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Cait Sith's Mailbag - July 3rd, 1998

Today's edition of Cait Sith's Mailbag tackles Professor Daravon, French, Luna, Chrono Trigger, Dan Quayle, Felix the Cat, and my Mog (no Mailbag would be complete without a Mog question). Hanpan will be standing in for Cait Sith tomorrow; so send your questions and comments to Hanpan.

Q: Old 'ard, zurr! Tis oi, Grumm! Oi wus jest wonderin iffen you cud giv me 'n me moley froinds a bit o help 'ere. Me moley friends is kinda distroight roight now, 'n dat Malak goi jest won't go awoiy! Me 'n Martn iz kinda gettin hort boy 'im, 'n yu bein' so strong 'n broive 'n all, 'n wit dat stoiffed Moig, you could sorta boit i'n oop 'n moik zoop out of 'im, bo hurr!
Grumm 'n Martin

Cait sez: Yoi're getting hort boy Malak? Hurr hurr, you are proitty sad. Yu shoild do woit you did to boid goi, dat was coi'l.

P.S. I woint some zoop.

Q: Tu est formidable, le Cait Seeth et Mog. J'adore Final Fantasee, est je demande le copee de "Wild Arms". Est ce comci-comca avec tu, Cait Seeth?

Cait sez: Lo siento, no hablo frances, pero hablo espanol bien. Soy un gato gris y blanco. Rufus tiene pelo feo, verdad? Tuve una buena sensacion!

Q: Hey, Cait, I have a great idea! You swich spots with Luna, so you could whoop Queen Beral and Luna could get a crown! Just think! Luna, warrior princess cat!

Cait sez: Uh... what in Bahamut's name are you talking about? Who's Queen Beral? Are you on drugs or something?

Q: Hey, Cait. Is your moogle's stomach squishy or puffy? You know, when you poke it. Hoo hoo!!

Cait sez: Puffy, I guess. When you poke him, he says "Awwwwwwwww".

By the way, I thought you'd want to know that these last four letters were all send in by the same person. That's right, the same person. You must be bored, huh?

Q: Hello Cait. It's me, the guy with the picture of you on his wall.

First of all, (this has nothing to do with GA2) someone stole the copy of Wild ARMs from the local rental store here, so I haven't gotten to play it. Should I just go ahead and buy it?

Second, I haven't read GA or GA2 because I'm afraid there might be WA spoilers. Are there any?

Also, could you ask Hanpan why Bugenhagen doesn't have legs? And how Red XIII fights with a comb, and Relm fights with a paintbrush? And if your moogle pounds enemies into the ground, why do you need a megaphone?

Thank you for your time.

Cait sez: IT WAS YUFFIE! YUFFIE STOLE WILD ARMS! Um, yeah, you should buy it, it's a cool game and it has Hanpan in it. And there are WA spoilers in the GA series. I tried to ask Hanpan your questions, but he was off hunting down somebody who called him a pet. Maybe I could get him to fill in for me sometime...

I need a megaphone 'cuz I have to shout to get my moogle to hear me. It doesn't hear very well (it's only a stuffed animal, and it DOESN'T EAT THINGS!)

Q: Hey Cait! It's probably common knowledge that none of the characters in FFT have noses... but who do you blame this on, Daravon or Yuffie?

-YK (President ot the Prof. Daravon Fan Club...just kidding)

Cait sez: I blame it on the Family Circus, because none of the characters in that have any noses either.

Q: What the HELL were you doing at the Honeybee Inn, huh? And did you know that Cloud could see you through the keyhole?

Very truly yours,
Goonybrat

Cait sez: Hey! Shut up! Luna might be reading this! It's none of your business, anyway... who are you, Kenneth Starr?

Q: O Sapient Mouthpiece of Cait -

Why is it that in FF games, you Cure wounds and Heal poison? Shouldn't it be the other way around with Healing wounds and Curing poison?

Cait sez: I always thought that was weird too. It's like... it's like... it's like Dan Quayle was translating the game (actually, I think Dan Quayle probably translated FF Tactics). Speaking of Dan Quayle, AOL users click here for some Dan Quayle quotes.

Q: Hiyas Cait :)

You said you got rid of Cait Sith 2 by getting it to pee on an electric fence. Okay, I got that part, but I'm still a little confused. Wasn't CS2 a robot? As far as I know, urinary functions are NOT the most common additions to robots, so what gives?

