CRYSTAL COLONICALS: Now Final Fantasy can go anywhere, and we do mean ANYWHERE. The Final Fantasy Potion is now available in Japan, and the bottle of this sports drink looks remarkably like a high-tech enema kit. The potion's twelve dollar price at import stores means that you'll get it up the butt in more ways than one if you buy it. · · · FROTHING FANBOYS KILL LINTNER KOHLER: Wired editor Chris Kohler was swarmed en masse by Morrowind fans, who took time out of their busy schedules of adjusting their pocket protectors and using their Primatine mist to flame him for his honest assessment of The Elder Scrolls. Hell hath no fury like a pasty nerd scorned! · · · IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH: Time for the release of Super Princess Peach, that is! The Nintendo DS title is the first Mario game since Super Mario Bros. 2 that lets the dainty ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom play the role of the hero. Ladies and gentlemen (but mostly ladies), it's time to go totally menstruel on Bowser's ass! · · ·

2/27/06

xxx

MYSTERY BONUS: There's a secret toy surprise inside specially marked boxes of the new PSP, but nobody's sure just what it will be. Is it eight gigabytes of Flash memory? Is it just one? Will a camera be built into the new PSP? Nobody knows, and Sony's not tellin'. · · · LOWERED INTEREST: According to a recent Forrester poll, 43% of the 10,000 gamers polled admitted they're less interested in gaming than they were two years ago. The poll also suggested growing interest in computer gaming... a trend that should be eerily familiar to older gamers. · · · TO FREE OR NOT TO FREE?: Penny-pinching Xbox owners who were thinking they could get their game on for free in the first weekend of April had better think again. Verizon dropped its sponsorship of the free Xbox Live event faster than its nerdy mascot gets on peoples' nerves. · · ·

2/25/06

In a rumored act of incredible arrogance (its latest), Sony plans to challenge the Nintendo Revolution... by dropping the price of its Playstation 2 and introducing a few me-too peripherals for the aging system.  Sure, the Revolution's going to be the least powerful of the three next-generation consoles... even Nintendo isn't denying this.  However, Sony's seriously underestimating the Rev if they think they can directly compete against it with the least powerful of this generation's consoles.

In other news, Utah, land of suffocating theocratic rule, is set to treat violent video games like pornography, complete with stiff penalties for sales to minors.  Oh, those wacky Mormons and the unlawful enforcement of their backward, repressive beliefs!  If it's any consolation, maybe there's a loophole in the law that lets kids buy a whole bunch of games at once...

OLD-SCHOOL DS EXPELLED: Word on the street is the Nintendo will phase out the original DS design in favor of the upcoming DS Lite. First model DS systems will be available in the United States until August, when Nintendo will cut off the supply of its less portable portable. · · · N-GAGE A GREAT EXPERIENCE?: Most owners of the failed phone/handheld hybrid would probably disagree, but that's the word from Nokia spokesman Jani Karlsson. He claims to have learned a lot from the N-Gage. One can only hope that it taught him to stop making crappy game systems. · · · CERO TO ZERO: The Japanese rating system CERO is set to change, replacing its completely logical age labels with a more cryptic grading system. Family-friendly titles get an A, while mature-rated games get a D or even a Z! Finally, Grand Theft Auto will get the grade it deserves! · · ·

2/23/06

The only thing that makes me angrier than the recently announced delay of Zelda: Twilight Princess (the latest of many) is peoples' complacent acceptance of it.  "Oh, well that's OK... I'm sure it'll be out eventually!  Reggie says so!  In the meantime, we can always play Chibi-Robo, and, uh... Chaos Field, and... well, Dora the Explorer..."

What is wrong with you people, anyway?  You're so eager to accept anything that comes out of the mouth of the husband from Bewitched that you don't mind that your GameCube has become a purple doorstop.  Where's the outrage?  This was supposed to be the console that fixed all the mistakes Nintendo made with the N64, yet the software support is still just as thin and Nintendo's relationship with third parties developers is still just as strained.

Sorry, Nintendo, but I'm not dazzled by the empty promises from tough-talking apologists with an eerie resemblence to Dick York.  Reggie's told us that he's all about kicking ass and taking names, but we've been seeing a lot more licking from the GameCube than kicking.

GARFIELD HATES MONDAYS, NINTENDO: In his 2003 book And Now A Few Words From Me, advertising watchdog Bob Garfield complains at length about a Nintendo commercial... that aired nine years before the book was published. Not exactly quick on the draw, are we, Bob? · · · MINI ME-CHASSAULT: Majesco announced an upcoming DS version of the popular Xbox title Mechassault, proving that they're not down for the count yet. More interesting, this will be the fourth Microsoft- licensed title on a console they don't even manufacture. Who's up for some Halo DS? · · · EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLAR GORILLA: Merrill-Lynch reports that the Playstation 3 will cost eight hundred dollars per system for Sony to manufacture, meaning a huge loss for the company if the PS3 is sold at a competitive price. At least you won't be the only one to have to take out a loan to buy one! · · ·

2/19/06

It took a decade and a half, but the future is finally now for The Gameroom Blitz.  The Neo-Geo CD I'd purchased on eBay arrived at my house yesterday, and I'm expecting a Neo-Geo AES (the more desirable cartridge-based system) sometime next week.

