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Barret Wallace's Mailbag - July 18th, 1998

Today's edition of Barret's Mailbag mostly covers PaRappa. Tomorrow's guest editor is Cloud Strife, so send your questions and comments to Cloud's Mailbag.

Q:...

1. Why dont you have any hands to speak of, but yet are able to pick up object with ease?

2. Where do your items go, anyways? I mean, its a bit unprobable that your two parties can access them. and how do you fit all those materia into such small things like a glove? its impossible.

3. How is a braclet *really* going to protect you from getting shot?

4. Where was YOUR familly in FF7, eh?

5.

6. What exactly is the name of FF7's planet, anyways?

7. Why does 8/9 of all espers have fanclubs, except me? I'm the lead esper of FF6, you idiots!

Maduin Ighstool Branford

Barret sez:
1. I pity the foo' who speaks of my hands, foo'!
2. Shu'up foo'! I kin talk in fonts and you can't!
3. WonderWoman did that too, foo', so jes' shu'up!
4. They all be killed by the damn Shinra, foo'! Now shu'up and leave me alone!
5. Wha' the dilly yo?
6. It don't have no name! Now those damn Shinra probably gonna name it Shinraland!
7. The Espers ain't go no fan clubs, 'cept for Cait Sith. But what I wanna know is... what about Marlene? She ain't go no fanclub either!

--Biggs

Barret sez: Shu'up foo'! You ain't the real Biggs! The real Biggs be killed by those damn Shinra! You prob'ly one of them Evil Omen Goat Monkeys shapeshifta's! And her name be Aerith, foo'!

Q: Hello. I am Katze and I have something very impotent to tell you.

I know.. this is going to be hard to accept.

Barrett? Barrett! Listen to me. Come over here. No, don't look away. Come here. Don't point that thing at me. Put that gun down, too. I have some thing important to say to you. Something very personal. Barrett, stop rappin' awful. Listen to me. Barrett? Barrett? Come back. Don't roll your eyes at me. Listen. This is extremely important.

Barrett, you will never be able to bear children. -And once I peed on an eclectic fence, and everything got all zoidy. And remember. "This men are sick." Yes... This men are very, very sick.

Why do you mention Dyne's wife more than your own. Hell, you mention Dyne more than your wife. DID YOU EAT HER! YOU'RE NOT A ROBOT SO YOU HAVE NO EXCUSES! Unless... OH NO! OH MY GOD! ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S TALKING ESOPHAGUS HAS ESCAPED! (ESOPHAGUS:) good morning, its been a long time... (KATZE:) AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (ESOPHAGUS:) you thought that turpentine thing was FUNNY didn't you! But I'M BACK!!!!!

Barret sez: Wha' the dilly yo? My name be spelled Barret, foo'!

Q:Hello, Barret. I think you're the crappiest character in FFVII, but back to the subject.

1. Why does Marlene have such a big head? Is she on steriods or something?
2. Why didn't you save Dyne?! You bastard!!!! You just let him die!
3. Why didn't you take Dyne's Nailgun? Nailguns rock!
Mr. P S

Mr. P S, I thought you were dead!
Remex

Shut up!
Mr P S

IGNMail, the coolest free e-mail on the planet, tells people that you are a hardcore gamer. Get your free account at http://www.ignmail.com today!

Barret sez: You got wunna dem split personalita's or something? You jes' like Cloud and his spikey white ass! And what's up wit dis IGNMail crap? It's jes' like somethin' those damn Shinra'd do! Now get outta here and stop makin' funna' Marlene!

Q: I have a couple ?'s.

1. Why do you suck at PaRappa?
2. Ever think of trying to bring Ebonics Scrabbla to public?
3. Who swears more: you or Cid?
4. Which is the one most thing you worry about? Yuffie ruling the world or Marlene?
5. Are you ever gonna tell Marlene you're not her daddy?

That's all.

Barret sez:
1. I only got one hand, foo'! I can't press the L button so Chop-Chop always says I be rappin' awful!
2. I tried to get Milton Bradla' to publish it but they weren't interested... sounds jes' like those damn Shinra. I pity the foo' who don't like Ebonics Scrabba'!
3. Cid be swearin' more than me. I jes' talk in Ebonics.
4. If Yuffie be rulin' the world she probably be tryin' to suck Marlene's blood... so Marlene.
5. I be a better daddy than that foo' Dyne!

Q: uh.. hello. i've ran out of stupid questions, so i'll ask really stupid questions. 1. why don't you get an afro and become the king of disco? that'd be cool if instead of a fireball coming out of your arm (big shot, your first limit break), it could be a strobe light! yeah! or not. 2. can you really go out with cloud in the gondola instead of aeris, tifa, or yuffie? i've heard rumors.. 3. as soon as the dex drive comes out, i'll send you memory card data with all of the levels on parappa rapped cool, so cait can't make fun of you.

Barret sez:
1. That foo' Hojo did that and it was pretty damn scary.
2. You kin go wit me in the Gold Sauca' but you don't go to da' gondola, you jes' hang out in the Gold Sauca', or somethin' like that.
3. Thanks man, then I don't have to listen to that damn cat.

Q: Hey, Barret, how's it going? Got a few questions for ya.

1) Are you eastside or westside?
2) How do you shower with that gun? Wouldn't water clog it?
3) If you hate the Shinra so much, why do you bomb the reactors? Why not just bomb the Shinra building?
4) Do you think Cait Sith is annoying?

Thanks for your time.

-Jedi Master Soda

Barret sez:
1. Eas' side!!
2. It got special wata' protection.
3. Rufus'd kill me if I blew up his door. 'sides, what about Marlene?
4. Yeah, that foo' cat is kinda annoying, but not as bad as those damn Shinra!

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