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Tim the Talking Warhead's Mailbag - August 23rd, 1998

Today's edition of Tim's Mailbag talks about Bullet Bills, the Holy Hand Grenade, Vicks and Wedge, Pokerman, the Tin Saucer, and other Beath stuff.

Cait Sith will be returning tomorrow, so send your questions and comments to Cait Sith's Mailbag. Be sure to put "Cait Sith's Mailbag" in the subject line so Cait will know it's for him.

Q: Hello, Tim.

1) Are you a sorcerer?
2) Can you kill the vampire bunny by blowing up at it? Oh, I know! You and Dullard and someone used the Fusion gene to become the Holy Hand Grenade!
3) How exactly can Charteuse revive you with Life magic? I mean, being a talking warhead, you're a machine, so you don't have any biological components to be Lifed. You should need Gear Parts or a Repair Kit or something.
4) Have you died more times than Vicks and Wedge?
5) Should President Clinton have fired YOU at those terrorists?
6) Or are you what they're going to shoot back at us?

~Nature Leseul

Tim sez:
1. No, I'm the only character in the game who can't use magic. All I can do is explode. WE'VE GOT EXPLOSIVES! KABOOM! BOMBS ARE BEAUTIFUL!
2. Yeah! Dullard+Lucille+Tim = Holy Hand Grenade!
Fritz sez: No it's not, it's Sailor Filbert.
Tim sez: Shut up, you dullard.
3. I'm a living, talking, thinking warhead! The next generation of warfare!
4. Probably. I blow up a lot. Hee hee.
5. Yes. I never miss. And if I've equipped with the Plutonium Rockets, I do 50% more damage.
6. I fight only for the causes of good, not evil! I stand for truth, justice, and the Formaldehydian way!

Q: Hello, Tim, what's up? Just got a couple of quick Q's for the one and only talking warhead...

1. Why are you so sarcastic and nasty all the time?

2. Ok, tell the truth now, who do you prefer: Lucille or Zitti? I personally think Zitti's name sounds way too much like a pasta dish.

3. What could possibly be more annoying than that contagious lisp of Dullard's?

4. Can you help me out, I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side...

5. Did Wedge and Vicks build you? It would certainly explain your constant deaths and revivals every so often.

~Sven the Talking Biological Weapon

Tim sez:
1. And who are you to judge, Mr. Sven the Talking Embyrotic Dodo?
2. Well, Zitti is a kind of pasta, but Lucille doesn't seem to have a mouth (look at her picture on the Artwork page)...
3. The contagiouth lithp of the Kool-Aid Pitther Guy, after he caught it from Dullard. Thit, now I'm doing it.
4. Dammit, Sven, I'm a missile, not a doctor!
5. Yes, they built me. They were killed when Yassir Ferret and the weasels came and abducted me from Don't Push That Button You Fool and took me to Castle Weaselstein.

Q: Hello, Tim the talking warhead.... why does that sound like a Song the Cute Little Charecters would sing? ^_^ Here are my questions for the day...

1. What type of warhead are you?
2. Is it real easy to get Nachos at the store with you being a walking, talking warhead?
3. What's it like being in a game never made? Does it suck?
4. Have you killed Kenny (Or Wedge or Biggs)?
5. Do you have any relation to those Bullet Bills from Super Mario Bros.?
6. Can we borrow you next 4th of July ^_^?

[Warning: Parappa Quote Ahead.] That's it for today!
CrowBar
http://crowbar.cjb.net/

Tim sez:
1. I am a Binney & Smith & Weston .45 Mauve.
2. Is that supposed to be funny? I don't get it.
3. It's better than being in some games that were made. If I was in Frogger I'd have to blow myself up. Wait, I do that anyway...
4. No, Wedge and Biggs built me, I wouldn't want to kill them.
5. Yeah, but I'm a warhead, and they're just bullets. Bullets are for guys who eat oranges. A warhead is a man's weapon! Ain't nuthin' else will do!
6. I'm not for sale.

