"I'm going to pin you now. YEEESS!"
5/29/06
Although I stopped watching the actual sport after WCW closed its doors, I've been thinking a lot about wrestling games recently. Over the weekend, Stage Select's Chris Larson and myself scoured the Lansing area for used video games, and I went home with WWE Day of Reckoning as well as a Playstation import that really took me by surprise.
WWE Day of Reckoning was impressive, if only for finally giving me a reason to wipe the cobwebs off my GameCube. I haven't sat down and played the game, but I did set up a tag team exhibition match with four computer opponents, then watched 'em duke it out from the corner of my eye while working at my computer. I've got to say, the graphics were pretty, well, pretty... all the fighters looked just like their real-life counterparts, and gleamed under the bright lights of the arena as they traded blows.
Sadly, that's only half the picture. While the characters looked astonishingly lifelike while standing still, their frozen faces and canned animations left them looking like sweat-drenched, spandex-clad robots. Yuke's should have spent less time touching up the ornate tattoo on The Rock's chest, and invested a little more effort in putting some spring into his step. It's not just Dwayne Johnson who suffers... all the wrestlers look like they're just going through the motions, as if Vince McMahon slashed their salaries.
Stiff, unenthusiastic animation seems to be a common trend in many of today's video games. I've noticed it in Electronic Arts' Fight Night Round 3 as well... and this was the Xbox 360 version! Next generation gaming will never look the part until game companies get their priorities straight and improve the motion capture technology they use, rather than heaping more details on the same wooden puppets.
Oh yeah, that other game I mentioned earlier? That was Fire Pro Wrestling: Iron Slam '96. Nothing gets my adrenaline pumping like a great Fire Pro Wrestling game... and this is nothing like one! Unlike other titles in the long-running series, Iron Slam '96 is in 3D. The polygonal graphics aren't bad by early Playstation standards, but the gameplay is frustratingly awkward by even the most generous standards.
Landing punches and kicks takes even more guesswork than it did in the previous Fire Pro games, and it's exceedingly difficult to get the upper hand in clenches. When you lock arms with your opponent, it's a pretty safe bet that you'll be the one hitting the mat. When your beefy Hulk Hogan clone is constantly losing to someone who looks like THIS...
"I'm going to pin you now. YEEESS!"
...you know there's something wrong!
5/27/06
Is an Xbox 360 truly incomplete without a high-definition display? Today, I determined to find out. I set up a ghetto HD rig using a 17 inch CRT monitor, a speaker system I picked up from Goodwill, and an official VGA cable. At just under forty dollars, that cable was the most expensive ingredient in the recipe, but also the most essential.
After bringing it all together, I switched on the Xbox 360... and sure enough, the picture was crisper and cleaner than it was on my television set. I just wasn't convinced that it was forty dollars better. What impressed me a lot more was the speaker system that I put into retirement a few months ago. The constant explosions in Full Auto shook the walls and made the action more urgent and immersive... even when the frame rate hit single digits.
I dunno... maybe the reason my first high def gaming experience didn't blow my mind is because I bought an ancient computer monitor, instead of doing things right and picking up a thousand dollar LCD television. I'll admit that even with the dime store display, the graphics did noticably improve... details in Geometry Wars that had disguised themselves on my television suddenly became a lot more obvious on the monitor. Needless to say, the benefits of the VGA display were even more pronounced in Full Auto... the cars looked as if they rolled straight off the assembly line!
Despite all that, I can't help but ask myself if it was worth the hassle and expense of going high-def with my Xbox 360. I also wonder what the heck I was thinking when I put those speakers in my closet! If my last experience with them was any indication, they won't be going BACK there for a very long time!
5/24/06
Next generation gaming has arrived at The Gameroom Blitz! After receiving my latest paycheck, I purchased a used Xbox 360, along with two games and a Microsoft points card. I even wound up subscribing to Xbox Live Gold for three months. Why? Even I'm not sure, since I'm not what you'd call an online gamer. Just call it an impulse purchase.
Anyway, here's what I like about the Xbox 360 so far... along with some gripes about the system's lesser qualities.
