3/31/05

The unanimous praise of the PSP launch title Wipeout Pure had left me jonesing for some lightning fast, futuristic hoverjet action.  However, since I lack the disposable income to afford a PSP, and any interest in digging out the antiquated original on the Sega Saturn, I had to settle for a used copy of Wipeout Fusion for the Playstation 2 instead.

Most readers have claimed that Wipeout Pure is actually a better game than its console counterpart.  If that's really the case, then it says a great deal about the quality of the PSP extension of the long-running series, because Wipeout Fusion is a darned good game in its own right.  It's got the most responsive controls and the sharpest graphics of any Wipeout title I've ever played, along with unlockable content that gives you even more incentive to demand a rematch after the relentless computer opponents completely humiliate you on the track.

However, having said all that, I definitely can see room for improvement... the kinds of improvements that were most likely made in the PSP version of the game.  Wipeout Fusion doesn't capture the attitude or the eccentric visual style of the titles Psygnosis released for the Saturn and Playstation.  This was THEIR series, after all, and their departure from it leaves Wipeout Fusion without a lot of the defining qualities of the series.  The new designers tried to reproduce the simple but expressive logos and the distinctive fonts spread throughout the first three games, but they just don't have the same quirky flair.

A far more pressing issue are the new rules in the standard game.  No longer are you given three attempts to win each race... if you blow it (or blow up), you take whatever miserable score you've earned and advance to the next track.  This is made even more frustrating by aggressive competitors hellbent on preventing you from completing the race at all.  If you take too much damage on your way to the finish line, your ship will explode, and your standings in the competition will drop through the floor.  Wipeout's always been tough, but the changes in Wipeout Fusion push the game from merely challenging to needlessly frustrating.

Overall, though, the game is quite impressive, and a good sight better than that other futuristic racing title on the PS2, the quickly forgotten Kinetica.  Yeah, that was the game that slapped wheels on scantily clad chicks with big boobs and butts.  It was fun for a few minutes, but it's safe to say that Wipeout Fusion will be spending a lot more time in my Playstation 2.

3/30/05

I'll warn you upfront... this update is probably going to make both Sony and Nintendo (and Terry Schiavo) supporters pretty angry.  This rant might be mean, nasty, and just plain unfair, but this site's never subscribed to the philosophy of "we report, you decide" anyway.  It's always been closer to "I complain, you sit down and shut the hell up."

I used to think that the competition between the Nintendo DS and Sony's recently released PSP was a battle between good and evil.  After some thought, I've come to the conclusion that I was only half right.  The honest truth is that this is, more than anything else, a fight between dumb and evil.

I've been quite vocal about my contempt for Sony, and my frustration with the electronics giant setting foot in the handheld market.  I don't like the way the company has reshaped the video game industry, making aesthetics a higher priority than gameplay, and I don't want Sony to bring this insubstancial style of game design to a segment of the industry which has long been protected from it.  Now that Sony's muscled its way onto the portable gaming scene, 2D gaming is in serious danger of being stomped out of existance.  Sure, sure, the PSP offers a handful of launch titles like Lumines and Darkstalkers: Chaos Tower, but this is a bait and switch tactic to make old-school gamers more comfortable about the purchase.  In no time at all, the PSP's software library will be inundated with the same tiresome procession of first-person shooters and Grand Theft Auto clones we've seen on its big brother, the PS2.

However, Nintendo has its own issues... big issues.  Big, stupid issues.  To put it bluntly, if Nintendo's upper management were any more brain-dead, the Supreme Court would be rushing to pull out their feeding tubes.  The software for Nintendo's latest handheld system has been trickling in at an agonizingly slow pace.  Games which were promised for the Nintendo DS late last year (including highly anticipated yet-to-be-releases like Super Mario Kart) have been delayed repeatedly.  There are so few titles currently available for the DS that its software selection is on the verge of being eclipsed by the freshly released PSP's.  Frankly, I haven't seen a selection of games this small on a Nintendo system since the ill-fated Virtual Boy.  This strengthens the critics' withering comparisons of the two consoles, and makes even Nintendo's most loyal fans wonder if the DS will follow its predecessor down the long, lonely road to obscurity.

I'm sure Nintendo has the same sad excuse it always does when it gets its ass beaten by its competitors... "Oh, we're not competing with those guys at all!  We're offering something so totally different that you just can't compare it to other game consoles!"  Fine, whatever.  You're entitled to your delusions, but they don't absolve you of your responsibility to support a product that your increasingly disillusioned customers paid nearly two hundred dollars to take home.  They had faith in the Nintendo DS, even though they knew something more practical and functional was just around the corner.  Why are you betraying their trust by releasing so few games, and even fewer ones that take full advantage of the system's touchpad and dual screens?

What happened to you, Nintendo?  You used to fight so hard to stay on top... now, you're satisfied resting at the bottom of the heap in your permanent vegetative state, letting the world pass you by.  When people talk about video games these days, you're no longer the first word on their lips... in fact, it's doubtful that you're mentioned at all.  This is the most important battle of your company's history.  You simply can't afford to phone this one in.

I can't justify the purchase of a Nintendo DS, even though I recently lost my Game Boy Advance and am hurting for a replacement.  I don't WANT to buy a PSP either, but its more appealing selection of games (EA's unimaginative schlock aside) and greater functionality makes it a smarter purchase than its closest competitor.  I can't trust Sony to give me the games I want to play, but at least they'll give me SOMETHING.

I think that this classic quote from my favorite film sums up the situation perfectly.

3/17/05

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!  It's time to break out the green and, uh, read the latest Fighter's Misery update, written by guest writer John Roche!

All right, that was the worst segue ever.  I've been doing a lot of freelance writing in the past two weeks and I'm running out of clever things to say.

3/10/05

I heard a bunch of hackers were sued by Tecmo for making a patch of Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball that removes all the girls' bikinis.  This was most likely done at the insistence of Dead or Alive creator Tomonobu Itadaki, as he's always complained rather loudly whenever someone takes his already exploitative games and takes the final step (however small it may be) that turns them into softcore porn.

Itadaki has openly ridiculed the hackers who've peeled off the bikinis in the Dead or Alive games, challenging them to use their programming skills for something truly worthwhile.  Well, I've got a challenge for you, my good sir.  If the integrity of your software is really that important to you, then it's time to prove it by making a truly outstanding game that DOESN'T rely on outrageous sex and violence as a crutch.  You've done a fine job of bringing Ninja Gaiden back from the dead... now let's see you put your talent to good use by resurrecting another Tecmo classic that's long overdue for a comeback. 

Here's my challenge to you, Mr. Itadaki.  Give us a remake of the exceptional puzzle game Solomon's Key.  Make it as good as the innovative but sadly overlooked NES release, and do it without the big breasts and bigger explosions.  Can you put all that pandering nonsense behind you and make a game that's fun to play simply because it's brilliantly designed... or are you just another loud-mouthed developer drunk on his own inflated sense of self-worth?  You've constantly bragged to us about your integrity, Mr. Itadaki.  Now prove to us that it exists.