10/27/05

These are strange days indeed for gamers.  There's a handheld console designed to deliver ads to its users... and stuff money into the pockets of the Swedish mafia.  The latest Metroid game is a futuristic pinball simulation... and a pretty good one, at that.  After twelve years of assurance from the media that it would never be made, we finally have a sequel to everyone's favorite Sega Genesis game, Gunstar Heroes.  And stressful careers have become fun diversions, as owners of the Nintendo DS perform invasive surgery and defend murder suspects in court.

10/23/05

Whew, I am SO far behind on updates!  Where do I begin?  I suppose this is as good a place as any to start...

Saturday Supercade torrent

It's likely that you haven't seen this block of cartoons for over twenty years.  After you've watched it, you'll probably be content to wait another twenty before sitting through it again.  Like most animation from the 1980's, the show hasn't aged well... if the attempts by the writers to shoehorn your favorite early video game stars into unlikely situations doesn't get to you, the corny jokes and weak animation almost certainly will.

Nevertheless, it's still worth downloading the file, if only to see Dungeons and Dragons and all those nutty advertisements.  Funny thing... I never liked the D&D 'toon as a child, but twenty years later, it's starting to grow on me.  They still need to find a suitably nasty way to get rid of that stupid baby unicorn, though.  No saving throw for you, bitch!

What's most surprising is just how much I love the commercials!  The not-so-extreme water sports in Juicy Fruit STILL move me two decades later, and I can't help but chuckle at the Crest crusaders, defending their fortress of teeth with minty fresh lasers while a klaxon shouts "Crest gel!  Crest gel!" in its best Lily Tomlin phone operator voice.

Moving on to modern day news, there's word that the XBox 360 will not only be showing up in store kiosks over the next month, but that it will replace the previous model of the system at Wal-Mart.  It sounds like Microsoft is itching to put the original XBox into retirement... and I doubt it's going to be leaving with a gold watch. 

I wouldn't count on any first party support for the system by the end of the year... and I'm guessing that Bill Gates will be twisting arms to keep other companies from releasing games for the original XBox as well.

10/17/05

I think I've had just about enough of this guy... how about you?

If your answer to the question is "yes" or a more enthusiastic equivalent (including but not limited to "hell yeah!," "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!," and "Ooooh yeeeah, brother!"), I've got a little assignment for you.  Take this complaint form, fill it out, and mail it to this address:

Rivergate Plaza
Suite M-100
444 Brickell Ave.
Miami FL 33131

For a passing grade, you'll need to do the following:

1.  Follow the instructions listed on the first page.
2.  Mention Jack Thompson's repeated abuse of his power of attorney (for instance, sending harassing E-mails to gamers, then threatening a lawsuit when they respond).
3.  Also mention Jack's hilarious satire, cleverly disguised as a death threat against Take-Two CEO Paul Eibel.
4.  Refrain from namecalling and personal attacks (in other words, do what Jack DOESN'T do).
5.  Write legibly and intelligently.
6.  Express concern that Jack's increasing mental instability could potentially make him a threat to his clients.

After you're done, turn it in (to the address listed above).  If everyone passes, we'll throw a big pizza party in honor of any long overdue disciplinary actions taken against Jack Thompson for his irresponsible behavior.  Heck, I'll throw in breadsticks if he's disbarred!

10/16/05

This update brings with it a fresh review and some trimming of the increasingly old 'n crusty links page.  After years of holding it in, I'd unleashed all my frustration and resentment on someone whose site was listed on the page... someone whose behavior had become increasingly irksome to me.  Now that my feelings are all on the table, I figure that now would be a good time to remove his page from the list and just leave the whole sordid affair behind me.

The past week, along with the unfortunate events that came with it, has made me come to this realization... I don't like people.  That's not just one person, or a specific group of people, but the entire species known to scientists as Homo Sapiens.  There are exceptions to every rule, but in this case, that window of exception is especially small.  Chances are, I don't like you.  Hell, I don't even like me.  If I'm talking to you, it's likely that I'm either bored or you're paying me to do it.

It's not a furry thing... I don't have delusions of escaping the bonds of humanity and living the rest of my life as an entirely different creature.  I just have a low tolerance for the behavior of others, and don't particularly enjoy human contact.  If I could live in a log cabin high in the Appalachians, while somehow getting electricity for my game systems and Internet access for my computer, I would.

10/10/05

Here's a scary thought for all you Halloweenies out there... according to the surprisingly active forum of the defunct Higher Voltage web site, Capcom had considered licensing the Universal Studios monsters for use in its first Darkstalkers game.  Just think of it... instead of exciting battles like this...

...we could have wound up with something like THIS!

No matter how hard you look, you're not likely to find anything that frightening this Halloween!

10/6/05

"Personification" is the word of the day here at The Gameroom Blitz, as you can see from the new Capcom Classics Collection review.  I'm thinking of taking a similarly unorthodox approach to the upcoming review of Rengoku: Tower of Purgatory, using my love of pretentious 80's rock epics as an inspiration.  Here's a hint, in case you actually needed one... it won't be based on Pink Floyd's The Wall.

10/5/05

Don't worry... the site hasn't been taken over by IGN, although the graphics in the title banner might suggest otherwise.

So hey, I'm the proud owner of Capcom Classics Collection now.  It's the classic game pack I've been wanting from Capcom since 1997... but I have to admit, I would have been a lot happier if they hadn't taken eight years to release it.  The interface, using pencil sketches on a school notebook for that flippin' sweet Napoleon Dynamite look, is really clever, and the unlockable content for each game encourages the player to try them all and play them thoroughly, translating into added replay value.

It's not all POW symbols and zenny in this compilation of 80's arcade hits, however.  While some of the games are perfect copies of the arcade originals, others suffer from blurry graphics and grating, high-pitched sound effects.  These issues are generally reserved for the least entertaining titles in the collection, making them a minor annoyance at best.  Chances are, you're not going to play Son Son (the preferred form of torture for the Chinese when they're out of water) or Higemaru (the bastard child of Pengo and cornball episodes of One Piece) long enough to complain.

However, a big exception to this rule is the Street Fighter games, which suffer from the aforementioned smeared visuals along with the added irritation of load times after every match.  They're short, but measures could have been taken to better hide them, or eliminate them entirely.  The games themselves are still very much playable, but using the famous Guile hair index*, you can tell that what you're getting here isn't quite what you remember from Aladdin's Castle in 1992.

Capcom Classics Collection is still one of the better classic game packs on the recent generation of consoles.  That might be part of the problem, though... these collections haven't been truly impressive since the mid 1990's.  I have yet to find a release for the new systems that's as satisfying as Midway Arcade's Greatest Hits on the Saturn, or Konami Arcade Classics on the Playstation.