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Limb Guy's Mailbag - September 19th, 1998

Today's edition of The Guy Who Always Cuts Off Your Limbs's Mailbag covers more stuff that I'm too lazy to type up. Cait Sith and the rest of the Mailbag crew will be returning tomorrow, so send your questions and comments to The Mailbag.

Q: There's some burning questions that just need to be asked here...

1. Why do you always cut off peoples' limbs? Your own limbs obviously function quite well.
Limb Guy sez: I was originally The Guy Who Always Cuts Off Your Navel, but somehow that just didn't work.

2. Do you know Paint Thinner Man?
Limb Guy sez: I am unable to comment on this matter at this time.

3. Are you wearing a smiley face mask, or do you actually look like that?
Limb Guy sez: That's me! I bring joy and delight to homeless people the world over by cutting off their limbs, thus sending to the hospital for a long time and giving them a warm place to stay.

4. Is your hat a sombrero, a fez, or a ski cap?
Limb Guy sez: I have two hats. I have a sombrero, and then a ski cap that fits over the top of the sombrero. Sage Bubba is the one with the fez. I would have cut off his limbs, but he doesn't have any to begin with.

5. Do you have any idea how bad your outfit clashes? I see you in some nice deep earth tones, or maybe a tie-dye motif.
Limb Guy sez: What do you think?

6. Ever been to an Eat 'N Park? If so, have you eaten the smiley cookies? They bear striking resemblance to you.
Limb Guy sez: They are official The Guy Who Always Cuts Off Your Limbs merchandise! I am becomin gquite famous as I have visited many celebrities such as Coconut Monkey.
Coconut Monkey sez: Greetings, I am Coconut Monkey, and welcome to my island paradise! I would shake your hand but The Guy Who Always Cuts Off Your Limbs cut off my arms!

~The Guy Who Never Does Anything But Write E-Mail

1.How many people are going to take over this mailbag?
Limb Guy sez: If I told you, I would have to cut off your limbs.

2. Do you prefer Arms or Legs?
Limb Guy sez: I prefer Arms, because one time Lucille drove over me in her LEG and that hurt.

3. Will i ever stop counting how manytimes i've mailed you?
Limb Guy sez: I can make you stop! All I have to cut off your limbs and then you can't mail me anymore.

4. have you noticed that most PSX games are becoming More based on Anime or the FMV is Anime.
Fritz sez: Uh, I'd say it's the other way around (fewer are being based on anime), myself...

5. Is breath of fire 3 on SNES? If so did they remake it for the PSX?
Limb Guy sez: No, it's a PSX-original game. The first two games were on the SNES, though. BTW, Johnny Jump-Up was in BOF3... he played Loki.

6. Do you think there is a point to make the Playstation 2?
Limb Guy sez: Yes! If they don't make it, I will cut off their limbs!
Fritz sez: The PlayStation's getting old. If Sony doesn't upgrade to compete with Dreamcast, they're dead in the water.

7. Do you think everyone will go out and get dreamcast and forget about PSX?
Fritz sez: PSX1? Yeah. PSX2? I dunno... but Sony's going to have a hard time beating Dreamcast.

8. What is up with square? They have so many non-RPG games coming out IE Einhander, that fighting game with cloud in it, parasite eve also looks like a Non-RPG, i dunno bout Xeongears.
Limb Guy sez: LET'S CUT OFF THEIR LIMBS!
Fritz sez: Parasite Eve is an action-RPG (along the lines of ::shudder:: Panzer Dragon Saga), and Xenogears is a straight RPG, albeit one with fighting game-style moves. BFM is like Secret of Mana. So all of their upcoming games for this year are RPGs except Bushido Blade 2. Ehrgeiz (the game with Cloud in it) isn't coming out in the U.S. Next year, however, the chocobo invasion begins...
Limb Guy sez: Quickly! We must cut off their limbs!