GAMING EXCELLENCE
GAMING EXPLETIVES
5/22/06
We've seen the future at this year's Electronic Entertainment Expo... but the crystal ball, as brightly as it shines, only has the power to display what this year has to offer. What will the next five hold for gamers the world over? Nobody knows for sure, but The Gameroom Blitz predicts the following fates for all three major console manufacturers:
SONY
It's the end of an era as the Playstation brand name begins to lose its hold on consumers. The first cracks in the armor began to show with the release of the PSP in 2005, but that armor begins to fall off piece by piece when the Playstation 3 is introduced at the tail end of the following year, just in time for Christmas. The PS3 is delivered with the price tag that Sony had promised at E3, between five hundred and six hundred dollars. That sticker shock alone is enough to drive most consumers away from the unit and straight to its competitors. Parents who want to entertain their kids but have no need for a game console themselves will head straight for the Wii. Older gamers who demand a more sophisticated experience will opt for an Xbox 360.
The Playstation 3 trickles out of stores, and it's given high praise by some media outlets for its high performance hardware and excellent Blu-Ray film playback. The system's developers took special care to make the Blu-Ray support in the PS3 as good as it can possibly be. As a result, the Playstation 3 is on par with dedicated Blu-Ray players selling for twice the price. However, consumers aren't yet ready to abandon their DVD collections for a new format, and game developers, already strained by high software development costs, are reluctant to take advantage of the additional storage that the Blu-Ray format offers.
Games that once put Playstation systems in millions of homes are starting to lose their hypnotic effect on fans. Tekken, Ridge Racer, and Gran Tourismo are old news, and the high price of the Playstation 3, coupled with the lack of innovation in all of these titles, have convinced players to look elsewhere for their entertainment. Ridge Racer 7 in particular is a crushing disappointment, lacking both new ideas and the extraordinary visuals that PS3 owners expect from the system that emptied their wallets. After dire sales, Namco Bandai reconsiders making its flagship games exclusively for Sony's systems... but doesn't stop to think that those games are too old and busted to sell on ANY console.
After a few years, some impressive exclusives (particularly Metal Gear Solid 4, which actually lives up to the hype), and a grudging price drop, the Playstation 3 begins to pick up momentum. However, the real star of the Sony line-up becomes the Playstation Portable. After a reduction in price to $149, the PSP becomes the console of choice for gamers who wish to stay loyal to the Playstation brand name, but can't afford Sony's latest system.
Gamers witness a mass migration of third party developers from the PS3 to the PSP, and the once unappreciated handheld becomes a serious threat to the Nintendo DS's market dominance. However, this is only the case in the United States. The Nintendo DS remains uncontested in Japan, with the PSP clinging to life on the backs of a few stubborn supporters. A redesign of the system (including a reduction in size, improvements in battery life, and a screen with a higher refresh rate) does boost sales, but not by much.
2010 arrives, and brings with it word of a new generation of systems. Sony is left humbled and hurting after the high manufacturing costs and lackluster sales of the Playstation 3. Nevertheless, the system becomes a cult hit among early adopters and Playstation loyalists. Like the owners of the Sega Master System in the 1980's and fans of the Sega Saturn in the 1990's, Playstation 3 supporters stand by their console of choice, proclaiming it to be the best on the market.
A handful of games on the system do demonstrate its superiority over other consoles, but the fact remains that Sony only captured 20% of the US gaming market with the Playstation 3. The system sold better in Japan, but only marginally, taking 25% of the market. Sony obliges its small but devoted user base with the marginally improved Playstation 4, but focuses much of its attention on the PSP II, its next generation handheld.
MICROSOFT
Early console launches are always a risk, but it's a risk that pays off in a big way for Microsoft. Near the end of 2006, the majority of hardcore gamers pass up the underpowered Wii and overpriced Playstation 3, and head straight to the Xbox 360. It's got the best of both worlds, with a reasonable price (although unchanged from its launch) and enough muscle for a truly next-generation experience. Strong online support helps too... even after the hasty introduction of Sony's HUB, Xbox Live remains the crown champion of online gaming services. You've got to pay to get in, but gamers eager to compete against their friends all agree that it's worth the price of admission.
The Xbox 360 offers a wide variety of games that, while lacking in originality, still appeal to an American audience. Gears of War, Chromehounds, and Too Human are all best-sellers in the United States. However, on the other side of the ocean, the Xbox 360 quickly becomes irrelevant, even with the release of Japan-centric titles like Ninety-Nine Nights and Blue Dragon. The Japanese are quick to accept any alternative to Microsoft's next-generation system, and those two titles fade into obscurity. Ninety-Nine Nights is soon ported to the Playstation 3, while Blue Dragon (badly botched by Artoon, even under the supervision of Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi) is left stranded on the Xbox 360.
Meanwhile, back in America... it's status quo all the way for the Xbox 360. The system offers a wide selection of well-designed games, which have not a creative bone in their collective body. Microsoft shuns innovation not only in its selection of games, but in its peripherals as well, offering only its Xbox Live camera as a weak answer to the Wii's remote control. Rather than bringing the player into the action like Nintendo, the Xbox 360 brings the action into the player's world with augmented reality.
