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Dullard's Mailbag - July 21st, 1998

Today's edition of Dullard's Mailbag takes on woodchuck transformations, Manillo, Cobalt 67, waffles, the Guy Who Always Cuts Off Your Limbs, Schala, and lisps.

Q: Hey, just for a moment, okay?
1) Why wasn't my letter run from yesterday?
2) Do you know Manillo personally?
3) Or, for that matter, ANY of the guest editors?
KainDragoon

Dullard sez:
1. We mailbag editorth get a lot of mail and we can't print it all; thorry.
2. No... I'm not a real game character... I don't know any of thoth actual folkth, exthept for the oneth that don't really exthitht. Let me introduthe you to my friend Boxther the imp.
3. Thee above.

Could you resolve these few nagging questions?

1. Were you the one who came up with the original "Aerith" name?
2. Have you ever considered seeking medical help for Cid?
3. What does your Cobalt 67 hybrid look like?
4. Do you ever feel that your destiny is decided by an occasionally sadistic manipulator whose only goal is to place you in ridiculous situations that satirize famous role-playing games? Ever heard of the Truman Show?
5. When you splice Woodchuck genes, do you use a restriction endonuclease to cut your DNA at key recognition sites to produce restriction fragments with "sticky ends," then let complementary base pairing do the rest? Or should I ask Chartreuse?
6. Do you like waffles?

That's all for now... have fun saving the world!
- Keeleon

Dullard sez:
1. Yeth and they changed it becauth they thought it my lithp.
2. But then he couldn't uthe any of his magic.
3. Here it ith. (click the link)
4. Not only that but I talk with a lithp too...
5. Yeth, ask Chartreuthe.
6. Yeth, but not as much as Kool-Aid Pitcherth. They refill your HP completely.

Q: Hey Dullard! Have some numbered questions for you: 1) I think one of the funniest character names in Beath of Flams is "The Guy who Always cuts off your Limbs." (Wait, that isn'a question;okay, I'll put a stupid question on it so it'll be a question) How many times did he cut off your limbs?

2)Do you think Kain will ever join your team for good?

3) Does Tim the Talking Warhead ever get a gear?

4) Fritz's artwork is good. He made up Zenogias, right? The first picture of Zenogias looks hand drawn and the second one looks computer-made. Could you clear this up for me?

-Guy Who Never Cuts off your Limbs

Dullard sez:
1. A lot. Him and his thupid Manthon Attack. But he'th dead now...
2. I think he'th a thecret character.
3. He hath no hanth! (muth be the work of Limb Guy). How could he pilot a Gear?
4. Fritz sez: Thanks! Yes, I did make up Zenogias. The first Zenogias picture was made by modifying the existing Turk images in Photoshop, the second one was drawn in black-and-white by me, scanned in, and colored in Paint.

Q:Be Vewy Vewy Quiet I'm hunting Duwwards huhuhuhuhu

HA HA just a little lisp humor there Dullard. Now than I am on a quest for answers to the questions i have. Gobi wasnt much help so maybe you can help?

1. Who will catch you on your way down.
2. When im dead do you think I will care?
3. Why do RPG characters clothes always look the same no matter what armor they buy?
4. Why does BOF III's Ryu's equipment get larger when he becomes an adult even tho garr gave him the same stuff?
5. How many Zerg DOES it take to screw in a lightbulb
6. I WONT BECOME YOU!!!!!!!!!!
7. Say "Release Brian" please
8. AHAHAHAHAHA!
9. How much wood could you chuck if you could chuck wood?
Okay that's it So Wong Duwward! HAHAHAAAAAAAA

Dullard sez:
1. The Kool-Aid Pither guy!
2. Yeth.
3. All our armor ith manufathured by Emperor Clothing, Incorporated.
4. Hith armor wath baggy to begin with. The baggy look is pretty popular thethe dayth, you know. Frith altho thayth he thought that wath a good Deep Thought and wanth to uthe it in the Deep Thoughth thecthion.
5. Eleven.
6. Okay.
7. Releathe Brian.
8. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH HA!
9. It dependth on what woodchuck form I'm in.

Q: Help me, I'm not sure where I am or what form I am in but all I know is that a wild magical surge transformed me into something, the only clue to my whereabouts is the name Rufus Shinra.

I also know that there is a spell that attracts him to me, considering I am not in my true form. There is also a possibility that I have moved from one place to another with his help.

I can't get this feeling that there is a strange creature making fun of him, perhaps I should teach him a lesson when I am restored.

Schala

P.S. Find me, quickly, I don't know how much time I have left.

Dullard sez: You think you have it bad; I have a lithp and everybody thinkth I'm a bum...

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