H 03


FCI/Pony Canyon

June 1989


1 Player

It's bad enough when Japanese software companies release crappy games in the United States, but FCI had the nerve to let this one stagnate for four long years before bringing it to America.  Anyway, Hydlide is a role-playing game... in the same way that spoiled meat could be considered food, or being castrated with rusty shears could be considered a medical procedure. 

If you're still considering this game, let me give you the Cliff Notes for Hydlide.  You slay thousands of miniscule monsters by rubbing your crotch against them.  Then after stumbling through dozens of poorly drawn screens, you get massacred by the world's tiniest dragon as a cheesy greeting card rendition of the Indiana Jones theme bores its way into your brain.  Still sound like fun to you?  That's right, punk, it isn't.  So put down that cartridge and buy Final Fantasy instead.