Viva Pinata is a moderate success in the United States, reeling in kids both young and old with its bright colors and refreshingly sedate gameplay. The Viva Pinata cartoon, produced by 4Kids Entertainment, isn't quite as entertaining as the game it was created to promote, but it does manage to stay on television for two or three years. Rare starts to regain its footing as a major first-party game developer, and creates several more games for the Xbox 360. Most are pretty good. Nearly all are family-friendly.
The HD-DVD drive, released as a peripheral for the Xbox 360 in late 2006, becomes a permanent part of the Xbox 360 architecture in 2008. Later models of the Xbox 360 are rebranded "Xbox 360 HD," with a slimline design and the same price as the original unit. Like the TurboDuo from days past, dozens of games are developed exclusively for the new system, as well as older Xbox 360 units enhanced with a standalone HD-DVD drive.
As the years pass, the Xbox 360 becomes America's game console of choice. In 2010, Microsoft has taken 50% of the US gaming market, with the remainder split between its competitors. Its market share in Japan is so low that it's not even worth mentioning. Having conquered the United States, Microsoft uses that success to integrate the Xbox 360 with its less popular products. This includes Windows Vista, which is largely ignored by users still satisfied with Microsoft's last operating system.
NINTENDO
Last but not least (that honor goes to Sony!), we have Nintendo. The company releases the Wii in November of 2006 for $229, and in a welcome return to the old days, includes a game with the package. That game is Wii Sports. It doesn't look pretty, but it does get players ready for the Wii experience. A handful of first-party titles are introduced with the launch of the system, and all of them cost $39.99 each. Yes, even The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, which actually costs ten dollars MORE on the dying GameCube.
The American public becomes curious about the Nintendo Wii... so curious, in fact, that it becomes the top-selling game system in Christmas of 2006. Japanese gamers are just as fascinated by the Wii, resulting in a worldwide feeding frenzy. The Wii is swept off store shelves in the blink of an eye, and the incredible demand becomes the subject of evening news reports, talk shows, and web sites. Has Nintendo finally reclaimed its throne as the leader of the video game industry?
Well, yes and no. Nintendo can only maintain this popularity in Japan. Riding on the success of the Nintendo DS, the Nintendo Wii outsells the overpriced Playstation 3 by a ratio of three to one. The Japanese fall in love with the console's compact size, its irresistable price, and a library of games that cater specifically to their unique tastes. Some gamers (and third party licensees) remain loyal to the Playstation 3 regardless of its price, but it becomes increasingly obvious as the years pass that this is a fight Sony can't win.
That's Japan. In America, the Wii becomes a short-lived fad, much like the Nintendo 64 before it. Americans quickly tire of the novelty of the Wii interface and demand more of the same, which both Sony and Microsoft offer in ample amounts. Lousy third-party support, the Achille's Heel of the Nintendo DS, also factors into the decline of Wii sales in the United States. However, Nintendo remains the leader of interactive family entertainment, despite Microsoft's best efforts with Viva Pinata.
Meanwhile, on the handheld front, Nintendo is dismayed to discover that the PSP is slowly catching up to the Nintendo DS in US sales. Sony still has its supporters, and at $149, the PSP is the only currently supported Playstation system they can afford. Nintendo shifts its attention from the Wii to the Nintendo DS in America, hoping to maintain its leadership of the handheld market. Wii sales continue to suffer, leaving it in the same unenviable position as its predecessor, the GameCube.
In 2010, the Wii has taken a gigantic portion of the Japanese market... around 70%, with the remainder going almost exclusively to Sony. Nintendo once again becomes synonymous with video games, and the Japanese are already excited about the Wii's successor. It's a different story overseas, but the news is still encouraging. The Wii has taken almost 30% of the US market, edging out the Playstation 3 and demonstrating a marked improvement over the GameCube. Things may never be the same for them in America, but on all fronts, Nintendo has a promising future ahead of it
.5/18/06
Here's an equation for you to keep your mind sharp between sessions of Brain Age...
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As you may already have realized from reading this site, I have a low threshold of frustration. It doesn't take much to set me off, and there are few things I hate more than being forced to repeat stages over and over to make progress in a video game.
