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Pokerman's Mailbag - September 1st, 1998

Cait Sith is still in the hospital after his battle with Cid and Owen Humphreys, so today's edition of the mailbag is hosted by Beath of Flams's Pokerman. Cait Sith is returning tomorrow, so send your questions and comments to his replacement, Cait Sith.

Q: 1. If you cast spells with Tarot cards, wouldn't a more appropriate name be "Tarotman"?
2. To prove you really are a "poker man", recite the order of what hands win.
3. Where do you get all those cigars? Is the pocket you keep them in of the dimensional variety? You just keep pullin' them out...
4. Who would win in a smoke-off: you or Cid Highwind?
5. If you're supposed to be of an ancient powerful race, why do you suck so much in battle?

~Gin Rummy Man

Pokerman sez:
1. I can-a use-a many types of-a cards -- playing-a cards, Tarot cards, even-a business cards. I can-a play-a checkers with-a the business cards.
2. That's an easy one-a. Royal-a flush, straight-a flush, four-of-a-kind-a, full-a house-a, flush, straight, three-of-a-kind-a, two pair, one pair, and-a high card. Five-of-a-kind-a beats them all-a, but-a you can only get that if-a you-a use Death tarot cards-a.
3. I smoked the same-a cigar the whole-a game. It's-a very long-lasting.
4. Cid-a would-a win, I-a quit-a smoking after-a the tobacco-a industry tried to-a kill me.
5. I have-a not-a fought in-a long-a time! Give-a me a break!

Who are you more like
Cait Sith or Mario

How do you grow to PokermanR do you drink all the growth potion or somthing

I did not get an answer for cloud so.
How much wood could a PyroChuck Burn if A pyrochuck burned wood

Are you related to Pikachu

Are YOU a secret Character in Brave Fencer M

Is Carpcom making another Beath of flams game?

-It'sa me EDeangelus

Pokerman sez: Mama mia! These questions are-a not-a numbered! I will-a pretend they're a-numbered to-a make it easier.

1. I am not-a like either! I am a parody of-a Chu Chu from-a Xenogears! But none of you probably have-a played that game so you-a probably didn't a-get it.
Fritz sez: Man, I can't wait until Xenogears comes out so people can actually understand all my Xenogears jokes.
2. Being-a the guardian of the Flams, I have-a many magic powers!
3. A pyrochuck would-a burn as much-a wood as a pyrochuck could-a burn if a pyrochuck could-a burn-a wood.
4. I am-a Pikachu's brother. But he has-a been-a disowned from our-a family because he-a is an evil deity! (And you thought-a Erg was-a bad!)
5. No, I am-a not a real-a character. Pikachu was-a the one who is-a the star but he is-a demonic.
5. Where have-a you been? They just-a came out with Tactics Beath! I hear-a they're-a making Beath 64 after-a that.

1. What exactly is a "Gibbon"?
2. When do you suppose ill regain feeling in the left side of my body?
3. Why the HELL would i want to use a Biday?
4. Why does high school suck so much?
5. That @)*^# Yuffie did this to me! Im gonna kill her!

Question/Sugestion for Owen Humphreys: Hey! You could do a Westward Stabber VS Yuffie thing! I mean she DID stab me multiple times just to get that Lou summon Materia i found... and all and Im itchin for a chance to take her OUT and y'know I'd gladly kick her arse on TV (or whatever)... just a thought. You could also do Sephiroth VS Kefka battle of the One winged angels or something.

And now a quote!
"He Lou Tenent he my boss...not tell him...but Harry could take on good day..."- Harry

Thats all for today!
-The Infamous Westward Stabber

Pokerman sez: Who is-a the Master? And-a I already-a told you-a that I am a rip-off of-a Chu Chu!

1. A gibbon is a kind of-a ape, you-a idiot!
2. You must-a pray to the Jello to regain-a your-a health! I am a faith-a healer as-a well as a poker player!
3. What-a are you-a talking about?
4. Because-a you don't have-a cute animal character like-a me for-a comic relief.
5. Yuffie is-a evil! But not as-a evil as-a Pikachu.

1. What's your preferred brand of cigar?
2. Are you related to Mario or Domino? I say Mario, but my usless apprentice says it's Domino.
3. Speaking of Domino, do you believe him?
4.Why is your Gear so useless?
5. Which do you prefer, Lucille or Zitti?

Gotta go...I'm beginning to become useful.

The Useless Lama

Pokerman sez:
1. I-a like-a Shinsplint-a cigars; they are-a the best in-a the world.
2. Just because-a I have an-a Italian accent doesn't-a mean-a I am-a related to-a Mario or Domino! You are-a stereotyped me and I don't-a like it!
3. No, he is-a liar, he says-a Storeman Norman was-a the hero of 4. I am my-a Gear!
5. They are-a not of-a my species but-a Lucille is-a the Ancient so I am-a sworn to-a protect-a her.

Q: I have an arch-enemy? Why don't people ever bother to tell ME these things? Like, how am I expected to live my life in a blind rage, constantly visualizing inventive ways to kill my foes when I don't even know who they -are-?

Ah, but I'll track him down, yes! That is what I will do! By the headers, I can see that the message came from an address of "isdneil.demon.co.uk". Could that first bit mean "isdn?" Does that mean that my long-lost foe's name is actually "Eil?" What could Eil mean? So many unanswered questions!

Bria--err, Grian Blick

Pokerman sez-a: We all have-a our arch-a enemies. My-a arch enemy is my-a brother Pikachu, who has-a become an evil-a demon that gives seizures to-a young children. And now-a he is-a coming to America! Watch-a out for his PokeBeetles, if-a you-a see them, you must-a destroy them on-a sight before they-a dispense their-a stuffed Pikachus. Unnecessary force has-a been approved by-a the IRPO. I will-a be handing out-a rocket launchers on-a the street.

The thin man from Cid Wars sez: Eil is short of "Heil", as in "Heil Hitler", but they dropped the "H" because H is silent in Spanish. In other words, you're being targeted by a neo-Nazi movement! The entire U.S. government, the black helicopters, and the United Nations are after you! Run for your life before the Illuminati get you! Only you can save yourself!

Pokerman sez: Yeah, just like-a the Nazis that-a took over-a Cosmo Mountain in-a Beath of Flams, led-a by Dullard's evil twin-a Dullardhan (he has-an evil twin just-a like me). I hear-a Dullardhan might-a be-a back in Tactics Beath.

Fritz sez: Someone once called me the Nazi dictator of Cosmo Canyon, which is where that whole thing comes from, if you were wondering.

Ben McKee sez: Travis Allen is a communist!

Cait sez: Hi, it's me, Cait! I'm back out of the hospital, and I'll be resuming my mailbag duties tomorrow. In the mean time, I have just one thing to say... Luna! Luna! Join the cult!

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