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Hanpan's Mailbag - July 4th, 1998

Today's sole edition of Hanpan's Mailbag tackles Professor Daravon, French, Luna, Chrono Trigger, Dan Quayle, Felix the Cat, and my Mog (no Mailbag would be complete without a Mog question). Cait Sith will be back tomorrow, so send your questions and comments to Cait Sith.

Q: Hi! I just want to ask a few questions:

1. Why do you hang out with Jack a lot of times?
2. Do you consider yourself better than Cait Sith?
3. Are you house broken? (just kidding!)
4. Is there someone special you like? (In the realm of RPG games)

Thats all for now.

Your fan,
ShadowLady

Hanpan sez:
1. Altruism.
2. In one word: Yes.
3. Of course I am, simpleton!
4. No. And Cait said that there weren't enough talking cats... try looking for talking rats.

Q: Hiya, Hanpan. Lotsa questions.
1) I can't find my dictionary. What does "Insipid" mean?
2) In Alundra I'm at the desert of despair, and I'm trying to blow up these statues, and I think I need new boots. Do I? If so, where are they? (Sorry, too lazy to read a FAQ.)
3) How does Red XIII fight with a comb by doing somersaults in the air?
4) Why the constant bashing of Yuffie? Just what problem do you have with her?
5) Am I sending you guys too many letters?

Tell Fritz he has a weird sense of humor that I find greatly amusing.

Holy Cow X

Hanpan sez: 1. Insipid. (adj.) Lacking in interest or liveliness.
2. You need the Sand Cape. There's a few spots where you can jump from (they're gray stones) and you can get to a cave where there's a chest with the Sand Cape. Then you take the whirlwind ride, and go through there with the Cape to get to the dungeon.
3. How would I know? I'm not even from that game. Ask Cait Sith. Why? BECAUSE HANPAN SAID SO!
4. Her band is extremely popular, despite the fact that it has no talent whatsoever.
5. Look, I'm just a stand-in because Cait is too lazy to answer his mail. I don't even read this stupid column. Simpleton.

Fritz sez: I don't really hate Yuffie. I just like making fun of her.

Q: Yo yo yo! Hanpan! Check this out!

I loved you in the band "Cute Animal Characters!" I was probably the only one who didn't pay not to hear the music!
I played Wild ARMs and I was wondering........ -Are there any other Wind Mice?
-Where do you live?
-Do you have an ARM I could borrow?

-Lobsterboy

P.S. I'll give you 1000 zenny if you give me part of your hot dog...... :)
P.P.S. Please?
P.P.P.S. I won't bite.
P.P.P.P.S. Bite Malak where it hurts for me.......

Hanpan sez: I didn't play in the band, you moron! I was the manager! I'm not big enough to play an instrument! Simpleton.

You know, you could have numbered these questions...
1. No. I was transformed by the Metal Demons. Read the story next time before you ask any more stupid questions. Why? BECAUSE HANPAN SAID SO!
2. In Jack's pocket. I'm like Kazooie, only smarter and cuter.
3. I don't even have an ARM. Simpleton.

P.S. Get your own friggin' hot dog. Simpleton.

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