Q: A talking warhead? How... um... original... Anyway, I have a few questions. Do you prefer listed or in a paragraph? If you want, I could even number them for you. I'm sure that, as a warhead, you have some trouble reading letters for more than a few minutes before your vision starts to blur (I am a warhead doctor, by the way...)
1) Hey! Cait Sith was supposed to be back today! You lying... aw, shoot! I don't know any good warhead putdowns...
2) How exactly can you walk and talk? Or do you just walk or talk? Now I'm confused...
3) You saw Yuffie kill Aerith, right? You could testify against her, right?
4) What exactly would a warhead doctor do? I've been in this job for six years, and I'm stuck at home, still working in high school, and some other boring stuff (yes, I did mean to say six years. I was hired when I was in fifth grade...)
5) I'm a busy man. I haven't had a chance to kill Wedge or Vicks yet. If I arm you (if you aren't already) would you be so kind as to blow one of them up?
6) Do you have a "sassy little beret"? Please excuse my French, and the fact that only my brother or myself would get the joke. If you ever need help coping with your life as a warhead, I know an excellent psychologist. He can make you think you are a toaster.
KainDragoon

Tim sez:
1. He'll be back tomorrow.
2. I can talk, but not walk. But in the words of Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken, "Walk the walk, even if you can't just talk the talk."
3. No, I'm not in that game. Heck, I'm not in any game.
4. Huh?
5. No, they built me, I wouldn't want to kill them.
6. I hate injokes. If you don't cut your injokes I'm going to come over there and blow up! So shut up!

Q: Hi, Tim! Your game just rocked! I've got a few questions.

1. How do you get around? You don't have any limbs or anything.
2. Who do you think is closer to Cait Sith in Beath of Flams--Pokerman (for his looks) or you (for your sense of humor and number or quips)?
3. Do you have any friends?
4. Would there be any reason for you to be given arms and legs?
5. What's your favorite game at the Tin Saucer?
6. Will you be in Tactics Beath?

Thanks if you answer any of these, and good luck in Tactics Beath!
--Serpent231

Tim sez:
1. I can fly! I'm a missile! Wheee!
2. Pokerman. After all, he works at the Tin Saucer and tells fortunes. He's also really useless. Actually, Pokerman's mostly a copy of Chu Chu from Xenogears...
3. Sure, Dullard and the gang. Except for Pokerman; I don't like him. He's fat, ugly, and useless.
Pokerman sez: Shut-a up-a or I will put-a on-a my magic-a gloves of glory and-a take-a you-a on a cruise to-a destroy you-a all!
4. Not really. If I ran into anything I'd blow up anyway.
5. Dog House.
6. I won't be a playable character, but I'll be a call spell.

Q: I don't want FFVII. Am I weird?

Tim sez: No, you're one of the normal ones. Begin stockpiling food and ammunition immediately. We must defend ourselves from the clones.

Hironobu Sakaguchi sez: Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

Q: hey Tim i got sum questions:

1. If you could kill either one witch one would you kill Vicks or Wedge?
2. You be a knowin' why Barret be rippin off Mr.T?
3. Have you ever heard of the Insana Clown Posse? There music is cool!
4. Are you any good at PaRappa?

Thanks!
-Dan the Hippy

Tim sez:
1. I don't want to kill Vicks and Wedge. They built me!
Wedge sez: Tim... I am your father, Tim.
2. No... I'm not in that game. It's one of them real games.
3. They could never outrap Chop-Chop Master Potato! Punch, kick, it's all in the lungs!
4. I can't play PaRappa. I don't have any hands. I'm like Coconut Monkey.
Coconut Monkey sez: Greetings, and welcome to my island paradise! I would shake your hand but I have no arms! For the FAQ on my games, click here. Unfortunately, it does not cover my upcoming masterpiece Gravy Trader, which has been stolen.

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