4/30/03
I'm going to let my pen do the talking about the recent skirmish between Penny Arcade and American Greetings... you'll find the resulting comic below. I still need to add color and line weights, but that can wait until the weekend. I just wanted to run the comic itself now while the subject was still on everyone's mind.
I sure wish I had one of those inflatable decoy cannons from the game Rachet and Clank. That way, I could lay down a dozen blow up dolls to confuse my debtors, then slyly sneak away with my rightfully earned money while they're busy reaming them.
4/29/03
It sure has been a while, hasn't it? I'd planned a new Zoo Logic comic, but it isn't going to be ready for a while. Those comics take a lot longer to finish than you'd expect.
I'd kind of like to retire the current site design and try something new. I just don't want to make it too specific... I've dabbled with the idea of themed layouts, like a front page with a Shinobi motif, but that would get old pretty quickly, and I don't have the time to frequently swap site designs. I can think of at least one site that can make this work, but this isn't the one. It's hard enough for me to come up with one page layout every couple of years, let alone ten.
I'll figure something out, but I have more important things to deal with right now. My final college exams are coming up... and I do mean final, because this will be my last semester of school. I'll also need to find a new job, because my career as a workstudy will end the moment the computer repair certificate falls into my hands.
4/26/03
It's obscenely late. Why the heck do I wait until the last minute to work on updates, anyway?
Anyway, there's another new 2600 review. I think I'll be going to bed now.
EXTRA!
I'm really starting to warm up to Mission Hill. It's funny, because I didn't like Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein's episodes of The Simpsons very much. However, it's clear that they work much more effectively on their own, writing jokes for their own characters rather than trying to shoehorn them into a previously existing series. Speaking of former Simpsons writers, there's something peculiarly entertaining about the new sitcom by Mike Scully, The Pitts. It reminds me a little of Get A Life, except less cynical and even more tripped out.
4/25/03
According to my computer repair teacher, interest in the Internet is starting to drop. Seasoned users are starting to tire of the World Wide Web, and those who haven't surfed the 'net have become more and more reluctant to grab a board and catch the wave. My instructor came to the chilling conclusion that maybe, just maybe, the Internet would go the way of CB radio... immensely popular at first, but largely ignored after the trend had ran its course.
I hope the Internet doesn't go down that path, but I can understand why its popularity is starting to erode. The Web was originally intended as an outlet for free expression, but its true purpose has been ignored by corporations and greedy, inconsiderate individuals, who bombard Internet users with increasingly loud and obnoxious advertisements. It's become so difficult to dig worthwhile content out of the rubble of pop-up windows and junk mail that less devoted Web surfers are no longer willing to make the effort.
Hopefully, corporations will lose so much money pursuing Internet customers that they'll finally give up the chase, allowing the World Wide Web to return to the way it was in 1996. Sure, the 'net was less flashy back then, but there were fewer idiots, fewer spammers, and almost no corporate involvement. Those were the days. I hope we'll get the chance to relive them.
4/23/03
There's a new review in The 26 Hunter, folks. It's been a while since I've updated that section of the site, hasn't it? Well, finally, there's a reason to start talking about the 2600 again. Collectors have dug up a small handful of games for the system, and I plan to review the lot of them before the weekend is over.
I just heard that AOL/Time/Warner/Turner/Whatever Else They Own sold its share of Comedy Central to Viacom. That leaves a nasty taste in my mouth, because I've never liked Viacom much, and I hate to think of how they'll change the network now that Warner no longer has a say in its operation. Viacom still hasn't decided what they want to do with TNN... they're planning on changing its name to Spike TV next, changing the programming to appeal to young adult men. I think the more appropriate title would be Last Nail in the Coffin TV, because it's hard to imagine anyone falling for such a desperate, pandering redesign.
4/21/03
I've been watching a lot of cartoons lately, and I've noticed two things. The first is that I really miss the days when people actually put some effort into animation. As much as I enjoy shows like South Park, I'd like to see a few producers ignore the current trend and create a few series with really fantastic, fluidly animated artwork. It's gotten to the point where even Klasky-Csupo's cartoons are starting to look good, and when Duckman looks good, well, that ain't good.
The second thing is that Tress MacNielle is spread way too thin. Name a cartoon she hasn't done a voice for and it was probably made before she was born.
