz sez: <neil> Don't mention that game! </neil> If it hadn't been for me being Panzer Boredom Saga (yes, I'm a dullard), I could be playing Crash 3 right now! Aaaaargh!

5th, how do you kill the Yuf one? Can she die?
Cait sez: Well, we killed her once, but she was resurrected by the rest of the Wu-Tai Clan.

6th, have you considered making a CC shockwave game? Cait Sith could give you a marketing edge if you try to sell it.
Max sez: That would be peachy keen, but we don't have Shockwave. All we have are several cases of Cheap, Evil-Smelling, Beer.

7th, Grom, did you try to kill Kefka? How about Biggs, Wedge, and kenny?
Grom sez: Nobody kill Kefka yet. It Kefka time to die. Tell me what to doooo!

I must go before the US threatens to bomb Midgar, or Iraq.
Hanpan sez: Ah, yes. Saddam Hussein's still peeved over the failure of his latest rap album.
Cait sez: I think it's because I stole his lyrics on accident.

Tank 4 lis'nin (how many more times can I say that before barret gets pissed? So far, twice).
Barret sez: SHU'UP FOOOO!!!

First off, I am sooooooo happy that Fritz decided to keep CC going. This has to be one of the best Final Fantasy sites out there. Onward to questions...

1. Fritz, will there be a GAIII? The first two were hilarious. BTW, when is Cid Wars III coming out?
Hanpan sez: A GA3? OH HELL YEAH! Buddy, check the Upcoming Fanfics page. Cid Wars 3 is coming the next week of December, GA3 in early '99.

2. Does Spam bounce?
Max sez: And which fruit or vegetable is most resilient when you throw hammers at it? How can we find out?

3. Didja know Spam is an acronym? Yup, Slimy Projectile Acronym Maker.
Hanpan sez: Actually, it stands for Specially Prepared Assorted Meat.

4. And finally, Is Cait gonna get another Fic? Maybe I Could I be Cait's sidekick? CS & the Forty Theives kinda sucked, but it was okay.
Cait sez: I don't need a sidekick, I'm cute enough as it is. But I do have a press secretary, that's Corporal Dan.
Corporal Dan sez: Watch my movies!
Fritz sez: 40 Thieves kinda sucked? That's a bit of an understatement.

Cool. I hope this gets printed.
Hanpan sez: It won't be.

Highwind711

P.S. Cait is the man.
Cait sez: I wanna see if you wanna see...

1. In your Saga Frontier trivia answers, you said that Despair was in Manhattan. What makes you think that?
Hanpan sez: Because Hanpan said so! Okay, actually it comes from the magazine ad for SaGa Frontier.

2. Your 'Guardian Amulet 2' story kind of spoiled FFTactics for me. Can I sue?
Hanpan sez: Hey, genius boy, here's a tip: Don't read fanfics based on games you haven't finishd! Simpleton.

3. Am I the only person alive who actually LIKED 'Of Mice And Demons'?
Max sez: Yes.

Thanks, the Doughboy

Q: Yo CS and the Gang! Here's some questions:

1: This one's for Wedge: Have you respawned into the FFT world?
Hanpan sez: Wedge ain't here. He was last seen playing Kenneth Baker in Metal Gear Solid.

2: Cait, why haven't they started playing your theme music on the radio? It's the best in FF7 (much better than Fontboy's crap).
Cait sez: Woo hoo! Sad to say, though, we got outta the music biz a while ago because the Really Useless Characters kept stealing all our songs. You can go to the Songs page to see some of our songs, though. And why did they only play my theme music once during the game?

3: Hanpan, we all know what Austin 3:16 means, but what does Hanpan 3:16 mean?
Hanpan sez: It means I'm one of those 3/16 Soldiers. I dunno. What does Austin 3:16 mean, anyway?

4: I've got a sackbutt, anyone wanna buy it?
Cait sez: Me me me me me me me me!

"Ya beef jerky!" (Cheap-Cheap the Cooking Chicken)
-Ramza311/Euleduc

Hey, Cait, buddy, where have ya been? I've been waiting a f[bleep]king long time to talk with you and the little son of a b[bleep]ch, a[bleep]hole Hanpan. Now, on with the questions. (By doing those censor things, I was making fun of Howard Stern's crappy censors. No offense, Hanpan?)

1) Since Spence isn't your press secretary anymore, should I not make his fan-club?
Cait sez: You can make his fan club if you want, but keep in mind that he is an awoved friend of Yuffie. He's going to be in GA3, though.
Corporal Dan sez: Hey, Spence, watch out for that meteor.
Spencer sez: OH MY GOD, I DO BELIEVE I'M ON FIRE.
Cait sez: See what happens when you like Yuffie, kids? Remember, the family who hates Yuffie together, is fluffy together. Or something.

2) Who the hell is Grom Hellscream?
Grom sez: Grom is orc. Grom from Warcraft II.

3) The drinking game is simple, Mark. Whenever something on the list happens, you drink the amount the list says to. I personally thought that thing was funny.
Hanpan sez: And that's the bottom line!

4) Don't kill the PaRappa files!!!!!
Corporal Dan sez: Eh, too late, I did a little Paul Bunyan on them.

5) Why all the fan-fics about Cait Sith? I think he is too kawaii for his own good...
Cait sez: I'll assume that's a compliment.

6) Has my MST of a Final Fantasy Christmas been posted yet?
Hanpan sez: Nope. We're going to do a big MST update later this week though.

7) Why did Fritz restart the counter?
Fritz sez: I lost the password to the old one and I couldn't get it e-mailed to me because I'd signed for it (a long time ago) with the old ffnetwork address.

8) How come Max is in the mailbag and not Sam?
Max sez: I'm Hanpan's sidekick.

9) Where can I get an American copy of Every Day is Cat Day?
Cait sez: Sad to say, there isn't one. Why nobody would want to release an awesome game like that in the U.S. is beyond me... I mean, you raise a cat, and if you're mean to it, it runs away. Isn't that the coolest thing you've ever heard?

10) Is that "A New Fan-Fic" picture on the Brthday page the Xenogears logo? If it isn't, it looks vaguely familiar.
Cait sez: Nope, it's actually a blood-stained helipad. Sorry to disappoint you.

Your friendly, neighborhood
Anomynous Reader

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