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Cloud's Mailbag - July 19th, 1998

Today's edition of Cloud's Mailbag mostly covers PaRappa.

Tomorrow's guest editor is Manillo (aka Gobi) of Breath of Fire fame, so send your questions and comments to Manillo's Mailbag.

Q:CLOUD!! YOU PISSHEADED LITTLE HICK! IVE BEEN TRYING TO MAIL CAIT SITH RUFUS CID AND BARRET AND MY COMMENTS NEVER GET POSTED! AM I NOT "INSIGHTFUL ENOUGH!?" HUH!? IS THAT IT YOU MOTHER F___ING SON OF A B___CH!? (IS NOW UP IN CLOUDS FACE) AND ANOTHER THING IM SICK AND F____IN TIRED OF YOU CALLING ME A SCHITZO! i'M NOT A SCHITZO!!

YES YOU ARE

SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!!!

Cloud sez: I'm sorry to hear that your letters weren't posted.

Sir Strife,
I find it neccessary to engage in this form of correspondance with you to express my outrage at the blatent attempt you made to impersonate me in your "Crono's Mailbag" section. The responses from the entity you and your associates called Crono consisted of nothing but spaces and various forms of punctuation. It is true, that most of the time I do not talk, which understandably gives the impression that I am mute. However, I am not mute, I just refrain from talking because my vast intellect would cause me to use phrases such as "antidisestablishmentarianistic-monoemotional-bobafettaphobic- funkenrationial-geoplasmic-collectimising-stereopathetic-soulmanure," in everyday speech. This would've resulted in feelings of alienation from gamers, most of which could not comprehend the subtle complexities of my charater, so Square told me, in so many words, to "shut the #$^% up." But I digress. The most obvious logical flaw in your failed attempt to impersonate me, is that I could've TYPED the answers. The response lines ARE introduced with "Crono Sez," but this phrase, I assume, is used rather loosely. I expect you to print this letter, and I would also like a decent explanation. Thank you for your time.

P.S. I am aware that "Crono's Mailbag" has been translated, but the responses are not in my wording, except for "insect politics" which is a summary of the above explanation of I I do not speak

Regards,
Crono

Cloud sez: That's too bad. Is there anything I can do to help?

Q: Hi, I have some questions.

1. Who do you prefer, Aeris (Aerith, whatever) or Tifa?

2. Do you think a Final Fantasy Vs. Street Fighter would be cool? You know, with Blade Beams, Beat Rushes, Boost Jumps, Big Shots, and best of all, Omnislash? It would sort of be like CidFighter.

3. Did you know that Yuffie likes you?

4. Why do you always make stupid observations?

5. Where'd you get that cool looking sword? Did you get it when you were in SOLDIER?

6. Do you have a hilt for the sword? It looks like you just stick it on your back when you win a battle.

7. Why does AVALANCHE have all caps?

Cloud sez:
1. I don't know. Why does it matter?
2. I am a secret character in the game Ehrgeiz, along with Tifa.
3. No, does she?
4. It seems that you don't like it when I make stupid observations.
5. I own the sword.
6. I use my sword in battle.
7. It doesn't have lowercase letters; it's in all caps.

Q:Here are some of the big questions

1. How on earth do you hold that Big Sword
2. What are you a Clone of Seph or some guy with Jenova Cells in him
3. What happend to your nose in Final Fantasy Tactics
4. HOW do you keep your hair like that
5. Who do you like more Tifa, Aeris, Yuffie, Or Barret
6. How much Wood could a Woodchuck Chuck is he turned into a pyrochuck
7. Why didn't you get Cold on Great Glacier
8. How did you learn Omnislash to kill Seph at the end of FFVII when you did not have it before
9. Who is the coolest Cid

_________________________ And just to let everyone know_____________________________________________ Mid and CidV gueststar in Final Fantasy:Legend of the crystals (Note : It is a Animi Movie and it is not to good at all They killed the main baddie by shooting him with_ Gold Chocobos)_______________________________________________________

10. Is it true you are in FF8
11. What were you standing on when you dropped Aeris into the water?
12. Where do you keep all those items and weapons and junk
13. How EXactly Does RedXIII Fight with a Comb

The end
(If this is posted i'll be lucky)

Cloud sez:
1. With my hands. Why?
2. ...I...don't...know... GIVE ME A NUMBER! GIVE ME A NUMBER, NATALYA! GIVE IT TO ME!
3. I didn't have a nose in FF Tactics.
4. A lot of people think my hair is unusual.
5. I don't know. Why does it matter?
6. A pyrochuck would torch as much wood as a pyrochuck could torch if a pyrochuck could torch wood.
7. I was warm.
8. Barret tossed me the manual.
Domino sez: He's lying! Itossed him the manual!
9. There are many Cids.
10. No.
11. I don't think I was standing on anything. Why does it matter?
12. I carry many items, weapons, and junk, such as equipment, armor, potions, and Key Items.
13. He uses it as a weapon.

Q: A couple ?'s for you:

1. If you had a choice, would you go out with Aeris or Tifa?
2. Where can I go to get my hair done like yours and how much does it cost?
3. Do you wear a backbrace when swinging that sword around?
4. In your opinion, do you think Kefka should hook up with Beavis and Butt- Head?
5. Howcome in FF7 you had a nose, whereas in FF Tactics, you didn't have one?

That's it.

Cloud sez:
1. I don't know. Why does it matter?
2. A lot of people think my hair is unusual.
3. No, do you think I should? I could arrange to do so if you think it's a good idea.
4. I think Kefka is the reincarnation of Beavis and Butthead.
5. I didn't have a nose in FF Tactics.

Q:Hey Cloud,
1) When you go into a town, why do you just walk into any house. Isnt that trespassing?
2) When you talk to people in towns they keep saying the same thing no matter how much you talk to them. I mean, no matter how much you bug them all they say is "I dont trust the Shinra". Why? Do you have social problems?

Isd

Cloud sez:
1. I don't recall doing that. And even if I did, there's no controlling legal authority.
2. I'm not sure; I might have social problems. If there is a problem, I will try to work something out.

Q:Hey Cloud!
Just a few q's and statements here:
1. Who do you like more? Aerith or Tifa?? Or are you just stringing them both along!?!?! Scum-sucking PIG!! *ahem* Sorry, lost myself there....

2. How come your action figures fall apart so easily?

3. I’m not sure on this one, but, I think Biggs and Wedge are in Star Wars... There's a guy named Biggs that bites it, and another guy named named Wedge, who I'm not sure lives or dies. I don't know, I just thought it was a weird occurrence.

4. What happened to your nose in FFTactics?? Did it fall off when you were summoned there? And is Ramza really just a spoiled brat?

Thanks for the rant-time,
Ally-chan
*Don’t say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven....Cause it hasn’t*

Cloud sez:
1. I don't know. Why does it matter?
2. They are not likely to stay together.
3. Biggs and Wedge come from Star Wars. So does Piette, in Chrono Trigger. In FF6, Locke also has a line from Star Wars.
4. I didn't have a nose in FF Tactics. I taught Delita everything he knows.

Q:Ah, erm.. I cant think of anything to piss you off, due to your non-mobile personality, so I'll leave the rest of this blank.

Cloud sez: Ok, fine with me.

(Back to the Cait Sith's Mailbag archive page.)