4/19/03
I was just informed by contributor Phil Estes that Splinter Cell is actually a stealth action game. You think I would have caught that after watching the ten million advertisements for the game, but I somehow missed that bit of information. I guess it shows you just how little attention I've been paying to Splinter Cell. However, I was right in assuming that the Playstation 2 version was heavily watered down. There's a certain sense of satisfaction I get from watching the system slip to the bottom of the technological totem pole after hearing ad nauseum about its superiority to the Dreamcast.
Speaking of which, it seems that Sega's still on the auction block, and all of its former rivals want a piece of the action. Namco, Electronic Arts, and Sammy have all expressed interest in merging with Sega, an interesting turn of events when you consider all the time they've spent stabbing the company in the back. Namco released games exclusively for the Playstation, including obvious derivitives of Virtua Fighter and Virtua Cop that made Sega's own groundbreaking games seem less exclusive. Electronic Arts refused to support Sega after they (wisely) decided against putting 3Dfx technology in the Dreamcast. Sammy declined to release an American version of their most popular game, Guilty Gear X, choosing instead to localize a Dreamcast version of the miserable shooter Death Crimson OX. If it weren't for the actions of these corporations, Sega might not be in such sorry financial shape today.
Anyway, I've heard rumors that if Namco and Sega merge, Sega will become the controlling company and the Namco brand name will fade into obscurity forever. That's a little hard to accept, because as much as I like Sega, Namco's been an even more important influence in this industry. If this actually happens, it'll be the end of an important chapter in the history of gaming. If not, well, it's anyone's guess who'll try to take Sega's reigns next. Let's just hope it's not Hasbro or Aruze...
4/17/03
What's with all the Splinter Cell ads? I'm seeing them EVERYWHERE, which is doubly annoying because I have absolutely no interest in the game. It's just another first-person shooter as far as I'm concerned, and Tom Clancy's involvement with Splinter Cell doesn't matter a bit to me, either. I never paid attention to his books, so why would I bother with his games?
Well, you'll never see those annoying advertisements here. I like to think that I have more dignity than to contribute to the oversaturation of this mediocre title for a quick buck.
THIS UPDATE IS BROUGHT TO YOU
BY TOM CLANCY'S SPLINTER CELL. YOU ALONE HAVE
THE FIFTH FREEDOM.
NOW SPECIALLY SCALED DOWN REDESIGNED TO TAKE
FULL ADVANTAGE
OF YOUR PLAYSTATION 2.
All right, all right, I caved. What can I say... they gave me a LOT of quick bucks.
4/15/03
Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been gone on a bit of an extended vacation... I wanted to come back with a new Zoo Logic comic, but it's just not ready yet. It will be soon, though.
I just found out from Insert Credit (a great new site focusing on Asian video games... in other words, the best ones) that Guilty Gear, the slickly designed fighting game with a cast of heavy metal rockers, was originally designed with bland computer rendered graphics. It would have been just another Killer Instinct clone if Arc Systems hadn't went another direction and added the crisp hand drawn graphics that have become the defining characteristic of the Guilty Gear series. It makes you wonder why so many other companies cop out and throw crummy rendered graphics into their games... their software could be so much better if they took the time to make them works of art, rather than mere games.
I've got cable at my new apartment, and I'm loving it. Adult Swim has got to be the best thing to hit the airwaves (or should I say, the ground waves?) since those crazy, fun-filled days of 1980's Saturday morning television. Where else can you find Cowboy Bebop, Futurama, and Trigun all in one place? I've also grown to like Mission Hill and Inu Yasha... but you can keep The Oblongs and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I just don't see the appeal in a grotesquely deformed family or an order of fries that looks and talks like Ice-T.
4/12/03
There's a new entry in Fighter's Misery. Shockingly, it's NOT Tattoo Assassins, the cancelled Data East coin-op that's even more unoriginal and ridiculous than the company's previous game Fighter's History. Actually, Tattoo Assassins was designed specifically by Data East's pinball division. To be honest, it would have been better off as a pinball game... it couldn't have been any worse that way.
4/10/03
I watched the footage of Saddam Hussein's statue being pulled down first by Iraqis, then by our own soldiers. Mmm... satisfying. One citizen of Iraq offered a pretty good suggestion for what to do with the real Hussein if he's caught... he wanted to lock the former ruler of the country into a cage and put him on display in a zoo, using the proceeds to rebuild the country. It sounds like a fitting punishment, considering the fact that Saddam had treated his own people like animals for the last twenty years.
