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Yuffie's Mailbag - July 23rd, 1998

Today's edition of Yuffie's Mailbag covers Materia, arm guards, the Wu-Tai Clan, Cloud, the Cubs, Saddam Hussein, and other stuff. Hey-hey! Tomorrow's guest editor is fatman Palmer, so send your questions and comments to Palmer's Mailbag.

Q: Dear Miss Kisargi,

Hello! Like so many others, I just have a few questions for you.

1.What made you so obsessed with materia?

2.Where can I buy your band's album?

3.Is there a good reason that the button on your shorts is undone? Or is the material just cut that way?

4.I like your hair style. Who does it?

5.Is it true that you like Cloud, and can go with him on a date to Gold Saucer?

6.If you don't like Cloud, who do you like?

If you answer my questions, thanks!

Sincerely,
Authoress

Yuffie sez:
1. I, like, need it for Wutai. And it's, like, pretty too!!
2. We're, like, going to have some songs from it on this page soon.
3. It's, like, hot. Especially with, like, the arm guard, and, the, like, sock thing.
4. Chekhov.
5. Who told you that? It was, like, Shake, right? Don't listen to him, he's, like, lying, okay?
6. Saddam Hussein! He's, like, such a good rapper, okay? He's, like, wow, okay?

1. Why did ya do it Yuffie! Why did you kill her!?
2. Is it true that you are the spawn of Jenova!? I know it's true!
3. Why did you do it? Why did you pretend to be sephiroth when you killed Aeris!? You tarnished his good name!
4. Who will catch you on your way down!?
5. I hope you die aloooooone
6. Who's next on yer little "list!?"
7. Youll NEVER get the plad materia do ya hear me!? NEVER!!!!
8. Why'd ya do it? Why'd ya kidnap Vincent during the ending!?
9. I hope he shot you in the eye!

Okay that's it. One day Yuffie you will pay for your crimes.. but first i gotta hone my snake throwing skills...

-The Infamous Westward Stabber

Yuffie sez: I didn't kill Aerith! It was Sephiroth! Didn't you watch the FMV? It was, like, totally in there. I reckon I got no reason to kill her, uh huh.

Domino sez: Don't listen to her! I saw her do it! I have a tape to prove it! Back and to the left... back and to the left...

Q: Okok... I'm gonna ask you a few questions....AND PUT DOWN THE BOOMERANG! Ok...
1. Have you ever been on Jerry Springer because of your behavior?
2. About the materia, WHY do you steal it?
3. If I make a parody of MMBop, will you shread me to itty bity pieces?
4. Have you killed Kenny (Or Wedge or Vicks)?
5. Listen....Mulder and Skully are onto you, as well as a lot of other people. What is your relation with JENOVA?

That is all...I'm out
CrowBar
-MSTer of Bad Fanfics

Yuffie sez:
1. Yeah, I was on, like, the, like, "My party member is stealing my Materia" epsiode. It was sooo totally wow, okay?.
2. Wutai needs it, so we can get rid of Shinra! And if I get rich on the side, well, what's wrong with that?
3. Like, why would you, like, want do to that? Hanson rules.
4. Gawd, I haven't killed anybody! I didn't kill Aerith, or Tseng, or anybody! Why does everybody blame everything on me?
5. Don't mention that thing. I feel like I'm gonna puke everytime I think about it.

Q:Dear Fetid One:
I have some questions for you, you evil, evil person you.

1) How on earth can you fight with that damned pinwheel? I mean, do you have to blow into it so that it turns around and hits the bad guys or what?
2) What was with that fake sobbing routine you did after you killed Aerith? I mean, was that just a ploy to get to hug Cloud or what?
3) Is it true that you've actually channeled your evil undead spirit into the body of my inbred dog?
4) What the hell is the purpose of that vaccuum cleaner bag you wear on your arm?
5) Why did you kiss Cloud during your date on the Gold Saucer?
6) If I paid you enough, would you go to my friend's house and kick him in the groin?

Dante

Yuffie sez:
1. DUH! I throw it! Don't be such a dork.
2. ::sniff:: It was so sad...
3. Huh? What are you talking about? Wow, I'm, like, totally clueless. Whatever.
4. It's not a vaccuum cleaner bag, you dork! It's, like, an arm guard, okay? I use to, like, protect my arm, okay? Because, like, those bracelets aren't very good armor, okay?
5. ....
6. Ok.

Q: Hi, Yuffie, I just wanted to say that I don't think you're really bad, you can be a little annoying, and I don't get why they picked you to make fun of. Your'e not my favorite character in FF7, (that would be Vincent) not even close, sorry, but you aren't last on my list either. Anyway I have one question for you. After all that stuff the first time the party goes to Wutai is done and you're giving their materia back, how do you pop around disappearing and reappearing like that? I'll bet someone thinks this letter is too dumb to be posted, but oh well.