I thought it would be fun to kick back and play a racing game with my Logitech racing wheel. As you can see from the above equation, I thought wrong. While the wheel certainly brings realism to Need For Speed Underground 2, it takes away the exact precision you get from an analog controller. When you're playing with a Dual Shock pad, don't have to fight with the force feedback, and it's easy to make slight corrections as you drive. When you've got a steering wheel in your hands, every turn is a struggle, and gamebreaking spin-outs are a frequent occurance. After losing four straight races, I thought it would be more fun to take the disc for a spin... into the nearest wall!
I should be upset with myself that I cracked the disc in half. I SHOULD be, but I'm not. It was so theraputic to fling the damned thing across the room that it was easily worth the price of admission. I'm just glad I didn't go one step further and throw the steering wheel, its pedals, and the chair they were both attached to into the wall. Believe me, the thought had crossed my mind.
I guess the lesson learned here is this... the most expensive controller isn't always the best controller for the job. That, and I have serious anger management issues.
5/15/06And as soon as it appeared, it was gone. If you want to have another look at the special corporate whore edition of The Gameroom Blitz, fueled by Russian crab juice, you'll find it here. Click the link, it's just that veasey! I mean easy.
Just a little post-E3 news before I hit the road. I recently received a Gizmondo in the mail, and I've spent a surprising amount of time with the system. Despite its mafia connections, the Gizmondo actually isn't that bad! With its 400MHz processor, it's the fastest kid on the portable block, edging out even the PSP in overall speed. It's also smaller and more comfortable to hold than the PSP, with a rubberized case that stays put in your hands and doesn't get greasy like the PSP often does.
There are even a couple of games that make the Gizmondo more than just a silly-looking paperweight. Laugh at the name all you want (who didn't?), but Sticky Balls is a great puzzle game that brings together the stylish bank shots of pool with the colorful, clinging blobs in Puyo Puyo. Colors, like so many games on the market these days, is a Grand Theft Auto derivitive, but it's so well designed that it's bound to impress even fans of the real thing.
Then there's SSX 3, Trailblazer, Point of Destruction... and well, that's pretty much it for the good games. When the Gizmondo was only on the market for a year and most of the money that was supposed to be invested in software development went straight into Stefan Erikson's pockets, you kind of had to expect that. Still, under different circumstances, the Giz could have been a contender. It kicks the crap out of some OTHER handhelds, which have cheated death despite their incredible unpopularity. I won't name any names.
5/12/06
I'll end this week with a list of highlights from the Microsoft press conference. Truth is, Bill Gates and company didn't make the impression that Nintendo and Sony had with their own events. Of course, then again, nobody wants to make the kind of impression that Sony did when they announced their game system would cost six hundred dollars...
10. BY THE NUMBERS: Microsoft is clearly proud of its accomplishments with the Xbox 360, and it wasn't shy about saying so. Peter Moore started off the conference by hitting the audience with some impressive numbers. Five million Xbox 360s have been sold since the system debuted last November... no wonder there was a shortage! On average, each Xbox 360 has been sold with over four games and three accessories, and three of the top ten best selling games were for Microsoft's latest system. It's hard not to brag about figures like those!
9. FLASH IN THE JAPAN: Oh, Microsoft... will you ever win in the Far East? You've earned the loyalty of millions here in the United States, but in Japan, the Xbox 360 is the least popular American import since the atomic bomb. In a valiant attempt to capture the hearts of an indifferent Japanese audience, you're hired Final Fantasy's Hironobu Sakaguchi to help create Blue Dragon, the last hope for the Japanese Xbox 360. However, you've made one fatal mistake... the bulk of this role-playing adventure will be developed by Artoon, the one game design team that everyone in the world can agree to hate.
8. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY: Microsoft's latest operating system (guaranteed to needlessly waste even more system resources than its last!) was discussed in the latter half of the conference. When Vista is released, Peter Moore explained, Microsoft's PC games will be rebranded "Games For Windows," rescuing them from the Land of Misfit Toys. Wait, what? Did this suddenly turn into a Claymation Christmas special? Anyway, Peter the Red-Nosed Product Rep showed off the earth-shattering power of Windows Vista with Crysis. This first-person shooter features exactly two colors... the black void of the night sky, and the bright red of flames in the distance. Amazing! It's just like being trapped inside a cataract!
7. HI-DEF COMEDY JAM: With a user base of five million players and a substancial price advantage over its competition, it would take a blunder of 32X proportions to make the Xbox 360 lose the next-generation console wars. Well, here it comes, folks... an external HD-DVD player that costs nearly a hundred dollars! Right now, the drive will only play HD-DVD movies, but gamers old enough to remember Sega's many wallet-busting upgrades and peripherals are rightfully apprehensive about its release. Whatever you do, Microsoft... DON'T make games for this thing.