You'd think I'd be too busy sitting in front of my television playing Samurai Shodown to tell you about my latest acquisitions, but there's just one problem... I don't have an AC adapter for either the Neo-Geo CD or the machine I'll be receiving shortly.  I thought I could sidestep this issue with a universal adapter, but wouldn't you know it, the Neo-Geo CD has a funky port on the back that's designed exclusively for SNK brand power supplies.  Knowing SNK's outrageous price structure from back in the 1990's, they probably cost at least fifty dollars, which is likely why I've had no luck whatsoever finding them online.

In the worst case scenerio, I'll never get to actually play my Neo-Geo systems.  Even if that turns out to be the case, I'm still glad I have them.  They're the most prized of all the trophies in my gaming collection, and the next best thing to having an arcade cabinet in my living room (without the hernias or the massive shipping charges!).

LIFE IS GRANDIA: The long-awaited Grandia III was released in the United States this week, courtesy of Square-Enix. Well, it WOULD have been long-awaited, if it hadn't been for that awful spin-off Grandia Xtreme. Curse you, Dean Cain and Lisa Loeb! · · · IRRESIST-A-BOLL: After three progressively awful films, director Uwe Boll has found a way to convince movie-goers to watch the next one. Boll claims that he'll be slain by his critics in the upcoming Postal. Talk about your cast of thousands! · · · DS SINGS OPERA: The PSP won't be the only major handheld with online functionality, if Nintendo has its way. The web browser Opera will soon be available as a cartridge for the Nintendo DS in Japan, and could find its way to America as well. · · ·

2/16/06

After many months, The Gameroom Blitz finally has its fight back.  Specifically, Fighter's Misery, the feature that dares to examine the filthy underbelly of fighting games and pick off the bloated ticks clinging to it.  The latest parasite on display is Stake: Fortune Fighters, an Xbox release with a lot less meat on its bones than its hearty name would suggest. 

Dig in while it's hot, folks!  It might be a while before you get a second helping.

TOTALLY TO THE MAX!: Datel Industries is releasing a four gigabyte hard drive that turns the Nintendo DS into a multimedia dynamo. On the downside, it adds to the weight of the system, and at $225, it'll take the weight out of your wallet. There's no word on its compatibility with homebrews or the new DS Lite. · · · GRIN AND BAER IT: The U.S. government took a break from demonizing video games to give industry pioneer Ralph Baer a medal for creating the world's first commercial Pong unit. It's refreshing to see a game designer receive a shiny metal object from a politician that's NOT pointed and stuck in the back! · · ·

2/14/06

After competing in a tournament held at a local LAN party, I've discovered that I'm the second best Mario Kart player in Mount Pleasant.  That's worth a bandanna and a Serious Sam II poster, if the prize I received is any indication.  I had a shot at first place, but there was a twist at the end of the tournament that would have made even M. Night Shaymalan jealous! 

Instead of the usual Double Dash race, the other finalist and myself were pitted against each other in the battle mode of the very first Mario Kart game!  To say I was unprepared for this would be an understatement... it's been years since I've played an honest-to-goodness Super NES!  I started out strong, but an inability to properly use the feather power-up was ultimately my downfall.

Win or lose, I had a whole lot of fun at the party, and met some pretty cool people there.  I'll certainly make it a point to attend the next one!

TIME FOR A RECHARGE: After a three year hiatus, the British web site Higher Voltage is planning a comeback. Higher Voltage was famous for its fighting game coverage... so much so that its Eleet Speak message board is still frequently visited by fans. GRB wishes EvilNeil the best of luck with the site's re-launch. · · · LET THE GAMES BEGIN!: He may look like the husband on Bewitched, but Reginald Fils-Aimes really knows how to work his magic on his fans. Fil-Aimes announced the US launch of wireless download kiosks, which will allow Nintendo DS owners to download content for existing games and demos of upcoming ones. · · · PSP GOES TO THE DOGS: The virtual dogs, that is. Yuke's Media Creations is developing an eerily familiar Nintendogs clone for the PSP. This follows in the footsteps of other Sony-sanctioned knock-offs of Nintendo DS hits, like Brain Training and Wario Ware. What's next, Mammalia Crossing and Killzone Prime: Hunters? · · ·

2/10/06

I don't usually talk about the business side of gaming, but fortunes are changing so wildly for several industry leaders that even I can't resist getting in my two cents.  Take-Two, Electronic Arts, and Atari have all been rocked with heavy losses, while Capcom is finally raking in the big bucks after limping through most of the 21st century with stagnant licenses (Street Fighter, Mega Man) and innovative but ultimately unsuccessful new franchises (Phoenix Wright, Viewtiful Joe).