Sailor Kat =^.^=

Yuffie sez: Thanks! Want my autograph?

Q: Yuffie, you suck, ok. I really hate you. Anyway here's some questions

1. I heard you were a man is that true?
2. What's your favorite type of materia?
3. Did you kill Aeris? Answer truthfully.
4. Which do you like better Hanson or Teletubbies?

-(s)
P.S. If you haven't read Cid Wars II you should.

Yuffie sez: Gawd, why does everybody pick on me? What did I do?
1. GAWD NO! Grossness!
2. You mean, like, color? I like Purple Materia, it's, like, a totally wow color, okay?
3. I DIDN'T KILL HER! I reckon I got no reason to kill her, uh huh.
4. Hanson. They're, like, totally cool, okay?

Q:Greeting to you O evil mistress of destuction!

A few questions for the evil one:

1. How come the mailbag always gets letters from psychos demanding to be called by their nicknames and who have multiple personalities? I only have one personality that I know of, and you can just call me Nick (or Dave, which is NOT my real name)
2. What's your favorite color materia?
3. If you killed Aeris(th) to get the white materia, do you still have it? Couldn't you have killed Tifa? (I heard a rumor about implants and materia.)
4. Any Star Wars fanatic knows that Wedge is the only one other than Luke, Han, Chewie, and some anonymous person in a Y-wing that didn't bite it on the Death Star run. Did you know that?
5. Doesn't GameTek going bust before Robotech comes out piss you off?
6. Are you aware your character was stolen from Lemina from Lunar: Eternal Blue? Lemina is a fanatic about Silver (does not begin with a 'g'), and you are a fanatic about materia. She's also annoying, though far less than you. She also has neat books on her bookshelf.
7. Finally, who's more annoying: You, Minmay(Minmei), or Sailor Moon?
8. Okay, so that wasn't my final question... Shouldn't Aeris(th) have bet on the Cubs, they are a team of losers (except Sammy, Mark, Micky, and Henry) who actually have a chance this year (they are first in the wild card race)
9. Is Cait a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker? Do some people call him the 'Space Cowboy'?
10. How does one make a character with an umlaut over it in HTML?

I hope Cid runs you over in his orange confederate-flag Dodge Charger,
Mafia Boss Vinny Valentino (Nick, or, on RPGamer, Dave. Arrghh!)

Yuffie sez:Hi, Dave.
1. Huh? Like, whatever.
2. PURPLE!
3. I didn't kill anybody! You can't prove a thing!
4. Biggs, like, died though, okay?.
5. Uh, like, totally, yeah.
6. Gawd, stop making fun of me! I'm not, like, annoying, okay? 8. All I can say is that if I'd won all that money, I wouldn't have, like, bought houses 'n stuff with it, okay? I'd be, like, all wow 'n stuff, like, okay? 9. He's, like, a joker, but, like, Cid is the only one who, likes, smokes. 10. I dunno. I'm, like, totally clueless. Wutaian doesn't even have, like, those little, like, dot things. Are those, like, umlauts or something?

Q: Hey, Yuffie, how are ya? I think you're the coolest FF7 Character no matter WHAT anybody says. You're so kawaii. I got some questions...

1) Are there any plans for a Wu-Tai Clan/Wu-Tang clan collaboration? I think that'd be cool.
2) Why does your giant shuriken come back to you after you throw it? It's not shaped anything like a boomerang.
3) Where do you keep your giant shuriken when you're not using it?
4) Will you marry me?
5) Do you know how to kill somebody and make it look like an accident?
6) Will you marry me?

Thanks much for your time.
-Your Loving Fan Jedi Master Soda

Yuffie sez:
1. Like, no way! Those dorks, like, copped our name and logo! It would be totally wow if we could with Saddam Hussein, though.
2. There's, like, different kinds of boomerang. Whatever.
3. In my, like, arm guard.
4. Gawd, I'm only sixteen. Like, I could get you, like, arrested for that.
5. I haven't killed anybody! Stop picking on me! You're all so mean!

Q: Well, let's see... 1) Why were you and your father trying to get all the Materia, anyway? Some sort of conspiracy?
2) Are you really related to Jenova?
3) What's the arm thing for? And what exactly is it?
4) Was that thing where you press the X button three times when you hug Cloud after Aeris/Aerith dies really just a prank? I'm guessing it was, since I tried it and it didn't work....
Tell your father he's a weakling, even when you first go to WuTai. KainDragoon

Yuffie sez:
1. We need it for Wutai! WU-TAI FOREVER!
2. Gawd no. That thing, like, is totally disgusting, okay?
3. It's, like, an arm guard! Didn't I, like, already answer that, like, question?
4. Huh? Like, what X button thing? Like, what are you, like, talking about? I'm, like, totally clueless. Whatever.

Fritz sez: Seriously, what X button thing? I don't know what you mean either...

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