6. X MARKETS THE SPOT: The most exciting Xbox 360 games at the conference (well, the most exciting to ME, anyway) were titles you'll never find on store shelves. No, you'll only be able to buy Lumines Live, as well as enhanced versions of Konami's arcade classics, from the Xbox Live Marketplace. Soon, a small fee is all it will take to get your hands on Q? Entertainment's mesmerizing puzzle game, as well as translations of Scramble and Time Pilot with vastly improved graphics. My favorite games from the 80's with a totally awesome new look? In the midnight hour, I cry "more Moore, MORE!"
5. INNOVATION? IN NO WAY, SON: Xbox 360 marketing director Peter Moore was giving a lot of lip service to "innovation," wearing the word out even faster than Nintendo's Reginald Fil-Aimes. However, none of this pioneering spirit could be found in the games shown for Microsoft's next generation console, or any of its other products for that matter. Amidst the endless array of first-person shooters and Grand Theft Auto clones, the only game that seemed truly refreshing and original was Rare's Viva Piņata. Hey, Peter! Like my man Geddy Lee always says... show, don't tell. And take off, hoser.
4. OIL OF OLČ: With a cast of excruciatingly cute characters, Rare's family-friendly Viva Piņata will give kids yet another reason to love the classic Mexican party favors... and adults another reason to want to bludgeon them with a stick. There won't be any of that going on here, though! In Viva Piņata, you'll cultivate a plot of land, eventually transforming it into a sanctuary for candy-filled creatures both great and small. Like in Nintendo's Pokemon, all the characters are based on real-life animals, and have silly puns for names. However, UNLIKE Pokemon, you won't have to spend countless hours leveling them up with boring turn-based battles. You can't beat THAT with a stick!
3. ANYWHERE, ANYTIME!: Talk about buy one, get one free! Microsoft is planning a cross-platform integration network that lets you buy a game from the Xbox Live Marketplace, then enjoy it on any Microsoft branded console for no additional charge. Yes, you can have it all, whether it's the Xbox 360, a PC running Window, or even a cell phones equipped with Windows Mobile (sorry, offer does not apply to Dreamcasts or Gizmondos powered by Windows CE. Participation may vary. Void where prohibited). You'll also be able to challenge friends to Microsoft games regardless of the platform, and any high scores you earn while playing the games are universal, extending across all Microsoft systems. Did I say "Microsoft" enough in the last paragraph?
2. TRAILER TRASH: A friendly note to game companies... cinematic trailers may give you some idea of the storyline in a game, but don't tell you anything else. The trailer for Alan Wake was as cryptic as one of those avant garde perfume commercials from the 1980's, giving viewers no clue about how the game will actually play. The brief teaser for Halo 3 was even worse, with a holographic head floating in front of a bleak mountain range. Rather than, you know, talking about the game, the ghostly woman spouted nonsense that would make even Margo Kidder run for dear life. Meanwhile, at the Nintendo press conference, genuine in-game footage was shown for nearly every title, even hotly anticipated system-sellers like Super Mario Galaxy. What's the deal, Bill? Aren't your fans good enough for real game clips?
1. GET IN GEAR: You know a military shooter is impressive when even I want to play it. Gears of War is the latest from Unreal developer and would-be celebrity Cliff Bliszinski. In the game, you're a hunchback soldier, struggling to survive in the face of an alien onslaught. You'll dive for cover and gun down the most hideous creatures in the galaxy as entire buildings crumble around you. Like in last year's God of War, a storyline unfolds as you play, adding in a dash of variety and freeing the gameplay from the once necessary evil of cut scenes. Will this be the game that finally makes Halo a thing of the past?
5/11/06Here comes another top ten list of E3 highlights, this time from the Nintendo press conference:
10. THAT'S DRIVING EXCITEMENT!: Excitetruck was one of the first games shown for the Nintendo Wii... and true to its name, it was also one of the most exciting. As the driver of an off-road truck, you'll race over dirt tracks at speeds that would make most rockets jealous! Hills send your truck skyward, and when you hit the ground, you'll feel the impact in the Wii remote. Oh yeah, did I mention that you'll actually be using the remote as a steering wheel, holding it sideways and turning it to guide your truck through the track? Well, I did now!
9. ZELDA, MADE TO ORDER: Wanting to take full advantage of its next system, but committed to its promise to support its last, Nintendo will release two versions of the highly anticipated The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The first game will be compatible with the GameCube, while the second will be a launch title for the Wii, offering full support for the system's remote controller. Seems like Nintendo wants to play both sides of the fence here. It's a decision that could have painful consequences if players decide that they'd be just as happy with the game on a last-generation system.