PS. Are you and Felix the cat related? Because in FF6, when one of the heroes summons you, I've noticed you look a lot like him.
-- Taarkoth

Cait sez: Hey, you have to change the oil in your car sometimes, don't you? C.S. 2 has to change his oil, he just does it a different way (by sharpening his skates).

Felix the Cat is my uncle... how did you know that? (Yeah, Felix is an Esper. That explains that Magic Bag of his).

Q: 1) Where do you currently reside in? 2) Do you have a girl-friend? (No, I'm not proposing.) 3)Why is Gobi in the mural in the introduction, but not in the mural in Dragnier? (I'm talking about BoF3, okay?)

-Your everyday predator
Hawkeye

Cait sez: Numbered letters rule.
1. The Esper World. I live on D... hey, I'm not telling you where I live!
2. Haven't I already answered this question like three times already? Can't you read the archives? I said Ruby from Lunar used to be my girlfriend until I found out she wasn't a cat, and I now have a secret crush on Luna (Sailor Moon's cat).
3. Manillo (Gobi) was asking for too much money to be on the mural, so they had to take him off. But they'd already filmed the intro, so he stayed in there.

Q: Hello there, Cait Sith. Is it true that your name is pronounced "Ket shee," or is that just an ugly rumor started by the strategy guide?

Is your Moogle the only one left on the Planet? What happened to all the others? Did Hojo capture them for an experiment? And do you ever get annoyed with Square for making a very bad attempt at drawing a Moogle with polygons?

On a related note, how do Cloud et. al manage to hold weapons when their hands are rectangular? How do people know that Barret has a gun arm when his gun looks exactly like his hand?

Oh, and how do we know that you're really Cait and not just some FF7 fanatic who's pretending to be you? :-)

Cait sez: I'm going to pretend this letter was numbered.
1. Yes, my name is pronounced "Ket shee". There is no T in the second word.
2. Square killed them all off. They're extinct (except for the one in the Mog House game). In FF Tactics, push select on Sweegy Woods, it says that the now-extinct moogles lived there. That sucks; Moogles are way cooler than Chocobos (And I'm not just saying that because Mog's in my band)... I hear they're going after the Cids now.
3. Super glue. Lots of it.

Fritz sez: In answer to question #4... who would want to pretend to be Cait Sith?

Cait sez: Hey! Shut up! What do you know?

Q: Kitty guy,
I see...KITTY!Meow..meow..Meow?!ROWR!!Achoo...Excuse me..$#)($*@#)$($$....dere be kitty....Meeeeeeooooowwwww....Shoes?Wed Shoes?Pwetty Shoes!Pease..Yet me Shine your head?Dufus really does have bad Hair..It smelllllls horrible..Tell bawwet he weally SUCKS at pawappa..You Are the Cutest?Would you go out with me?
Gus Billy Bob Joe Fred Cleevus

Cait sez: Whoa, you're scaring me. Back, I say. Back!

Q:YO! Love your sense of humor. There's just one problem though...

STOP HARASSING RUFUS TOO MUCH!!! Actually don't annoy him to much. It's just that Rufus is cute and rich and easily manipulated. Mileena: What kind of pathetic reason is that?! to Mileena: Shut up or I'm gonna rip your god damn head off!

As for Dr. Nusakan.... HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL OF MAKING HIM THE BROTHER OF THAT DESPICABLE MAN NAMED HOJO!!!! HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT!

Well enough of that, well maybe we could forgive you since you are Cait Sith after all. By the way, when is Hanpan going to get his own Mail bag? (Not that yours isn't good enough.)

Ja ne,
Shadow Lady

Cait sez: If you think Rufus is cute, rich, and easily manipulated, you should look at me. Well, maybe not the rich part. But I'm cute and easily manipulated.

As for Dr. Nusakan, I think he is Hojo... the black hair, the glasses, the bangs, the white lab coat, the morbid mind... they've got to be the same guy. I think Magus and Vincent are the same guys too.

Q: Cait,

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, (and you will unless you want your stuffed Mog destroyed and every PlayStation game replaced with Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon) is to find the Jade monkey before the next full moon. If you don't Yuffie will be able to take over the small country Spamoslavia and slowly the world. For heaven's sake ya gotta do it Cait!! Think about Marlene!!!!!!

-You Know Who *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge*

P.S. This message will self-destruct in 12.349565532324243 seconds.

Cait sez: Whoa! Is that you, Luna? You wrote to me? I'll get right on it that Jade Monkey case for you...

Cait Sith is off looking for the Jade Monkey and will not be answering his mail tomorrow. Send your questions and comments to Hanpan instead.

(Back to the Cait Sith's Mailbag archive page.)