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The Mailbag - September 22nd, 1998

Today's edition of The Mailbag covers yesterday's letter, Cait Sith and the 40 Thieves, Nina III, a stolen essay, Babelfish, the Anti-Glick, BOF2 last names, and a new mailbag staff member. And check the sidebar for Spencer's first press release! Keep sending your questions and comments to The Mailbag.

Q: Cait Sith-san! Obviously you don't remember me...I haven't wrote to you since July..
But, as a review, I'm Ram-chan, the one you felt sorry for cuz Jessie was my fave char and you were just a second placer (And it's still been that way, too....don't worry, I still love you to pieces. You are obviously a really cool cat, y'know.)
Cait sez: Hee hee.

Oh, well. I really don't know what to say for Hanpan, Max, or Spencer, so I guess I'll just talk to you for the time being. You're better than them, anyway. ^_^
Cait sez: Ain't that the truth...

Alrighty...I have a few new questions for ya...

1. Heard much from Luna lately?
Cait sez: With the impending release of 40 Thieves, I have a gag order on me not to talk about that. Not that that's ever stopped me.

2. What's gonna be your next starring fanfic, hmm? Is Wedge and Biggs/Vicks gonna be in it? (Or will they be dead again during that time? ^_^)
Cait sez: Next up is Cait Sith and the 40 Thieves, which will be done whenever Fritz finds the time to finish it. After that is Cait Sith Buys Some Gum, in which I go to the store and buy some gum.

3. Who's your best friend? (you've got plenty of them...)
Cait sez: My best friend in the whole wide world is... hmmm... wait, I know! I choose you, Pikachu! Just kidding. It would be my mog.

4. Who made your crown? (It kicks ass)
Cait sez: It was made by Infinity Genes. They also did my wardrobe for 40 Thieves.
Hanpan sez: You don't wear any clothes, Cait. Except for your cape.
Max sez: He's completely naked, just like me!
Cait sez: Or maybe I do... stay tuned! Mwah ha ha!

5. Okay, this next one isn't really a question, but the PaRappa Files would be much cooler if you made a guest appearance as a sidekick/villian.
Cait sez: Anything would be cooler with me in it.
Hanpan sez: Face it, simpleton, the PaRappa Files suck. And that's the bottom line.

6. Who's your fave PaRappa char? (Just curious...)
Cait sez: Chop-Chop Master Onion! He's the man with the master plan!
Hanpan sez: I don't have a favorite character. PaRappa is stupid.
Max sez: I like Jet Baby. It reminds me of the Rubber Pants Commandos.
Spencer sez: My favorite character is PaRappa's dad. I have a hat just like his.

7. Where'd you get that Magic 8-Ball? I want one just like it...or are you willing to sell yours? (You act like you don't like it anyway..hehe)
Cait sez: Sorry, no can do, I gave it to some secret service agent. All it does is say "Drink Coke, play again" anyway. One time I got a free 15-minute phone card, though. I felt very special that day.

O-okay...I think I'm outta questions thus far. I'll probably write you back sometime...wether you still like me or not. ^_^
See ya when I see ya,
Ram-chan

3. Get off where you do bashing Number Nina 3? 3 Nina babe a is!
Cait sez: She's EVIL! Those freaky wings! The weird hair! The bright pink clothing! She is a minion of Yuffie!

22. NO! Laguna sissy ass is because sissy he is a! Not worthy long hair is he!
Cait sez: Laguna Loire IS... Laguna Loire IN... Laguna Loire: Hermaphrodite of Action!

Eleventeen: Help me...

Sextillion: Real number did this is know you?
Cait sez: Hee hee.
Kefka sez: Huh huh, he said "sex". Huh huh.

9. Making attack flams of breath because of me is you? SPECIAL DO FEEL I! Huff Puff... feel al squishy warm and do I! Wait... no... that diareah is.... urk....
Cait sez: He should have equipped a Port-a-Potty. The special combat model they use in Beath.

I would like to recite an essay I made in school today.

***

"A typical day after school"

It's not that I MIND being chained down in the basement,
its just that when the meat is thrown down, the rats have an advantage of numbers and they.....

that's all i have for now.
maybe ill share more with you later.

Max sez: Wasn't this from Calvin and Hobbes?
Spencer sez: Yeah, I remember it too.
Hanpan sez: Come back with some original material, okay, kid? And people say we're unoriginal... simpleton.

1. Daravon, have you ever been to http://babelfish.altavista.digital.com?
It seems to have the same translation problems you do.
"These are the basics of the study of planet life."
translated to french and back is:
"They are the foundations of the study of the planet life."
Not too bad.. lets take that and go to german and back:
"They are the bases of the study the planet life span. "
Starting to get a bit inunderstandable, isnt it?
Let's try Italian now!
" They are the bases of the study the duration of the planet. "
Allright! Now we're getting somewhere.

Ya see YA SEE?

Cait sez: You made Fritz's day by discovering the wonders of Babelfish, and he thanks you. To see the fruit of his labors, head on over to the Professor Daravon Fan Club.

2. If poems give you the willies, go to the link section of Square Fan Headquarters (http://headquarters.simplenet.com/) and read the stuff at the top.

3. Are Cid VII and Kain related?
Cait Sith sez: Apparently. They have the same last name (Highwind), so I'd assume they're relatives.
Hanpan sez: Everything is relative, Cait.

4. Knights of the Round=Mp Absorb.. huge cop-out or just plain cool?
Cait sez: Woodchuck-whacking, mud-sniffing, sweater-burning, hyena-tipping cool!