1. GREAT CEASERS GHOST! STABBING WESTWARD IS DOING A GAME SOUNDTRACK? REALLY?
Limb Guy sez: Yup! They're doing the music for Duke Nukem: Time To Kill. BTW, there's a spell in Tactics Beath called "Westward Stab" that the ferret use... we put that in there just for you.

2. Hear the voices in my head? I swear to god it sounds like their snoring.
Voice in Westward Stabber's Head sez: Zzzzzzzz....

3. Where do ya get off knocking long haired guys like that! I have long hair and Im WAY cooler than that sissy ass Laguna!
Fritz sez: Doesn't the fact that you just described Laguna as a "sissy ass" sort of answer the question?
Limb Guy sez: I could cut off his hair! No, wait, I only do limbs... sorry.

4. Cant think of anything else.... okay bye.

Limb Guy sez: Hey! Speaking of Rudy, I was in Wild Arms! I cut off Rudy's arm!

Q: Hello Hanpan.
Hey Cait Sith.
Hi Max.
uhhh.....spencer! hi!

and now, for yet ANOTHER batch of questions!

1) Hanpan, what is a wind rat? a rat that breaks wind?
....and do they eat wind cheese? Nest in wind sewers? Tremble before wind cats? (*nudge nudge*, kett shee...) Releive themselves on wind walls? Some enlightenment would be much appreciated, seņor.
Limb Guy sez: Wind rats are like rats that can fly, and are blue, and stuff. But I don't care, I can't still cut off their limbs!

2) Cait Sith, you suck. I detest cats, ESPECIALLY cats that ride on MOOGLES! &%$#$*^%#!!!! Moogle forever! Kupo! KUPOOOO!! KUPOPOO!!! Desert Aria!!!!! Guwu ha haaaa!! Khhk khhk khhk!!! HHAAARR HAAARRR HAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (that wasn't really a question....)
Limb Guy sez: You should cut off his limbs!

3) Daravon, do you know about the 'Hooked on Phoenics' program?
Daravon sez: Wrote Hooked on Phoenics did I! Very useful for a translate game! Better than much Hooked on Phonics! I had a good feeling!

4) If you guys get a hold of Nina from BoF3, could you give her a swift kick in the butt for me? ..Just to tell her how much i hate her and those poor excuses for wings.
Limb Guy sez: Are wings limbs? If they are, I can cut them off!
Fritz sez: Nina III is evil. She is a servant of the dark forces of Yuf, along with Mei-ling. Trust no one.

5) How do Biggs and Wedge manage to appear in almost every FF game? Why can't they just STAY dead?? I know the thought of killing some shmuck over and over again may be funny, but....but...
Limb Guy sez: Hey, you know what's weird? They die all the time and I've never cut off their limbs. In answer to your question, somebody must've used the Unoriginal Life Encarta on them. Stay tuned to Tactics Beath (it will actually update this weekend) for details.

6) kupo? kupo po po ...kupopo? kappa kupog?
Mog sez: GASP! I can't belive you said that... in public!

7) What is SPAM REALLY made of? ...don't hold back.
Limb Guy sez: You'll find out... in Tactics Beath.

8) Daravon, Rong how Yuffie's assured until can that we be evil justice come to deeds?
Daravon sez: Until shadow melt over! Smouldering flames far below, punish the wicked! Fire4!

9) how much wood can a woodchuck chop if a woodchuck could chop wood?
Fritz sez: Here's a better question: How many limbs can Limb Guy cut if Limb Guy could cut limbs?
Limb Guy sez: Hey, I can cut limbs!

10) For heavens sake, could SOMEONE go and scalp Sephiroth? You've got a giant sword, Cloud, USE ITTTTT!!!! steal his hair-gel, or rip off his fingernails slowly!! ANYTHING!!!!! (ya like that, yuri?)
Limb Guy sez: Sorry, I only cut off people's limbs. I don't do scalpings.

Thank you for reading this letter, if you had the patience.
-The human Phlegm

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