Amazingly, there are some people who are STILL complaining about the war, treating the destruction of Saddam's statue as though it were part of an Orwellian nightmare. Somehow, I doubt that the Iraqi people are going to miss Hussein much, even if some of our more extreme war protestors will. Heck, even the Iraqis who fled to my home state of Michigan are dancing in the streets right now. Oh wait, they don't really exist... it's all part of some evil government plot to drum up support for the invasion of other Middle Eastern countries.
This is where I roll my eyes so hard they're left spinning in my sockets for the next three days.
4/08/03
All right, Jess... take deeeeep breaths... oh yeah, I'm feeling much better now. It helps that I found a copy of Infocom's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I don't have the time to play the game, and because it's on a 5 1/4" floppy disc my computer can't even use it. However, the excellent condition of the package, along with all the goodies packed inside it, made Hitchhiker's worth picking up. I got everything from a Don't Panic pin to a never handy pair of opaque sunglasses, which all go nicely with my copy of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
You'll be happy to hear that we've got new content on the Blitz, thanks to the efforts of contributor John Roche. I'm not feeling especially productive myself, but I'll try to follow John's review up with an article of my own at the end of the week.
4/07/03
Now hear this... if you're disgusted, angered, or offended by anything you've read here, allow me to cordially invite you to read some other site. I'm not waffling on my opinions because someone gets upset with them, and I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel about a given subject. If you don't like what I've got to say, that's your own damn problem.
4/04/03
All right, everybody, are you ready to rock?
Are you ready to let your hair down and get funky?
Are you ready to play a really good version of Frogger that you've never tried before?
(audience erupts in wild applause)
Well, we've got it for you right now, people! You can grab the game from either Vertigo: 2099 or SMS Power... while you're there, get yourself a copy of MEKA so you can play it on your computer. This Game Gear version of Frogger is so good, you're gonna demand an encore!
Thank you, you've been great!
(leaves the stage as the audience flicks on their lighters and points them skyward)
4/02/03
All right, everything should be back to normal now. And I do mean everything, because Byron's back! The little guy's finally returned from his vacation, and will be wrecking his usual havoc on the site in a few days. Until then, here's an illustrated evolution of the character, from his humble beginnings inside my high school math workbook to the bear he is today.
I know some (probably most) of my readers don't dig the mascot, so I'll serve up a little unrelated discussion for the rest of you. I'd like to talk specifically about the jokes on other websites... a state of the April Fool's address, if you will. I noticed that a lot of sites just weren't interested in pulling pranks this year. The editor of Toastyfrog felt that that such tomfoolery was beneath him, but this is the same guy who can dismiss the most obscure references in progressive rock songs as "almost clever". No offense, Jeremy, but me not know what Rush song Animate really meant. Me go drag woman by hair into cave now.
The folks who did participate in the April Fool's holiday didn't do a very good job of it. Both VGMusic and Zophar's Domain arrived at the ball in the same dress, which was quickly seized by the US Customs office. The government shutdown prank wasn't especially believable in the first place... I mean, who's gonna get that bent out of shape over loose fan interpretations of video game music recorded in the notoriously primitive MIDI format? However, when two sites try the same dumb gag, it becomes clear to everyone that it's just a hoax.
I may sound arrogant for saying so, but I honestly think my April Fool's gag was one of the better ones on the Internet, even if it wasn't remotely convincing. I was also pretty impressed with IGN's report on the new Game Boy Advance, designed in part by eccentric boxing superstar George Foreman. It was capable of fueling appetites with tasty grilled meats while ruining them with George Foreman's rotten KO Boxing game. Digital Press staged an interesting battle between its editor and a half dozen famous martial artists, but the joke had already been beaten to a pulp two weeks prior to that, when most of the characters started posting on the forum. I have to give Joe some credit, though... at least he planned his prank well in advance. Nobody saw the takeover of the DP forums coming until it actually happened because Iron Monkey and the rest of his goons were introduced so gradually.
Overall, though, the biggest joke of all was on anyone who expected to find worthwhile humor this April Fool's Day. I hope everyone will try harder next year. I'm also hoping that the web site editors most capable of making their readers laugh will offer something, anything other than an excuse that April Fool's jokes are childish and silly.
4/01/03
Click here for the madness of The Gameroom Blitz April Fool's Day Special.