It would be easy to predict an industry crash at this point... even Nintendo seems a little worried that it could happen, if this report from Joystiq is any indication.  However, I've been making that prediction every year for the past thirteen years, and it has yet to happen.  There will be changes in the future, for sure... old industry giants will crumble, and new ones will arise to take their place.  However, I have a funny feeling that, even after all the chaos, the gaming industry will be around for many years to come.  It may be a completely different animal in a decade, but it'll still be here.

So, what's new on The Gameroom Blitz?  There's a fresh batch of reviews on the cartoon page... in this installment of Frame by Frame, we witness both the thrill of The Boondocks and the agony of Camp Lazlo.  You can't blame Cartoon Network for trying to capitalize on the success of Spongebob Squarepants, but next time, let's hope they try a little harder...

DUMB AND DUMBER: An organization of gamers tried to make, uh, some kind of point by sending bouquets of flowers to professional douchebag Jack Thompson, only to have every stem and petal forwarded to Take-Two president Paul Eibeler. Seems that their flower power was no match for Jack's GLOWER power! · · · GIZMON-DODO: The brain (donor) trust responsible for the Gizmondo has went bankrupt in Europe, resulting in a court-enforced liquidation of all Gizmondo products. That's right, now you can get your three ads a day for just pennies on the dollar! Or you can wait a few weeks and just dig a Giz out of the trash. · · · SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY: After a failed attempt to take Lara Croft as his bride, there's talk that U2 lead singer Bono is considering the purchase of Take-Two Interactive. You know your company is in trouble when you've suddenly become sloppy seconds to Eidos! · · ·

THE PRICE IS WRONG, BILL!: Joystiq reports that the Xbox core system has been discontinued, replaced by a package which includes Forza Motorsports. Sadly, the price of the bundle remains fixed at $169.99... and the Gran Tourismo clone it's anchored to remains as boring and anal-retentive as ever. · · · I HEARD THE NERDS DOWN IN AFRICA: An online RPG set in Africa is being developed in Atlanta, with funding from the country of Ghana. The plan is to make a game as fun as the heavyweights in the genre, with lower overhead for the PCs in African Internet cafes. Hey, if it distracts Nigerians from their 409 scams, I'm all for it! · · · WINNERS DON'T USE IN-GAME ADS: Fifteen years after the "Winners Don't Use Drugs" campaign, the US government is planning to indoctrinate a new generation of kids with public service announcements in video games. How do ads about staying in school sound? Well too bad, you're getting them anyway. · · ·

2/5/06

This update is all about The Man, you dig?  I'm talking about none other than Mega Man, that squeezably soft battle droid who's kept the world safe from the scheming Dr. Wily for nearly twenty years.  Here are my observations on the latest batch of games starring Capcom's Swiss Army robot.

First on the menu is Mega Man Collection.  I'm late to the party on this one, I know... it was released nearly two years ago, and I only recently added it to my personal library, after the price of used copies dropped to a reasonable fifteen dollars.  I've spent about an hour and a half with it so far, and it seems like a pretty solid collection of Mega Man's earliest adventures, with only a few minor flaws. 

Of course, those flaws don't seem so minor when you're itching to use your favorite game controller, and Mega Man Collection refuses to acknowledge its existence.  Like Namco Museum 50th Anniversary, Mega Man Collection actively searches for analog joypads, and refuses to operate without them.  And just like Namco's latest Museum release, there's no logical reason to limit the player to a controller poorly suited to games that required, at most, a single joystick and four buttons.

If you can stand being anchored to a Dual Shock 2 while playing these games, you're bound to have a good time with them.  Atomic Planet's done a fine job with the emulation... I played through the original Mega Man in its entirety and all my old strategies worked perfectly.  I even managed to develop a few new ones while fighting the Rock Monster, beating him for the first time ever without using the Select button as a crutch!

Fans of the series know that Mega Man is even more fun when he's powered up, and the upcoming release for the PSP confirms it.  After playing the demo version of Mega Man: Powered Up on the Mega Man X: Maverick Hunter disc, I'm very much looking forward to the final release.  Capcom's done a great job of balancing the old with the new... the polygonal graphics give the game a 21st century sheen, while retaining the cartoony charm that was a signature of the original series.

Maverick Hunter's not too shabby, either.  I gave that a quick spin as well, and was impressed with what little I saw of it.  Mega Man X is probably my least favorite of the four Mega Man series, but I can't deny that Capcom has put a lot of effort into this remake... a lot more than they invested in Mega Man Legends. 

