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Wedge's Mailbag - August 22nd, 1998

Today's edition of Wedge's Mailbag talks about Piette, Kenny, Vicks vs. Biggs, SaGa Frontier, FF8, and cushioned rooms. Tomorrow's guest editor is Tim the Talking Warhead of Beath of Flams fame, so send your questions and comments to Tim's Mailbag. Be sure to put "Tim's Mailbag" in the subject line so Tim will know it's for him. Cait Sith will be returning on Monday.

Q: Hey Wedge,

Is Asellus a lesbian?

Wedge sez: How would I know? I wasn't even in SaGa Frontier, which is just as well, because I would have died if I was. Vicks was in it, though -- he played Dr. Okonogi.

I have a couple questions.

1) What all games have you and Vicks been in?

2) Does Vicks prefer to be called Vicks or Biggs?

Thanks for giving me the day of light. Or is that the other way around???

P.S. Bring Yuffie back to the mail to answer questions.

That Anomynous Reader Again

Wedge sez:
1. I was in FF6, FF7, Chrono Trigger (I like Chrono Trigger), and FF8. Vicks was in all those, plus FF Tactics.
2. Biggs is his real name, but he goes by Vicks. He also markets a popular brand of cough drops.

1. A few issues back, Palmer said that Kenny was your long-lost cousin. Is this true, or is it another wild corporate scam by Shinra for publicity or something?

2. How come you don't die in Chrono Trigger? Squeamish programmers?

3. Why won't they stick to either "Biggs" or "Vicks" as the name for your fellow death-ridden colleague, and which name do you prefer to call him?

4. Do you think my name was really stupid in CT? I need a name change quite badly.

5. Norstein Bekkler really freaked me out in that tent. You wanna ambush him sometime with me and find out if there's more to him than just that annoying floating head and pair of hands?

~Piette

P.S. - Hang in there, buddy, maybe you won't die in the up-and-coming Final Fantasy. Hey, who knows, it's happened once already.

Wedge sez: Piette! You traitor! I know you're in league with the Reptites! Surrender now before you're forced to kill me!

1. No, Kenny is Biggs's long-lost brother. However, Mr. Bill is my cousin.
2. I don't know, but I'm not going to look a gift chocobo in the mouth.
3. See above.
4. Norstein Bekkler is Johnny Jump-Up's disembodied head and hands. Johnny Jump-Up doesn't have any, that's why he wears that cloak all the time.

1. Are you related to Kenny?
2. How many meals can you eat that are cooked by Tifa in FF7?
3. Who's Piette?
4. Is Biggs/Vicks's name Biggs or Vicks?
5. Why didn't you die right away when you fell off the reactor? I mean, it looked like you were still alive because Aeris had to tend to you.

Thanks for taking the time to do this, and watch out for falling chocobos!

--Serpent231

Wedge sez:
1. See above.
2. Wedge would eat as many meals as Wedge would eat, if Wedge didn't die all the time.
3. Piette is an admiral on the Death Star, or something like that. He's posing as one of us, but he's really in cahoots with the Reptites and those guys in Xenogears who look like Tusken Raiders.
4. See above.
5. I landed on my reference area.

Wedge sez:
1. No, Kenny is Vicks's long-lost brother.
2. Yes.
3. I'm just looking for a friend or two... it's kinda hard to make friends when you keep dying everytime you try to do anything.
4. Yeah... I already did. I was killed by this big monster that came out of this rift created by the satellite tower, or something to that extent. Dying's not good on your memory, you know.
5. She's a poser! She doesn't possess our regenerative powers -- she's one of Piette's troops!

Q: Dear Wedge,

I have a few questions for you.

1. Have you ever considered getting life insurance? You could probably make a lot of money!

2. Also, ever consider becoming a stunt man?

3. Do you think it's Vicks who's giving you all the bad luck? You guys are usually together when you die...maybe it's a conspiracy!

4. If you were given a choice of games like: Uno, Parcheesi, or PaRappa, which would you play?

Just a thought,
Invisigirl

Wedge sez:
1. With my medical history? They ask me, "Have you died in the past six months?", and that kind of ends it right there.
2. I already am.
3. Hey, wait a second here. You might be onto something. Vicks has died more than I have... he died 2 more times in GA2, and he also died in FF Tactics... no wonder I keep dying! Oh my God, Vicks is killing me! You bastard!
4. I would play Parcheesi, because then Sephiroth and Kefka would like me, and not want to kill me. But that's probably a lost cause.

--The ever bitter Biggs

Wedge sez: Don't you try this guilt trip on me! You're the one who makes me keep dying! If I didn't keep dying myself, I'd go over there

1. How many times have you died?

2. Why don't you just sit in a cushion room for the rest of you life so they'll be less chance of you dying?

To Fritz: I'd like to volunteer to take over the stuff for the Yuffie Conspiracy Page.

Thanks!
-Owen Humphreys
OwenWOLFPC@aol.com

Wedge sez:
1. 25.
2. The cushions would catch on fire, and incinerate me.

Fritz sez: Hey, thanks for the offer, but I've already got someone else lined up to take care of it. Sorry.

Wedge sez: One more letter and I'm outta here.
(Wedge opens the letter)
KABOOM! (the letter explodes; it was a letter bomb from Biggs)
Cait sez: Oh my God, they killed Wedge! You bastards!

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