8. CHEERS TO YOU: Wow, that sure took long enough! The cult hit Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! is finally coming to the United States, but with a new title... among other things. Licensing issues forced Nintendo to change the selection of songs in the game, so they decided to go one step further with the localization and change everything else! The buff male cheerleaders of Ouendan are out, replaced with the Elite Beat Agents. They're a secret society of performance artists who come to save the day whenever they find someone in desperate need of encouragement... and catchy music!
7. TENNIS THE MENACE: Near the end of the conference, Nintendo president Satoru Iwata, his loyal lackey Reginald Fil-Aimes, and Mario's creator Shigeru Miyamoto all tried their hands at the tennis game in Wii Sports. They invited contest winner Chris Dier on the stage to compete along with them in a doubles game... and what followed was enough slapstick comedy to give even the Three Stooges a run for their money. Nintendo's top brass and Dier nearly fell to the floor and into each other as they ran across the stage to return serves. All that was missing were the cream pies!
6. BABY, I LOVE YOUR WAY: Most DS owners thought that Yoshi's Touch 'n Go would be the closest they would ever get to a Yoshi's Island sequel. However, that early DS release, with its charming but simplistic side-scrolling action, was only the beginning for the little green lizard with the big red tongue. More than just a tribute to the underappreciated Super Mario Bros. spin-off, Yoshi's Island 2 is a sequel with fully explorable stages straight out of a children's coloring book, and one of three riders clinging to Yoshi. Nobody's sure how the three baby Mario characters will affect the gameplay, or if the stylus will be used to aim eggs, but everyone is gonna want to add this to their collections!
5. DUAL SCREEN DYNAMO: You know, I was skeptical of the Nintendo DS at first, but after last fall's avalanche of awesome games, and looking at what's in store this fall, I wonder how I could have ever felt that way. Vicarious Visions is bringing Tony Hawk back to the DS in Downhill Jam, which serves up all the quality of American Sk8teland with double the originality. Final Fantasy III looks even better than advertised, with vibrant characters and playfields that are better than those in the groundbreaking Final Fantasy VII. Sequels to underground hits Phoenix Wright and Trauma Center are in the works, and the first arcade-style Castlevania in years will be released in a matter of months. Oh my beloved dual-screen handheld, how I love to lick your creamy, game-filled center!
4. STEEL THE SHOW: Wii Wii, monsiour! Ubi Soft hopes that its first-person shooter Red Steel will make Nintendo's next system as warmly embraced by the French as Jerry Lewis. Reps from the company demonstrated the game to an excited audience, showing off its superior graphics as well as the many ways that the Wii remote will improve the gameplay in this well-worn genre. The remote is your gun, while the sidecar controller is used to make your way through the mean streets of Tokyo. The innovation doesn't stop with the controller... crowds of thugs often have a leader who acts as the keystone of the group. Take him out and the rest of the goons will run for cover!
3. WIMPY, WIMPY, WIMPY!: Perhaps the most amazing thing about the Wii is what isn't. Nobody expected fantastic graphics from the Wii and its limp-wristed 729MHz processor, so it wasn't a surprise that the the best games (Red Steel) had frame rate issues. However, Wii Sports was well below even the most modest expectations. Lego action figures running around a flat court? Even the Dreamcast has put the graphics in Wii Sports to shame with the five year old Virtua Tennis. It's safe to assume that the Wii can do much, much better than this... so why is Nintendo intent on accentuating the negative with what's best described as Katamari Arthur-Ashe-y?
2. FIRE DISRUPTERS!: "Disruption." It was the first word on the lips of everyone who came on stage but the janitor who cleaned up after Nintendo had left. Reggie and Nintendo president Satoru Iwata never passed up a chance to dish out product slogans and half-baked catchphrases. Change Is Good. Playing Is Believing. Inclusion Is Hot. Knowing Is Half The Battle. Quality And Value Is What You Get When You Buy Coronet. Geez, guys... give it a rest, already! We know you're trying to shake up the industry, but some of these quips just leave us shaking our heads!
1. FAILURE TO LAUNCH: Nintendo revealed a lot of juicy information during its conference, but the news they left out will probably be what people will remember most. Reggie refused to divulge the launch date or the price of the Nintendo Wii. Not even Bob Barker knows if the price is right or wrong, and that ace will stay tucked in Nintendo's collective sleeve until they need it to counter an earthshaking, mindshare-stealing announcement by its competitors. Oh well, looks like it's back to the DS for me!