Out of all the Mega Man games for the PSP, Legends is the least likely to make an appearance in the United States, and when you see the blocky textures and rough polygonal edges, you'll understand why.  It's hard to say why Capcom chose to port Mega Man Legends directly to the PSP without any improvements to the outdated visuals... a little cel-shading would have done wonders for the game!

KOJIMA FLUSHES THE BOLL: Hideo Kojima dived on the grenade that was Uwe Boll's threat- er, promise- to make a Metal Gear Solid movie, stating that a Boll adaptation of his baby was "impossible." You know, like following the plot of any given MGS game. · · · THE BRAIN COMES OF AGE: Japanese DS favorite Brain Training is coming to the States as Brain Age. Nobody knows if the game will catch on here, but Nintendo hopes to sweeten the deal with Sudoku puzzles and a lower price tag. Smart move, guys! · · · NVIDIA STILL DOWN WIT AGP: Joystiq.com reports that Nvidia, the leading manufacturer of graphics cards, is still making high-end cards for computers with AGP ports. That's good news for those of us who still can't afford a ride on the PCI Express. · · ·

2/1/06

After years of stubbornly sticking with the jet black layout first introduced in 2003, change has finally come to The Gameroom Blitz.  Function takes precedence over form in the latest design of the index page... flashy graphics and loud colors have been reduced to a minimum, replaced with easily accessible links to the site's best content. 

I've also used some of the real estate on the sidebar for links to my favorite sites, including fresh entries like Joystiq, Higher Voltage, and the incredibly useful online reference guide Wikipedia.  This should satisfy peoples' requests for linkbacks; at least until I can add more detailed descriptions of their sites to the main links page.

What's been sacrificed in the new design?  Well, the archives have been shrunken down a bit... the links to each month of news from the past four years have been condensed into color bars, each labelled by year.  To read what appeared on the site that month, just click the appropriate section of the color bar.  If a section of the bar is missing, either the site was on hiatus that month, or it just hasn't happened yet!

I've also removed the art section, simply because it wasn't getting updated frequently enough.  I considered developing a seperate site for my collection of drawings several years ago, but I've since settled for an account on the DeviantArt website (the name might make you a little uncomfortable, but trust me, it's a lot less scary than VCL!).  The comics page will remain on this site, but only as an archive of my past work.

Oh yeah, one other thing!  I've created a news scroll at the top of the page.  The news will be taken from sites like Joystiq and my buddy Chris Larson's Stage Select, then injected with GRB's unique brand of world-weary sarcasm.  The news scroll appears in Mozilla Firefox, but not Internet Explorer 6.0, giving you yet another good reason to switch browsers... if you haven't already!

Finally, there's the issue of content.  What should you expect from The Gameroom Blitz as it enters its tenth year online?  I can't make any promises, but I'm hoping to update the site more regularly than I did last year.  2005 was not kind to the Blitz, but now that the index page has been streamlined, it should be easier for me to add fresh material to it.  I'll also be more active on the forum, because heaven knows it could use some new activity!

I guess that's all to report for today!  If you like the new look of the site, drop by the forum and let me know.  Even if you don't, stop by anyway and tell me what you think it's missing.  This layout's going to be around for a while, but I'm sure there's room for improvement!

BETWEEN A ROCKSTAR AND A HARD PLACE: Take-Two Interactive continues to be burned by Hot Coffee, as lawsuits pile up while profits vanish. Could Hillary Clinton, the place where boners go to die, also become the graveyard for this former industry giant? · · · ONE RESIDENT, FEWER PRESIDENTS: After a year on store shelves, the GameCube version of Resident Evil 4 finally makes the "Player's Choice" list. That new label comes with a new price... just twenty dollars! Unless you shop at Target, where everything's double the cost. · · · YO YO, D'OH!: Undeterred by the one... out of five rating it received on XPlay, insecure white teens take time out of their busy schedules of fronting and pulling up their baggy pants to buy a million copies of 50 Cent: Bulletproof. This proves that money, not youth, is wasted on the young. · · ·

OH, THE IRONY OF IT ALL!: Strange but true... although the Xbox 360 interface was adapted from Windows 2000, Xbox 360 controllers will not work on PCs running that operating system. Now what do I do with this stinking joypad? · · · A DOSE OF COMMON SENSE: David Jaffee, lead designer of God of War, has expressed contempt for cut scenes in video games, complaining that they interrupt the action. Good thing he doesn't work for Square-Enix... that kind of talk could get a guy fired over there! · · · WHERE IN THE WORLD IS GUN?: Whining protest group the Association for American Indian Development laments that Activision's Gun doesn't accurately reflect the history of American Natives. Wait, was this supposed to be an educational game? · · ·