5. Do you have one of those foam guns they were going to use to subdue people but they didn't because it might be better to shoot them in the leg than doom them to an eternity trapped in a bunch of foam?
Max sez: No. But it would be really cool to have one.

6. Ever play the new Sin game?
Cait sez: You mean Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon? Nope.

7. Can Han Pan do the Can Can or Cant Han Pan?
Hanpan sez: Hanpan did the can can when he ran to stop a ban but a fan saw his hands and saw he wasn't a man but a tan rat that was tan from working on a LAN in the sand.

8. Kett Shee.. rymes with Get Me right?
Spencer sez: Yes.
Cait sez: I didn't like the innuendo in that sentence.

9. Yesterday was my birthday, I was/am sick. I burned my finger. Sucks donut?
Cait sez: I'd say something but I'm too busy sucking on a jelly donut.
Hanpan sez: And you though the last one had innuendo...

10. Any of you want a ballon?
Cait sez: Sure, I can make a balloon moogle out of it and use it to scare Rufus because he'll think I'm a clown. Rufus hates clowns.

11. Chocobo Races... what about Moogle Races.. Cait would win all the time!
Cait sez: To borrow a phrase from Stone Cold, "I'M NOT A DAMN MOOGLE!"

12. What?
Cait sez: The elephant's birthday!

13. Where?
Cait sez: In the Colorado River!

14. How?
Cait sez: Professor Plum, in the conservatory, with the pokey stick.

15. When?
Cait sez: December 12th.

16. Who?
Cait sez: Ulysses S. Grant.

17. Why?
Cait sez: Because Stone Cold said so... why else?

18. How Many?
Cait sez: 69.

19. Sorry?
Cait sez: Apology accepted.

20. Explain further.
Cait sez: 42.

Q: Neil sez : Were back! Uh, who was that guy praising Clyde? As official FFNetwork webmaster, I decree that the Clyde Hudman Fanclub must start!

Anti-Glick Sez : Zwa ha ha! I have returned. Now I must recruit a NEW army to fight Brian Glick with. Uh..... Can someone join? I dont want to fight the RPGamer gang on my own, I'm scared...... Anyway, I've still kidnapped Mog. I'm hiding him in Neil's sock drawer. Unless Glick meets my ransoms, I shall not release him!

Lot of love, Neil & Anti-Glick

Hanpan sez: Just keeping you updated on the exploits of Anti-Glick.
Cait Sith sez: I think it was that anonymous reader, except his name is shown in his e-mail header so he isn't very anonymous.

Q: I've got just a couple of ?s for you guys.
1. Why didn't you censor the "Wierdest Letter You Ever Recieved" yesterday? It had more profanity in it than Cid and Barret could ever muster up in a week.
Spencer sez: We thought about it, but we didn't want to tamper with its total weirdness (Bubble Bobble meets gangsta rap?). We apologize to anyone who might have been offended.

2. Is it now considered insane if you still like Square even though the majority of games they have released this year are not even RPGs? I mean there's Xenogears (forgive me if it hasn't been released in US yet I'm a bit slow with game news), Saga Frontier, and FFT (which even though the translation is terrible I still think is the best game they ever made... or ever arre gonna make). I would count Parasite Eve but it's an Action RPG like the Zelda series... I think.
Hanpan sez: Xenogears is mostly an RPG, albeit one with a fighting game battle system. SaGa is definitely an RPG, and FFT is a strategy-RPG... so they've released one straight RPG (SaGa) so far this year, and another one (XG) is coming...

3. Can Cait sue someone for discriminating against his Limit Break?
Cait sez: No, but I can sue him for discriminating against me because I'm a useless chump. Wait, that didn't come out right...

4. Yuffie is an okay character. But when I think about it Cait's much more fun to take along just to see what he'll say. Not like he helps much in battle though...

5. That last one wasn't a real question was it?

6. Spencer! Send out a press release! People want to know who you are!
Spencer sez: By popular demand, I've now posted one of my press releases. Check the sidebar.

7. Cait are you the only one who can order to send out press releases?
Cait sez: He's my press secretary. Hanpan can get his own press secretary if he wants one.
Hanpan sez: Hey, Max, want to be my press secretary?
Max sez: Hanpan, you know carefully-worded PR talk is not my forte.
Hanpan sez: Ok, I think I'll hire Grom Hellscream to be my press secretary.
Grom sez: TIME TO DIEEEEE!

Well that's about it. I guess that was more than a couple of ?s wasn't it?

Q: Take a look at this picture. I'd like each of you to tell me what you see.

~Bob Newhart

Cait sez: It's a dog's bum with a hat on it!
Hanpan sez: It's a diverse fusion reaction between a carbon atom and two reversed-polarity hydrolite anions at critical mass.
Spencer sez: It's Larry the Pus-Filled Boil.
Max sez: No, it's a constipated Jiminy Cricket! I'd recognize that anywhere!
Grom sez: FEEEEELIIINGSS!

Q: I thought I should point out that the people in BOF2 DO have last names. :P They're all in the ending credits, and some of the names are different. (Gotta love those translators.) I think Katt's last name is Chuan, but I might be wrong...That font was horrible! Horrible, I say! You don't write things in that font! It's bad!

Cait sez: Oh, yeah, you're right. Our bad.
Hanpan sez: Stupid translators... they listed Bleu as Deece though, which is our only weapon in proving that Bleu and Deis are the same person.
Spencer sez: Maybe we should get that font for the Daravon fan club... it's a very Daravon-ish font.

In Loving Memory Of: Calvin and Hobbes

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