5/9/06Now that E3 has started, I finally have something to talk about on the site!
I guess the recent Sony press conference is as good a place to start as any. I just covered this for Stage Select, so rather than repeating myself, I'll offer a brief run-down of the ten most memorable moments at the event.
10. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE: Increasingly desperate to break free from his cute platforming past, Insomniac Games founder Ted Price will introduce Playstation 3 owners to a grim alternate dimension in The Resistance: Fall of Man. In this vision of the 1950's, World War II was cut short by an alien invasion. Adolf Hitler? Blasted with a death ray. Winston Churchill? Found out the hard way what the book "To Serve Man" really was. Harry Truman? You don't want to know. As one of the few human survivors, you'll fight back against your alien oppressors in a first-person shooter that's anything but ordinary.
9. HOT SHOTS NOT: Now you're playing with power? Images of Hot Shots Golf for the Playstation 3 did little to convince people of the system's capabilities. The characters looked a bit shinier than they did on the Playstation 2, but certainly no better. Between this and the considerably more impressive Tiger Woods PGA Golf '07, It makes you wonder if there's a future for bright, cartoony games on Sony's next system. Oh well, there's always the Wii!
8. HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF: What's truly great about the Playstation 3 are all those fresh new games third parties are releasing for the system. You know, brilliantly original titles like Genji 2! Call of Duty 3! Devil May Cry 4! Hot Shots Golf 5! Tekken 6! Ridge Racer 7! And of course, Tony Hawk: Project 8! I'd include Sonic on that list, but I've lost count at just how many damn games the little rodent has appeared in... and after Sonic Spinball on the Genesis, I stopped caring. Anyway, the next time someone complains that all Nintendo ever does is release Mario games, do me a favor and shove an original Xbox up their butts.
7. ON HIS HIRAI HORSE: After all these years, SCEA president Kaz Hirai is still a smug douchebag. Sure, he's just doing his job, but does he have to be such an arrogant prick about it? Perhaps the most infuriating part of Hirai's speech was when he paraded around the Playstation 3 controller, packed with features shamelessly stolen from the Nintendo Wii remote. This was just an hour after sternly reminding conference attendees that "Sony isn't about gimmicks," a rabbit punch aimed at the proverbial groins of the Nintendo DS and Wii. Oh, Kaz... I could just hug you. Really tightly around the throat.
6. I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU: After a stirring rendition of Hold On To The Nights, Dr. Richard Marx put down the microphone and introduced conference attendees to the latest game for the EyeToy. You know, that television hood ornament you only used once or twice. The Eye of Judgement is a card battle game with one key difference... like in episodes of the Yu-Gi-Oh! television series, ferocious monsters (and rubber duckies?) emerge from the cards after you slap them on the table. Note that you're playing the game with actual cards, not a controller. Note also that this is incredibly fucking cool.
5. SOLID SNAKE NOT GUNSHY: The star of Metal Gear Solid 4 demonstrated a disturbing fondness for his firearm that would make even Sledge Hammer blush. A video of the upcoming stealth action title showed the crusty codger jamming a pistol in his mouth. The subtitle that appeared underneath him tried to clarify the situation, reading "One last punishment I must endure." However, from the look of things (and the amount of Magnum in his mouth), it seems as though Snake is more than willing to take one for the team.
4. IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL!: It really is the best word in the English language, isn't it? Kaz Hirai promised that the Sony online service HUB would be free of charge for Playstation owners, a good five dollars a month less than what Microsoft is charging for their own Xbox Live service. It remains to be seen whether or not HUB will actually be as GOOD as Xbox Live, but with a price like that, gamers will have little room to complain about its shortcomings.
3. LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN: It's official, folks! The Playstation Portable really will be able to play games from the Playstation's early library! Sony's product reps even demonstrated this by playing the original Ridge Racer on the PSP, complete with the Galaxian mini-game that keeps you occupied while you're waiting for the game to load. Why would you want to play the first Ridge Racer when there's a perfectly good version of the game designed specifically for the PSP? Well, uh... you probably wouldn't. There are plenty of other Playstation games that are begging for the handheld treatment, though.
2. WII WILL, WII WILL COPY YOU:
Like the ideal marriage gift, the Playstation 3 controller is made from
something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
What's old is the design of the Dual Shock controller, which has made a return
appearance on the PS3 after everyone in the universe expressed their hatred for
the pointy boomerang. What's new is the removal of the vibration motor
that put Sony in hot water with Immersion Technologies. What's
stolen borrowed is the motion sensor from the Wii controller,
and what's blue is me after discovering that Sony took a sledgehammer to
the only distinguishing characteristic of Nintendo's next system.
1. WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT PRICE: You want a Playstation 3? Well, you'd better start saving those pennies. And quarters. And rolls of hundred dollar bills. And twenty-four karat gold bars. What I'm trying to say is that the Playstation 3 will be far too expensive for gamers who had to live on two straight weeks of ramen and tuna fish just to afford a Dreamcast (read: me). A barebones Playstation 3, with a 20 gig hard drive but no slots for memory cards, will cost $499. If that left you reeling, just wait 'till you hear this! The total Playstation 3 package, with a 60 gig drive and all the fixin's, will set you back a dumbfounding $599. That's only a hundred bucks less than the 3DO when that was first released... and we all remember what happened with that system. If you don't, you can always remind yourself by having Trip Hawkins bag your groceries the next time you stop at Wal-Mart.
5/5/06Well, that was a lousy time to have a personal crisis! I completely forgot that the Electronic Entertainment Expo was scheduled for next week. I'll be covering the event for the fine folks at Stage Select, so be sure to read that site regularly for the juiciest industry news!
Some of that coverage will no doubt wind up on The Gameroom Blitz as well... but I'm going to spend more time just having fun with the site, the way I did when I first started it ten years ago. It's been ages since I've reviewed a Japanese Saturn game, and I've got so many of them in my collection that are just begging for the coverage.
Then after I've squared away my obligations to Stage Select and 1UP, I'll finally hit the books... or rather, that NES book that I put on the backburner for far too long. I wanted to finish it in time for the 20th anniversary of the system, but that never came to pass... with a little luck, though, it'll be ready by the end of THIS year, just in time for the release of the Revolution. Er, the Wii.
There's one another matter of importance I should address before ending this update. I just found out that Long John Baldry, the voice of Doctor Robotnik and the sole redeeming quality of The Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, died last year from a chest infection. I don't know how I missed this news, and I was even more surprised when I did a little research and discovered all of Baldry's other accomplishments. The man pulled Elton John out of a spiral of depression that nearly claimed his life. He inspired famous musicians like Eric Clapton and Rod Stewart. He lent his voice to a number of fondly remembered cartoons, including Captain N, Reboot, and the short-lived Dragon Warrior. Long John Baldry, for your many contributions to the pop culture of the 80's and 90's, I salute you... and wish you all the best in your next life!
5/1/06
Before I begin, I probably should point out that there's a new full-sized review on the site, the first one in well over a month. Special thanks go to my friend, electronics whiz and long-time Blitz reader Duane Bendt, for making it all possible.
As The Gameroom Blitz reaches its tenth anniversary, I slip into a state of deep, introspective thought. What have I accomplished in the past ten years? Has anything on the site been of any great significance to my readers? Is anyone still reading the Blitz?
All right, maybe it's not so much deep introspection as it is self-pity. Still, I wonder what the future holds for The Gameroom Blitz, or if the site should even have a future. The pop-ups "generously" provided by my hosts at ZTNet continue to become more frequent and resistant to ad blockers. I've talked to the editor of Overclocked about this, and received only vague assurance of a solution, not results.
Now that I'm getting Internet service from Charter, I've got the option to move the site to my own alloted server space (currently used to host my other pet project, On-File). However, that's not my only option. I could spend hours transferring the files of a site that's lost most of its readers to a new, more obscure address, guaranteeing that it will lose ALL of its readers.
Alternately, I could follow the lead of Overclocked alum Zeroes Unlimited and put The Gameroom Blitz into retirement, starting work on something entirely new and different. Ten years is a long, long time to spend on a single site, and other webmasters, like the editor of Gamengai (formerly Japan Gaming), have been reenergized by the change of scenery. The only problem is, what direction should I take this new site? I don't want it to wind up being a clone of this one.
Then there's the third option, one I already tried back in 2003. I took a vacation from the site for the entire summer, hoping that the extended absence would make me eager to return to the Blitz. It worked at first, but it didn't take long before all that enthusiasm evaporated, leaving me back on square one. When I stop and think about it, I'm not even sure if creating a new site will make a difference. I'll still be the same bitter, obnoxious loudmouth I've always been, and that's something that will never change.
The final option is to just sit back and accept the status quo, writing updates and reviews out of a peculiar sense of obligation. After all, I've been doing this for ten years... why stop now? It would be a shame to end the Blitz with so many articles left unfinished.
I guess I've got a lot to think about in the next few months.
